Lois & Clark Forums Forums General Discussion Fun with Polls Are You Out or In?

Yeah, that brings up a good point, Annie... how *did* you meet me, anyway? Or am I just someone you babysit for?

PJ

Yeah.... I was just thinking about this. Oh the tangled web we weave....

Actually, I've been talking about you for so long that none of my friends question how we met. I think most assume that you are a mom I know from nannying - someone I did playgroups with. But thinking back, I think there has only been one time I was asked, and I told them that you were a friend of Kathy's. They think I've known Kathy since I was a small child (not entirely certain how this belief came into being - I think because I've mentioned that she's from MI and they know my family lived there when I was little) so they assume you went to high school with her or something. It's funny how people just believe what they want to believe. I really just never explain how I know people. I let my friends make up their own explanations and don't bother telling them they are wrong.

Annie

I'm pretty much in.

Back when I first started to watch the show, my classmates and I talked about it all the time. I was by far the most obsessed with it, but since almost everyone in my class watched the show, it wasn't a problem to talk about it openly and freely.

It all changed when I continued to be a fan while others moved on, particularly the year after, when I graduated from high school and found myself in a new environment, with new friends and all. When I got a computer and discovered fanfic, then it became even more of a secret for me. Telling people that I was a fan of a TV show was one thing that I could still do a little, albeit with a great deal of difficulty. Telling them that I wrote stories about it was impossible, and it's been pretty much impossible for years. When I was in high school, being a fan of a TV show was something normal that didn't make others raise eyebrows... I doubt I would have told them I wrote fanfic if I had then, but at least I made no secret of watching Lois and Clark. It got a little more complicated afterwards, especially when I entered a branch where "culture" sometimes seems very dogmatically defined. :p

Sometimes it creates interesting situations, actually. I have to say that I've had that type of conversation twice in the past week.

It usually start with an innocuous question, such as: "Where are you going for the holiday?" or "Where does that obsession with English come from?" or somesuch. Let's take the former as an example.

X: "Where are you going for the holiday?"
Kaethel: "Italy / England."
X: "Oh? Camping? Staying at a hotel?"
Kaethel: "No, I have a friend there and I'm staying with her for a week."
X: "A French friend?"
Kaethel: "No."
X: "Nice! How did you get to know her?"
Kaethel: "Er... through the... uh... Internet."

Two types of reaction then:

X: (frowns disapprovingly) "Oh."
It's usually very easy to change the subject then; that type of person does it themselves.

or...

X: (raised eyebrow) "Really? On a chat room? What chat room did you go to?"
That's where I have to grumble something and change the subject. I don't feel comfortable telling them about the Lois and Clark connection.

My best friend and her husband know about it, though. Maud was watching the show back on the first year I became a fan, and we actually watched it together. So she knew I was a FoLC from the beginning. I never hid from her that I was hanging out on IRC with people who like that TV show, and she thinks it's great. What she doesn't know... or didn't know until a couple of months ago, is that I write. I don't know why it took me so long to tell her, considering I trust her and know she'd never be judgmental about it. But actually I haven't told her I write fanfic. I just happened to mention in my CV, which she and her husband helped me complete, that one of my hobbies is writing. However, I doubt they have failed to put two and two together then. Actually, neither of them raised an eyebrow when I mentioned writing, which makes me suspect that they've known all along. But the subject was never raised between us since. ).

But considering it took me years to actually hint at it with my best friend, I doubt I'll ever completely come out of the closet. And the reason for that is simple. Writing is something that can be so very personal that sometimes you feel uncomfortable talking about it or sharing it with people who might not understand what's the interest of inventing stories featuring a long-vanished TV show. And saying it out loud means taking the risk of being laughed at, misunderstood, or even rejected. Someone can make a comment that seems funny or smart to them, just to tease you, but because it touches something very deep and very personal, it can easily hurt. I guess that's why I'm staying in the closet.

Kaethel

This is simply hilarious. I thought I was the only one who walked around with this "guilty secret."

For me it's that I'm devoted to Superman. And there is no nice way to say that. Absolutely no way to say that and sound cool. And harder still for a grown woman. I know for certain I am the only mom in the carpool line who kills the time by studying 'the Ultimate Guide to the Man of Steel.' And while it isn't in a plain brown wrapper- I am not holding it up for the world to see!

When I found L&C fanfic, and it hasn't been that long ago, I was reading it on the sly. Telling myself I was just curious, and that was all. Whenever my husband would walk through the room, I would close it all down, like it was porn, or something. He was the first one who knew, and he still didn't *know.*

After I wrote my first story and sent it in, I told *no one.* For months and months and months. Then one day my brother- who is also a journalist- asked would I help him with a something, wondered what I had been writing lately, and there was this long, long pause as I wrestled the dilemma, to tell or not to tell. He is completely trustworthy, so I fessed up. He went straight to the archive and found me easily and sent me extensive feedback. However, just a few weeks later my cousin, who lives on the other side of the country, sent me an email "cool Superman stories." My brother had blabbed far and wide, and I was out to all family members.

I write plays for our small town's little theatre. When they needed something that would draw the college crowd for this fall, and I was completely without inspiration, I just 'adapted' one of my L&C stories. It worked out nicely, even without super references and kryptonite cages, etc.. However, when the director asked me to stand and talk a bit about where my inspiration for the piece came from, she caught me entirely off guard. I stammered for a few minutes, wheels in head turning feverishly, and finally answered rather loftily, "Who really knows where ideas are born?"

Call me 1/2 out and 1/2 in.

CC (who looks perfectly normal on the outside)

ROFL, CC!!

Actually, the reason I'm posting again is that I just noticed the number of writers who haven't even told their partner/spouse that they write. And I just want to ask... how do you get away with it? I mean, are you home alone all day or something and just never write or check email or board posts or whatever when s/he's around?


Wendy (whose husband actually works away from home four or five days a week and therefore is really only home at weekends, but she still found herself having to confess a couple of months into writing )

Not many people know I actually write. That's because I don't write much. My husband knows about the few stories I've worked on, and I showed my family my last story because they were in it. I also posted the link on my livejournal.

A few more people know I read stories. There was one girl in my unit who liked Lois and Clark, but she was more interested in talking about shows that were currently on, like Buffy and Witchblade. She wasn't too interested in fanfic.

I still find it odd that people like about meeting people online. I have no qualms with telling people about this friend I have in PA, or NY, or here or there, that I met online. I've made many many great friends that way. Of course, when you tell people that you met your husband online, it doesn't seem so odd to make friends online, too!

Well, I'm not married but I do have a roommate and most people say we are like an old married couple. I get away with it because a) although I often write in his presence, I never check the boards or do anything that screams "LOIS AND CLARK" in his presence and b) because he knows that I write all the time. So when he sees me writing, he assumes it's an original fiction story. I just don't bother to correct him.

Annie

I voted early on but haven't posted yet. I am loving this thread ... I have laughed so hard at so many of the stories (especially the fact that Pam and I went to high school together! LOL, Annie!) and I don't think there has been a post by anyone who is "mostly in" that hasn't made me nod my head and think of a similar situation in my own FoLC life.

Short answer is the only people who know how involved I am with L&C are my husband (who is mostly supportive but does like to tease, which I call him on and why he's never been allowed to read anything I've written, though occasionally I will mention a plotline or something brief like that), my best friend (who read some of my early stories years ago and was supportive but has since slipped into the "why are you still doing this?" arena, much to my disappointment), and my mom (who knows that I'm active and has read and enjoyed my S5/6 eps, but when I gave her "The One That Got Away", she was more dismissive, "oh, well, that one was just a romance." Well, yeah, duh, and that's the last one I let you read. <g>)

I think you hit the nail right on the head, Kae. This is exactly why I don't discuss it with most people, or even at length with those people closest to me. They just don't get it, and because of that, I can't trust them not to say something -- intentionally or unintentionally -- that will be hurtful.

On the plus side, though, I've recently made a new friend who is also active in an online fandom, though for a different show. And it is *so* nice to know someone who *understands* what it's like, and who actually got excited when I admitted I write fanfic (she asked me right off) and even went to our Archive to read one of my stories. Oh yes, and we've been having "girls night" where we take turns each week showing each other episodes of our shows ... and she'd told me she is loving watching L&C! So at least I can be out with someone in real life.

Great thread,

Kathy

OK, CC. Now I know that we are really twins separated at birth!

For me, it's creeping around the Graphic Novels aisle at Barnes and Noble, almost always the only female and definitely the only mother-ish looking person perusing the Superman books <g>. This summer, when I bought an "Unofficial Guide to Smallville" paperback, I had to wait until my mom and aunt, whom I was shopping with, were not anywhere near the vicinity when I checked out at the cash stand!

Same thing with my husband - even to this day. Like I said, he doesn't understand any kind of obsession, so I do sometimes feel like I'm looking at verbotin websites.

But I really do agree with Kae - any kind of writing involves putting much of your inner-self out there, and when you are ready to show it to others, you need to be pretty certain they are going to accept you and what you've written. Not that they will love it or have no positive feedback, but at least within the fandom, you don't have to explain your subject matter.

Great topic - perhaps we need to start some kind of LnC Anonymous support group!

L.

Except those groups are usually for people who want to stop their addiction ... I'm happily waiting for my next fix, LOL.

Kathy

Well, I answered that I'm complete in on both counts, but that's not entirely true. No-one close to me knows - the only people I trust with the secret are people who don't matter so much to me. That probably says something horribly deep and psychological about me, but, hey, you all know I'm a sad hurt/comfort freak already, so what do I care? <g>

None of my close friends and family use the internet socially, so they just don't understand what it's all about. They'd cart me off to the looney bin if I told them I write fanfic. Actually, come to think of it, people do know that I have friends I made through the internet, and what the common link is, but I certainly don't admit to coming on line and drooling over Clark Kent most nights <g>. By the way, in case they ever asks you, we talk about films, TV, politics and the weather, OK? Never, ever, Superman. Got that?

Sometimes, I regret not being able to tell people I write. Now and then something almost slips out in conversation - the topic might be related to writing technique, say, or how writers work - but I have to bite my tongue and keep quiet.

Yvonne

I haven't read all the responses, because I haven't had time. But I'll post my response anyway.

Well, I have no problem telling everyone. The thing is, L&C doesn't have many friends here in Greece, and many people only have a vague idea of what the Internet can offer :rolleyes: So I only tell people in three cases:
1) They're close friends of mine. So, as they know everything about me, they have to know about this too
2) Something related to fanfiction or FoLCdom happened, and I want to talk about it. That includes telling my parents how people compliment me about my capability of speaking English And, be sure, that if I win a Kerth (don't shoot!! I said, if) the whole school will learn about FoLCdom (I never said I'm not annoying :p )
3) I'm having a conversation about hobbies, writing or foreign languages. Then I explain in short what I'm doing.

So, how many people know? Let's see...

-Many of my friends (10 people at least).
-My parents and brothers (well, I don't know how much my 9 year old brother can understand about fanfiction :p but the 14 year old is doing just fine)
-My English teacher knows. (!) I have even used her as a BR. (!!!)

Now, how many people have read fanfic of mine?

Apart from my teacher, three of my friends have. Two of them did because I asked them to... I was a newbie and wanted to see what they'd think. (They really liked what they read... One of them told me I should send it to be turned into a movie!!) The third one asked me to give her something to read when I told her I was writing, and since then, she's read several stories of mine - all after her own request. And there's one more to whom I've promised to give a fic I'm working on (very slowly), and she's asked me a few tmes about it.

Jana's story reminded me of something that happened recently. Something happened (don't remember what) and I said "Oh, that's like it happened once at L&C" and my friend (one of my closest ones) said "Oh, no, not again!!". She then explained that I had already mentioned that incident another time

Seriously, I see no reason to hide it. It's something I love doing and it's just included in the Anna package It's useful too... Try comparing my current English writing with my one-year-ago English writing. You won't believe how much it has improved!

Interesting poll.
See ya,
AnnaBtG.

Wow, great thread!

I remember the first time I heard of anybody (it was Annie actually) being THAT closeted about it. I was truly amazed, it makes me laugh to know that Jordan still doesn't know what to think of me

It's funny, before I finally de-lurked, I was a closeted to you all as a reader for almost 2 years...... but most anybody that knows me in RL, knows that I'm a huge superman fan, folc & fanfic reader. I have said that one of the benifits of my getting older is that you can admit your obbsessions, and not care what people think. So now mostly, I just try to stop droning on about it all BEFORE my friends get too glassy eyed! :rolleyes:

I have received a variety of reactions over the years to being a folc. Some have just nodded their head (thinking, well this does NOT surprise me about her <g>), some have truly NOT gotten it, and others can't figure out how I can considered anybody I have only chatted with online to be a freind I have one very close freind who is really great..... he not only endures me relating all my folc news, but I recap (in pretty significant detail) of whatever fabulous story I'm currently reading or have just read! I have to say tho, that one of the great advantages to being "out" about my folcdom is that I have been given some terrific prizes my friends have found out thrift shopping and garage saleing. What a terrific bonus

I voted in the second half of the poll not because I write, but because it wouldn't let me vote at all without voting there too. But I really don't know how out I would be about my writing. I totally understand how personal your work is when you write, and am not sure I would ever tell anybody that I had written fanfic. Heck, I'm not even sure I would even tell all of you!!!

S (who is really glad that she finally came out to all of you )

I said all the way out -- which is mostly true. In high school my friends all knew I was into Star Trek. (Actually, some of them were avid readers of my ST fanfic. )The ones I'm in still in contact with just figure this is Rivka's current nutty thing.

When I told my mom about a letter I got in the mail (handwritten! and everything! ) yesterday from an online friend, she asked if it was someone I knew from this board or my other board.

Of course, the time I sent a draft of the fic I co-wrote to my lawyer was totally accidental. Turns out she used to watch the show -- go figure.

OTOH, it doesn't usually come up when casually talking to other parents at my kids' school, so most of them would have no idea.

Hah! That's what you think. We'd get it out of you.

I know, I'm posting on this thread again, but I just had to tell another FoLC-out-of-the-closet story.

Last spring I took a class called "Comparative Study of Death." 70% of our grade was a fifteen page final paper that could be on any subject related to death. I chose to write on death in the Superman mythos. My roommate thought I was nuts and that I would probably fail the class for writing on such a silly topic (although she didn't say it that harshly).

The paper was tons of fun to write, and I ended up getting a 4.0 in the class. Because I didn't get perfect grades on the stuff that was the other 30% of my grade, that means that I actually got extra credit for writing on such a creative topic! Needless to say, my roommate had to eat her words.

I still wonder exactly what the teacher thought of it... for all I know, he lurks on these boards... *g*

I have to say, though, that I do know somewhat how the in-the-closet-FoLCs feel. I don't like surfing around the boards or anything that (like Annie said) screams Lois and Clark when I'm in public. I don't care if people who know me know what I'm doing and think I'm a geek, but for some reason I guard my feelings more around people I don't know. I just don't trust them not to say something hurtful, whether intentionally or unintentionally.

No kidding, CC! There is just absolutely no possible way to say that you can like Superman and retain your dignity. I think I get away with it now because I'm a college student, but I worry about next year when I'm in law school. There is just not going to be any way to be taken seriously as a law student if someone knows that I have a Superman poster on my wall, a lunch box on my shelf, a book on my coffee table, every episode of Lois and Clark on tape, and notebooks full of printed fanifcs in my closet. There is just no way.

~Anna

Fun Thread !

I'm definitely IN the closet. I do surf the fanfic boards when my husband is around but I usually minimize the pictures, etc and I work on my L&C videos more or less in private. (I don't think my husband knows that a large part of my hard drive is filled with Lois and Clark scenes )

One friend knows I've done a few music videos, but didn't really appreciate the sample I showed her.

I have bragged to several people about being a member of an online community with members all over the world, but not mentioned WHAT online group. In any case, they are impressed!

When I print out stories and read them when traveling, I'm sure everyone thinks I'm working hard.

I agree with others that other people "just don't get it". It is so much more fun to have everyone here to share our passion with!

Thanks for being in my closet

I am popping out all over.

First, and closest to me, my husband has always known. He writes adventures for role-playing games (also non-profit), so he understands that I just enjoy writing for no reason whatsoever. Sometimes, I'll bounce story ideas off him, or try to get him to beta-read for me. Unfortunately, if he's not in the mood to read, it's like pulling teeth. And the more I nag the deeper he digs his heels in. Anyway, when he finally does read something I've just finished, he says something noncommital like, "Yeah, it was good." I feel like shaking him (IF he wasn't 7 inches taller and 60 pounds heavier than me) and screaming, "What!?!? What was good?! Give me specifics!!!" Quite a few times, we'll be watching tv and the plot will be really obvious...and we'll predict what's going to happen next...then it turns out we were right..and one of us will look at the other and say, "We could write this stuff..."

Craig also puts up with my Dean obsession. Lately, I've been collecting his movies and watching them when I'm bored. Craig'll come into the room, see what I'm watching and say, "Oh, look. It's Dean!"

Since Craig has dark hair, broad shoulders and glasses, I like to tease him and call him "my Clark." He'll usually step back and strike a typical Supermanish pose.

Next, there's my mom. She watched the show when it was on. Then we'd call each other and talk about it, but we've also done that with other shows, too. She'll nowhere near as obsessed with it as I am, but I remember once when we were talking about an X-Files episode where they were stuck in a time loop and her comment was, "I liked it better when 'Lois & Clark' did it." She's read some of my stories, and even gave me the title for one of them, but I know she's not really that interested, so I don't push it.

My husband's family...I'm not sure about. I know that they know I like Superman...and I think they know I write stories, but I'm not sure they know everything...or even want to know.

Most of my friends know that I write fanfic and for which show, mostly because I carry a notebook with my everywhere and will pull it out to write whenever I have five minutes to myself between other stuff. When someone asks what I'm writing, I usually say "just short stories for fun." Sometimes they'll press and ask if I've been published. Then I'll tell them the rest and either they drop it or want to know more. A few have even asked for the url. One friend, when I told her the stories were based on LnC, went on to tell me how she and her neighbor and all their kids used to go to one house or the other and they'd spread a blanket on the floor and make popcorn and watch the show every week. She said that her kids actually looked forward to their Superman night. She is steadily becoming one of my closest friends lately...and the best part is...her name is Lois!

Mostly, I guess I agree with what someone else already said...the older I get, the less I care what others think. I have a Superman air freshener hanging in my car (the scent's all gone, but I refuse to get rid of it), I have Superman pajamas, I read fanfic on my PDA and download LnC wallpaper at work, and I named my cat Colleen Calle Spear! Pretty much everyone I know knows my obsession (my boss' boss was even discussing my writing with people in California when he was visiting a client!) and they've all accepted it, and me, as is.

This is me - way in the back of the closet. My husband knows, though not until I'd won a kerth for BNA and then I was sick to my stomach the rest of the night until I told him. Turns out he already knew cuz of an email inadvertantly sent to the wrong address and then he googled... Am pretty sure his dad/bro know because they google our last name all the time and they've mentioned something like 'i saw your name online, some award or something' and i'm like 'huh'? I had labby change my last name on the archive but it still comes up.

I hinted recently to a fairly new, good friend of mine that I was reading some old stories I'd written, but she didn't pick up on - or at least didn't mention it in her reply email, but it was short and only mentioned one of the many things I'd mentioned to her.

Missy and I have been wanting to get together for years now, but my husband still isn't too sure about it. He doesn't know that I met another FoLC from my area who has since disappeared. I did recently meet a lady from a local group I'm in who gave me an exercise glider thingy. He thinks it's a group that talks about parenting and such [which we do] but that's not the main purpose of the group. You can thank Kathy for that one - shiny sink and all. He was okay with that though was starting to get worried when I was gone almost an hour because we'd gotten to talking. And he's been using the exercise thingy too so...

Lots of people I know know that I have friends around the world - that I talk with people all over the states, Asia, Great Britain, France, Italy, etc online. I also teach online so I'm online all the time and it goes with the territory. I don't usually have the fic boards up while my husband is home and I've been trying not to chat as much when he's home. It's mostly been on AIM lately since RL has just been too busy too keep up on IRC. In fact, I hadn't checked the boards in months until just recently.

Two little girls take up a lot of my time too. Dunno how I'm going to introduce them to L/C. It's also kind of hard to explain to my husband how someone in England knew how to get chocolate to my house, or presents for the girls, or whatever. "Honey, we just got a package from Washington. Any idea what's in it? And who do we know in Washington?" "Well, um, er, um..." Actually, he's getting slightly more okay with it since I don't just give out our address, but anyone with a rudimentary knowledge of yahoo could get it so...

Okay, enough of a book. I'm supposed to be cleaning so I can write later. And the two year old is getting into stuff she shouldn't. Mom to the rescue!
CM

I'm in the closet. All the way. My parents know I write, but I write tons of original fic as well, so they just assume that's what I'm writing.

My brother knows I read fanfic, but that's because every time he comes into the room, I minimize it and he thought I was reading R rated material or something. So I told him it was fanfic, and then explained what fanfic was. He doesn't have a clue about LnC.

I have one friend who knows I write, but that's because I helped her with a paper she had to write on a "publication oriented website."

Whenever I mention a FolC, my parents assume it is someone I know through my speech and debate group. I travel all over the US and know people all over from that, so it's an effective cover. I'd never lie about it to my parents, it's just never come up.

Nqoire the closeted person.

Anna, when I read this I just had to laugh. I am a lawyer. I was called to the bar in 1991. And it never even occurred to me (until I first read a thread like this one) that I should be in the closet.

There are judges, defense counsel, crown counsel, court clerks, court reporters, native court workers and probation officers who know that I write Lois and Clark fanfic. Often if I have a legal question for a Lois and Clark story, I'll run the idea past a group of my lawyer friends and we'll brainstorm about it for a few minutes. I've let a number of people at work read my stories and I'll often sit and work on my stories while waiting for my matters to be called in court. The first time I won a Kerth, I told everyone I ran into in court over the next few days that I was now an 'award winning author.' I even had a lawyer take me out for lunch to congratulate me on my win .

And if you check out my work website, you'll find a link to my Lois and Clark pages.

So am I in the closet? Not exactly

ML