Lois & Clark Forums Forums General Discussion Off Topic My Mom has died Thank you for your support

Hey, everybody,

My mom is having a biopsy in Monday to rule out lymphoma. The CAT scan suggests that she does indeed have the disease. At this time, we could use some thoughts and prayers sent our way.

Thanks, Nancy

I'm so sorry to hear this! Your mom is in my thoughts and prayers. <<hugs>>

(((hugs))) to you and your mom, Classicalla. You'll be in my thoughts.

Carolyn

Let's just hope for the best, 'kay?

Nancy, your family is in my thoughts. I hope your mom is doing okay and that you find strength in each other during this trying time.

I'll keep you in my thoughts.

Ann

I'm wishing the best for your mother. ***hugs***

~AnnaBtG.

I'll keep you and your mom in my thoughts and prayers. Please keep us posted.

Mom had her biopsy and that went well. They praised mom for being so "good" as she didn't yell or get agitated. I guess the procedure is supposed to be painful. The radiologist and pathologist say that it's a pretty sure bet that she has lymphoma. Now we are waiting to see exactly what kind of lymphoma that she has so we can see what kind of treatment she will need.

Oh, dear. I'm so sorry to read this. I was hoping for a far more positive result. At least you'll know what she's facing, and while that's not really a comfort to anyone, it's marginally better than not knowing at all.

My prayers and hopes go with both you and your mother, Nancy. May you both find peace through this trial.

Hope the treatment goes well, Nancy.

~AnnaBtG.

I'll keep you and your mom in my thoughts.

Kathryn

You and your Mum are in my thoughts, too, Nancy.

I'm so very worried about my mama. We are still waiting for a firm diagnosis, but the doctor's office said it wasn't good. They wouldn't tell us anything over the phone. Don't they know what hell they put people through not knowing? We have to wait till Monday to find out what kind of lymphoma she has. She can barely stand by herself and she started using her walker at my insistence after at least three falls this week.

She may have fallen more than that and just hasn't told me. I'm very angry at the doctors because I feel they have taken precious treatment time away from us because they can't seem to get their act together. It's been a month (since the CAT scan)!! I'd like to ask my friends to continue to pray for both of us and / or send good wishes our way. And pray for me to have the strength to deal with whatever happens.

I'm an only child and so most of the burden - not a good word: how about joy? - of taking care of my mom is mine. People from church can help, too, but there is just some things mom won't let someone else help her with. I love her so much and we are so close. I feel like I'm just dying inside. I have had so many things happen to me in the last two years that I question how much one person can take.

I'm so sorry to hear that, Nancy. I'll be thinking of you and your Mom.

Please keep us posted.

Ann

My thoughts are with you. I'm sending you hugs from up North.

Hi Classicalla,

My thoughts are with you and your mom. I like to think that we are given to carry the cross be are able to carry, even if we it seems to be bigger sometimes.

I'm praying that as soon as the doctor know exactly what kind of lymphoma affects your mom, they'll give her the specific treatment for it and you'll get through this.

Carolyn

Thanks, everybody and please continue to keep us in your thoughts and / or prayers.

We found out today that mom has anaplastic large cell lymphoma. We go to the oncologist on Thursday to find out about treatment.

Mom had a really bad day. She fell in the doctor's office and I had to get a neighbor to help me get her in the house.

Nancy, I am so sorry to hear about your mom. She is very lucky to have a daughter like you taking care of her. You both are in my thoughts and prayers.

Dear Classicalla: I am sorry to hear of your mother's illness and your own travails.

This is somewhat related. I recently lost an elderly pet and I was in a quandary about "when is it time?" The veterinarian gave me a checklist from the "Pawspice" movement (veterinary hospice) about quality of life issues. In the veterinary world, this checklist is meant for making the euthanasia decision, but that's obviously ludicrous in a human situation.

What I found interesting, however, was the checklist itself. I think it is valid for humans as well as animals. I will try to cut-and-paste it here. If the cut-and-paste doesn't go well then here is the link.

Quality of Life Scale
Quality of Life Scale: The HHHHHMM Scale



Pet caregivers can use this Quality of Life Scale to determine
the success of pawspice care. Score patients using a scale of 1 to 10.

Score


Criterion

1-10


HURT - Adequate pain control, including breathing ability, is first and foremost on the scale. Is the pet's pain successfully managed? Is oxygen necessary?

1-10


HUNGER - Is the pet eating enough? Does hand feeding help? Does the patient require a feeding tube?

1-10


HYDRATION - Is the patient dehydrated? For patients not drinking enough, use subcutaneous fluids once or twice daily to supplement fluid intake.

1-10


HYGIENE - The patient should be brushed and cleaned, particularly after elimination. Avoid pressure scores and keep all wounds clean.

1-10


HAPPINESS - Does the pet express joy and interest? Is the pet responsive to things around him or her (family, toys, etc.)? Is the pet depressed, lonely, anxious, bored or afraid? Can the pet's bed be close to the family activities and not be isolated?

1-10


MOBILITY - Can the patient get up without assistance? Does the pet need human or mechanical help (e.g., a cart)? Does the pet feel like going for a walk? Is the pet having seizures or stumbling? (Some caregivers feel euthanasia is preferable to amputation, yet an animal who has limited mobility but is still alert and responsive can have a good quality of life as long as caregivers are committed to helping the pet.)

1-10


MORE GOOD DAYS THAN BAD - When bad days outnumber good days, quality of life might be compromised. When a healthy human-animal bond is no longer possible, the caregiver must be made aware the end is near. The decision needs to be made if the pet is suffering. If death comes peacefully and painlessly, that is okay.

*TOTAL


*A total over 35 points represents acceptable life quality.

I bring this up because I think, so often, the doctors focus strictly upon the treatment, what chemo they will use, etc. But I urge you not to let the medical staff forget about the quality of life issues. And I'm hoping this list might be helpful to you. Sometimes there are so many things to think about, it's helpful to have a checklist.

For example, you mentioned that your mother had fallen. Can you alert the medical staff to that risk, and get a care plan that will include anti-falling measures?

Will they set up a nutrition plan for your mom? Does she have pain? Do they have a pain control program? If she has to have chemo, can they control the unpleasant side effects?

I don't mean to be insulting, or anything, or make light of your problems. I've known several people undergoing cancer treatment and it's so easy to fall in the cracks, or to have what the medics feel is appropriate treatment but the patient herself has issues that really interfere with quality of life.

And so often, it seems that the patient advocate has to really demand things, to make sure that the patient is well taken care of. It seems that, by default if nothing else, you are the patient care advocate. It's a heavy burden. I hope this list helps. My thoughts and prayers are with you.

Yes, Iolan, the list is helpful. I, for one, think that pets are part of the family and their loss can cause every bit as much grief as a human relative.

I've thought about much of this and mom has already said that if the chemo makes her too sick that she may stop taking it. I haven't openly agreed with her, but she knows that we agree because we've had discussions about such things in the past. My cousin, who lived next door to us, died from cancer in January, and both mom and I agreed with her decision to stop chemo. (She didn't actually ask us, but we did talk about her decision.) But even with chemo she was given little hope of survival and the chemo was only to try to help decrease the pain. Mom's case is different.

The doctors have said that meds will help control nausea, but mom is not eating well, her skin is in bad condition and she is at risk for breakdown even though she can get up with a walker. She is allergic to morphine and codeine so pain control could be a problem. We thought until recently that she was probably also allergic to the synthetic morphine drugs, but she recently took a Lortab at the hospital and she wasn't allergic. That means that she can also take Oxycontin which is very helpful with cancer pain. She is leery about that and says she doesn't want to get addicted, but I've assured her that she shouldn't worry about that.

She hasn't had much of an appetite, but, interestingly enough, she has wanted peanut butter and crackers (those pre-made ones) and cashews and so she's been eating those. Both are good protein sources.

I'll let all of you know what we find out on Thursday.

Thanks, everyone, for your concern and especially your care.

Nancy

I will be praying for your Mom and your family.
James

Oh, Classicalla, I'm so sorry to read about your Mom. My thoughts are with you and I hope that the two of you will find a way to get through this difficult times as good as you possibly can.

I, too, am so sorry to hear about your mom. I'm glad that she will at least be able to take Oxycontin. If she hasn't got much of an appetite, I think you should feed her all the peanut butter and crackers she will eat.

I think the most important thing, right now, is for you and your mom to enjoy your life together as much as you can, and for your mom to find and do as much as she can of what gives her pleasure.

Ann

I am so sorry to hear about your mom.

I work in a pharmacy and as far as I know it is important that your mother doesn't lose weight. If she hasn't much appetite she can drink high-caloric solutions.

I don't know if there is something similar in America but I'll include links to two of the companies that produce those in Germany.

Nutricia


Fresenius Kabi

I hope this helps.

I keep you in my thoughts.

I only saw this thread today, Nancy. I'm sorry about your mom. she'll be in my prayers.

Nan

I am not on the boards much lately, so I'm just hearing about your mom. I am so sorry and my prayers are with you. I know how frustrating it can be when no one will tell you anything. But be strong. She is fortunate to have you caring for her.

~Sheila

Thank you, everyone.

Mom is not doing very well. She has pneumonia, a urinary tract infection, herpes esophagitis, her skin is breaking down, and she isn't able to get out of bed. Her white blood count is only 0.3 which is EXTREMELY low. She seemed to be feeling a little better on Wednesday, but now the doctor told me that mom and I (mostly me) need to make a decision as to whether she would be "coded" should it come to that. I'm just devastated, and I feel like this is more than I can handle.

I appreciate all the prayers and good thoughts you guys are sending me.

I'm so sorry, Nancy; my thoughts and wishes with you during this time, and know that I'm thinking of you guys.

Hugs,
JD

I'm so sorry, Nancy. I'm thinking of you and your Mom.

Ann

Wow. I've just seen this for the first time tonight. I'm sorry all this is happening. You are in my thoughts and prayers.

I'm really sorry to hear all of this is happening to you, Nancy. I've lost two members of my immediate family to cancer (one of which was just this past May), so I completely understand how devestating and difficult what you're going through can be. I am keeping you in my thoughts!

Mom is drastically worse. She is in so much pain that she is moaning a lot, and that's so unlike my mom. She never complains. I want her suffering to stop and that means that she goes to be with the Lord, then that's okay. No, I'm not really okay with that, but she is suffering so much, and I can't stand seeing her like this. She is now a "do not resuscitate". From a nurse's point of view, I do not know how much longer she can last like this.

You and your mom are in my thoughts and prayers.

I'm so sorry, Nancy.

(((((((Nancy)))))))

Ann

I'm so sorry to read about this, Nancy. I lost my father just two months ago, and I know that you're devastated by this. I wish I could tell you that everything will be okay, but I can't do that. I can, however, point you to 1 Thessalonians 4 and ask you to read it and believe it.

Life is hard. Life contains pain. Everyone experiences it. Yet no two experiences are the same. I wish you blessings, Nancy, and the strength to trust Him through this. Wish I could comfort you more.

Mom is worse. I'm praying that she goes soon. My aunt sent me home because I had a headache, but now I'm going right back. She is still breathing but has practically no blood pressure.

Ann

My mom is still hanging on. This waiting is awful.

Mom finally passed at 11:25 pm on Sept 2nd. I'm sad, but at this point, it feels more like relief. Thank you, everyone, for your prayers and / or good thoughts.

Nancy, I'm so sorry for your loss. I can't even imagine how difficult it must be to lose your mother. My prayers are with you.

Lisa

I'm so sorry to read this, Nancy. I would hug you if I could. I hope you have a trusted friend or two who will let you cry on their shoulders.

{{{{{big hugs}}}}}

I'm so, so sorry, Nancy.

(((((((((((Nancy)))))))))))

Ann

Nancy, I'm so sorry.

Give yourself time and space to feel whatever you feel. Sadness, grief, relief, happy memories, sad memories, anger, fear, hope: it's all real and all okay.

My brother is in the hospice stage of cancer. It has been an encouragement to me to see your honest sharing and the compassionate response from this community. Thank you for your openness.

I'm praying for you.

Michelle

I am so sorry.

I was pretty numb when Mom died. My sister was angry and Dad was relieved. She had been through so much in the last several years.

Praying for you.

James

Nancy, the various reactions James listed are all valid. And the permission Michelle is giving you to feel whatever you're feeling is also valid. People who haven't been through a long illness with a loved one often don't understand that some of the grieving is already done. When my father died, I was sad, but I also felt relief because his suffering was over, and his wife's burden of constant care had finally been lifted. She was so wonderful to him and for him for the last eight years or so, and I'm grateful that he had someone so kind and faithful beside him during that time. And much of my grieving was already done, because he slipped away a little bit at a time over the past two years. Every time I spoke with him over the phone, I could tell that he was a little bit further away from us, and it hurt. I'm so very glad that Lila (his wife) was watching over him.

I'm certain that your mother is grateful that you were with her during all that time, too. Again, I wish I could offer better comfort than this, but know that your labors have not been performed in vain.

{{{{{more big hugs}}}}}

Nancy, I am so sorry for your loss.

Kathryn

Nancy, I am so very sorry. Please know that you're in my prayers.

Caroline

Nancy, our sincere condolences. It is not an easy thing to lose your mother in any circumstance. At least her suffering seemed brief, which is a blessing. Remember the good times when you think of her.
Artemis and Hubby

Nancy, I am so sorry to hear about your mother's death. May your memories of her bring you and your family some solace during this time.

My deepest condolences, Nancy. May your mom and all the souls of the departed rest in peace.

Thinking about you,
JD

Nancy, I'm so sorry.

Thinking of you and your family at this sad time.

Tricia.

I'm so sorry, Nancy. You have my deepest sympathy.

So sorry to hear this news, Nancy.

I'll continue to pray for you.

Corrina.

Nancy,

I'm so sorry - I just saw this as I rarely wander down to this part of the Boards. I'm so sorry to hear about you mom, but I'm sure that she has moved on to a better place.

I hope you have people around to help with the everyday tasks while you focus on yourself.

- Nancy

I'm sorry for you loss, Nancy.

Saskia

I'm so sorry for you loss Nancy. I can't even imagine how hard this last week must have been for you and your family, you are in my thoughts.

(((((((((((Hugs))))))))))

Carolyn

Thank you everyone for your kind expressions of sympathy. I'm still trying to get mom's estate all figured out and settled, but I think it's going to take me awhile.

Good to hear from you again, Nancy. If you feel up to it, I think we'll all appreciate if you keep us posted and let us know how you are doing.

Ann

Nancy, my thoughts and good wishes are with you and your family. As others have said I hope that your memories of her will make this time even a tiny bit brighter.

Hug,
Mona

Nancy, I'm very sorry about your mom. I'm sure she is in a better place now, but it rarely helps the people left behind.

Nan