Lois & Clark Forums Forums General Discussion Off Topic Need to vent....

Oh dear. I hope you all don’t mind, but I so need to vent. Why give that up I ask…but I can understand why. I can’t see him doing that job much longer. He has been looking for another job which I know won’t satisfy him. He works faster, more efficiently and has a higher workload than his co-workers. He rocks at his job! But he’s bored out of his mind. He totally finds the humor in 'Office Space' and 'Dilbert'.

Dilbert -- The Numbing

I’m afraid he’ll fail or not work hard enough. Come to think of it that’s my major worry. If he kicked butt then I’d know we could pay off the loans, but him failing and being left with even more loans would just break my heart. I’m almost in tears just thinking about it now.

His ‘to do list’:
He’s going to upgrade his grade 12 chem at an adult centre (yay FREE!). If he actually studies and enjoys it he will talk to a university advisor and look at our finances.

What I wanted to do to make me feel better:
I wanted to speak to an advisor *this week* to see if it is feasible….he doesn’t want to because we are on holidays. He wants to wait until he is done his chem. I just want info and to talk to someone. If it’s just too impossible, I want the whole thing to stop so I don’t have to worry.

I have searched the internet and read so much over the past week, but I just need to talk to someone at the university he’d be attending…I have been talking about it now an then to him and he knows my worries, but I don’t want to over-talk the subject b/c I have a tendency to do so. I don’t want to irritate him and make it like I’m obsessed with calling him Dr.SuperRoo and seeing dollar signs. I’m so not obsessing like that!!!!

I know he’s smart, I know he learns better ‘out in the field’, I know if a lot is riding on him he’d study, I just don’t want him to break or me to break. I don’t think I can be strong enough to support us. I don’t have great faith in my ability. I have expressed my worry to him so it‘s not like I‘m hiding my emotions, but I need to vent. MAN! I wish there were easy answers. I just want to pull on my hair over the worry, wonder and frustration I am experiencing.

Maybe he’ll look at engineering again! Hehe..he. That would be less of a worry….

Thanks for your time! Sorry about the typos. I've been typing & thinking for over two hours.

*wimper*

Ah here's something to make me feel better:

After a sleep I still feel stressed, but silly at venting. Either way it did make me feel better! Hehe!

We all need to vent sometimes. If I don't get what I'm thinking out of my head, it drives me crazy and makes it quite difficult to fall asleep. But maybe I'm just odd.

Hi SuperRoo,
I sympathize with your concerns about the med school process - it's scary and daunting and time-consuming. But not as bad as I expected it to be or as bad as it could have been - and in the end, definitely worth it. I'm not married, so I didn't have to drag another person through it with me, but my family and friends definitely had to experience some changes. (And part of the only reason I maintained my sanity, or not, was all of the people on IRC that helped me through my first 2 years of studying! Thanks again all! <g>)
I e-mailed a longer response to you, but definitely feel free to contact me if you have any questions, concerns or rants.

Good luck,
Jill

Thanks for your post and your encouraging words.



Must rush off now!

I can completely understand some of what's had you so stressed. I'm single and still living with my parents, so I can't relate to the marital stress... but I've got a completely useless degree myself. I spent four and a half years at college and now I can't find a decent job. I'm back at school parttime, taking undergraduate courses that I didn't have originally with the program of study my degree entailed, so I can enter a masters program in education. I'm working fulltime for very little pay, but luckily I've got a great medical plan and a boss that's very generous with bonuses, so that helps with stress I guess. I worry about being able to get into graduate school and then find a job and be able to pay off my student loans. You're not alone sweetie. Vent as much as you need, whenever you need.

Well, you're making me feel better about not having a degree at all

Roo, I can understand him being driven crazy by boredom at his cube farm. He probably should make a change, maybe a big change. But medical school? That's huge. Isn't there something else he could do, that would start paying off a lot sooner?

And I think you ought to seriously consider whether or not you want to have kids. Face it, being 30 is *old* for a woman to get pregnant. Been there, done that, it ain't impossible -- but your chances are going down every year. Personally, I wouldn't want to have a baby while he's in school (especially during residency, which I hear sucks up about 25 hours a day of a person's time) - he wouldn't be there to help you and he'd miss a lot. But if you wait til he's done, well, that might be too late.

I'm not saying you *have* to have kids, obviously. But I'm told there are lots of women in the world today who are childless not because they deliberatly chose that, but because they held it off until it was too late, not realizing what they were doing. So just be aware that's a very real possibility.

Y'know, I may be waaaaay off, but I wonder... you said he spent 7 years in college already, for not much in particular. Maybe school seems like a "safe" choice for him, because it's familiar (as opposed to his job, which is dead boring) so he has the urge to retreat back to where he was comfortable? Where he has limited responsibilities and doesn't really have to be a working-for-a-living grown-up? Very understandable, but if that's so, it would most likely be a disaster for both of you.

It's a really huge decision for the two of you, and you need to make it together. I hope you spend tons of time talking about it, both of you being honest about your fears and the trade-offs you may be making. They might not be very comfortable conversations, but they're going to happen sooner or later, and five years down the road, they'll be much much worse. Don't just vent to us, vent to *him*.

So them's my thoughts, for what they're worth

PJ

Hey y'all.

I nearly had a panic attack when he told me, but it's been bewing for about four years. he's looking at other things, but they would all require another University degree and a masters, etc. He wants a total change. Hmmm, maybe it's that mid-life issue and it just came a bit early! I wonder if I'd rather his wanting a motorcycle instead.



I'd fall over backwards for the University degree he has. He could be a Chartered Accountant (CA) or a CMA so easily, but he can't stand the corporate world. He could also get an HR designation really soon too. He’s an underwriter and gets to work with doctors and read medical info and he enjoys it. He’s going to talk to the docs.

My degree is the useless one. I might as well have majored in basket weaving.

I want a kid, but I didn't graduate from University until I was 23 or 24 and I tried masters stuff and college programs afterwards. This Sep. will be my five yr anniversary. I hoped to have a kid this year however, I do keep making excuses despite the 100% support from hubbie. I think my Mum would have had mixed feelings if I had one before I was 26. Like I'd care about her reaction. Don't all kids want to get their parents all riled up? I want a family, but I am having trouble and still wonder if it is worth it. It’s been a non-stop thought since I met my hubbie when I was 21. I was worried I’d have one while in Uni and now that I want one I cant’! I wish I just threw caution to the wind then! Me a rebel - nah I don’t think so. Too lazy. Mother-in-law has been putting down strong hints lately LOL!!!! My Mum didn't have me until she was three months off from turning 30 (gee my age! HA! That feels SO weird) and my brother at 36 (in 1984). She got married when she was 18 or 19 and divorced when my brother was six months old.

We spoke to my Mum and she was very supportive (very odd!), but she for some reason really values University. She suffers from her own personal regret and now looking back at her experience thinks she should have taken the chance and I guess doesn't want us to regret later in life. She said she’d help us and we luckily have profit sharing building up that we could always use. I forgot about that b/c I made myself on purpose. No crazy shopping trips…no..noon. Ooooh clothes!

We are not telling his parents. :p They will freak out in a unsupportive way. I think that despite having nothing but pleasant, wonderful interactions with them.

Actually that was my problem LOL in regards to finding school safe. He though has admited that he misses Universtiy, but he wasn't prepared to go back b/c he knows he was lazy. He's 'grown up' now. Old man. He let me not work once for four months and go part time for years. I know he doesn't 'deserve' the favour returned, but I wish I could give him a chance to do something he wanted for once.

Sigh -- Life is short and complicated. I wonder where I’ll be in five years.