Lois & Clark Forums Forums General Discussion Lois & Clark Caption Competition XXII

Last time on Caption Competition Theater...

Queen of the Capes posted a picture out of everyone's favorite episode involving lethal novelty office equipment, "Lucky Leon"!

Competition was fierce, with several solid entries.

It was a close call in the end. The judge even had to call in outside authority to make the final call. (Boy, we've all been there, haven't we? Remember the incident with the Canadian penny? That was a tight situation, wasn't it?)

Tension mounted, but the judges made their call.

We bring you live, now, to our latest winner, who will start the games anew...

---

Thanks to QotC and her Mom! I'm glad you liked it, and am honored to have been chosen from amongst such distinguished company.

So, time for a new pic, then.

Hmm. Well, a certain scene seems to have interested some FoLCs over in the challenge folder. So, let's see what you guys can do with this one...



Paul

Jimmy: And then you said, "Jimmy...I can make a man of you."

Lois: Jimmy. That's not the pole you're grabbing onto right now. Hand offs the thigh!

JD
who might come back with more later after that thing called sleep

--
Jimmy: I swear, Lois, it was the *hugest* cockroach I've ever seen!
Lois: It's the thirteenth time you tell me that and I have to repeat: "I BELIEVE YOU!" Did you think I'd be up here if I didn't believe you?
--

See ya,
AnnaBtG.

Jimmy: "Ok...y-you go first."

Lois: "No Jimmy, it was your BIG idea that got us into this mess, now its gonna be your pole dance that gets us out of it."

Jimmy: *whinning* "Oh but I don't wanna..."

Lois: "Listen! You go first and I'll follow."

Jimmy: "Ok, Lets see what I can do!"

Fades To Black

Later Days!
Andie

Jimmy: I know you don't like sports, Lois. But you must admit the view's breathtaking. Plus these are the Olympic Games and we're covering it!!! God I love this job!!

Lois: not to burst your bubble, but we're not *covering* it. We're live. And about to become the most original Olympic flame in the Games history. Got your camera?

In the distance, the cheering of the crowd suddenly faded as the lyrics of "Come on baby, light my fire" filled Athens Olympic stadium.

Carole (who feels AnnaBtG's gonna bite her head off)

Well, been a while since the last caption, so must be time for a new picture!

This one's a tough call, but I think I'm going to have to go with...

Good one, Anna!

You're up!

Paul

I'm glad you liked my caption, Paul.

So, FoLCs... let's see what you can do with this:



See ya,
AnnaBtG. (who enjoyed Cyad's caption really much )

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif"> (who enjoyed Cyad's caption really much

Lois: If you *ever* eat another one of my Double Fudge Crunch bars, you will not live to see another day.

LOL Shadow!!!! GOOD ONE!!! I don't have anything else to say for now...

Later Days!
Andie (who hopes to get an idea soon)

Clark: Lois, are you okay?

Lois: I just spent hours tromping through the sewers.

Clark, hiding a smile: I see.

Lois: But it was worth it!

Clark: <blink> ... What? ... Uhm, that is... It was...?

Lois: I've got a page 1 for sure!

Clark: You... do?

Lois: We know almost nothing about Superman, but now we've got some information!

Clark: We do? Uhm... Like what?

Lois: He landed in the sewers, and he can disguise his space ship. Not only that, but I have it!

Clark: You... what?

Lois: Now, if only I could figure out why he chose to disguise it as a Godzilla doll...

Okay, I see no new posts, so time to pick a winner.

Drumroll please...

Shadow, you're up!

See ya,
AnnaBtG.

Mucho Gracias. Now that we've hit the extent of my Spanish, here's what I dug up. These pesky things called night classes seem to get in my way, but here's what I came up with.

Lois: Aaah! The roof... the roof... the roof is on fire! Help, Superman! It's a disco inferno!!

---

The seven stages of falling disco balls:

1. Denial: "I'm going to be crushed by a disco ball? This is so not happening."

2. Guilt: "Oh, I knew I shouldn't have come to this stupid criminal dance club. Clark was right. These things never go well for us."

3. Anger: "Wait, what am I saying? I'm about to be crushed by a disco ball! How is that my fault? It's the fault of that idiot who made the faulty cables! If I survive this, I'm going to get him!"

4. Bargaining: "Superman! Save me! Please, save me! I'll do anything if you just drop whatever you're doing and save me!!"

5. Depression: "Oh, who am I kidding? He'll never make it in time. I'm doomed."

6. Acceptence: "After everything I've been through, I'm going to be crushed by a disco ball. Just the story of my life, isn't it?"

and, finally...

7. Relief: "He caught it! I'm saved! ... Ooo, it's so shiney!"

---

"No, Disco Man is too powerful! I can't bear to look at his deadly lack of taste! My eyes, my eyes! I don't know if even Superman can stand up to him! I can only pray that somehow, KISS will arrive to save the day..."

---

"Oh, yeah? Well, I bet you didn't expect this, Mr. 'Call-me-Daniel'! Yes, I have the power to create and control disco balls with my mind! Take this!"

---

"I am going to kill Jimmy. He will never plan another Daily Planet party so long as I live. Volly Disco Ball? What was he thinking??"

---

"Hey, wait! That's a New Krypton battleship? Huh. It's a lot smaller than I was expecting..."

Well, *hmphf*. I *was* going to say:

...but Paul seems to have stolen them right out of my brain!

But seriously...nothing to add myself.

Just wanted to say thanks, Paul for never failing to crack me up!

For anyone that asks...this is Paul's fault!

At first I was afraid, I was petrified
Kept thinking that disco ball would hit me in the eye.
I spent oh so many seconds just feeling sorry for myself
I wanted to cry, but now I'll hold my hands up high
And try to stop, the disco ball
I'm not that weak little person that you think I am
So you felt like dropping on my head, and just expect me to die
But now I'm saving myself and you won't succeed at all!

Go on now go! Don't drop on me!
Just go back up now, cause you're not welcome on my head
Weren't you the one who tried to hurt me with your glare?
You think I'd crumble?
You think I'd lay down and die?
Oh no, not I
I will survive
Oh as long as I know how to block, I know I'll stay alive
I've got all my life to live, I've got all my wrath to give
And I will survive
I will survive
I will survive
_____

Voice over: This just in, it seems a renegade disco ball tried to take revenge on Lois Lane for her drunken rendition of "I Will Survive" and other such songs as "Turn the Beat Around" and "YMCA". Thankfully, though, she *did* survive. The Gorn was not available for comment.


Sara (who's answer to Paul is, "No, nothing's ever my fault!" I'm an angel! )

Sara, that was great! Much better than what I was thinking of.

Even funnier now that I know we were thinking of two entirely different things (and that neither had seen what the other was thinking about).

See, FoLCs, Sara and I have been chatting on IRC. She mentioned the song, and this strange alien name. I thought we were talking about this CGI movie which you really should see, if you haven't yet. Especially after reading those captions!

Sara thought we were talking about an Nfic writer whose very funny stories are hosted on the Nfic archive linked off Annesplace. If you have access to that, go read those stories, too!

Knowing about both makes the caption even better!

What makes it all better than that is that we didn't realize we were thinking of two entirely different things until several minutes into the conversation, when we both tried to convince another FoLC to go look at what we were talking about!

Then, after that, we decided to find out just what a Gorn was, after all. The creature in the video does have a name, but it's not the Gorn. The Gorn turned out to be an alien race from Star Trek. I found that with a net search that led me to this site: http://www.70disco.com/gornpage.htm

Turns out the fact that it's hosted on 70disco.com is a complete coincidence, but that just made the whole silly mess that much funnier.

Meantime, I'd started coming up with a caption that goes something like this:

Jimmy <off camera>: ... and cut! Great work! Eat your heart out, Gorn, we've got live action!

But I was stuck on what Lois should say to that.

Of course, that was while I thought the Gorn was the alien in the video. It has an entirely different meaning depending on whether you think "the Gorn" is:

(a) A computer-animated singing creature


(b) An nfic writer (picture censored)
(c) A barbaric lizard-like race from Star Trek

Just thought I'd share all that, because I think it makes Sara's great caption so much better.

Paul, acting completely nuts, but somehow not worried about his reputation...

*GASP* *CHOKE*

Oh well...you all should watch it...*you'll* think it's funny!

Sara (who is still trying to catch her breath)

Which episode did that Disco pic come from?

James

James- It's a Small World After All...the one where Lois goes to her high school reunion and Annette (jealous, seeking revenge classmate) tries to have the ball dropped on her head, but get saved at the last second so she could have the attention. But of course it backfired.

Oh, and for the record, The Gorn's stories aren't typically funny, but there are some great token lines. The one that reminds me of 'I Will Survive' and disco songs in general is "Going, Going, Gone."

Love the pics you added, Paul!


Sara(who still laughs when she thinks about that darned alien video )

Ah, that would explain things. I've only ever seen that once and I think it is one of the few that we didn't get on tape.

James

SARA~! I am dying of laughter! Hilarious!!

_____
Lois: "Take *that,* disco ball!" (girlish squeak as she bats it with her tiny handbag)
_____

--Wanda *still laughing at Sara's response* Detroit

Since nobody's picked a winner yet, I think it's unanimous that Sara's the winner here!

(Although, don't get me wrong, I also adore Paul's "Seven Stages of Falling Disco Balls!")

Sara, you're up!

Oh shoot! I didn't really want to win...Paul, this is all your fault! ...do I really have to look through the archive? )

--
Clark: That chicken costume was a *really* bad idea.
--

AnnaBtG. (who may be back with more )

Lois: "If you could just plead a bit more with your eyes... yes, like that! See, now that's what I call a puppy-dog-look, Clark!"

***

Clark: "Mwwwhwwhwmwwhwmwwhhhh!"

Jimmy: "What did CK just say?"

Lois: "The bad guys kidnapped Clark and ever since his face is stuck in that position. If you can figure out what he's saying it would be a great help!"

***

Clark (thinking): "If I can hold this expression for a minute longer, I'll make it to the Guinness Book of Records for looking sad over 10,000 minutes!"


Saskia

No, Sara, you don't have to look through the whole archive. Sometimes, I use it to double-check, but I have a feeling not many do. If you want to, though, it's pretty easy. Just open the thread and do a text search. You can put in the full URL (since you have to copy and paste that anyway if you're going to post the pic) or just the numbers from the filename.

Congrats on posting the pic, in any case!

For the record, I'm pretty sure I haven't seen this one before. <g>

Anyway... captions. Hmm. Still waking up, so I'm not sure I've got much. I may have to come back later. For now...

---

If Space Rats had been unleashed during the NK arc:

"But Daddy, I don't want to go live on an asteriod and be married to Zara! Waaaaaah!"

---

"Ugh. Yellow Kryptonite tastes awful."

---

Clark: Okay, Lois. How's this?

Lois: No, no, Clark! You're doing it all wrong! You shouldn't be frowning, you should be puckering!

Clark: Puckering? Like for a kiss?

Lois: Not quite...

Martha: Lois? Clark? What's going on?

Lois: I'm trying to teach Clark how to eat sour candies. He ate a whole box and didn't make a face! Luckily, the theater was dark, so not too many people noticed, but we have to be more careful. ... Okay, Clark, watch me again. You have to pucker your face, like this...

---

You think so, Capone? Come here. I'll make you an offer you can't refuse...

---

Okay, Patric, now you've done it. Now you will have to face... Angry Clark! ... No, wait a sec. That's not quite it. Uhm... <shifts expression> ... Angry Clark! ... No, I can get this... <shifts expression> ... Angry Clark! ... I can do this, really...

---

Lois: Clark, what's wrong?

Clark: It's the evil Dr. Frowny-Face! He got tired of hearing "Turn that frown upside-down" and made a frowny-face ray! Must... force... lips... to... smile!

Okay, it's been a few days so I suppose I have to choose a winner...though I really don't want to...they're all so funny!

And well...I couldn't really choose, these three had me laughing non-stop:

Paul and Sas! In the end...I had to pick Sas...You're up!

Sara

Aww, thanks Sara! Glad you liked it!

So for the next photo, how about this:



Let's see what you all can come up with!

Saskia

--
Lois: I have vif lock of hair ftuck in my mouf and I can't fpeak. Can you helf me remove it? My hands are kinda full right now.
--

See ya,
AnnaBtG.

Yess I know you sought fhat shifing would be shun, but get fhis hook out of my lip!

James

"There! Finished! I have sucessfully turned this statue of Superman I stole from Madame Tussaud's into a statue of Clark Kent! Now, when Superman comes to reclaim it, as instructed in the ransom note, we'll see how he reacts! It's my most devious plan yet!"

---

"Okay, Clark? You ready? You and me. One on one. A high-stakes duel for everything! The game is strip pictionary! Now... draw!"

---

"Clark, I've been taking art lessons from your mother."

"Oh... really? Uhm... that's nice..."

"You know what she told me?"

"Uhm... no. What?"

"She said that when you learn to draw, you have to start a certain way."

"She did?"

"Yes. You see, it's very tricky to learn how to draw clothes, so you have to start with nudes..."

"I... see..."

"So, I need a model..."

"Uh-huh..."

"Ralph tried to offer. He's still recovering."

"And, uh... what's this got to do with me?"

"I want you to post for me."

"Me?"

"Yes. You. What's the matter? You afraid?"

"Afraid? Uhm, no, but..."

"Then what is it? Show me what you've got!"

"Lois, this isn't a pheromone thing, is it?"

"No pheremones here, Clark. Just you... and me."

<Gulp> "I... uh... have to go return a library book! See you later!" <Woosh>

"Darn it. I thought Greek gods were supposed to like being in the nude."

<Woosh> "Greek gods?"

"Good ears, Kent."

"Er... thanks."

(to be continued... by someone with some idea of where this is going...)

It's been a few days since the last entry, so I'm going to chose a winner.

Paul, you were as funny as ever, especially that last one! Anna, great one too. But I'm going to pick James:

Go for it, James!

Saskia

Yes! I was hoping to win!

I just recently installed software that would allow for screen capturing of the DVD-RWs that we are making of the LnC series. (We really need to get some better copies of the first season...)

Anyway, I found a couple that would be just hillarious, so please forgive me for giving you two to choose from.




And



do one or both!

James

First one:

"The hills are aliiiiive with the sound of musiiiiiic...."


Second one:

Lois: Lex, what are you doing with a Kryptonite cage in your basement?

Lex: it's not a Kryptonite cage, my darling. It's just a new home cocoon chair I'm trying to launch.

Lois (sarcastically) : I should have guessed! Is the agonising Superman also part of the package or is it a Metropolis-limited edition?

Carole

I may be back later, but for now...

First pic:

Lex: Oh yes, Superman! I'd love to go flying with you! I thought you'd never ask! All this time, struggling to get your attention...

Second pic:

Lex: No! It can't be! You're not real!

Voice (OS): I assure you, I'm very real, and when I'm done with you, there won't be enough of you left to bury in an ice cube tray.

Lex: No, you can't! I'm Lex Luthor!

Voice: Oh, but I can. I'm going to... <whisper, whisper> mountain... <whisper, whisper> jagged rocks... <whisper, whisper> bleeding slowly... <whisper, whisper> starving... <whisper, whisper> freezing... <whisper, whisper> scavengers... <whisper, whisper>...

Lex: No! I will not accept this! I am not going to be ruined by a talking rat!

Lol, Paul!

1st pic
Lex: You there! Boy! What day is this?

OS: Today? Why, it's Christmas day...

---------------------------

Lex: Well, Harvey, what do you say we go get some drinks?

---------------------------


2nd pic:

OS: Scotty, I told you to beam us down *outside* the city! Who is this guy and where the heck are we?!

Cyad and Paul, yours were quite good, but I am a real sucker for Crossover stories so I declare Queen of the Capes the winner!

James

Hi,

The winner has already been selected for the Lex pics, and I've never responded to the cap. competition before, but when I saw these two, I had to put mine in....

Lex pic 1

"...Tooomorow! Tomorrow! I love ya! Tomorrow! You're only a daaaaaaaaay aaaaa-waaaaaaay!!!"
:rolleyes:

Lex pic 2

"OOOOWWWW! That's the last time I use a do-it-yourself-at-home vasectomy kit!"

Oh, dear...Windfall that was great!

Since I already have picked a winner, I can only give you an honorable mention, but those were great!


James

Thanks for pickin' me, James

I think, though, I'll hand the "prize" over to windfall, seein' as how I've been zonked lately and prolly won't be able to keep up with this for a while.

So Windfall, yer up!

Oh, dear...I've really stepped in it this time, haven't I !!! I haven't had to best luck with saving and/or moving pics lately.

Anyone care to tell me how?

Windfall...

Paul wouldn't let me get away with this excuse so I assume it's no good. Try this link for how to post a picture. It's realtively simple, and to be honest, the hardest part I found, was narrowing down *which* picture to use.

Post again if you have trouble with this...someone can help.

Sara

Alright, let's see if this works...

....and yes, it was hard to narrow it down!



[That's not it, I just like this picture !]

okay, here goes, see what you can do with this....

Hey, you did it! Congrats, Windfall!

Hmm. Picture. This isn't going to make any sense (I'm not even sure of the full thing yet...), but I'll take a crack at it. Maybe I'll come up with something better tomorrow.

Man with gun: I, the evil asian clone of Robert Goulet, hereby take you prisoner!

Jimmy: Whoa! Is that a Glock? I've never seen a real one up close before. It is just like they showed it in Doom III! Cool!

Grandfather Chow, thinking: When my ninja daughter gets back, you are so getting your butt kicked.

Lois: Oy! I'm in the middle of my Jerry Lewis thing that I do here! Why do you have to come in with the guns and the threats and the little wrinkly moustache when I try to do my impression? Nice lady!

Man with gun, thinking: I don't know which of them to shoot first.

Gunman: Put 'em up!
Lois (sarcastically): I so cringe with fear, please spare my life!
Jimmy: Uh, Lois? Hate to break it to you but that sure looks like a real gun.
Guy sitting down: You know lady you should listen to him or were all toast.
Lois: Guys I know a real gun when I see one and that I'm telling you isn't a real gun.
Jimmy: Then I suppose its one of those ones Jim Carrey had in The Mask where it just shoots out a flag saying bang right.
Lois: Of course

--
Gunman: Don't move! I'll shoot!
Jimmy: Wow! A gun! I've never seen a real gun... can I touch it?
Lois: Ever heard about 'bad timing', Jimmy?
--

See ya,
AnnaBtG.

Alright, I am gonna give it a shot.

Gunman: Hands in the air!!
Jimmy: Hey! Watch the leather buddy!!
Dude sitting: (thinking)What a dummy, the saftey's on. Jeez!
Lois:(thinking) So this is what they mean when they say to make sure you have clean undies on. You really DON'T know when something's going to happen. I KNEW I should have made time for a shower this morning no matter HOW late I was running!! How embarassing!!

Lois to gunman : hey! give that back! It's my liquorice gun!

Jimmy: is that from the fudge Castle? You know, the one they sell with chocolate bullets?

Lois (swallows) : no. No, it's not.

Grandfather Chow (whispers to Lois) : hate to interrupt, but you don't happen to have something I could cut ropes with, do you?

Lois (whispers back): I have a sword. But the blade's stuck in my coat lining. How come this never happens to Duncan Mc Leod?

Grandfather Chow : because he's a man. (Sighs and looks sideways) never let women in a Ji Chi class.

Lois: don't you start!

Carole

Well, I'm glad you all liked my contribution

I don't get this one .



Paul, my um...hat? goes off to you!