Lois & Clark Forums Forums General Discussion Lois & Clark Caption Competition XV

Yes, my friends, it's time for another round of Caption This! (trademarkedbySciFiusedwithoutpermissionbutit'ssocatchy..) Thanks for picking me last round, Shadow.

Without further ado, here's the next picture!

Clark: "Don't you thinks that is a drasctic measure to wear a lead-coated bulletproof vest when you are going to meet Superman? Don't you know that he won't ever use his X-ray vision with you?"

Lois: "How do you know that?"


Jose

Clark: "Yes, I know there are bad guys out there with Kryptonite bullets, Lois, but I *really* think it's going to look dumb to wear this under my Superman suit!"

Kathy

Clark: Matching clothes, Lois, really? We're going to look ridiculous.

Lois: Yeah, I know. But we did lose the bet.

Most people probably won't get this but I had to do it:

Clark: This is ridiculous! I know the guy has five Grammy nominations, but he's making us wear these while we interview him?

Lois: *lost in thought* I'm thinking about wearing mine outside my shirt. 50 cent wears his like that and he looks cool.

Note: 50 cent is a famous rapper who is known for being shot several times before entering the music business and often wears a bullet proof vest.

"so you see, lois, when i was shot, i was wearing one of these... every reporter should have one! here, i got one for you, too!"

"gee, thanks, clark. next time i go out to a gangster-infested nightclub in an evening gown, i'll put this on. it will be so inconspicuous."

----

clark, out loud: "lois, do i really have to wear one of these things? i know it'll be more authentic, but it's so constraining and i'm afraid that i might just end up ripping it apart. it's not like i need it, anyway. the whole thing... it's just not me..."

lois, thinking to herself: "i can't believe he is complaining to me about how uncomfortable it will be to strap one of these heavy things tightly to his chest!"

---

"so, as i understand it, this harness is supposed to simulate the added weight and bulk of the first trimester. okay. i can understand you wearing one, just to see how it would feel, but why do i get one? i can lift a truck with one hand. i'll never feel this thing."

---

check this out, lois! i had dr klien make it up especially for you! this one here is a back-up, in case something happens to the first one, but i can use it to demonstrate. see, it's not just a bullet-proof vest, although it does stop bulets. it's got all sorts of features.

over here is a parachute, so the next time you get thrown off a building, you just press this button.

this is an emergency tracking beacon, so the next time you get dropped down a chute into a soundproofed room, you can just press this button and i'll be able to find you. no more relying on tuning into your pager for me!

speaking of that little escapade, the vest also acts as an emergency floatation device. you just hold it like this. so, the next time you're drowning in wet cement or are thrown out of an airplane which happens to be over water, it'll be really useful.

now, if you happen to land in shark-infested waters, you'll need to use...

---

Clark: So, what are we investigating? Gangs? Drug lords? A gun-running operation?

Lois: Local highschool.

--
Lois: You think I'd look good in this?
Clark: I think you'd look good in anything, Lois.
Lois: Nice try, but I'm not wearing it.
Clark: If it makes you feel better, I'll put on one too. See?
--

AnnaBtG.

Clark: Honey I know we're married and all but I don't think that wearing matching vests can be classified as marital bonding.
Lois: Clark don't even try to worm your way out of it.Remember that I'm still top banana
Clark: I'll file that away for future reference

I'm sure no one'll get this either but...personnal inside joke:

OS: Welcome to this 'How to survive during war and crisis as a reporter' training program. here's your package. Put those bullet proof vest on and follow me for the first step: regulation haircut.

Lois (running to the elevators): no way!

Clark: Lois! Come back! He's just kidding!

LOL. Okay, while everyone's was funny, I have to go with Cyad. The "regulation haircut" just brings back too many memories! (Especially of one guy with really long hair, whose friends had shaved half of it off the night before he left for Basic Training. Not the bottom half. The *left* half. Ack.)

So, you're up, Cyad!

Thanks Karen!

Ouch! how did he take it? (I won't make silly jokes on the right side of things).

About the 'inside joke' of my caption: there are centers (usually miltary ones) proposing "how to react in war or 'hostile' situations" trainings to international reporters covering conflicts' scenes worldwide.

Carole

PS: I'm really not good at picking up 'captionnable' pics but... let's see what you can do with this (tiny?) one:

WHAT? No, I will not 'just say hi' to your mom!

"Look, Ms. King, I understand that you and Lois Lane have a rivalry going, but I will not break into Clark Kent's apartment so you can hide out in his bed to seduce him! Hmm, but come to think of it, if Lois wanted to do the same, I probably wouldn't say no ..."

Kathy

achoo! oh, i'm sorry. it's just that as a public figure in the 90's who wears briefs on the outside of his clothes, i'm allergic to women named lynda who wield tape recorders...

Paul (hoping to do better when he's a little more awake... it's been a rough weekend)

--
Superman: You call that a tape recorder? I could melt it just by looking at it!
--

Stupid, I know.
See ya,
AnnaBtG.

Linda: Hey Superman can I have your number?
Superman: Do I look like a person who can afford a cell phone?
Linda: Well in that case can I get Clark's number?
Superman: Sure! 5556472

"well, i don't usually do this, but lois asked me to do it for you as a personal favor. i don't know what you offered her to get her to say that... actually, it's probably better if i don't ask. let's just get it done. start when i hear the tone, right? okay... hello, this is superman. lynda king is not available at the moment, but if you leave a message after the beep, she'll get right back to you. have a super day."

---

"... and then he asked me to turn my head and cough, like this. it was at about that time that i realized i was in the wrong office..."

Gosh, I honestly don't know which to pick up, but I really have to do it today.

<after a round of caption re-reading>

I'm still torn between Rivka and Kathy... and flipping a coin is out of question.

Rivka 'cause, yes it's was cellphone (okay a 90's one) plus I have this nagging image of the grey haired ladies on the pic, rushing to superman to handle him their phone numbers.

Anyway, you're up Kathy!

Me, huh? Glad you liked it! Off to find a photo ... brb ...

OK, back. I actually found a few I liked, but this one cracked me up so I just had to try it. Let's see what you guys can do with this!




Kathy

--
Lois: She really did that?
Superman: Yes, she was really funny. She just...
Hanging man: Help!
Superman: ...jumped on this horse, and it immediately dropped her down.
Lois: Oh, Lana is just so stupid...
Superman: Tell me about it. I've...
Hanging man: Help!!
Superman: ...known her for so many years, and she never ceases to amaze me.
Lois: The good or the bad way?
Superman: The bad, of course, Lois. Showing off isn't...
Hanging man: HELP!!
Superman: ...the best way to...
Lois: Hey, did you hear anyone screaming?
Superman: No. Did you?
--

Don't shoot.
See ya,
AnnaBtG.

P.S.:
Yes, you did Efharisto poly, episis!!

Lois: Let me get this straight---you told that guy that if he could hang like that for five months, two weeks, three days, eight hours, and fortyseven minutes, you'd give him your superpowers?!

--------------------------------------

Lois: Yes, I'm familar with the phrase "Let he who is without sin cast the first stone," but what does that have to do with the fact that you still haven't arrested that peeping tom who keeps hanging outside my window trying to see into my apartment?!

"Superman, when you said that you wanted to see if Clark wanted to hang out with you for a while, this isn't what I pictured."

OR

"Clark, when you said that you were going out to hang with the guys, I didn't think that you meant it literally..."

Lois: Are you kidding me? The guy's just working on his abs!

Superman: but Lois...

Lois: Sorry Superman, but I'm still top banana when it comes to hanging on flagpoles. This building isn't even 30 storeys high!

merci+yw

Carole

clark, who's that?

oh, him? he's a burgler.

a burgler?

yeah, he was breaking into people's houses, taking everything they had.

why didn't you take him in?

he was carrying a chunk of kryptonite.

so you wouldn't be able to catch him...

right, but i found a way to stop him anyway.

what did you do?

i put crazy glue on his escape route.

---

alternate version:

lois: superman, what's that man doing up there?

superman: he's a burgler, lois.

lois: a burgler? so why didn't you take him to the police?

superman: he was carrying kryptonite, so i couldn't get near him.

lois: oh no! so what did you do?

superman: i put glue on his escape route!

lois: glue? you mean he's glued up there?

superman: that's right! he's been there for 8 hours now!

lois: wow! the glue held that long? what kind of glue did you use?

superman: what else? super glue!

lois: super glue?

superman: yes, super glue! the only brand of glue with my name on it! it holds super strong, and not even kryptonite will weaken its powerful grip!

lois: oh wow! where can i get some super glue for myself?

superman: you can find it at your local grocery or hardware store, and when you buy it, all proceeds go to charity! but, lois, what do you need super glue for?

lois: i want to see if it will hold you.

superman: oh, lois. you don't need glue for that.

voiceover: when you need to hold super strong, think super glue!

jingle (to the bold, powerful portion of the chris reeves superman theme):

super glue!
yes it's su-per glue!
super glue!
yes it's su-per glue!
oh, wow, it's suuuuuuper glue!
yes, it's suuuuuper glue!
look how it holds!
it's super glue!

Lois: Superman, is that anyway to treat your miniaturized clone! You take that little pole out of your mouth right now and put him down!

ROTFLOL!

AnnaBtG. (laughing hysterically)

Welcome back to America's Funniest Captions! I'm your host, Kathy Brown. When we went to commercial (wow, seemed like six days ago ... oh wait, it was six days ago!), we were about to reveal our finalists for the Grand Prize.

Will it be Queen of the Capes' "Casting the First Stone"? Or Marnie's "Hanging Out With The Guys"? Or maybe first time contestant James' "Flagpole Minatures". Enter your votes now, FoLCs!

<insert Jeapordy music here ... yes, I know it's the wrong show, but we're putting this together on the fly -- get it, the fly? Superman? Heh heh -- and don't have a big budget to compose our own theme song>

And the winner is ....

James "MrD8a" and "Flagpole Minatures"! (For the sheer absurdity of it all and making me laugh so hard. <g>)

<insert wild applause from the audience here>

You're up, James! (And sorry I went AWOL on this one. Real Life caught up with me for a few days and I forgot that I needed to pick a winner. )

Kathy

Oh shoot, I won!

I know what I supposed to do, but does anyone have some links to some pics I could use?

I can't seem to connect to a lot of the links in Paul's archive.

James

http://www.loisundclark.de/

That the main URL, James.

It has links to the episodes with captions

Jose

Thanks for the link, but I found this one at Hülya´s Lois & Clark Pictures and I just had to use it.

Smaller pic in the next post

Have at it.

James

Added later

My, that's a big one! Does anyone know of a way to make it smaller?

Also, how long do I wait to pick a winner?

I waited around 5 days before picking a winner last time, I think. It usually depends on how busy people are as to how fast people are going to respond. Let's see if this picture works...I resized it using my ghetto MS Paint...

JD

the obvious one:

superman: this town ain't big enough for two super-powered guys in capes. i ran resplendant man out of town, and i'm all set for you, too, partner.

---

the other obvious one:

lois: wow, two supermen! i want the one on the right! no, wait! the one on the left! oh, who am i kidding? can i have them both?

---

the slightly less obvious one:

superman: so, barry, are you sure you're all set?

barry: yeah, sure. no problem. standard appearance. sure, it'll be on national TV, but i've done big crowds before.

superman: uh-huh. well, i'm counting on you, barry. no one, least of all diana stride, can suspect it's not me. so, no gum, and watch the accent!

barry: yeah, yeah...

lois, thinking: i don't know what's going on here, but this has got to be a big story!

---

hey! what are you doing here?

what do you mean? HG wells told me i needed to come back to the old west so i could fight tepus tex.

what? that can't be right! HG wells told me that i needed to come here to fight tempus tex!

but you're from another universe, aren't you?

no, i don't think so...

well the note that i got didn't say anything about a different universe...

you got a note, too?

yeah...

uh-oh. how can we be sure those notes were from wells and not tempus?

you mean...

what if he's back in metropolis now, and we're stranded here?

oh no! we'll have to find a way to contact someone... maybe mail a letter to lois, to be delivered in 1996? it worked in "back to the future..."

uhm, supermen... that's not going to work...

lois! what are you doing here?

well, i saw you about to go without me, and i kind of... tagged along.

oh, great. now what?

well, it looks like we've got a long wait ahead of us. anyone for a sasperilla?

---

"Nothing to worry about, Lois. He hasn't taken a breath in the 25 minutes I've been watching him, so it's definitely a waxwork. Probably a leftover Warner Bros prop..."


Wendy

This Tuesday on "As Metropolis Turns", Superman's identical twin recovers from his amnesia and reveals the identity of Lex's murderer. Who will he name? Jimmy? Lucy? Nigel? And just who is the father of Lois' baby? Find out Tuesday @ 8 on MBC.

Lois: "Look, Clark, I know we both agreed that Superman III was a really bad movie and that you especially hated the scene where the Evil Superman and Clark Kent battle it out, but I really don't think flying us here to the Warner Brothers set so you can have a word with the actor who played you is going to do any good!"

Kathy

Clark: Don't worry, Lois. I'm not sure who's sick enough to make a life-sized Ken doll look like me, but I don't think it's a bomb.

Lois: Oh, good. So can I take him home with me? *at Clark's look* What?!

Lois: I really should take it easy on double...fudge crunch bars.
---

OS: now ladies! Who's up for judging our 'Best Superman Costume Contest'?

Lois: talk about "déjà vu".
---

Lois: I don't know for Christmas, but I could go with this Superman Week stuff (knowingly staring at Superman doubles), definitely.

Carole

Superman: "Don't be scared, Lois. Haven't you ever been to Madame Tussaud's? They did an amazingly lifelike rendition, if I do say so myself..."

so many good captions this time, and i couldn't come up with anything... ah well. got one more to toss out, just for the heck of it...

lois: wow, doublemint gum really does work like in the ads! who knew? i should have tried this stuff earlier...

--
Superman #1: This Lois is mine! You're not gonna take her just because you lost yours in Congo!
--

AnnaBtG.

I'm not really participating, seeing how I'm sleeping with the officiator and all, but I did have two cents to throw in there.

~*~

Dean: It's going to be great working with a stunt double again. It's so hard getting anyone to take the job since the news leaked about Teri's stalker habits.

Stuntman: But from what I hear, she's not a truly dangerous stalker--she just thinks she's a cat.

~*~

Lois: Wow! That's amazingly fast. And it really does look like there's two of you, but when I said, "Impress me," that wasn't what I had in mind.

~*~

Lois: If I can only figure out which one has frog breath... <sniffs>

~*~

Lois: Not only did the take-out give me cramps, but I think I'm seeing double. Superman, tell poison control it was from Ralph's Pagoda.

~*~

Superman: No, Barry, I don't have chafing around the hips, either, but it does help to be invulnerable.

Lois: This is NOT news. This barely makes Cat's Corner.

~*~

Lois: Dr. Friskin will NEVER believe this one.

~*~

Before Superman came on the scene, I was actually an Elvis impersonator.

Really! Before I became an Elvis impersonator I almost got a role on Ripley's Believe it or Not, but they gave it to some pretty boy.

Lois: I am so out of here.

~*~

Congratulations! What's it feel like to be Mr.Utopia?

I'm pretty excited. I stuck my award in my pocket to go show my mom.

I can't believe how lifelike that trophy is. It looks just like Lois.

Really? I thought she was a redhead.

That was after Tank kidnapped her. He cut her hair off and died it red. She liked it so much she kept it.


Elisabeth

As much as I'd like to vote for one of my wonderful wife's comments, I can't. It wouldn't be fair.

Though I loved this one

But since I can't pick her I need to pick one of the other ones.

Everyone did a good job, but one in particular struck my funny bone.

So, without further delay.

The winner is

WENDY!!!!

Have at it!

James

He liked my caption! He liked my caption!!! )

Wendy

Lois (giddy): "Oh, Lex! I'm in love!"

Lex (smiling fondly): "I know you are, my darling."

Lois: "You do? Well, don't say anything yet, OK? I want to tell him myself."

Lex (confused): "What? Wait, Lois, you aren't in love with ...?"

Lois (leaning against him, giddy again): "That's right; I'm in love with ... Clark Kent!"

Lex: "Grrr ... when I get my hands on Miranda, I'm going to tear her limb from limb ..."

Kathy (who figures this paraphrasing is the only way I would enjoy the ending dialogue of "Forget Me Not". )

Lex (thinking): I should've used Preparation H...

"oh, lexie, this is going to be so fun! we'll go clothes shopping, and then we can go for ice cream, and then we can fly around the world on your jet and try chocoates from all sorts of different countries and then..."

lex, thinking: clone lois. it seemed like a good idea at the time...

---

lois: oh yes, yes! ooooo, yes!

lex: this is so embarassing. why did i ever buy her that shampoo?

(not sure if "herbal essences" shows those stupid ads anywhere outside the US, but hopefully at least some of you know what i'm talking about...)

---

lex: smilex, huh? you'll pay for this, joker...

---

clark: ... and that is how you properly kiss a woman like lois lane. now if you'll excuse us, i think my partner and i need to be going, don't we, lois?

lois: mmm... yeah... bye lex...

---

prankster: ah-ha! my machines work! lex luthor has been immobilized, and lois lane thinks she's a cat! excellent!

lois: ooo, scratching post!

---

lois: oh, that superman. isn't he just dreamy?

I joined late, so everything's been said, but I'll give it a shot anyway.

--
Lois: <censored >
Lex: <sigh> Even sedatives don't work with her.
--

See ya,
AnnaBtG.

P.S.: Yes, Paul, we have these Herbal Essences over here too

Lex: Am I mistaken, or did she just lift my wallet?

~*~

For you South Pacific fans:

Lois: "I'm in love; I'm in love; I'm in love; I'm in love; I'm in love with a wonderful guy."

Lex: "I'm going to wash that man right out of your hair and send him on his way.

~*~

Lex: The real sport is in the acquisition. Once you get the girl, it's not as fun.

~*~

Lex: "You would look better with shorter hair. Have you considered red? I shall have Ms. Cox set up an appointment with Mr. Wilson forthwith."

~*~

Lex: It's not so much the pain in my heart; it's the fact that she's standing on my foot. Furthermore, I'm not sure she has showered recently.

~*~

Lex: I'm quite perturbed that Wendy picked me for this little party game. A man of my position doesn't belong on page 15.

~*~

Lois: "Lex, I think I'm seeing your best side."

~*~

Lex: "You should have had a V8."

~*~

Elisabeth

Lex: Finally, I have Lois, now for my next conquest, Martha Stewart or Jennifer Rabbit? I must have Nigel look into it.

*~*

John: How many more times is Mr. D'elia going make us do this take! My collar bone is getting bruised from Teri falling on me.

*~*

Lois: "Oh Lex, you're such a dreeambooat!"

Lex: "I know I am and you're lucky to have me."

Lois: The things I do to get close to a source! What an arrogant louse!

*~*

Lois: The only way to date Lex, valium.

I just wanted to say I really like the caption about Lois on valium! That was great!

Well, captions seem to have dried up, so it's time to pick a winner. Some great ones this time - it seems that everyone wants to rewrite canon and have Lois dump Lex or otherwise be nasty to him. Wonder why? Do we care?

You're up, Elisabeth!


Wendy