Lois & Clark Forums Forums Fan Fiction Lois & Clark Fanfic Superman Exposed! 1/? - Feedback

Excellent start, Noelle! Very well written, with such in-character Lois-babble, especially when she's trying desperately not to let Clark or his parents suspect that anything's up. I can really hear the characters' voices in what I've read so far.

I like Perry's caution - nicely done. But poor Clark! Lois is on his tail, and she's already forgetting Clark, the human side, in her quest for the caped Superhero.

So... how long is this going to be, and when are you posting again?


Wendy

Noelle

A wonderful start!

Tricia

Oooh, what fun!

This is a great start! As mentioned above, the scene with Lois rushing to pack and leave was priceless! Thank goodness, Perry has the good sense to not publish without proof!

I can't wait to see where you are going with this! Do you have a posting schedule in mind? How often can we expect installments?

Looking forward to Part 2...

- Vicki

Oh wow I don't like this Lois. I am confused about a few things in this story.

First, when was Clark exposed to the Kryptonite? Lois saw Superman flying over his Dads barn yesterday Morning? But Clark has no powers current time. Wasn't he sick at the table?

If she already knew he was Superman before he came in contact with the K, then she also knows that Superman can get hurt.

Yet she seems not to be at all concerned about this fact. She cares so little for Clark that she would totally ignore the whole allergy coverup and go behind his back and write up this story?

Obviously she doesn't know his powers are gone, but, in the episode she did stumble on to the family as they doted over Clark who was burning up with fever. She did seem concerned for him in the original ep.

Is this an uncaring callous Lois that would ignore Clarks health? Especially now that she knows he is Superman.

I thought she liked Superman? I would think if she liked him she would be very concerned that something can harm him. I would think that she would be smart enough to think about the consequences of publishing the information and what it could do to a Superman that can be harmed.

This Lois isn't thinking clearly. The thing I liked about Lois's hard nosed character is that she is smart and has a heart, even though she likes to hide it away. This Lois has no heart at all. I guess she doesn't care if Superman dies or not as a consequence to her story.

Maybe this was an oversite on your part. But I would appreciate an explaination as to why she would ignore his injury? Laura

Noelle,

When I read this, I just assumed that Lois had not seen Clark at the table with his parents after his exposure to Kryptonite. Since this story has Lois seeing things she did not see in the original story, it seemed reasonable to assume the opposite was also true. Especially since in Lois' musings, she does not stop to ponder the fact that Superman is sick. Surely if she had seen Clark sick, her curiosity would have kicked into high gear - how can Superman be sick?

Laura does bring up a good point about the time line, though. I went back and re-read this, and you have Lois seeing Clark fly in the evening, while the stars are out, and yet the next morning at breakfast, Clark is without powers. So when was he exposed? You could clear this up by adding a line or two explaining. For example, if he wonders about the green rock, "which his father had shown him after he fixed the roof on the barn". (Was he fixing the roof on the barn when Lois saw him? Whatever.) Well, I'm not a writer, so the line I wrote stinks anyway, but you get the idea! Or, perhaps you *do* explain this in Part 2, and we just haven't read it yet.

Unless, of course, Lois *had* seen him at the table with his parents, in which case I would wonder, too, at her lack of sympathy for Clark!

- Vicki

Great beginning!

Lois is not really exposing Clark, is she?

I had simply assumed that she hadn't seen him sick and in pain, Noelle - but if that's not what you were thinking, or if it was but others were confused, then perhaps you do need to add something in to show that.

So, more when?


Wendy

Hi,

Interesting start.

Hope Perry changes his mind and stop Lois.

He never encounter the kryptonite.

Next part when?

I hope Perry can stop Lois!!

Jose

Hehehe. ~ Lo-is fo-und o-ut ~ Oh boy is she in persuit of her Pulitzer. I envy her drive. I wish I found something that I was so in-love w/, but I would hope my ethics would not be comprimised - well my ethics anyways. I hope Perry stays w/ his origninal decision.

I loved the word that Ms. Sherman had for Trask, but boy is he freaky. Trask had to of scared me the most in the series. I have no idea why because I would say Lex, but Trask gives me shivers. I think it is the fact that he believes something so strongly and is so dillusional. Lex is a great big ... robber and rich guy. Of course he'd freak me out too though. Ack. Quiet Roo.

I cannot believe Lois missed the Corn Festival! I am anxious to see what her conversation with Perry will be like.

WHEN IS THE NEXT PART COMING OUT???????

Thanks for the comments, y'all. I am not entirely sure if where I take this story will be popular with everyone, but it was an idea that popped in my head a while ago... what would happen if Lois got too wrapped up in her anger, took things too far? I know it may not be entirely in keeping with everyone's preferred Lois, but she does have a tendency to "jump in without checking the water level."

Laurach, the timeline was a huge concern when putting this story together. If you have to ask me this question, I obviously need to go back and rewrite. I've tweaked the events of GGGoH a little, so that Lois sees Clark being "super" before he loses his powers and then she never comes downstairs to walk in on the Kents and Clark's "allergies." Thank you for letting me know I should have been more clear -- I've redone a paragraph, so please let me know if it makes more sense now!

Actually, that's exactly the point I'm trying to get at, Maria. (I said I wasn't sure whether this take would be entirely popular. ) We know Lois falls back on anger whenever she encounters an emotion that's difficult for her, and (trying not to give away future plot points, but as I've never done this before, I'm not sure how much is too much ) in this case, she can't process her feelings of betrayal so she falls back on anger.

Hmm. When has anyone ever been able to reign in Mad Dog Lane when she's on a mission?

As far as posting schedule... I'm not sure yet. It depends a good deal on how quickly I clear a particular plot hurdle. For now, I think once a week is probably a safe assumption.

Thanks again for the encouragement y'all!

I went back to read the changes you made, and it is perfect (much better than my own poor excuse of a suggestion, which explains why you are the writer and I'm not! )

It is now clear that Clark was exposed later in the evening, after Lois went to bed, and that she didn't see him.

This looks like it's going to be quite a ride! Looking forward to Part 2...

- Vicki