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Merriwether
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OP
Merriwether
Joined: Apr 2003
Posts: 1,656 |
I need some help. In There's No Place Like Home, Lois and Clark are talking about Dan and Mayson and I have this section: "Well, Dan’s a great guy. Attentive. Loving. Trustworthy."
"Sounds like a dog I had once," he mumbled under his breath.
"What?" she demanded, an edge creeping into her tone.
"Sounds like a match made in heaven," he said louder. Now, I can leave it as is. But I'd like to change the 'Sounds like a match made in heaven' to sound a little more like 'Sounds like a dog I had once.' So that it would be a little more likely that Lois might think she had misunderstood him the first time. Any ideas how I could convey that same two, very different ideas while making them sound a little closer (if that made any sense). ML 
She was in such a good mood she let all the pedestrians in the crosswalk get to safety before taking off again.
- CC Aiken, The Late Great Lois Lane
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Joined: Jul 2006
Posts: 910
Features Writer
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Features Writer
Joined: Jul 2006
Posts: 910 |
Hmm. The first part is tricky:
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Sounds like a [sound close to "match"] I had when I was seven.
Sounds like a match made in heaven.
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Something like that is as close as I get off the top of my head. (If you could just hatch things that were attentive, loving and trustworthy, you'd be set <g>)
alcyone
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Pulitzer
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Pulitzer
Joined: Apr 2003
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Sounds like my dog when I was seven?
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Pulitzer
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Pulitzer
Joined: Apr 2003
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Well, "cat" would sound better than dog, but those aren't exactly cat characteristics  How about "I had a dog like that when I was seven"/ "It sounds like a match made in heaven" PJ
"You told me you weren't like other men," she said, shaking her head at him when the storm of laughter had passed.
He grinned at her - a goofy, Clark Kent kind of a grin. "I have a gift for understatement."
"You can say that again," she told him.
"I have a...."
"Oh, shut up."
--Stardust, Caroline K
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Merriwether
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OP
Merriwether
Joined: Apr 2003
Posts: 1,656 |
Carol, that's absolutely perfect! Thanks, ML
She was in such a good mood she let all the pedestrians in the crosswalk get to safety before taking off again.
- CC Aiken, The Late Great Lois Lane
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Joined: Apr 2003
Posts: 3,764
Pulitzer
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Pulitzer
Joined: Apr 2003
Posts: 3,764 |
Oooo yay!!!!
Does that mean you'll send me the rest of the file to my very special very comfy ML FIC box?!?!?!
Carol
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Merriwether
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OP
Merriwether
Joined: Apr 2003
Posts: 1,656 |
If you could just hatch things that were attentive, loving and trustworthy, you'd be set  Well, "cat" would sound better than dog, but those aren't exactly cat characteristics You're right, Pam. Those are hardly cat characteristics. On the other hand, I could have her say: "Dan's independant, never listens to what I have to say and always insists that things be done his way." But something tells me that the impact of her praise for Dan would... I don't know, suffer a little Does that mean you'll send me the rest of the file to my very special very comfy ML FIC box?!?!?! One thing I will say for you, Carol, is that you're persistant Anyway, thanks, guys. It's greatly appreciated. ML
She was in such a good mood she let all the pedestrians in the crosswalk get to safety before taking off again.
- CC Aiken, The Late Great Lois Lane
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Joined: Apr 2003
Posts: 3,644
Pulitzer
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Pulitzer
Joined: Apr 2003
Posts: 3,644 |
On the other hand, I could have her say: "Dan's independant, never listens to what I have to say and always insists that things be done his way." But something tells me that the impact of her praise for Dan would... I don't know, suffer a little Yeah, but ... it'd be just as true as the dog description. Probably more so! PJ
"You told me you weren't like other men," she said, shaking her head at him when the storm of laughter had passed.
He grinned at her - a goofy, Clark Kent kind of a grin. "I have a gift for understatement."
"You can say that again," she told him.
"I have a...."
"Oh, shut up."
--Stardust, Caroline K
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