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#126861 04/30/03 08:19 AM
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so... thoughts?

any and all comments are welcome, as long as the criticism is constructive. smile

Story

TOC

Paul


When in doubt, think about penguins. It probably won't help, but at least it'll be fun.
#126862 04/30/03 10:14 AM
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Y'know, I was convinced this would be a very silly fic, Paul, but your ending paragraph is actually kinda poignant... very nicely done!

PJ


"You told me you weren't like other men," she said, shaking her head at him when the storm of laughter had passed.
He grinned at her - a goofy, Clark Kent kind of a grin. "I have a gift for understatement."
"You can say that again," she told him.
"I have a...."
"Oh, shut up."

--Stardust, Caroline K
#126863 04/30/03 10:22 AM
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Me too; I thought it was destined to be one of your very funny comedies, and it was indeed funny a lot of the way through. But I really, really like the way you use the haircut - and allowing Clark to do it for her - as a metaphor for absolute trust.

And even more trust than you suspect - I mean, how many women would let their partners anywhere near their hair with scissors in hand??? eek

Nice work! smile1


Just a fly-by! *waves*
#126864 04/30/03 10:54 AM
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So, reluctantly, she put aside the notion that long hair brought strength. Even so, she wouldn't let anyone cut her hair whom she didn't trust. With that in mind, she set about investigating all the barbers in the area. This was, it later turned out, the beginning of a very sucessful career.
laugh

Nice story, Paul ... though Wendy's right - I couldn't imagine letting a boyfriend or husband near my hair!!


Elle Roberts

She's a dancer who doesn't dance. He's a painter who doesn't paint. It's like a bohemian version of the Island of Misfit Toys. – “Igby Goes Down”
#126865 04/30/03 11:40 AM
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As I'm currently in between hairdressers... I let my husband get near my hair with scissors <g> (What the heck, he wasn't cutting it very short, so if it looked ghastly I could get it fixed) It, um, didn't turn out the way we'd thought it would... but I decided I liked the accidental style better than the one I'd been going for, anyway smile

Though I may still visit a hairdressers, just to tidy a few things up... wink

PJ


"You told me you weren't like other men," she said, shaking her head at him when the storm of laughter had passed.
He grinned at her - a goofy, Clark Kent kind of a grin. "I have a gift for understatement."
"You can say that again," she told him.
"I have a...."
"Oh, shut up."

--Stardust, Caroline K
#126866 04/30/03 11:43 AM
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wow Paul! /me thinks you should sleep more and come up with stories likes this all the time! wink

Saskia


I tawt I taw a puddy cat!
#126867 04/30/03 12:09 PM
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Paul yours was the second one I read.

Very well done. A nice parable, as it were. It was very Lois. I can see her making those kind of connections as a young impressional child, yet holding on to her determination until she came to the 'epiphany' on her own.

The funny thing is that, a while back I considered writing a vignette where Lois used the idea of allowing Clark to cut her hair as a measure of her trust in him. I never really worked out the details in my mind enough to actually get to the point of writing it. Now that I've seen your story I'm glad I never wrote mine. Your story works very well.

I don't know who should be more afraid that we came up with similar ideas; you, me, or the gentle readers. wink

Tank the Retired (who thinks this was a great idea of Bethy's, and looks forward to many more challenge efforts)

#126868 04/30/03 12:49 PM
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Very nice, Paul. I loved how Lois had Clark cut her hair at the end - it shows how much she really trusts him not to rob her of any of her strength smile

- Alicia


Laura "The Yellow Dart" U. (Alicia U. on the archive)

"A hero is an ordinary individual who finds the strength to persevere and endure in spite of overwhelming obstacles." -- Christopher Reeve
#126869 04/30/03 01:25 PM
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I enjoyed this very much! laugh Funny, clever, and sweet. What more can you ask for?


Do you know the most surprising thing about divorce? It doesn't actually kill you, like a bullet to the heart or a head-on car wreck. It should. When someone you've promised to cherish till death do you part says, "I never loved you," it should kill you instantly.

- Under the Tuscan Sun
#126870 04/30/03 02:15 PM
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peep

Paul, very sweet!

Melisma (ducking back under her Rock where it's safe...)


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#126871 04/30/03 11:10 PM
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Paul

A wonderful story!
Extremely well-written! thumbsup thumbsup

I love how Lois demonstrates her complete trust in Clark by letting him cut her hair. smile

Thanks for sharing this lovely story. I enjoyed it immensely.

Tricia cool

#126872 05/01/03 04:52 AM
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Paul,

Good job. I like how she trusted Clark with scissors near her hair. I'm very protective of mine, so I don't even like letting the hair stylist near mine with scissors. wink

I loved how she took a single story and equated hair with strength. But if she *really* didn't want people to pull it, she just needs to learn how to weild a pencil -- you can make a bun in about 20 seconds if you know what you're doing.

Bethy


I don't suffer from insanity...I enjoy every minute of it.
#126873 05/01/03 06:06 AM
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Paul,

Great story! I have waist lenth hair, which if I ever get cut, will only be cut by a very trustworthy person, much like Lois! smile

Loriel


"Inappropriate attachment" didn't begin to cover the depth of the feelings Vaughn had for Sydney Bristow.
~Ties That Bind by RJ Anderson~

I ramble at http://www.livejournal.com/~loriel_eris
#126874 05/01/03 08:02 AM
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You out did yourself Paul, good work!

James


“…with God everything is possible.” Matthew 19:26.


Also read Nan's Terran Underground!
#126875 05/01/03 08:40 AM
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Paul, good story!

The interesting thing is that it wasn't so much the fact that Lois allows Clark near her hair that I liked, and that certainly isn't the part of the story that has stayed with me since I read it yesterday, but the fact that she learned a valuable lesson. It's the overall parable that I liked.

Oh, and a little Lois childhood angst didn't hurt, either.

Okay, so who is next?

Chris

#126876 05/01/03 10:05 AM
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Paul,

thumbsup

Excellent use of parables and I love the way that you used this as a way to show Lois' trust in her husband...


Marns
~pobody's nerfect
#126877 05/01/03 11:55 AM
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Paul,
nicely done
sweet
merry

#126878 05/01/03 11:57 AM
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Oh, Paul, this is wonderful! It was very funny in parts, but it was also serious and sweet. I loved the metaphors and the tone of the story. I'm so glad you decided to write this one down and share it. smile

Annie


Being a reporter is as much a diagnosis as a job description. ~Anna Quindlen
#126879 05/01/03 03:29 PM
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Paul, I don't know how you can say this isn't a happy story. True, the beginning is a little sad, with Lois's memory of her childhood, but the ending ...

Quote
Lois was getting a haircut, and this time it made her feel strong.
was absolutely beautiful. I loved it, I really did.

Great job,

Kathy

#126880 05/02/03 02:28 AM
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She watched him in the mirror, seeing his concentration, and the love implicit in his body language. She felt the trust in herself that allowed her to let him do it. She saw the hair begin to fall, and she smiled. It wasn't her strength falling, but it wasn't just hair, either. It was old dead weight falling away under her husband's tender ministrations. Lois was getting a haircut, and this time it made her feel strong.
Wow, Paul. Beautiful. goofy And it wasn't anything complex, like Lois trusted Clark to get right. wink

LabRat smile



Athos: If you'd told us what you were doing, we might have been able to plan this properly.
Aramis: Yes, sorry.
Athos: No, no, by all means, let's keep things suicidal.


The Musketeers
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