so... thoughts?

any and all comments are welcome, as long as the criticism is constructive.

Story

TOC

Paul

Y'know, I was convinced this would be a very silly fic, Paul, but your ending paragraph is actually kinda poignant... very nicely done!

PJ

Me too; I thought it was destined to be one of your very funny comedies, and it was indeed funny a lot of the way through. But I really, really like the way you use the haircut - and allowing Clark to do it for her - as a metaphor for absolute trust.

And even more trust than you suspect - I mean, how many women would let their partners anywhere near their hair with scissors in hand???

Nice work!

Nice story, Paul ... though Wendy's right - I couldn't imagine letting a boyfriend or husband near my hair!!

As I'm currently in between hairdressers... I let my husband get near my hair with scissors <g> (What the heck, he wasn't cutting it very short, so if it looked ghastly I could get it fixed) It, um, didn't turn out the way we'd thought it would... but I decided I liked the accidental style better than the one I'd been going for, anyway

Though I may still visit a hairdressers, just to tidy a few things up...

PJ

wow Paul! /me thinks you should sleep more and come up with stories likes this all the time!

Saskia

Paul yours was the second one I read.

Very well done. A nice parable, as it were. It was very Lois. I can see her making those kind of connections as a young impressional child, yet holding on to her determination until she came to the 'epiphany' on her own.

The funny thing is that, a while back I considered writing a vignette where Lois used the idea of allowing Clark to cut her hair as a measure of her trust in him. I never really worked out the details in my mind enough to actually get to the point of writing it. Now that I've seen your story I'm glad I never wrote mine. Your story works very well.

I don't know who should be more afraid that we came up with similar ideas; you, me, or the gentle readers.

Tank the Retired (who thinks this was a great idea of Bethy's, and looks forward to many more challenge efforts)

Very nice, Paul. I loved how Lois had Clark cut her hair at the end - it shows how much she really trusts him not to rob her of any of her strength

- Alicia

I enjoyed this very much! Funny, clever, and sweet. What more can you ask for?

Paul, very sweet!

Melisma (ducking back under her Rock where it's safe...)

Paul

A wonderful story!
Extremely well-written!

I love how Lois demonstrates her complete trust in Clark by letting him cut her hair.

Thanks for sharing this lovely story. I enjoyed it immensely.

Tricia

Paul,

Good job. I like how she trusted Clark with scissors near her hair. I'm very protective of mine, so I don't even like letting the hair stylist near mine with scissors.

I loved how she took a single story and equated hair with strength. But if she *really* didn't want people to pull it, she just needs to learn how to weild a pencil -- you can make a bun in about 20 seconds if you know what you're doing.

Bethy

Paul,

Great story! I have waist lenth hair, which if I ever get cut, will only be cut by a very trustworthy person, much like Lois!

Loriel

You out did yourself Paul, good work!

James

Paul, good story!

The interesting thing is that it wasn't so much the fact that Lois allows Clark near her hair that I liked, and that certainly isn't the part of the story that has stayed with me since I read it yesterday, but the fact that she learned a valuable lesson. It's the overall parable that I liked.

Oh, and a little Lois childhood angst didn't hurt, either.

Okay, so who is next?

Chris

Paul,



Excellent use of parables and I love the way that you used this as a way to show Lois' trust in her husband...

Paul,
nicely done
sweet
merry

Oh, Paul, this is wonderful! It was very funny in parts, but it was also serious and sweet. I loved the metaphors and the tone of the story. I'm so glad you decided to write this one down and share it.

Annie

Paul, I don't know how you can say this isn't a happy story. True, the beginning is a little sad, with Lois's memory of her childhood, but the ending ...

was absolutely beautiful. I loved it, I really did.

Great job,

Kathy

Wow, Paul. Beautiful. And it wasn't anything complex, like Lois trusted Clark to get right.

LabRat

thanks for the FDK, guys. really cool to hear such good things from so many people.

gotta say, though.. when the first few comments came in talking about it being funny, i was rather surprised. i mean, most of the story deals with lois's traumatic childhood. i was in a relatively serious mood when i wrote it, and, in fact, prefaced the story with a warning that it wasn't going to be funny and silly.

so, when those comments came in, i decided to reread it in a more lighthearted mood, approaching it as a reader expecting something silly rather than as an author trying to get into the mind of a six year old with an unhappy life.

perspective changed a lot. a six-year-old's world can be rather silly from the outside. a solemn promise can become "just one of those things kids do..."

just thought i'd share that.

it also brought back memories of an earlier fic. there was a story written back when i was in high school, and posted to the original ficlist called " truth, justice, and the kryptonian way. " it was written over the summer between seasons 3 and 4. everyone was busy posting these stories about how awful it was for lois to be left on earth without clark. not a single one that even considered that clark was the one who had gone off to face an unknown enemy on a distant and desolate planet where he'd have no powers and which happened to be populated by refugees from his lost home. okay, sure, lois's boyfriend was gone and she was worried and whatnot, but clark was seperated from lois and had everything else to deal with, too.

so, i finally gave in and wrote clark's story myself. i threw in a few gags in passing, but i thought of it as a serious story. so, when pam told me the next day that she'd read it and had been ROTFL, i was almost offended. i asked her what she'd found so funny, and she pointed out a few of my little gags that she'd liked. i looked back at the story. "oh yeah... there were jokes in there, weren't there?" :rolleyes:

strange how these things work out.

getting back to the actual FDK (sorry about getting sidetracked <sheepish grin> )...

tank said:
thanks! that's exactly what i was going for. glad to hear it worked.

uhm... thanks!!

lol!! good question. offhand, i'd go with you. <g>

thanks, bethy. as for your suggestion.. good thought. ... uhm, that had occured to me, but i, uh... i decided that... er.. ellen would never have gotten around to teaching her how to do it, and she was too busy taking care of lucy to come up with it herself. and, uhm... besides, with two deadbeat parents, she had to scrounge for money, so she wasn't going to waste good and valuable #2's on her hair... yeah. that's it.

as for males with scissors, i'm glad to hear pam, at least, has a positive tale to tell. i can't say that i, personally, have much practice, but i'd like to think i have the taste and basic skill to be trusted with a simple cut like a bob or something.

of course, not many would trust a bald guy to cut their hair...

speaking of being bald, some of you may know that i lost my hair really early. i got a bald spot in the middle of fifth grade which just kept growing (which is why i always wore a hat in public during my early-to-mid teens). it wasn't something that more conventional treatments could help with, either. (this, btw, is part of why i had trouble relating to chris's story...) it was caused, like pretty much all my medical problems, by my overactive immune system.

well, a couple months ago, my dad mentioned that there's a new thing out... it's a cream that contains a weak immuno-supressant that does not get absorbed into the bloodstream. so, you apply it topically to a specific area, and it works locally. it's tested out as very safe for other things, but they're trying it now for my little hair problem. we're not sure, but it may work. i decided to give it a shot, and, the day i posted this fic, dad came home with a box full of little tubes... i thought it an apt time. just thought i'd share that.

anyway, thanks very much to pam, wendy, elle, saskia, tank, alicia, rivka, melisma, tricia, bethy, loriel, james, chris, marnie, merry, annie, kathy, and labby.

wow, that's a lot of people! <g> sorry i didn't respond to individual comments, but i think all the "wow, thanks!"es would have gotten a little too repetitive. <g>

i really appreciate all the comments. thanks again.

Paul