Wow, this is an absolutely fascinating beginning. Just one of these mystery situations would be a great premise for a story. You have got two of them and are going to interweave them, I suppose. That's definitely like getting two stories for the price of one!
I take it that the scary Metropolis that you placed Lois in is set in a universe haunted by the dark influence of a non-Clark Kent Superman. Let me guess that this Superman might be an unhappy, bitter sort of person, maybe like Batman, but equipped with superpowers to enforce his will on the world and shape it according to his moody wishes. Can Lois make this Superman fall in love with her? Well, duh.
Every Lois can do
that to Superman. But can she make him change his ways? Can she make him happy and hopeful? Can she turn him into a force for good? Now that is going to be absolutely fascinating to watch.
As for Clark's universe, I was particularly moved by the way you wrote his dream of Lois. It was totally romantic and beautiful, totally heartwarming and totally chilling at the same time.
Please come back with more soon!!!
Ann
