1. My cat once walked across my keyboard and wrote a more compelling, concise story than you did.
2. (insert the Simpsons gif of Bart throwing away the "You Tried" cake here)
3. You should have labeled this as a biohazard because it's a piece of (censored).
4. Wet cardboard has more dimension than your characters. And not even life support could save your so-called "plot."
