Woo-Hoo! You posted
I was so curious as to how you were going to combine these episodes...and then, as Shallowford stated:
Vatman = Barry = pure genius.
Total/completely/instantly made sense to me. What a
great idea! It's actually pretty amazing how well these episodes can fit together
...
I really love how you've written Barry. All those little details that show he hasn't been around really all that long:
He looked down at himself and answered honestly, “My father made it for me.”
The man’s face lit up and he thrust out his hand. “Sammy, at your service. I’m the number one agent in this town. And I know talent when I see it. Boy, you and me, kid, we could make a killing!”
His face fell. “I don’t want to kill anybody.”
He thought for a moment. “Parties sound like fun.”
You've totally found this character! Love it
Well, how could he know what she had only just learned herself? Why did that knowledge have to come at such a high cost? Lois looked away from the mirror, fearing she’d see the emotion reflected in her eyes. But the memory of his eyes played through her thoughts, sparkling at her thousands of times in the course of two years. She should have identified it then, at any of those thousands of times, and accepted it for what it was. But no; instead, she had rejected it the very first time she had spotted it, and had subconsciously been rejecting it ever since.
Don’t fall for me, farmboy...
Too late, she realized now: he had already fallen hard. Too late, she realized last night: he had already fallen to the floor. Too late to tell him now: she had already fallen for him.
Some a-mazing writing throughout these couple of paragraphs....the line 'but the memory of his eyes played through her thoughts, sparkling at her thousands of times in the course of two years' I
really like. My mind almost makes a flip-book of all the scenes that I love so much--zeroing in on Clark's smiling eyes. It's so easy, with hindsight, to picture Lois going 'there', too.
The last paragraph, those three sentences--YES! I really love the wordage, how you created the pattern of the sentences. All the meaning throughout. I really admire the creativity involved
.
He moaned softly and accepted her embrace, because kissing was fun.
Gotta love Barry
. Definitely
'd again at 'because kissing was fun.'
Because now he was dead. The real him, not the costumed superhero. The man who worked at the Daily Planet and went to ball games with Perry and Jimmy. The man who listened to Lois go off on weird tangents and secretly loved it. The man who secretly loved her.
Great way of using dialog from the episode differently, but
so effectively
...
And he saw Lois Lane kissing Clark Kent.
Quite the shock for Clark. Whoa! And such a g-r-e-a-t line to end Part 1 with
.
Can't wait for Part 2
Laura
