When Clark, Lois, and Silas are sitting in the bakery waiting for the manager's arrival, is the common reader assumption that the woman who walks in will be Madge? And in fact when she does arrive, and until you get her name a few scenes later, that she *is* Madge?
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Ok. I'm thinking on that. Could tweak by having Neville just say "Our manager, Charity, should be here soon..." Unless thinking it *might* be Madge heightens the tension and that would deflate it... and now I'm just waxing on, so ignore me.
I think the line you suggest above would be helpful. Indeed, I was wondering if the manager was Madge, and found it a slight bit distracting to have to rethink when it became clear it wasn't. So, yes, adding "my manager, Charity" to the mix would probably have helped me. Not a big deal either way, but since we OCD writers are all about the details, I figured I'd answer the question. <g>
Off to read part 15!
Kathy
