I had a really interesting email from a writer who is darn brilliant, and it got me thinking.
When Clark, Lois, and Silas are sitting in the bakery waiting for the manager's arrival, is the common reader assumption that the woman who walks in will be Madge? And in fact when she does arrive, and until you get her name a few scenes later, that she *is* Madge?
Because, if yes, that's a fake-out I never intended. I just didn't see it. And how confusing does that make the temporal shift thingie if you're expecting Madge, and she seems to be in two places at once?
The bakery and its workers are a part of the organization of the Ministry. In fact, I'm pretty sure Madge started out there, but has since been promoted many times over.
Ok. I'm thinking on that. Could tweak by having Neville just say "Our manager, Charity, should be here soon..." Unless thinking it *might* be Madge heightens the tension and that would deflate it... and now I'm just waxing on, so ignore me.
Here we go:
Sometimes I feel like I'm in "Pleasantville" and now the characters are changing from black and white to technicolor!!
Perhaps that was your inspiration for Utopia??
You know, Chris, I hadn't really considered that before, but I can see that. Pleasantville had a sort of sinister undercurrent, though, while I think Utopia's is more naive. But still, really interesting.
And
I *have* to ask the question: why didn't the Bakery manager recognize Lois and Clark? And surely they must know that Silas is a family member, so wouldn't that have been a double red flag? (or cape, as it were).
Lots of theories on this. First and foremost, because that would ruin my last fifty pages!
Secondly, because they are looking at the problem, really, not the customers. Andrus has left them with a mess to clean up, and they're frustrated and flustered and they know big stuff in happening in the building behind them, so they are really uncomfortable with this threesome asking questions. I, also, hoped to imply this has been happening to them since Andrus left, so Lois, Clark, and Silas aren't the only ones 'investigating' the bakery. Though everyone else was investigating why they got the bad eggs.
Third, and my favorite because it's what works for Clark/Superman and is a major theme of the series and this fic, because Lois and Clark are in the dead last place they would expect them to be- standing at the counter ordering bear claws. You see what you expect to see.
Try all of those on and see if they work. As for Silas, he is one of thousands of Lane-Kents, so I don't think they would immediately 'know' him as such.
The lack of communication here and secrecy is costing Madge and her cohorts precious time here!
Yes! Secrecy = Bad. (But it's fun.)
Temporal Displacement be cursed!!!
Now we know how they have been keeping the secret(which to me sounds a little dangerous...)
And ditto that.
Also, big thank you to Labrat for providing me with that cloaking device. A group of people, whose work is to watch over time and space, would logically have their own ways of manipulating it to their advantage. Only... I would *not* have thought of that on my own!
And thanks to Tank for being Special Consultant of Time Travel. It's a tricky job.
Biggest thanks to all of you!
For still reading! For making this so fun!
Thankyouthankyouthankyou!
CC
