31. His kids are often nearby when unexplained fires occur... for instance the spontaneous combustion of the school bully's hair...
32. Same kids end up not only blowing out the candles, but simultaneously freezing the cake and the 6 bottles of "Soda" nearby...
33. said kids are the only ones on the block to be often flown to school by said super-hero when they miss the bus in the morning....
34. their house is in the Guinness book of Records for the most bomb threats for any single building, including the Pentagon, Fort Knox**, and the White-House combined ...
34. His kids scrape into a close 2nd in the Guinness book of records category for most kidnapping attempts on any individual (when considered as a group), 3rd being James Bond...
35. and by a clear majority, his wife trumps that category with the number of actual kidnaps and kidnapping threats totalling an estimated number somewhere in the vicinity of the number of times she has changed her hairstyle in her life... or the number of double-fudge-crunch bars she eats in a year...
** forgive the spelling, I'm an aussie... but it was in my mind tonight as my brother watched a documentary on it today...
