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Joined: Feb 2007
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Top Banana
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OP
Top Banana
Joined: Feb 2007
Posts: 1,010 Likes: 4 |
What can I say, I'm tired of writing FDK: Honesty. Aah, sick superheroes and the women who love them. I so enjoy reading the personal interactions in your story. It's far more interesting to me than the exposition stuff, and you write it so well. Another great part Beth. Now that things are out in the open does it mean we're coming to the end soon? I hope not! Glad they're working it out. Looking forward to next week.
When Life Gives You Green Velvet Curtains, Make a Green Velvet Dress.
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Joined: Jul 2007
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Freelance Reporter
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Freelance Reporter
Joined: Jul 2007
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More, please... I can never get enough of this! I think you did an incredible job at making the story seem so timeless. I only notice that when Jon said that he was born in 1998, or when Kaylie said that her childhood hero was Kim Possible. But the story feels so timeless. I mean I’m like ten years older than him. I’m old enough to baby-sit both of them, lol. Her reaction to when Lois picked the phone was funny. I’d probably had done the same thing. And I loved when Kaylie said this: The things I’ve been doing are so sensitive that they can’t be placed on a computer system where any geek with a tech degree can access them.
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Pulitzer
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Pulitzer
Joined: Apr 2003
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Nice job! I really liked this section. Laura
Clark: “If we can be born in an instant, and die in an instant, why can’t we fall in love in an instant?”
Caroline's "Stardust"
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Joined: Apr 2007
Posts: 8,990 Likes: 28
Boards Chief Administrator Nobel Peace Prize Winner
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Boards Chief Administrator Nobel Peace Prize Winner
Joined: Apr 2007
Posts: 8,990 Likes: 28 |
“Lois Lane,” a voice greeted cheerfully over the phone.
Instantly, I exited Emergency Mode and entered Panic Mode. I don’t take kindly to have drugged boyfriends turning up on my doorstep without explanation, okay? Maybe I'm dialog hyped from some recent rereads, but pt 13 is just - wow. Michael
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Kerth
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Kerth
Joined: Dec 2005
Posts: 2,445 |
Kryptonite? Inhaled a burning marijuanah field? Concerned readers want to know...
Marcus L. Rowland Forgotten Futures, The Scientific Romance Role Playing Game
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Merriwether
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Merriwether
Joined: Jul 2006
Posts: 1,883 |
I'm wondering if Jon's half-human genes make it possible to get drunk!
I lovedK's reaction to Lois answering the phone. It was funny and just so spot on.
And of course I love Jon's confession.
Looking forward to what's coming next. I hope it's not ending too soon!
Lisa
lisa in the sky with diamonds
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Kerth
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Kerth
Joined: Sep 2006
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This part was so great, I could literally hear the fireworks go off. Great job!
Best of all, of course, was Kaylie's reaction to having Lois Lane on the phone. Priceless!
The only known quantity that moves faster than light is the office grapevine. (from Nan's fabulous Home series)
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Columnist
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Columnist
Joined: Aug 2007
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gr8shades, when I first read this: What can I say, I'm tired of writing FDK: Honesty. for some reason I thought you meant you were tired of writing feedback for this story, and I got this very sad feeling inside. Good for you for mixing it up a bit! And thanks for giving me the ego boost! Now that things are out in the open does it mean we're coming to the end soon? I hope not! As it stands right now, this story will be 18 parts long. I still have to run a couple parts through my BR, so that number may grow or shrink slightly, but that's what it looks like it's going to be. dedecasale: I think you did an incredible job at making the story seem so timeless. I only notice that when Jon said that he was born in 1998, or when Kaylie said that her childhood hero was Kim Possible. But the story feels so timeless. Thank you. Whenever I read stories set in the future, I find that if the author has added in a bunch of futuristic technology it is more often than not a distraction rather than added authenticity. In this story, I have carefully avoided specific remarks to technology, as I'm aware it will be very different 15+ years from now. It's difficult though because technology is such a part of our lives even now, and I'm sure that role will only increase over time. But I've tried to be as abstract as possible when talking about technology so I'm glad to hear you have no problems connecting to the story even though it is set in a different time period Nice job! I really liked this section. Thanks Laura! The way you mixed Jon's (we finally get to call him Jon) K-issues with humor.
Maybe I'm dialog hyped from some recent rereads, but pt 13 is just - wow. Wow, thanks Michael! But I have to tell you that I'm having a hard time fitting through doorways because my head has swollen so big. Kryptonite? Inhaled a burning marijuanah field? Okay, these comments should come with a warning so I don't burst out into laughter in the middle of the library. Have you ever seen birds get drunk off fermented berries? They fly all loopy and run into things. Seriously, it does happen! Okay, imagine that, but a person instead and flying over a field... The explanation doesn't have to do with pot, or fermented berries. Part 14 will explain all.
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Columnist
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Columnist
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I think it just goes to show how slow I am at writing posts when there's been two more posts from the time I started writing to the time I posted. On the plus side, I'm now over 100 for my post count! I lovedK's reaction to Lois answering the phone. It was funny and just so spot on. Best of all, of course, was Kaylie's reaction to having Lois Lane on the phone. Priceless! I'm glad you guys like that part Lisa and Lara, and I'm glad you're still enjoying the story.
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Top Banana
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Top Banana
Joined: Jan 2007
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I liked this section as well, especially the interaction with Lois - both on the phone and after she arrived at her apartment. Loopy!Jon was just adorable, but ... ACK! What's with the A-plot here? Hurry back with more b-plot chapters. That's good stuff.
BJ
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Pulitzer
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Pulitzer
Joined: Apr 2003
Posts: 3,627 |
Excellent part! I'll probably re-read it later when I need my next break. And revelations everywhere! I had to drop my jaw when Kaylie found out about her interviewer hehe. That was a great revelation. And of course I love Lois being able to talk to Kaylie about things. Curious minds are speculating on Jon's sickness...I'll toss my hat into the Red K ring...hmmm! Can't wait for the next part!
JD
"Meg...who let you back in the house?" -Family Guy
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Joined: Jul 2007
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Freelance Reporter
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Freelance Reporter
Joined: Jul 2007
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Curious minds are speculating on Jon's sickness...I'll toss my hat into the Red K ring...hmmm! Can't wait for the next part. Red Kryptonite doesn't make Kryptonians sick... I think it might be some kind of Kryptonian drink or something. Or even maybe a drink named Kyller made with both of the kriptonites, red and green.
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Columnist
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Columnist
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BJ, you might be sad to hear that I enjoy a good A plot as much as a good B plot. I also think an A plot is good for pushing the B plot forward. For example, if Jon and Kaylie hadn't met up in that club, then the whole revelation thing wouldn't have been as exciting. It was also these events that pushed Jon into telling Kaylie everything about him. We've just passed what I would say is the B plot climax, so now we're heading toward the A plot climax. Although there will be a bit more A plot in the next few parts, there's still lots of B plot mixed in so hopefully that will keep you interested. JD: Curious minds are speculating on Jon's sickness...I'll toss my hat into the Red K ring...hmmm! Hmmm indeed! I'm going to tape my mouth shut now so I don't start dropping all sorts of obvious hints about the next part...
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Pulitzer
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Pulitzer
Joined: Apr 2003
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Ah, Kryptonite to the rescue! So much I liked here, but I haven't time to cover it all. I did love the bit where she tried to joke about one of her aliases being wanted for felonies. Yeah, that might sound more light-hearted in your head, Kaylie. Jon took it well, though. PJ
"You told me you weren't like other men," she said, shaking her head at him when the storm of laughter had passed. He grinned at her - a goofy, Clark Kent kind of a grin. "I have a gift for understatement." "You can say that again," she told him. "I have a...." "Oh, shut up."
--Stardust, Caroline K
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Beat Reporter
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Beat Reporter
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I loved this part! I am still reading and enjoying and leaving rather bad feedback - Alisha (who wishes she had the time to leave better fdk)
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Columnist
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Columnist
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Posts: 700 |
Thanks PJ and Alisha for leaving feedback! Alisha, I hope the reason why you're not leaving detailed fdk is because you've been busy working on Specimen
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