Wow, how fascinating!
Lois sat up, frantically kicking away the covers as the claustrophobia and fear of her nightmare continued to wash over her. She had been in the back seat of a car as her throat and lungs burned and her eyes brimmed with tears. Over and over her brain had screamed the name "Clark", but she hadn't been able to make a sound.
And then Lex had leaned over her. Gone was the urbane manner he had displayed at Bibbo's and in the jail. Instead, his eyes had been dark and furious, his expression twisted with anger, as he reached out to stop her from leaving.
It was just a dream, Lois told herself. It was just a dream.
Or was it? What if that had been real? Everyone - the police, Superman, Clark - all of them had behaved as though Lex had kidnapped her. What if she had relived a glimpse of the horror she had experienced while being held captive?
Ouch, what a horrible dream! Okay, Sue, now Lois knows that the police, Superman and Clark all tell her that Lex kidnapped her, and now her dream just told her the same thing.
Please let her believe this chorus of voices! Please don't make her go back to Lex to innocently "interview" him again, listening to him as if she was totally ready to give him the benefit of the doubt!
If you need anything, anytime, please just give me a call."
Lois froze. Ever since she had left Clark in front of the police station the afternoon before, she had been fighting the urge to call him. She kept seeing him in her mind's eye. No, that wasn't quite accurate. She kept hearing and feeling him in her imagination. She was absolutely certain that she knew what it felt like to be held by him - the solid press of his chest against her cheek, his hand stroking softly over her hair and the low murmurs of comfort that he would whisper to her if she told him that she was scared.
Why is she fighting the urge to call Clark? She didn't feel any compunction or doubts about going to see Lex in prison. Why is she fighting off
the urge to call Clark? Her subconscious seems to be telling her to seek out Clark and avoid Lex. Why is she deliberately rejecting what she instinctively seems to know?
But she wasn't really scared, right now, was she? More like confused. And lonely. She definitely felt lonely. Lois shook her head to clear it. What was she supposed to say to him at four o'clock in the morning? That she'd had a nightmare and just wanted to hear his voice?
Is that it? She just hates the idea of putting herself in Clark's debt? She can't have him saying to her that she owes him because she woke him up and asked him to console her at four o'clock in the morning?
"Come back to me..."
Lois blinked, surprised by the intense memory of Clark's voice pleading with her. Had she left him? Had they had a fight or a breakup at some point? Or was she manufacturing memories?
This is good. This is very good. Lois has so many questions about her relationship with Clark. But she knows, even now, that there is something important that he won't tell her.
Is that why she is avoiding him? Because she somehow
knows that he isn't being honest with her? (But if
that is the reason, she should certainly avoid Lex, too...)
It felt so stuffy in her apartment. Lois opened a window, leaning her head outside and taking in deep gulps of the cool morning air.
I bet she opened
his window.
She closed her eyes and suddenly she was transported into a memory so real that she could feel the heat and passion of the kiss. Only the kiss wasn't with Clark - it was with Superman.
Yep - the window immediately makes her think about Superman. Not only that, but it reminds her of
kissing Superman!
"Well..." he said, somewhat sheepishly, as he stepped back. "I'd better go now." He gave her one last longing look and then flew away, leaving her to sigh happily after him, her lips and brain tingling from the kiss...
Lois gasped and opened her eyes. She'd had a fling with Superman! How had things ended between them? Her eyes went wider at the thought that maybe things hadn't actually ended between her and Superman. It had, after all, felt like he'd touched her rather possessively when he helped her from the car yesterday. His hands had felt... familiar.
Oh wow!!!
She cleared her throat and softly said, "Superman?"
The curtains fluttered, but the street outside remained empty.
For some reason I absolutely loved the second sentence. The curtains fluttered, but the street outside remained empty. Almost as if the curtains were alive somehow, fluttering just to tease her about Superman's non-presence.
Disappointed, Lois took a step back and then heard a 'whoosh' from outside. The curtains billowed and there he was, large as life and even more handsome than she had remembered him.
Lois, please note that the curtains 'billow' when Superman enters. They don't just 'flutter'. You should hear a 'whoosh', too. So don't get your hopes up unnecessarily next time.
"May I come in?" he asked politely and something in his tone reminded her of Clark.
How about you file that observation away for further, future consideration, Lois?
"Uh, sure, okay." She pulled the curtain to the side and he stepped through the window. He was so much bigger than she had thought. Then again, she had been outside the first time she saw him. Now, indoors, he seemed to fill her apartment and her senses with his presence.
I absolutely
love this. Superman is so
big. He fills her apartment and herself and he overwhelms her. That is
exactly what Lois would think in this situation.
At the same time, it's so ironic somehow that Dean Cain's Superman should be described as big. Among Superman fanboys, those who just want to see Superman punch badguys and don't give two hoots about his love life (at least not his love life with Lois Lane), Dean Cain is their least favorite Superman actor. Basically they have two things against him: his brown eyes, but especially his insufficient height.
But in the situation you just described in this fic, Sue, Superman would seem gigantic!
Arms! Her mind chanted in excitement - my god, will you look at those arms!
Lara!!! I heard you! What are you doing behind Lois peeking out at Superman's arms???
"Have you remembered something?" he asked. There was such an eagerness in his tone that she was absolutely certain that there was more than simple friendship between them.
"I, well, this is going to be a weird question, but..." She bit her lip, watching him closely for a reaction. He looked positively eager for her to continue. "Are we, or have we been, you know, more than just friends?"
"More than friends?" His eyebrows furrowed and he blinked. "What exactly do you remember?"
"Kissing you. Here, in front of this window."
"Oh," he said softly.
"So we, we, uh, we're...?" She let the question hang for a moment but he didn't answer, just continued to watch her carefully. "What is it, between us? Have I been cheating on Clark with you?"
Poor Lois! And I fear that Superman isn't going to give her the answer she needs.
He sucked in a deep breath and released it slowly. "Lois, before I answer you, I have to ask if you plan to see Lex Luthor again."
I knew it. That was not the answer she needed.
She shrugged - it was really none of Superman's business who she saw. "It depends on what I remember."
Unfortunately, that was not the answer
he needed either, Lois!
He nodded curtly and looked at something over her shoulder as he said, "You're not cheating on Clark. That kiss in front of your window was from before you were engaged." He looked uncomfortable and she wondered if it was because he had lost her to Clark or if there was another reason.
True enough, but he is sitll holding back on her.
"And why does Lex matter?"
"Because he's evil, Lois. He's pure evil." Superman's expression turned hard and she saw a glimmer of anger that made her take an involuntary step back. "There are things I can't tell you until I know that Luthor won't use them against me."
Listen to what he is saying about Lex, Lois!
"We're still involved, aren't we?" Lois felt sick to her stomach. What kind of person was she if she couldn't be faithful to her fiancé? "Does Clark know that we...?"
Aaaarrrghh! She didn't listen to what he said about Lex
at all!!! "Yes," Superman said quietly. "He does."
"This isn't some sick threesome, is it? Do you two take turns watching or..."
He laughed and she saw his cheeks turn red enough to match his cape. "It's not like that."
"Then what is it like?" she asked, frowning at him.
"We're friends," he said in a tone so guarded that she was instantly certain that he was lying.
Polonius: What are you reading, Mylord?
Hamlet: Words, words, words!
Superman: What am I telling you, Lois?
Lois: Lies, lies, lies!
Lois closed her eyes and swayed on her feet as her earlier memory flooded through her again.
"Come back to me..."
Only this time in the memory her eyes opened to see that the voice belonged to Superman, not Clark. He was holding her and stroking her hair with relief and tenderness on his face.
How nightmarish this situation is. Lois's memory is telling her things, but the ones who could confirm what she thinks she knows are lying to her.
Back in the present, she narrowed her eyes at Superman. "Are you in love with me?" she asked in a hoarse whisper. "Tell me the truth."
"Yes." He sighed as he said it. "I'm absolutely in love with you." For a few seconds he seemed to waver at the point of turning around and leaving. And then he stepped forward and his hand closed over the back of her head, pulling her into a desperate kiss. Lois was shocked into immobility. Her memory of kissing him had been nothing compared to the reality.
"Lois, I miss you. I miss you so much," he whispered as he ended the kiss. His arms wrapped around her, hugging her tight against him as he rocked them both.
Oh no!!!! I can sympathize wiht him, of course, but right now, when Lois fears that she has been cheating on Clark, it was just absolutely the wrong thing to do!
Lois felt frozen, caught in that space between dreaming and wakefulness. There was something so right about the feel of his arms around her. For the first time since Clark had left his phone number on her kitchen counter, she didn't feel the deep-seated need to call him. Was this why she didn't want to remember? Because the truth was she was trying to avoid being an adulteress?
The kiss was so right, and yet it was so wrong!
"Wait," she murmured, working her hands between them to push on his chest. "I don't think I can do this. I don't think I'm cut out to be unfaithful."
"Unfaithful?" he repeated and there was a trace of relieved laughter in his voice. "You haven't been unfaithful."
"But what about Clark?"
Yes, Superman, what about Clark?
Superman hesitated and then let her go, stepping back and crossing his arms over his chest.
"Do you have feelings for Clark?" he asked. There was something so hopeful in his tone that she felt even more confused. He actually sounded like he *wanted* her to be in love with Clark, too.
He so much wants her to have feelings for Calrk, of course. But he doesn't realize how confusing and painful the whole situation is for her. She isn't going to tell him that she loves Clark.
"I know he loves me," she temporized. "And I feel like I owe it to both of us to sort things out. Please, Superman, if you care about me, just let me work this out without, you know, you making it more complicated. "
And the answer that she needs - that she hasn't been unfaithful because Clark and Superman are the same man - is
not the answer he is giving to her.
After Superman left - her mind was still trying to wrap itself around the fact that he had *flown* out her window - she shut the window firmly and locked it.
Just a little while ago she opened "his" window. Now she closed it and locked it.
Superman had just overwhelmed her. He had filled her apartment and her senses and he had kissed her almost senseless. But now she is shutting him out, if she can help it. Because she doesn't want to be unfaithful to Clark.
She took a shower instead, then grimly assessed her reflection in the bathroom mirror. It was the same face that had been staring back at her for five days now. Even so, she felt like she was looking at a stranger. It was a nice enough face, but she couldn't see anything in it that would drive a man to want her so badly that he would go to all the trouble of creating clone so he could abduct her.
"You must have one hell of a personality," she told her reflection.
I love this! Imagine trying to understand what it is about you that people can possibly find so attractive and interesting.
Standing beneath the large metal sculpture that framed the main entrance of the Daily Planet, Lois felt a tug of emotion. It was like... coming home. Nothing about the building was familiar, but it felt comforting to her just the same.
I love how she responds to that familiar sculpture, even though it doesn't seem familiar to her at all.
When the elevator doors opened, she stepped out and looked around. Nothing. Not a single memory. People were everywhere - moving, talking, arguing, dodging each other. Everyone seemed busy and it struck her that she missed that on some kind of cellular level. She felt as though she almost belonged. Just like with the Planet sculpture outside, she had the vague sense that she was, at least, in the right place.
Beautifully written.
And then she saw Clark. He was at his desk, reading something. He seemed to sense her presence, though, because his head lifted and his gaze went unerringly to her. Her stomach tightened with anticipation when he grinned and gestured for her to come join him.
"What are you working on?" she asked when she was a few steps away from him.
Clark nudged the chair next to his desk with his toes, pushing it closer towards her in invitation. Lois sat down, perching on the edge of the chair as if she might leave at any moment.
She is scared. Because she is afraid that he will realize that she has been unfaithful?
Something flickered inside her. Pride - that she was part of something bigger than herself. There had to be a lot of pride in working for a newspaper that was so highly respected. She knew, deep down, that being a part of it was something she had worked hard to achieve.
Again, this is beautifully written. It's wonderful to see Lois graually understand things about herself.
For the next few hours, she read carefully through several years of articles on Lex Luthor. His rise to power was chronicled and she had no trouble at all reconciling the man she had known so briefly with the billionaire. He exuded an aura of confidence and power.
It's too bad that the only articles she can find about Luthor aren't damning for him at all.
He grinned, looking like a child on Christmas morning, and she wondered how she had lived with cheating on him. It would be like kicking a puppy, to tell him that things weren't really over between her and Superman. How could she break it to him gently and still have him like her afterwards?
Lois's guilt and pain here is just heartbreaking. And Clark, who
should be able to understand what is eating away at her, stupidly hasn't got a clue. Gaaahhh! To Clark, it was never all that much of a problem to present himself as two different people before Lois, at least not after Lois learnt to prefer the persona that Clark wanted her to prefer. And because his double identity was not that much of a problem to
him, he absolutely can't get it inside his thick head that it could be a real problem to Lois.
In her interview notes with Lex, she had not written down anything beyond what he had said. Lois wondered *how* he had said things. How had he asked her to marry him? What was it about Lex, besides the obvious, that made her choose him?
I'd like you to be able to tell me that, Lois, because I absolutely can't figure it out. The only answer I can come up with makes me despise you, I'm sorry.
Lois started walking aimlessly, feeling comforted that everyone else in the crowded streets was as anonymous as she was. They were all just faces with no hint of where home was or what was waiting there for them. She was going back to an empty apartment that held no memories for her. She meandered, her feet seeming to know where she was headed. And then she stopped in front of a building, staring up at it and wishing she knew why it seemed familiar.
Another amazing paragraph. You write Lois searching for herself and being nudged by her subconsciousness so brilliantly.
"Lois?"
Surprised by the voice, she turned to see Clark coming up the sidewalk.
"Is something wrong?" he asked.
"Clark!" Her stomach made the same familiar lurch of happiness at his presence. "No, I was, uh, just in the neighborhood and this building seemed familiar."
"Really?" His grin was infectious. "This is my building."
She blinked in surprise. "Oh."
"Would you like to come up?" He gestured at the stairs.
"Um." Lois bit her lip but the truth was she was immensely curious to see his apartment. Maybe something there would trigger a memory? "Maybe for a few minutes."
Brilliant.
"You remembered where the light is," he said happily.
"Yeah, maybe."
She followed him down the stairs and then stood in front of his couch, feeling awkward and shy.
Poor Lois.
"Have you eaten?" he asked. "I could make us something. Or run and get something, whatever you'd like."
"I, uh, I'm not," she started and then her stomach growled loudly. "I guess," she conceded. "Just whatever you have on hand. Don't go to too much trouble."
Given away by her own stomach!
"For you, it's no trouble at all," he said with a warm smile. "How about rumaki? It's your recipe."
"I cook?" She frowned at him in disbelief. She had seen her cupboards and there was no indication that she cooked anything more complex than toast or spaghetti.
"Sometimes." He laughed and she couldn't help but join him - he had such a free and easy laugh. "It's not really a hobby of yours."
"So is it a hobby of yours?" she asked, still smiling as she sat down at the table to watch him confidently search through his cupboards for ingredients.
Great conversation, as usual when Sue writes it.
"I enjoy it," he answered. "We made a deal that I would cook and you would clean up afterwards. Although, truthfully, I enjoy cleaning up with you afterwards, too."
Lois blinked, suddenly overcome by the remembrance of standing at his sink, her hands clutching a dish as his lips teased the back of her neck. She tipped her head forward to give him better access and his teeth nipped playfully at the join of her neck and shoulder. She dropped the dish into the sink and threw her arms around him, losing herself instantly in the feel of his lips on hers...
Oh, oh, what a memory!
"Are you okay?" Clark asked, his features worried.
"Yeah," she said a little breathlessly. "I'm fine. I just, uh, I think I remembered something."
"That's great! What was it?"
"Just, uh." Lois shrugged. "I was washing dishes at your sink."
Clark's eyes sparkled in amusement and she was almost positive he knew exactly which memory she'd recovered. "You should know that I don't make you do the dishes every time you're over here."
In spite of herself, she found herself laughing with him. "I hadn't thought that, really."
I love how Clark is concerned about Lois, and how he makes her laugh.
He went back to preparing their meal and her eyes traced over his shoulders, noting how broad they were and the hint of muscle beneath as he moved. He seemed very graceful in his movements for someone so large and bulky.
Feeling restless, she rose from the table and went over to his bookshelf. She looked back to see him watching her. "Do you mind if I look around?" she asked.
She notices how muscular he is, and she feels restless.
"Look to your heart's content," he told her. "This is your apartment, too. Or, uh, it would be, if...if things were different." He flushed and turned back to the counter.
Her apartment, too. The words echoed in her ears as she wandered past the bookshelves and saw his bed. Their bed. It would have been their bed. This was supposed to be *their* apartment. She flushed as she wondered if they had already slept in that bed together.
Brilliantly written. And Lois is feeling restless and flushed. She is afraid that she might try to ravish Clark Kent, because she doesn't believe that that would be a good thing to do right now. Bottom line, she isn't feeling really safe with Clark.
Lois opened the door to outside and walked out onto his patio. The evening air was cool on her heated cheeks. She leaned onto her elbows, gazing into the darkened alley below her and wondered how many nights they had spent on the patio together. There was a small table and chairs behind her - did they ever eat out here?
There is something here that reminds me of the scene between Lois and Superman earlier, when he came into her apartment "out of the cold" through "his" window. Now she is leaving the confines of his apartment and stepping out into the cool night with Clark.
"Did we ever eat out here?" she asked.
"Yes."
"When was the last time?"
"The night before our wedding. We'd been working on a story, both of our parents were in town and everything was chaos. So, that night, instead of meeting up at the restaurant, our parents left us on our own. We ate out here that night. Then it got chilly and we moved inside and sat on the couch."
Lois flushed, imaging what two people getting married the next day would find to do the night before. She looked at Clark and wished she could remember making love to him. Every instinct she possessed told her that he was gentle and considerate. Their eyes met and she saw his darken as his lips parted.
She looked away quickly, suddenly uncertain of herself.
She is thinking about what it would be like to make love to him, and she is shying away from his advances.
"I'll go check on the rice," Clark said softly. "But we can eat out here tonight, if you'd like."
"Sure," she said, just to say something. She knew he was being nice - backing off to give her space - and somehow it just made her want to step into his arms and ask him to hold her.
The fact that he is backing away to give her space makes her want to pull him back to her.
Bad idea, she told herself as he walked back inside. It had been a bad idea to come here. Only she hadn't done it on purpose. She had just wandered here and found him. So did that mean that her subconscious had unerringly gone to him?
Exactly, Lois. That is
exactly what you subconscious did.
Clark had kept up a steady flow of conversation all through dinner, telling her stories about herself. Lois found herself relaxing, giving in to his quiet charm. He told her how she had once interviewed the President, that she was adept at sneaking into places that were meant to be off-limits, and that she was able to talk her way out of almost any situation. She had eagerly hung on his every word, fascinated by the flattering pictures he painted of her and the physical presence of the storyteller.
There is something adorably sweet about this. Clark's love for Lois is evident in his words, but he isn't putting any pressure on her. And she is feeling so secure and comfortable in his presence.
Then he fell silent, looking as if his thoughts were miles away. Lois watched as he leaned back in his chair, one hand absent-mindedly toying with his glass. His shirt sleeves were rolled to his forearms and his tie was loosened. It felt so homey, so familiar to see him like this. She was engaged to this man - that thought sent her pulse racing. Actually, if she hadn't been abducted, she would be his *wife* right now.
"I should go," she blurted out. "It's getting late and I, uh, I should go."
But when she remembers that she should have been his wife by now, she just wants to get away.
Clark pushed back from the table and rose at the same time she did. "I'll see you home," he told her.
"No," she said with a nervous laugh. "Really, you don't need to. There's no sense in you going all the way across Metropolis, all that traffic, and-- No, it's okay. I'll just get a taxi."
She is so nervous. She needs to get away from Clark.
She stumbled away from the patio table and into his apartment, her mouth nervously rattling off excuses as she hurried towards his front door. She could sense him, just there behind her, as she walked. Her hands were shaking when she reached for the doorknob. And then her mind reeled as she realized that she was shaking because she didn't want to leave.
She is almost on the verge of a breakdown. And she wants to leave Clark and stay with him and cling to him at the same time.
She hesitated, her mind churning as she saw herself kissing him. She had him pressed up against the door, his mouth only half-resisting as he hoarsely whispered that she had to leave or all that waiting was going to be for nothing.
"Nothing?" she asked him, the tease apparent in her voice. She shifted her body against his. "That doesn't feel like nothing, Clark."
"You have twenty seconds," he told her, his voice graveled with need, "and then I'm not responsible for what happens."
Back in the present, she shivered when his hand touched her shoulder. "Lois?" he asked softly.
She is so attracted to him, and she is so afraid that she has been cheating on him. It is that horrible suspicion that is mentally paralyzing her when she is with Clark.
She turned around, staring up at him as her mind screamed that she should kiss him. What if that was all she needed? What if she was like Sleeping Beauty and he could awaken her with just a kiss?
Lois took an unsteady step closer to him. She couldn't stop staring at his mouth. She put one hand on his chest and swallowed quickly. Just one kiss - it wouldn't hurt anyone.
Her heart started to pound even harder. But what if she turned him on? What if he wanted to take things further than a simple kiss? She turned quickly back to the door, her eyes wide as she berated herself for teasing them both.
She is being torn apart by love, desire, fear and self-loathing.
"I'm sorry, Clark. I, uh, thanks for dinner. It was really good."
She was out the door, pulling it shut, before he could say anything else.
She is shutting the door behind her in the same way that she shut her own window previously. Then she shut Superman out, now she is shutting out Clark.
She was waiting for a cab to appear when Superman seemed to drop out of the sky to land lightly on his feet in front of her.
"Doesn't look like there are any taxis around tonight," he said. "Maybe I could help?"
Her mind went blank as she gaped at him. Each time she saw him, she was a little more flustered by how he chose to dress. Especially tonight, when she had the distinct impression that he had been watching and waiting for her to leave Clark's building.
"I was just going home," she said, feeling the lameness of the words.
"I can take you," he offered.
But there is no shutting out Superman.
Lois glanced in both directions along the street. No cabs were in sight. By the way he was talking, it seemed as though he had done this before in the past. She bit her lip to quiet the little voice in her head that was ecstatic that he just hadn't been able to stop himself from seeing her again.
A part of her is ecstatic to see that he has come to her again.
Superman stepped closer and put one hand on her waist. Her heart rate accelerated as she realized that he was going to pick her up and cradle her against his body. Her mind whirled, remembering the way Superman had kissed her that morning before he promised to back off. And yet, all the while, she kept hearing Clark saying the same words over and over...
"You have twenty seconds..."
With Clark, she was in charge. But not with Superman. He is just grabbing her, lifting her, doing to her what he wants.
Cheating. She was cheating on Clark. She was a terrible, terrible person. She had to be. She was attracted to two men - three, if she counted Lex - and she was practically shaking with excitement as she let Superman scoop her up. He was holding her as though she weighed nothing and she found it was a heady experience. Then she shut her eyes as the ground fell away beneath them, certain that she had just left her stomach a good twenty feet below the rest of her body. On impulse, she wrapped her arms tightly around his neck and pressed her face into his shoulder.
I don't think that Lois has ever felt nauseous when Superman has taken her flying before. But now she does, because he keeps thinking of her own unfaithfulness.
"Are you all right?" he asked.
"Fine," she gasped. "I'm just not-- It's kind of weird, floating in the air like this. Sorry, I'm sure I was used to this before."
She was lying. It wasn't just the flying that was making her ill. It was also the fact that she was a horrible person. And... something else. Something that she knew about him. It was frustrating how just out of reach the memory was.
Please let her remember that Clark and Superman is the same person, Sue! (Ah, but... how angry will she be when she remembers that? Angry enough to take a chance on Lex?
)
"I can go slower," he started but she cut him off.
"No, please. The sooner we get there, the better." She squeezed her eyes shut tight. She should have waited for a cab instead of allowing him to hold her and confuse her like this. "Just hurry."
Several very long seconds later he lowered them to the sidewalk in front of her building, setting her gently back on her feet.
"Thanks," she sputtered, feeling nauseated and wanting nothing more than to get away from him before she did anything really stupid.
She is feeling horrible.
His mouth opened to answer her and then he paused, tilting his head for a moment as if he was listening to something behind him. He gave her a regretful smile. "I have to go now."
"Good. Fine. Thanks," she said, feeling breathlessly hopeful that he was going to fly off soon.
Superman gave her one last touch, his hand reaching out to squeeze her shoulder in what felt like reassurance, and then he was gone.
Lois spun around and coughed up the rumaki she had eaten into the bushes in front of her apartment.
She actually threw up! And it was Superman who made her do it! Well, Superman and Clark together, and her own horrible guilt.
What a fascinating part! I agree completely with TEEEJ, this is nothing less than urban Shakespeare!
Ann