Lois & Clark Forums Forums Fan Fiction Lois & Clark Fanfic Comments -- Behind the Mist

Very nice, daneel. The story could do with a little editing just to polish it up, but it's a very good piece of work as it stands. Well done.

The polishing I mention has mostly to do with the finer points of English idiom; I'm guessing, given your location, that English is not your native language and, if so, it only makes your work the more impressive. And there's not that much to do; give a decent BR/editor half an hour on this and it would shine even more than it does.

I do hope there's a sequel. I want to see Lucy deal with having Clark/Superman as her sister's boyfriend.

Phil

I enjoyed this very much! I agree with Phil that it could do with a little polishing -- and I wouldn't mind it if you slowed down the pace just a little with some introspection here and there -- but you had lots of great insights in there.

That's a great point, one that doesn't come up much.

Another good point -- that he'd have enjoyed fooling her, at least a little bit Mostly we just focus on the second part, but the first was likely there, too.

And I love the way she goes through her three rules again, pointing out that she's broken the first two, repeatedly, so it's about time she breaks the third! That's very cute.

LOL! I don't think this was what Perry had in mind

And I loved that Lucy showed up, and her reaction!

Thanks, Cris, for persuading him not to trash this!

PJ

Very nice, Jose! I just read both Mist stories, and think they are very sweet.

The idea of the three rules is wonderful, and Lois wanting to break that third rule is great.

And then Lucy - what a good revelation. I can just picture her shocked look. Poor girl, and she thought she could have a nice relaxed time at her sister's place. But it works great here.

And I have to agree with the others about polish it a bit. It's not disturbing, just some little things. I enjoyed reading it after all.

Saskia

Hey!

Glad you finally posted this. One thing though, I thought you had someone else editing this, didn't you?

You already know I like this, so I won't say it again, in case you get too much of an ego boost!

Cris

PS.Btw, why did it take you so long to post this?

Cute story.

It's nice to see Lucy coming to the defense of her big sister. I get a kick out of it whenever Lucy seems to know more about Lois' love life than Lois does. Here she knows instantly that Lois could never truly have a relationship with Superman, so he must just be using her. Not a notion that ever popped into Lois' head when she was mooning over the Man of Steel.

Tank (who wonders if Lucy approves now, that she knows it's Clark)

I wonder if Lucy can keep a secret, like Lois can. It would be an interesting sequel to see what Lucy does with the information and how Lois and Clark react to it.

Hi,

Great parts.

Very nice, Jose

LOL! I am *very* glad I never had one of this experiences

Thanks, Cris, for making him post .

- Alicia

Jose

A wonderful story!
And the revelation is great. Poor Lucy!

Thanks for sharing this. I'm glad Cris made you post it.

Tricia

Dittos to the others. I'm impressed, especially because this was a very creditable story, even though I'm quite sure that English is a second language for you. I can just see myself trying to write a story in Spanish (brrr!)

Nice work.

Nan

Wonderful story
ditto others
merry

Lovely little vignette, Jose. Poignant and cute and very insightful.

I wouldn't worry too much about any problems here and there with English translations on phrasing - that's what Archive GEs are for; that final, last-minute polish. <g>


LabRat (yes that was a hint about sending it to the Archive...)

I also enjoyed this story and having Lucy walk in was inspired. Of course, Clark in the shower would look like Superman

Wow!!! I never thought of this amount of FDK!!

Jose