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Pulitzer
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Pulitzer
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And the plot thickens... <g>
Poor Clark. I'd say, poor Lois, except she's busily engaged in making things worse for herself :p
Your Mr. Atkins was creepy, talking about hair... and if Lucy's pregnant but only dumped him a week ago, seems like he's the father...
Anyway, write more, soon!
PJ
"You told me you weren't like other men," she said, shaking her head at him when the storm of laughter had passed.
He grinned at her - a goofy, Clark Kent kind of a grin. "I have a gift for understatement."
"You can say that again," she told him.
"I have a...."
"Oh, shut up."
--Stardust, Caroline K
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Pulitzer
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Pulitzer
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"It looks like your sister was expecting." WHAT!!! *sigh* Time to pull out my alter-ego. /me limps around with a hump Oh evil one! Oh master.  Well the dog refuses to let me type right now, so I can just say MORE SOON  Jen
"Meg...who let you back in the house?" -Family Guy
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Hack from Nowheresville
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Hack from Nowheresville
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WHAT!!! Lucy's pregnant  What's going on... more please soon Meni 
Is it a bird?" "Is it a plane?" "No, it's just a guy in tights and a cape!"
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Beat Reporter
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Beat Reporter
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GREAT!!!! I love it and I will try to beta read your Part 4 by tomorrow so hold off on posting PLEASE! It's good. I hope she just goes to Clark and cries...she really needs too!  ~L.L Wanna Be
"Live with intention.
Walk to the edge.
Listen Hard.
Practice wellness.
Play with abandon.
Laugh.
Choose with no regret.
Continue to learn.
Appreciate your friends.
Do what you love.
Live as if this is all there is."
~Mary Anne Radmacher
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Merriwether
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Merriwether
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Okay, I do have one complaint. In my mind, no matter how mad Lois was at Clark she would never not do what was best to try and save her sister, and that would be to call for Superman to go over and see if he could save her. I think, if you are going to have Lois act this way (and I guess you need to for the sake of the story line you've developed) you need Lois to 'justify' not calling in Superman to help Lucy. She needs to have a rationalization for not calling for Superman beyond being mad at Clark. Maybe she convinces herself that whatever was happening to Lucy would be over even before Superman could get there, so calling 911 would be just as effective. Also, she shouldn't have a long argument with herself before acting. She should be calling 911 immediately while she rationalizing that behavior rather than calling for Superman. Beyond that, the rest of the instalment was very good. I liked Lois' internal debate. Her anger and hurt over his lies and what she sees as betrayal fighting to keep him away, while her heart still yearns for him. Taking it out on Jimmy is a good thing. This Phil character seems like a good suspect to me. It's always those quiet types you have to watch out for. Tank (who wonders about Phil's obsession with Lucy's hair, it just doesn't seem natural  )
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Pulitzer
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Pulitzer
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Hi, Great part.  If Lois had call Clark, Lucy would be in her place. Her ego was bigger and more important than her sister. Ready to burst into tears from the mere frustration of it, Lois hollered for Jimmy again instead. It was safer. If she started to cry, she knew that Clark would immediately be at her side, comforting her, holding her. Making her forgive him because it was just too hard to hate him. Lois didn't want that. She wanted to be mad.  Poor Clark, she treat him like a street dog. No offence for the dog's life. "What do you want?" Her voice was cold, controlled. She didn't want to deal with her partner right now.
"Inspector Henderson called. They went back and surveyed Lucy's place. Lois, they found something interesting in her bathroom garbage can. A home-pregnancy test."
"What?" Lois exclaimed.
"It looks like your sister was expecting." 
Maria D. Ferdez.
---
Don't like Luthor, unfinished, untitled and crossover story, and people that promises and don't deliver. I'm getting choosy with age.
MAF
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Top Banana
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Top Banana
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Oooo..the twist at the end really got me!
I agree with Tank on the stupidity of Lois' internal debate about whether or not to call for Superman. I mean, she hears her sister scream in pain, etc. and she doesn't immediately start yelling for help?! I wanted to smack her!
I look forward to more..and ditto the others on creepy Phil!
~Liz
Lois: Can I go?
Clark: No.
Lois: Oh come on, Clark, why do we go through this? We both know I’m going to go.
Clark: Then why do you ask?
Lois: I’m trying to be nice.
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Top Banana
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Top Banana
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I didn't get a chance to comment on Parts 1 & 2, but I have read them and enjoyed them thoroughly. Part 1 was wonderfully Waffy up until the moment Lois stalks out of the apartment! I loved Lois' introspection on her walk home during Part 2. (great cliffhanger, too) I had hoped that Clark & Lois would get a chance to talk in Part 3, but it looks like I'll have to wait for that. (Please don't make me wait TOO long!) Re: Lois not calling Superman right away. I have to admit that, if it were Lois, herself, dangling above the jaws of death, it would be completely in character for her to resolutely refuse to call Superman. But, as it is her sister that is in danger, I agree with Tank. It would be helpful to have some sort of rationalization on Lois' part. Having Lois immediately head for a window to yell for Superman, then stop and realize it is certainly too late for him to do anything, anyway, would make her actions a bit easier for me to forgive. And this Phil character, hmmmm. Creepy. Well, as everyone else has already said, MORE! SOON! - Vicki 
"Hold on, my friends, to the Constitution and to the Republic for which it stands. Miracles do not cluster and what has happened once in 6,000 years, may not happen again. Hold on to the Constitution" - Daniel Webster
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Top Banana
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Top Banana
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Caroline, Very interesting -- and very intreuging cliff hanger. - Alicia who would say more, but she has a painful black eye 
Laura "The Yellow Dart" U. (Alicia U. on the archive)
"A hero is an ordinary individual who finds the strength to persevere and endure in spite of overwhelming obstacles." -- Christopher Reeve
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Hack from Nowheresville
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Hack from Nowheresville
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Thanks everybody for you comments re: Lois' hesitation for Superman. They really got me thinking, and I decided that you were right. So I edited my story a bit. Go check it out and let me know what you think.
Caroline
You've gotta be original, because if you're like someone else, what do they need you for?
~Bernadette Peters
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Hack from Nowheresville
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Hack from Nowheresville
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Philip Atkins. How many serial killers were named Phil? It was a safe name, Lois assured herself. [...] people with nice, normal names like "Betty" or "Sheldon" or "Phil" usually turned out to be accountants, in Lois' experience.
*****
<He looks like a Phil> though Lois. The man looked to be around twenty-five, though she suspected he might be a little younger. His eyes were too soft to be any older. He had soft brown hair, and dark eyes, framed by a pair of thick-rimmed glasses. He had a wiry build, unlike the muscular build Lois was used to seeing in Lucy's boyfriends. The man standing before Lois was not her sister's type at all. In fact, he looked like a geek.
*****
For someone as geeky-looking as this man, he didn't appear to be very intelligent. <Now that *is* a trait common to all Lucy's companions> Lois reflected snidely. Are you trying to tell me something, Caroline?  And, for that matter, Pam, Tank, Liz and Vicki? Phillip ATCLIFFE, just wondering... PS. I like my wife's hair very much. Unfortunately, she gets it cut far too often...
Ping! Ping!! Ping!!! -- Mother Box
She's such a chatterbox at times...
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Kerth
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Kerth
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This is getting interesting... Lucy was pregnant!!! 
"Practice up your shielding spells...and remember to duck if you see green light coming your way." Harry Potter to Wizengamot in OotP trial A Bad Week in the Wizengamot
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Pulitzer
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Pulitzer
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Caroline A great part!  Lois's introspection is extremely well-written. I like how she battles between what her head and her heart thinks.  This Phil character is definitely suspect.  I can't wait to see what happens next. Tricia
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Top Banana
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Top Banana
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YES! YES! YES! I like it MUCH better this way. Thank you! at Lois for not calling Clark, I completely missed the humor as Lois tries to remember what people do when they don't call Superman! This time, I got it. Great line.
"Hold on, my friends, to the Constitution and to the Republic for which it stands. Miracles do not cluster and what has happened once in 6,000 years, may not happen again. Hold on to the Constitution" - Daniel Webster
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Pulitzer
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Pulitzer
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Poor Clark with staples bouncing off his head LOL! And where is LUcy? More soon. Laura
Clark: “If we can be born in an instant, and die in an instant, why can’t we fall in love in an instant?”
Caroline's "Stardust"
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Features Writer
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Features Writer
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Caroline
good part - but I agree with Tank-
I think Lois would call Superman, no matter how mad she is at him, if it meant saving her sister.
more soon please
merry
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Boards Chief Administrator Emeritus Nobel Peace Prize Winner
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Boards Chief Administrator Emeritus Nobel Peace Prize Winner
Joined: Apr 2003
Posts: 9,362 |
Catching up desperately here, so I'll be brief. Another round of your wonderful mix of poignancy and humour. I liked the 'Superman doesn't arrive in the nick of time' take on events and this line: Trying to remember what people did when they didn't yell for Superman, had me  I harbour dark suspicions about Phil. And...eeep! Thank goodness part four is up... LabRat
Athos: If you'd told us what you were doing, we might have been able to plan this properly.
Aramis: Yes, sorry.
Athos: No, no, by all means, let's keep things suicidal.
The Musketeers
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Hack from Nowheresville
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Hack from Nowheresville
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I know I'm posting kind of late. LOL I kind of forgot, so I'll make it quit. Thanks for your comments, everybody, especially Tank about the whole Lois calling for Superman thing. I was definitely enlightened. When I wrote this section the first time, I had definite questions about that very issue and I debated about whether to have her call for Superman immediately or not. So I decided that I could always change it if you guys saw it as a problem too. <g>
Thanks again.
Caroline
You've gotta be original, because if you're like someone else, what do they need you for?
~Bernadette Peters
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