Comments: After Midnight, part 3 - Lois & Clark Fanfic Message Boards

And the plot thickens... <g>

Poor Clark. I'd say, poor Lois, except she's busily engaged in making things worse for herself :p

Your Mr. Atkins was creepy, talking about hair... and if Lucy's pregnant but only dumped him a week ago, seems like he's the father...

Anyway, write more, soon!

PJ

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"It looks like your sister was expecting."

WHAT!!!

*sigh* Time to pull out my alter-ego.
/me limps around with a hump
Oh evil one! Oh master.

Well the dog refuses to let me type right now, so I can just say MORE SOON

Jen

WHAT!!! Lucy's pregnant

What's going on...

more please soon

Meni

GREAT!!!!

I love it and I will try to beta read your Part 4 by tomorrow so hold off on posting PLEASE!

It's good. I hope she just goes to Clark and cries...she really needs too!

~L.L Wanna Be

Okay, I do have one complaint. In my mind, no matter how mad Lois was at Clark she would never not do what was best to try and save her sister, and that would be to call for Superman to go over and see if he could save her.

I think, if you are going to have Lois act this way (and I guess you need to for the sake of the story line you've developed) you need Lois to 'justify' not calling in Superman to help Lucy. She needs to have a rationalization for not calling for Superman beyond being mad at Clark. Maybe she convinces herself that whatever was happening to Lucy would be over even before Superman could get there, so calling 911 would be just as effective. Also, she shouldn't have a long argument with herself before acting. She should be calling 911 immediately while she rationalizing that behavior rather than calling for Superman.

Beyond that, the rest of the instalment was very good. I liked Lois' internal debate. Her anger and hurt over his lies and what she sees as betrayal fighting to keep him away, while her heart still yearns for him. Taking it out on Jimmy is a good thing.

This Phil character seems like a good suspect to me. It's always those quiet types you have to watch out for.

Tank (who wonders about Phil's obsession with Lucy's hair, it just doesn't seem natural

)

Hi,

Great part.

If Lois had call Clark, Lucy would be in her place. Her ego was bigger and more important than her sister.

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Ready to burst into tears from the mere frustration of it, Lois hollered for Jimmy again instead. It was safer. If she started to cry, she knew that Clark would immediately be at her side, comforting her, holding her. Making her forgive him because it was just too hard to hate him. Lois didn't want that. She wanted to be mad.

Poor Clark, she treat him like a street dog. No offence for the dog's life.

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"What do you want?" Her voice was cold, controlled. She didn't want to deal with her partner right now.

"Inspector Henderson called. They went back and surveyed Lucy's place. Lois, they found something interesting in her bathroom garbage can. A home-pregnancy test."

"What?" Lois exclaimed.

"It looks like your sister was expecting."

Oooo..the twist at the end really got me!

I agree with Tank on the stupidity of Lois' internal debate about whether or not to call for Superman. I mean, she hears her sister scream in pain, etc. and she doesn't immediately start yelling for help?! I wanted to smack her!

I look forward to more..and ditto the others on creepy Phil!

~Liz

I didn't get a chance to comment on Parts 1 & 2, but I have read them and enjoyed them thoroughly. Part 1 was wonderfully Waffy up until the moment Lois stalks out of the apartment! I loved Lois' introspection on her walk home during Part 2. (great cliffhanger, too)

I had hoped that Clark & Lois would get a chance to talk in Part 3, but it looks like I'll have to wait for that. (Please don't make me wait TOO long!)

Re: Lois not calling Superman right away. I have to admit that, if it were Lois, herself, dangling above the jaws of death, it would be completely in character for her to resolutely refuse to call Superman. But, as it is her sister that is in danger, I agree with Tank. It would be helpful to have some sort of rationalization on Lois' part. Having Lois immediately head for a window to yell for Superman, then stop and realize it is certainly too late for him to do anything, anyway, would make her actions a bit easier for me to forgive.

And this Phil character, hmmmm. Creepy.

Well, as everyone else has already said, MORE! SOON!

- Vicki

Caroline,

Very interesting -- and very intreuging cliff hanger.

- Alicia

who would say more, but she has a painful black eye

Thanks everybody for you comments re: Lois' hesitation for Superman. They really got me thinking, and I decided that you were right. So I edited my story a bit. Go check it out and let me know what you think.

Caroline

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Philip Atkins. How many serial killers were named Phil? It was a safe name, Lois assured herself. [...] people with nice, normal names like "Betty" or "Sheldon" or "Phil" usually turned out to be accountants, in Lois' experience.

*****

<He looks like a Phil> though Lois. The man looked to be around twenty-five, though she suspected he might be a little younger. His eyes were too soft to be any older. He had soft brown hair, and dark eyes, framed by a pair of thick-rimmed glasses. He had a wiry build, unlike the muscular build Lois was used to seeing in Lucy's boyfriends. The man standing before Lois was not her sister's type at all. In fact, he looked like a geek.

*****

For someone as geeky-looking as this man, he didn't appear to be very intelligent. <Now that *is* a trait common to all Lucy's companions> Lois reflected snidely.

Are you trying to tell me something, Caroline?

And, for that matter, Pam, Tank, Liz and Vicki?

Phillip ATCLIFFE, just wondering...

PS. I like my wife's hair very much. Unfortunately, she gets it cut far too often...

This is getting interesting...

Lucy was pregnant!!!

Caroline

A great part!

Lois's introspection is extremely well-written. I like how she battles between what her head and her heart thinks.

This Phil character is definitely suspect.

I can't wait to see what happens next.

Tricia

YES! YES! YES! I like it MUCH better this way. Thank you!

at Lois for not calling Clark, I completely missed the humor as Lois tries to remember what people do when they don't call Superman! This time, I got it. Great line.

Poor Clark with staples bouncing off his head LOL! And where is LUcy? More soon. Laura

Caroline
good part - but I agree with Tank-
I think Lois would call Superman, no matter how mad she is at him, if it meant saving her sister.
more soon please
merry

Catching up desperately here, so I'll be brief.

Another round of your wonderful mix of poignancy and humour. I liked the 'Superman doesn't arrive in the nick of time' take on events and this line:

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Trying to remember what people did when they didn't yell for Superman,

had me

I harbour dark suspicions about Phil.

And...eeep! Thank goodness part four is up...

LabRat

I know I'm posting kind of late. LOL I kind of forgot, so I'll make it quit. Thanks for your comments, everybody, especially Tank about the whole Lois calling for Superman thing. I was definitely enlightened. When I wrote this section the first time, I had definite questions about that very issue and I debated about whether to have her call for Superman immediately or not. So I decided that I could always change it if you guys saw it as a problem too. <g>

Thanks again.
Caroline