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Pulitzer
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OP
Pulitzer
Joined: Apr 2003
Posts: 3,644 |
Hee! That's pretty funny  Good job! I'd suggest, though, that you set up the time frame first thing - it took me a few moments to figure out what was going on, and it's crucial to your joke. Just start off with "Lois was there to apologize to the Kents for getting their son killed", or something. That sets the episode *and* makes it clear Lois doesn't know ... what everyone else knows. Which is so funny... I'm laughing again just thinking about it! Hope you don't mind the suggestion; I was just, you know, brainstorming...  PJ
"You told me you weren't like other men," she said, shaking her head at him when the storm of laughter had passed.
He grinned at her - a goofy, Clark Kent kind of a grin. "I have a gift for understatement."
"You can say that again," she told him.
"I have a...."
"Oh, shut up."
--Stardust, Caroline K
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Kerth
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Kerth
Joined: Dec 2005
Posts: 2,018 |
Originally posted by ChiefPam:
I'd suggest, though, that you set up the time frame first thing Good point. I'll have to do something up. I was reading Wendy Richards’s Shattered Illusions when this occurred to me. If you read Wendy's up to the line of *************** my story make a lot more sense. I'm blown away by Wendy's angst so whatever I add will have to be very matter of fact time setting. === Ok I've added a few lines, hopefully it works.
Framework4
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Freelance Reporter
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Freelance Reporter
Joined: Nov 2006
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Lol, funny! Everyone in Smallville helping out 
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Pulitzer
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Pulitzer
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Pulitzer
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OP
Pulitzer
Joined: Apr 2003
Posts: 3,644 |
I think those opening paragraphs work great. PJ
"You told me you weren't like other men," she said, shaking her head at him when the storm of laughter had passed.
He grinned at her - a goofy, Clark Kent kind of a grin. "I have a gift for understatement."
"You can say that again," she told him.
"I have a...."
"Oh, shut up."
--Stardust, Caroline K
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Joined: Feb 2006
Posts: 1,437
Top Banana
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Top Banana
Joined: Feb 2006
Posts: 1,437 |
That's totally hilarious! Gives new meaning to the saying that there are no secrets in a small town.
"You take turns, advise and protect one another, even heal or be healed when the going gets too tough. I know! That's not a game--that's friendship!" ~Shelly Mezzanoble, Confessions of a Part-Time Sorceress: A Girl's Guide to the Dungeons & Dragons Game Darcy\'s Place
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Merriwether
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Merriwether
Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 1,864 |
DSDragon stole my word, but I'm using it anyway. Hilarious. Particularly funny that Lana just assumes matter-of-factly that Lois is in on it.
Elisabeth
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Pulitzer
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Pulitzer
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Hey great job. I would love to have seen Lois's expression. I really want to know what happens next. Laura
Clark: “If we can be born in an instant, and die in an instant, why can’t we fall in love in an instant?”
Caroline's "Stardust"
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Pulitzer
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Pulitzer
Joined: Jul 2006
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Hehe! Nice work! Totally loved it!
Superman: Why is it that good villains never die?
Batman: Clark, what the hell are good villains?
=> Superman/Batman: Public Enemies
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Pulitzer
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Pulitzer
Joined: Jun 2006
Posts: 3,166 |
This was so funny, Patrick. Everybody in Smallville knows, but Lois is (was) still clueless. 
~~Even heroes have the right to dream.~~
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Pulitzer
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OP
Pulitzer
Joined: Apr 2003
Posts: 3,644 |
Wanted to add -- I think the premise is great, but I'm also loving the details you put into it. “After the news broke about Clark being shot everyone started brainstorming. Rachel located a bulletproof vest in Clark’s size, it wouldn’t fit under his coat but Helen was calling around trying to find the same coat a size or two larger. Dr. Barnes and Harvey Bennett have been arguing about broken ribs or rather how to explain no broken ribs while the Joel is trying to photoshop some X-Rays so they can say they were just cracked.” Photoshopping x-rays! PJ
"You told me you weren't like other men," she said, shaking her head at him when the storm of laughter had passed.
He grinned at her - a goofy, Clark Kent kind of a grin. "I have a gift for understatement."
"You can say that again," she told him.
"I have a...."
"Oh, shut up."
--Stardust, Caroline K
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Posts: 1,883
Merriwether
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Merriwether
Joined: Jul 2006
Posts: 1,883 |
That was so amusing! Thanks for sharing it with us.
lisa in the sky with diamonds
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