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Joined: Aug 2006
Posts: 16
Blogger
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OP
Blogger
Joined: Aug 2006
Posts: 16 |
I'd love to know what you all think, as I venture into this new world of L&C fanfic! Thanks for reading!
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Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 271
Hack from Nowheresville
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Hack from Nowheresville
Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 271 |
Nice start, SarahC. Looking forward to your next post. 
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Joined: Jun 2004
Posts: 3,145 Likes: 3
Pulitzer
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Pulitzer
Joined: Jun 2004
Posts: 3,145 Likes: 3 |
You know, Sarah, I always wondered why Lois didn't see the suit if Mayson, who was in the last moments of her life, could. I understand that Lois was in shock and that she didn't hear what Mayson said to Clark, but I always wondered what he did to cover up the big 'S' on his chest.
Lois's reaction was so very in character, from the shock of learning the truth to the slap to her insistence that they take some time apart from one another. You've nailed Clark's pain, too. I wonder if she'll be able to trust him now. I understand and respect his reasons for not telling her, but I also understand Lois's sense of betrayal. He's hidden something incredibly important from her for almost the entire time they've known each other, and it's not going to be easy to get past this (assuming, of course, that they actually do get past this).
This really is a nice beginning. You're some kind of wonderful writer if you can finish this in just one more chapter. I'm looking forward to the next post, because this is going to be a doozy.
Life isn't a support system for writing. It's the other way around.
- Stephen King, from On Writing
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Joined: Mar 2006
Posts: 2,667
Pulitzer
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Pulitzer
Joined: Mar 2006
Posts: 2,667 |
Sarah... this is your first story?
Wow! Wonderful. Beautiful. Welcome to the boards.
I loved the story. The emotions you invoked. I too understood Lois' pain and feelings of betrayal and yet her desire to not want to hurt him. To be angry at him and feel bad for him at the same time.
And then Clark's feelings. Very nice. How it felt like someone was reaching into his chest and squeezing his heart.
I look forward to the next part!
Oh, and you might want to pick the "blue arrow" for a message icon. Most authors use that as kind of a "flag" to catch the reader's attention to a story post. If you leave the icon as the little yellow note, the story can get lost in among the fdk threads.
Thanks Sarah!
Smile and the world smiles with you ... frown and you're just giving yourself wrinkles.
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Joined: Apr 2003
Posts: 4,058
Pulitzer
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Pulitzer
Joined: Apr 2003
Posts: 4,058 |
Oh Sara I really like this version of this ep. What a good twist on things. I don't blame Lois but it does sound hopeful at least. Laura
Clark: “If we can be born in an instant, and die in an instant, why can’t we fall in love in an instant?”
Caroline's "Stardust"
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Joined: Oct 2003
Posts: 1,363
Top Banana
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Top Banana
Joined: Oct 2003
Posts: 1,363 |
I'm not giving you feedback until you post the next part! {lips pouty} 
I'm a firm believer in the fact that God doesn't put any more on us than we can bear. He does however make us come to Jesus every so often.
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Joined: Apr 2003
Posts: 3,846
Pulitzer
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Pulitzer
Joined: Apr 2003
Posts: 3,846 |
Hi, Great piece.
Maria D. Ferdez.
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Don't like Luthor, unfinished, untitled and crossover story, and people that promises and don't deliver. I'm getting choosy with age.
MAF
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Joined: Aug 2005
Posts: 5,797
Nobel Peace Prize Winner
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Nobel Peace Prize Winner
Joined: Aug 2005
Posts: 5,797 |
SarahC, I just want you to know that I've read this story and I've really, really liked it! I loved it, in fact. I hope I'll have time to post some more feedback later, but right now I don't have that time.
Great to see you here with this very fine new story! Welcome to the boards, and I hope this story won't be your last one!
Ann
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Joined: Jul 2006
Posts: 2,687
Pulitzer
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Pulitzer
Joined: Jul 2006
Posts: 2,687 |
Excellent start to this story!  Happily on my way to read part 2. 
Superman: Why is it that good villains never die?
Batman: Clark, what the hell are good villains?
=> Superman/Batman: Public Enemies
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Joined: Aug 2005
Posts: 5,797
Nobel Peace Prize Winner
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Nobel Peace Prize Winner
Joined: Aug 2005
Posts: 5,797 |
I just want to say one more thing about part one. I thought it was sheer genius to show how Clark would be shocked at Mayson's death, but he would be devastated at the thought of losing Lois. And yes, I really think that if Mayson saw the 'S' shield under Clark's shirt, Lois should have, too.
Ann
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