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Hack from Nowheresville
Hack from Nowheresville
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Clark had spent the whole day looking for information on Leslie Luckabee in Australia and hadn’t had a chance to eat.

Not that he needed to eat of course, but he did like to and was accustomed to it. It had been at least twelve hours since his last meal and he felt like he at least needed a snack before he flew home across the Pacific Ocean.

It was five p.m. local time, and as he flew low along the coastline, Clark’s nose was hit with the savoury aroma of cooked beef and pastry. He spotted a small beachside kiosk and, without thinking, landed in front of it, offering the young employee a small wave and polite hello.

The young man rushed to serve him, and after a very brief look at the menu on the wall of the kiosk, Clark ordered himself the beef pie.

The starstruck young man prepared his order and insisted the pie was "on the house."

Still, Clark offered him a twenty-dollar US bill from his cape pocket, but the young man shook his head and insisted, "It's all good, mate!"

The sun was just starting to lower as Clark took a seat at a picnic table facing the ocean. He watched the handful of surfers in the water catching their last waves of the day.

His stomach growled, and Clark's attention turned to his late afternoon snack. He couldn’t really call it dinner. It wasn’t even breakfast time in Metropolis. Lois was likely still asleep or just getting out of bed.
The thought of his wife made him desperate to get home. But first he needed to eat. The pie smelled too good to wait any longer. He pulled the pie from the paper bag, setting it on top of the crinkly paper, and examined the small plastic container of ketchup it came with.

"Tomato sauce," he read. "Squeeze Me."

He squeezed and shot the 'tomato sauce' straight into his left eye.

He looked around self-consciously. No one had seen. There was only one other occupied picnic table, where a woman sat with two little kids, sharing a paper tray of fish and chips.

Clark dabbed at his eye with his cape. He flipped the little plastic sauce container over and managed to get the rest of the sauce onto the pie.

His mouth watered, and he picked up the pie, ready to take a bite.

"Excuse me, Mister?"

Clark tilted his head to the left to see a small child standing beside him. One of the little kids from the other picnic table. She must have been only three or four years old. With messy blonde hair and a dirty face, she grinned up at him with wide, hopeful eyes.

Clark set the pie down.

"Hi there," he said in his most kid-friendly Superman voice.

The little girl blushed and turned to look at the woman Clark assumed was her mother, seated at the other table. The mother gave the girl an encouraging smile and a thumbs-up.

The little girl huffed out a breath and turned back to Clark. She tilted her head and squinted up at him, the setting sun hitting her square in the face.

"Are you really Superman?" She pointed to the S on his chest.

"Um, yes I am."

"What are you doing?"

"Just having some dinner, like you."

The girl frowned. "You don’t live here."

Clark smiled. "I'm just visiting."

"Why?"

He couldn't tell her he'd spent the whole day investigating the son of a sociopath who was hellbent on taking over Metropolis and probably destroying his and Lois's lives in the process.

"I like to make friends all over the world," he said instead.

The girl's eyes sparkled with excitement. "Can I be your friend?"

"Of course!"

"And my brother? And Mummy?" She gestured to her mother, who was now scooping a screaming, red-faced toddler out of a stroller as seagulls surrounded their table, eager to sample some of their fish and chips dinner.

"Sure."

She let out a small squeak and ran back to her mother. The seagulls scattered, and Clark smiled and gave the little girl's mom a quick wave.

He carefully squeezed out some more tomato sauce onto the pie and brought it to his mouth once again.

"Excuse me?!"

His little friend was running back to his table.

Clark set his pie down again.

"Hi again."

She held a kiwi fruit in her hand. "This is for you. Because we're friends."

Clark caught the mother's eye. She shrugged with a smile, and Clark smiled back.

"Thank you," Clark said to the girl, accepting the fruit.

She giggled and skipped back to her table.

Clark set the kiwi fruit on the table and picked up his pie again.

The end.

I was looking at the script for Voice from the Past the other day and noticed in one of the versions Superman brings Lois a kiwi back from Australia, which seemed a bit random much like this story..

FDK can go below.

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Clark Down Under!! I really hope the violent ketchup is a real thing!

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Pulitzer
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Funny little story. What's up with the ketchup? Somehow I wish this would have been part of the show.


It's never too dark to be cool. cool
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Ah the good old seagulls out to steal the hot chips is totally the sight of summer here Down Under. I’ve actually had seagulls swoop to try and steal some sashimi off a plate when I was at a restaurant with friends one time. A few of my friends have had the lunch stolen by them. They’ve become such a nuisance that some places employ specially trained dogs to keep them away.

Originally Posted by bakasi
Funny little story. What's up with the ketchup? Somehow I wish this would have been part of the show.


Originally Posted by Idontknowwhatmea
Clark Down Under!! I really hope the violent ketchup is a real thing!


As an Australian, I can confirm that we do have tomato sauce in those little packets that when you bend them back they squirt out sauce and yes if you are not careful they squirt out everywhere. I don’t advise doing what Clark did and point it at yourself though rotflol

Last edited by Crazy_Babe; 08/03/26 06:26 AM.

The best and most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or even touched they must be felt with the heart

Helen Keller
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Hack from Nowheresville
Hack from Nowheresville
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Quote
Clark’s nose was hit with the savoury aroma of cooked beef and pastry.

Now I'm hungry too...
Quote
"Tomato sauce," he read. "Squeeze Me."

He squeezed and shot the 'tomato sauce' straight into his left eye.

rotflol
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Clark dabbed at his eye with his cape.

That image was hilarious too. Good thing the cape is already red!
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seagulls surrounded their table, eager to sample some of their fish and chips dinner.

Finding Nemo taught me that Australian seagulls can be very funny.
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She held a kiwi fruit in her hand. "This is for you. Because we're friends."

Aww, that's so sweet! I want a friend who gives me kiwis too. I love kiwis.

Thanks for sharing, mate wink grin You wrote a lovely little in-between scene.


Stories are written by the victors.
(Hmm, come to think of it, that's not the exact quote...)
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Pulitzer
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Awww, so cute!!


~•~
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Aww an awesome story. Loved it.

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Columnist
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Quote
He spotted a small beachside kiosk and, without thinking, landed in front of it, offering the young employee a small wave and polite hello.

I love this image. Can you imagine you're working a double and Superman rolls up to your drive-thru? lol

Quote
He squeezed and shot the 'tomato sauce' straight into his left eye.

rotflol Good thing that won't hurt!

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"Hi there," he said in his most kid-friendly Superman voice.

Awwwww.

Quote
"I like to make friends all over the world," he said instead.

OMG, such a great kid-friendly answer!

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Clark set his pie down again.

I'm snickering at this interruption happening again.

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Clark set the kiwi fruit on the table and picked up his pie again.

I feel like this is such a cliffhanger! And then did he get to eat it????

This totally wasn't what I expected and is so cute! I love that this came from a script cut - so fun!


Looking forward to this summer's Location Challenge! Looks like stories are due around August 1st, and then polls open for voting!

And don't forget about the 2026 fundraiser! Head over to the Fundraising page to donate or consider adding a story to the Keepsake Collection fundraising drive!
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Hi 90stvfangirl!
Quote
Leslie Luckabee

Now there’s a name you don’t see every day. Of course, Australia, makes sense clap

Quote
Not that he needed to eat of course, but he did like to and was accustomed to it.

Aww, just like making out with Lois in the storage closet.

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It had been at least twelve hours since his last meal and he felt like he at least needed a snack before he flew home across the Pacific Ocean.

Now that’s *not* like making out with his *wife*.

LOIS: mad

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The starstruck young man prepared his order and insisted the pie was “on the house.”

Oh, oops, he’s still in his jumper, isn’t he?

Quote
and examined the small plastic container of ketchup it came with.

“Tomato sauce,” he read. “Squeeze Me.”

Nice work on showing local food customs.

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He squeezed and shot the ‘tomato sauce’ straight into his left eye.

I won’t say anything about that. peep let’s just hope it doesn’t happen at home when Lois is there.

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The mother gave the girl an encouraging smile and a thumbs-up.

Adorable. But he should still be careful about taking pictures. /Points at Incident from two years ago/

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”Are you really Superman?” She pointed to the S on his chest.

Now careful there. ‘Superman tomatoed’ could fetch a nice price in the Outback Mirror.

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”I like to make friends all over the world,” he said instead.

Awwww

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The girl’s eyes sparkled with excitement. “Can I be your friend?”

“Of course!”

“And my brother? And Mummy?”

I just realized, can you imagine if they already had Facebook?

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She held a kiwi fruit in her hand. “This is for you. Because we’re friends.”

Clark caught the mother’s eye. She shrugged with a smile, and Clark smiled back.

Very cute!

BATMAN: It’s why I don’t have dinner on the job.
CATWOMAN: Meow.
BATMAN: Also, she steals food from her date’s plate.

Quote
one of the versions Superman brings Lois a kiwi back from Australia, which seemed a bit random much like this story..

laugh that’s completely unexpected!

Sweet little tale from the day in the life of a superhero!

wave Michael


Join us on the #loisclark Discord server! We talk about fanfic, our favorite show, life, and more! (It’s almost like the IRC days of old again!)

I go by Michael on the Archives.
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Hack from Nowheresville
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That was super cute. Love it!

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Pulitzer
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Awww what a sweet little surprise. Love kiwi!


Morgana

A writer's job is to think of new plots and create characters who stay with you long after the final page has been read. If that mission is accomplished than we have done what we set out to do, which is to entertain and hopefully educate.
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So cute! I always love glimpses (or even long looks) at places around d the world. Thanks for sharing yours!


Come hang out in the Discord server! Just make a Discord account and click this https://discord.gg/fv2bAVVUBQ to join. Discord can be a little intimidating, but we keep our server simple and are always happy to help people learn their way around!
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Pulitzer
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This is cute! I love the little girl!! ❤


What we've got here is failure to communicate...

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