Lois & Clark Forums Forums Fan Fiction Lois & Clark Fanfic Between Aliens and Other Things We Have For Breakfast

Title: Between Aliens and Other Things We Have For Breakfast

Summary: Clark decides it's time to make an out-of-this-world revelation to his girlfriend.

Author's notes: And here is Part 5 of "Between One Lane and Another!" Unfortunately, I wasn't able to do a thorough revision, so I apologize for any mistakes (especially when it comes to simple past vs. past perfect vs. present perfect, it's a bit tricky for me). But I hope you enjoy the story anyway! In the previous part, we saw a bit of Lois and Clark at the movies and a conversation about their relationship. If you missed it, check Part 4 out here: TOC




Red alert! Bombs! Explosions! Fires! Panic! Chaos! Run for your lives!

The unthinkable had happened: Lois Lane was in love!

How it had come about, she didn’t know exactly. She’d had everything under control before (or at least she’d thought she had), when Clark Kent was just a challenge, someone interesting, an opponent in a verbal sparring match she needed to win. Then he became her coworker, and turning him into her rival in the newsroom didn’t work out, because they ended up becoming occasional partners. On top of it all, Lois kept going out with him, ignoring the growing comfortable intimacy they were building and also the disconcerting (and, for her, uncomfortable) attraction that had come along uninvited. And finally, when Clark suggested they become official boyfriend and girlfriend, she agreed, despite all the drama of the situation.

As a result, the anti-romance (and anti-trauma) little soldiers in her brain had been running around for weeks, unable to understand what was happening. We’ve been working so hard to protect you, and this is what you do?, they would scream in their tiny little voices.

But when you work every day with a man who is kind, polite, smart, and handsome — and who, on top of all that, is interested enough in you that you go out at least once a week — there’s not much you can do. Cat Grant was very surprised when she discovered that even Lois Lane had been incapable of resisting that combination of factors. That happened the day Lois allowed herself to give her boyfriend a little peck on the cheek after arriving at the Daily Planet. Hearing Cat’s sarcastic comments and the newsroom gossip was awful... but it soon passed.

Since then, more has happened. Lois met Martha and Jonathan Kent, Clark’s parents, when they came to spend Christmas in Metropolis. She was even forced to join them, despite having initially refused under the pretense of not wanting to intrude. She also spent the first minutes of the new year kissing her boyfriend, which seemed like a great omen for 1994, and a few days later received a glorious massage from him after spending an entire night stuck on a stressful stakeout. They were growing more and more comfortable with each other, and things seemed to be working out in their relationship.

So, four months after the first date and one month into being Clark Kent's official girlfriend, Lois found herself vulnerable enough to admit she was in love. Of course, she didn't know what to make of that feeling yet, and her little soldiers were still screaming and spinning in circles, causing explosions and chaos in her brain. However, Lois knew rationally that this time, her experience as someone's girlfriend was being… good.

Well, except for one thing.

"So, you two haven't slept together yet?"

Lois choked on the water she was drinking and shot her younger sister a fiery glare.

"What?" Lucy shrugged, leaning casually against the kitchen counter. "I couldn't help but notice a certain tension in the air."

Lois sighed. Right, so there were actually two things. The first had to do with Clark's constant disappearances and his lies that didn't explain them, and the second… was that. A month ago, she had been terrified at the mere thought of sex, but soon she discovered that the idea of having greater emotional and physical intimacy with Clark was growing increasingly appealing. That might have started on the day of the massage, Lois believed. Before that, she had always dedicated at least a few moments of her day to revisiting the plan she’d drafted on the day they'd made the relationship official, about what she would do with him on her couch, but it was after the massage that she decided to start dropping hints and clearer signals on the subject — and so far, she had gotten no results.

Of course, it was still too early to think that not having slept together was a problem, but she had even told Clark he had nice hands, for God's sake! That was practically an explicit invitation. Either he was too slow to understand the obvious, or he simply wasn't interested.

Could it be that he's not interested? Suddenly, it became essential to get a second opinion on the matter. Even more essential than following her instinct for self-preservation.

"How did you…? I mean, how much time did you even spend with us today?" Lois frowned. Her younger sister had gone to the Planet earlier to get a ride with her — Lucy's newly rented apartment was going to be fumigated over the weekend, so she'd need to stay with Lois. They took the opportunity to give Clark a ride too, who ended up sitting in the passenger seat after Lucy insisted she would sit in the back.

"Not much, but I could tell. You said goodbye with a really dull little kiss…”

“Hey, we kiss all the time!” Lois protested. “And they’re great kisses. Of course today was dull, there was a third person present.”

Lucy shrugged again. "I don't know. But I'm right, aren't I? And I got the feeling like you were looking forward to something else.”

Oh, no. Has Cat Grant noticed too? Lois's shoulders slumped in defeat. “Just me? I mean, am I the only one who seems to want something more? And... is it really that obvious?”

“Hmmm. So he's the one who doesn't want it, huh? That's quite a plot twist...”

"Answer my question!"

"Don't worry, I don't think it's like that. He seemed nervous. Maybe he's feeling insecure. Or hiding something."

That didn't help at all. "Lucy, what if he doesn't like women like that? I can't believe I went through this whole process of —" Lois cleared her throat. "— of letting myself date again, only to find out my boyfriend is gay!"

"Wow! It makes sense, though. Seems like only gay men are nice these days. They’re the ones who truly admire and care for women. They just don’t feel…” Lucy widened her eyes comically. “… sexual attraction toward us.”

Lois groaned and buried her face in her hands. She couldn’t believe it! Or rather, considering her track record with men, she could believe it, which made everything even worse. But, she wondered, could Clark really not be attracted to her? Lois had noticed how he looked at her from time to time, lingering on her lips and her collarbone, on her legs and even along the line of her neck. His eyes were always intense, and his kisses, sincere. Could he have been faking it all just to force himself to conform? Had growing up in a small town like Smallville made him hide his true sexuality? And only now, far from his parents and nosy neighbors, was he beginning to question himself?

Before Lois could take her speculation any further, she noticed Lucy's shoulders shaking.

"Are you laughing?"

Lucy couldn’t hold back her guffaw any longer. “You should have seen the look on your face! Of course he’s not gay, you idiot! I was just pulling your leg.”

"That wasn't funny!" Lois crossed her arms, outraged. "And now it's too late. You planted a seed in my head! I'm going to keep thinking that maybe he's gay!"

"Oh, please. Be serious, sis! Do you really believe that?" Since Lois didn't answer, Lucy continued. "I figured. Now, let's consider the more realistic possibilities—"

"He could have a disease! Or a genetic disorder!"

Her older sister's vivid imagination shouldn't be news to Lucy, but sometimes it still caught her off guard. "Maybe," she conceded, thinking that dating Mitchell had really traumatized Lois. "But he could also be a virgin, you never know."

Lois let out an incredulous snort. "No way."

“Well, why not? He seems kind of reserved. And you told me he's from a very small town. Maybe he hasn't had many chances to gain experience."

"That's where you're wrong! It's in small towns that the biggest sex scandals happen. And perverted practices! Things I won't even mention, that don't even happen at universities. It's an underworld, Lucy, trust me. I've heard terrible stories. I bet Clark, even with that cute face of his, got up to a lot of mischief in his late teens."

Lucy raised an eyebrow. "Hmm, I can't believe that. Anyway, he might be hiding something, and if he is, that must be what's preventing you two from getting... intimate."

That made sense. He had been nervous the last few days, and earlier he’d invited her to spend their Saturday off by having breakfast at his place. Could there be something more behind that invitation? Did he want to tell her something?

And what could it be? Had Clark finally surrendered to Cat Grant’s seductions? This is Perry’s fault too, for forcing me to use my days off and leaving them at the Planet without my supervision! The logical next step would be to plan a terrible revenge against the two of them. After crying and eating lots of ice cream, of course.

“But I have to admit I feel like an idiot now that I know you two aren't actually having sex,” Lucy continued, snapping her out of her thoughts. “I moved into my new apartment early precisely because I realized you two were taking your relationship seriously!” She shook her head in disapproval. “I was sure something was going to happen that day I ran off to Britney’s house...”

Lois blinked. “Are you serious? You hurried your move because of that?”

“Mm-hmm. I was even afraid to come spend the weekend here and get in your way. If I’d known it would be like this, I wouldn’t have rushed so much that I ended up choosing an apartment full of cockroaches!”

“I’m sorry about that. And also for telling you that we had a pretty bad cockroach attack here not too long ago.”

"Really? Oh my God!"

“Yes, it was awful. But now we have Juvenilia for damage control.

Lucy raised an eyebrow. “Who?”

On the following morning, Lois headed to 344 Clinton Street. She got out of the car and knocked on the door, trying unsuccessfully not to give in to the theories she’d come up with the night before. Maybe he just wants a simple breakfast, Lane. Stop freaking out!

Clark opened the door before she could knock. "Hi." He cleared his throat. "I heard you coming."

Uh-oh. Definitely not just a simple breakfast.

Clark tried to act casually, at least while gesturing for his girlfriend to help herself to the fruit, bread, cold cuts, and cookies on the table. After they sat down and began to eat, he took a deep breath, trying to draw courage along with the oxygen.

"Lois, I need to tell you something."

She stopped chewing and closed her eyes, grimacing. Here we go. She tried to buy some time. “This bread is wonderful. Where did you get it?

"Oh. The bread?" He seemed slightly disoriented, but quickly composed himself. "You see, the true answer is actually pretty funny, because it has everything to do with this important thing I need to tell you."

What does bread have to do with this?, Lois wondered. But apparently, she wasn’t entitled to a moment of relief before having her heart broken. "I figured. That you had something to tell me."

"I figured, too. That you’d already figured it out, I mean. Um. I know I've been acting kind of weird, and that you were starting to get suspicious." He took another breath. "God, I don't even know where to begin saying this…"

"I already know. You decided to dump me for Cat.”

Clark froze and forced his eyes to drag from the table up to his girlfriend. "What?"

Lois rolled her eyes, hoping they weren't glistening with unshed tears. "It can't be that hard to confess it. And it's not like it would be the first time–"

"No." He shook his head vigorously. "I've never given you any reason to think that, and I don't know where you got that idea– No, wait, I do know: from the voices in your head! Lois, you need to stop being so paranoid. Sometimes it hurts me how much you still don't trust me!"

"Should I trust you?" Lois retorted. "You're the one standing there all nervous, saying you need to tell me something. What do you want me to imagine, if not the worst-case scenario?"

“The worst-case scenario? Is that the worst-case scenario? What if I were, let's say, an alien?”

“Oh, right! What if my grandmother were a fridge? That would be a pretty bad scenario too, don’t you think? Oh, please, Clark!”

“Aha! So you do think it’s a bad thing!”

“What do I think is a bad thing?”

“Me being an alien!”

“You– I didn’t say that! What are you getting at, anyway? Are you an alien, by any chance? Do you have little antennae hidden in your hair? Don’t tell me you also have green skin and cover it up with makeup every day!”

Clark looked away, running his hand through his hair. This was turning into a mess, and it wasn’t how he wanted to tell her his secret. The best thing to do right now, he decided, was to start at the beginning. "Lois, I didn't leave you for Cat Grant or anyone else. And I never will. I don't intend to break up with you. Ever."

“Oh.” Another one of those extremely sensitive things he said as if it were nothing. Lois bit her lip. "You don't?"

"I want us to stay together," he hesitated, clearly holding back from adding something, "as far as it depends on me. The truth is, I'm afraid you'll break up with me when you hear what I have to say."

"Are you gay?"

A heavy silence fell between them like a massive block.

“What?" Clark wondered if Lois would ever stop surprising him every five minutes.

"You heard me." She crossed her arms. Clark just stared at her. "Hey, don't look at me like that!"

“Lois, I'm not answering that.”

“Why not? It’s a very simple question.”

He remained impassive, so she had to give in, uncrossing her arms and sighing. "Okay, fine, that was a stupid thing to ask. But then, if you're not with Cat and you're not gay, what's the problem?"

Clark avoided her gaze and speared a muffin with his fork. "The Blur." There. There was no turning back now.

"The Blur? What does he have to do with me potentially breaking up with you? I mean, aside from the fact that you magically disappear or turn into a complete klutz whenever we're investigating him."

"Hey!"

Lois shrugged and took a bite of her sandwich. "Sorry, but it's the truth. And haven't you mangled that muffin enough already?"

He looked down. The poor muffin was all stabbed and squashed, just like his resolve. Frowning, Clark tossed it into his mouth in one go, chewed quickly, and swallowed.

"Right." He cleared his throat. "The thing is: I'm the Blur."

Lois, on the other hand, forced herself to chew slowly. "You're the Blur? You mean, that mysterious lifesaver who moves faster than the human eye can see?"

"I know this sounds unbelievable. But I do have special abilities. Powers, you could say."

"Powers?"

"Yeah. I can carry really heavy things, move very fast, fly… Everything the Blur does and more."

He seemed to be speaking even more seriously than when he had told her that his hometown was called Smallville. "Oh, right. Powers." Lois took a sip of orange juice and brushed the crumbs off her hands.

“Because I really am an alien. Probably. But I'm serious. Maybe I'm the result of a Russian experiment. But more likely an alien, judging by the spaceship my parents found me in when I was a baby. I know what you're thinking – this sounds crazy – but have you ever heard of the Fermi paradox? The probability of extraterrestrial life existing is actually very high.”

It was a shame to abandon such a delicious bread, but Lois had to get up to leave. "Alien. Spaceship. Fermi paradox. Cool, cool. You know what, Clark, I have to go. Um, Lucy asked me to… pick up a package for her! And it has to be now. I’d forgotten about the time. But we'll talk later, okay?"

Of all the possible reasons Lois had imagined for why Clark was acting so strange, him having a psychotic break wasn’t on the list. Of course, now that she thought about it, it made sense. A farm boy surrounded by the terrors of Metropolis like prey thrown to the wolves, she reflected, worried, scurrying toward the door in a way she hoped didn't look too desperate. The poor thing must be in shock. Maybe, if he went back to his cows and chickens and vegetables, he'd be better in a few weeks. Perry would give him a leave of absence, for sure, but Lois would also ask the chief to let her accompany her boyfriend to Smallville. It certainly wasn't safe to let people in the middle of a breakdown fly alone.

When she turned the doorknob, Clark appeared in front of her so suddenly that at first she saw nothing but a blur. Startled, she took a step back.

"Lois, please, stay. I won’t stop you from going if you want to… But you didn't expect me to fall for that, did you? That excuse was just as bad as the ones I make up when I need to leave to save someone."

***

After hearing the whole explanation about the circumstances of his adoption and about his teenage years, when his powers started to emerge, Lois challenged Clark to show her those so-called powers. He used his speed again, set fire to an old newspaper with his own eyes, put out the fire with a freezing breath, used a non-freezing breath to lift a large plant pot, lifted the heavy television stand with one hand, warped a knife while trying to stab it into his stomach (which almost gave her a heart attack), and floated.

Frozen in place on the couch, Lois was speechless – which was very rare, but considering that her whole world had stopped making sense, it was an understandable reaction.

"So," Clark began, clearing his throat, "it doesn't seem like I'm crazy anymore, does it?"

"Not at all! Now it seems like we both are!" She stood up abruptly and went over to him, waving her hands around him frantically. "Okay, where are the transparent wires or whatever? Or is there something in your shoes? Do they have some sort of propeller? There's no way you–"

As she spoke, Clark took off his shoes, tossing them along with his socks into a corner of the room. Then, he held her waist with both hands and lifted the two of them up to the ceiling. "You were saying…?"

Lois gripped his shoulders as he practically waltzed them through the air across the room. Fine, she admitted, so it wasn't a trick. It was just physics collapsing before her eyes. Gravity was dead, suffocated, run over on a sidewalk, exploded to a million tiny pieces. Isaac Newton was certainly rolling over in his grave, and his ghost might very well come after them seeking revenge. No big deal.

Clark set them down on the couch, side by side.

"Are you okay?" He removed his hands from Lois's waist, wondering if that would be the last time he ever touched her. Her hands were still on his shoulders, grasping so tightly they would have hurt an ordinary man. The physical contact almost kept him from feeling guilty after invading her privacy with the unsolicited flight.

Besides, Clark would be lying if he said he hadn't dreamed of doing this. Taking her flying. Maybe that had been his only chance.

Lois took a deep breath once, twice, three times. Blinking, she released Clark from her grip. "So… you're an alien?"

"Yes. Like I said, most likely. Ever since the Blur appeared, the government has been talking about that possibility. I suspect they know something I don't. Maybe they have my spaceship. My parents never found it again after they rescued me."

"So you're an alien."

Control yourself, Kent. She's not your therapist, and she doesn't need to hear you ramble while she's recovering from a shock like this. Calmly, Clark nodded, watching her intently. "Yes."

A million thoughts and questions popped into Lois’s mind. So intelligent extraterrestrial life really did exist? Were there other alien species besides his own? And his species, of all possibilities, looked just like humans? Or was it a super-adaptive ability that Clark didn’t even know he had? Did he really have no idea of his origins? What were the limits of his powers, if there were any limits at all? Was he truly aware that he had just dropped the biggest news of the century – no, of human history – into the lap of Metropolis’s most ambitious journalist? Did he trust her that much?

But somehow, the question that first formed on her lips was, "Is that why we haven't had sex yet?"

Clark's jaw dropped. "I– We– We haven't– Excuse me?"

Slightly regretting having brought up that particular topic, Lois tried to act normal and forced herself to continue. "Don't play dumb, you understood me! I've tried to… drop some hints. A few times. And you always changed the subject."

"O-Of course. I couldn't… I mean, it wouldn't have been fair to you–"

"Clark, why are you blushing so much? Isn't your skin supposed to be invulnerable too?"

Clark let out a frustrated grunt. She's going to ruin my sanity one day. "Apparently, you're going to leave me vulnerable to a lot of things," he muttered. Then, louder, he cleared his throat and resumed the conversation with more control. "As I was saying, I couldn't… sleep with you without telling you this. It doesn't sound very nice to find out you had sex with an alien without knowing that your partner was an alien."

After a moment digesting his justification, Lois hesitantly touched his arm. "Thank you for considering that. But you know I could never feel disgusted by you, right?"

He felt a weight he hadn't even known was there lift from his shoulders. "I… thought so." And I dared to hope. "But it's so good to hear you say that. Thank you, Lois."

"Don't mention it." Lois gave him a quick pat on the shoulder. "Does this mean we can have sex now?"

Clark choked. "N-Now?"

"No!" Lois raised her hands, now blushing too. "I meant sometime. In the future. When we feel comfortable."

"Oh!" He stared at her over his glasses. "So you’re asking if my anatomy…?"

"Well, yes, do you have... you know..."

"I do! I have, um, all the parts of a man." That had to be the most awkward conversation he'd ever had.

"Oh! Great. I mean– Yeah, good. But I was also wondering… maybe you were afraid of hurting me? I understand you've been controlling your strength since you were a teenager and you're an expert at it, but since sex is partly about… losing control…" She made a vague gesture, not wanting to finish the sentence.

Her concern was valid and logical; in fact, something Clark himself had already considered without reaching a satisfactory conclusion. They would probably only find out when they moved from theory to practice. "About that, I think you could take the lead? At first. And then, as I get the hang of it…"

Lois nodded frantically. "Yes. Yes. That makes sense."

"It does, right? Good. Yeah."

A long, awkward silence settled between them.

Suddenly, Lois realized something.

"Wait, so that means you're a virgin?" Clark avoided eye contact and turned red again, which was answer enough. "Oh, my God." She couldn’t believe Lucy was right! The Lane sisters' imaginary scoreboard would really be lopsided after this. “Oh, my God.”

"Is that a problem?" Like, bigger than me being an alien?, he almost added, desperate.

"No! It’s not that. I just… wasn’t expecting it. But actually, it makes sense," she said. "You told me I'm the only one who knows, except for your parents. And you’d only sleep with someone who knows everything about you."

"Exactly!" He was glad she understood. "Lois, I'm different. I couldn't pretend that sharing that part of my life with just anyone was normal. Besides…" Clark shrugged. "I don't resent it, actually. I've had girlfriends, and there were times when we almost, um, crossed the threshold. But in the end, I never really felt like breaking my own rule."

Lois nodded calmly, afraid of reading too much into what he’d said. "But… you told me."

"I told you." Clark stared at her seriously. "Because I want a serious and honest relationship with you, Lois. Because I want this to work. Us."

"But how can you be sure I'm the right person? I mean–"

"Lois." He touched her shoulder gently. "I know."

A warm, comforting feeling welled up in her chest and made her cheeks flush. "Fine! All right. I'll accept your answer, even though you didn't present a rational argument. But just because…"

"Just because why?"

She sighed, captivated by his warm brown eyes. "Just because I think I'm in love with you."

Clark’s heart skipped a beat. “You are?”

“I said I think! You really need to stop editing my copy! But, yeah, maybe.”

He broke into a bright smile and pulled her towards him. This was turning out to be the best day of his life. With Lois, suddenly his whole life seemed to get better every day, actually. "I love you, Lois Lane."

Their kiss was, if possible, also better than all the others, and although Lois was dizzy when it ended, she still had the presence of mind to raise an essential issue. "Clark, what about the Blur?"

"Hmm? What about him?"

"It doesn't make sense for you to keep being him. Sooner or later, people will get suspicious and you'll get into trouble. Haven't you ever thought about creating a secret identity or something like that?"

"I have… But honestly, I'd rather take that risk as the Blur than disguise myself. The media would never leave a masked hero alone. At least as the Blur, no one really sees me."

"I get it." Lois took off his glasses gently and studied his features. "Hmm. Clark. I have an idea."

He made a face. "Why do I feel like I should be worried?"

She slapped his chest. "Stop that. I always have great ideas. Tell me something, can your mother sew?"

"Very well. Why?"

"Great. You know, I enjoyed flying earlier. I think we should do it again. Toward Smallville this time."

"Oh!" Clark hoped he wasn't showing just how extremely pleased he was with the proposal. "Sure. My parents would love to show you our home."

"I bet they would. I think I'll take the opportunity to ask for a chicken from your farm to hunt down the cockroaches that invade my apartment. Lucy will probably want one too. Or would it be better to take two? Her apartment was in a critical state." She stood up. "So, how does this work? Are you going to carry me?”

He stood up as well. "You want to go now?"

"Of course. With your powers, you can get us there pretty fast, right?"

"Mm-hm." Clark bent down to pick her up by her shoulders and the backs of her knees, smiling for having her in his arms, accepting all the strange things about him. Then he headed to the balcony, and she let out a little giggle. He tilted his head to study her. "Lois, what are you up to?"

In response, she clicked her tongue and patted his chest. "Wait and see, farmboy. We're going to turn you into some kind of super-guy. No, super-man! Yeah, I think that sounds better."

"Superman? I don't know if I can call myself that, Lois…"

"You're not the one who's going to call yourself that, Clark, I am. Now let's go. I have a feeling Martha is going to love my idea."

Clark shuddered, but obeyed and took flight. Between his mother and his girlfriend, he would be lucky if his invulnerability was enough to protect him.





Final notes: There will be a time skip in the next part, which will be the last in the series. Thanks for reading! Consider leaving a comment to make this author happy

Next part: Part 6 (final)

Loving this series and how they keep coming back to Lois' non-existent child. The revelation was awesome. It's a great twist to have him tell her when she's not aware of someone like Superman even existing. Thanks so much for sharing.

I'm glad to know you're enjoying it! Thank you so much for commenting <3

Loved the revelation! I’m glad Clark told Lois the truth. Your dialog is wonderful and I like how Superman was created. I’m really enjoying this series. Thank you!

Hi peixinho!

Is he going to finally give in and show her what a heavenly lover he is?

LOIS: Sex. Always Sex. You can’t even obsess about having sex with your exclusive boyfriend of several months without him starting to consider the theoretical idea of eventually planning to have a conversation about perhaps moving our relationship towards a physical expression of our love. Maybe even as soon as on our first wedding night.


So, physical intimacy being brought up again by her libido?


Panic. Baton down the hatches! Ready the bunkers! Repent your sins! For the end is nigh!


Which actually helped in defusing the tension somewhat. After all, sexual tension doesn’t mix well with professional competition


What if he’s secretly planting subliminal messages in her copy?


It’s the main reason why so many soldiers in brains civilian governments would prefer the rule of a junta.


Oh, there’s a lot she could do. She could say ‘no’. She could date random guys at a bar. She could fawn over The Blur. She could try and land a date with the third-richest (TM) man on the planet (well, the city, but who’s counting). She could even join a nunnery (sic).


Boy, she’s totally smitten by her little boy-toy.


Like the … hot wind it was.


I’m sure that attempt lasted long.


Now I’m thinking … umm… Momentum II by Kathy Brown.


Rest of the newsroom: It’s about time! Who had four months? No, not *that*, Cat.


His intimacy issues? Or her lack of intimacy issues?


See? Even Lucy’s confused.


Also, they’ve slept together plenty of times, thank you very much. Just last week, they slept together in her Jeep for half the night.


No, and that tension will rise for a couple more years.


Being a tad frustrated by her lack of intimacy issues?


Not that they’re related. Or to the fact that Clark disappears into the closet or the washroom when tensions rise.


Yes, libido is no longer being suppressed and now she’s starting to have...issues.


Oh that’s the most adorably cute thing ever! Also, she might need to draw him a diagram. He doesn’t really understand the concept. You see, on the farm, the chickens came from eggs and the calves from the cow market. There was that *one* article about the mating habits of the knob-tailed gecko, but that only explained how the male gecko threw berries on passing-by people and reporters to impress the female gecko. The actual IKEA-instructions still sit unopened in a plastic sleeve in his bedroom, together with the latex dress and the leash that came stuffed in the side compartment of the space capsule.


Except that they’ve spent more time together than some couples who have already been married for several years.


Umm...no...only in 19th-century English romance novels.


She could try the robe thing. Also, you skipped the Pheromones, didn’t you?


Yes, he’s actually far more interested in Jimmy, but too shy to say so. As for the rest, there’s no way that could backfire. I’m assuming she will have Cat perform a test.


Little sneak wanted to observe the male and female reporters in their natural habitat during mating season?


Like an old married couple?


Yes, they didn’t want to give a show. Right.





Like he’s married or something?


Yes. That’s it! He prefers women with a more...greenish skin tone and tentacles.


He’s a considerate. A great listener. Wonderful sense of fashion. And no risk of cheating on her with her sister or female coworkers. Perfect boyfriend.

LOIS: He won’t have sex with me!

READER: Nobody’s perfect?


Yes. Sort of. He’s into alien women. You know, women not born of Krypton.


Oh, that’s a fun tease! Don’t tell Lois I said so!


/points at one sure-fire way to find out/ It just...involves a different type of clothing.


Lucy’s jokes are getting more and more outlandish!


Like behind the Diary Freeze? Under the bleachers. With the bubbly blonde cheerleader. Uh-huh.


Cross-dressing! Spandex! Weird stuff with paint and candles.


He didn’t even cow-dip!


Yes, because Lois wasn’t giving it away freely, he was making sure he got the full girlfriend experience with Cat’s assistance.


She could have argued that she needs Clark for an investigation into chalet scams in the New Troy hills.


I’m terribly sorry, but … umm… maybe Lois really could benefit from some healthy intimate attentions by her man?


Molehill meet mountain.

LOIS: Did the reader call me fat?


that’s unexpectedly considerate!

LUCY: I went to college. I had a dorm room. I did not want to experience that situation again!


France? Or is it good black bread more common in Germany?


Yes, Cat is into artisanal sourdough bread. She got a starter dough with a name and everything.


She had too much time alone. Too many hormones. Too many lonely nights when Clark refused to touch her.


Umm…. I’m not sure that telling her he thinks she has voices in her head is beneficial to their conversation. Or the state of their former relationship.


Of course she doesn’t trust him. He’s a man who works with her, disappears on her, and won’t sleep with her. There must be something wrong with him!


There’s a burglary option?


LOIS: Is that an option? Could I get probed by the alien? It’s time, you know?


Oops? /Hands them a pair of shovels for digging holes/


Only one antenna. And it’s well… I won’t discuss the rest on the boards.


Don’t be daft! That’s lizard people and they use latex suits. Just ask Lex.


Now she gets to think he’s a crazy stalker who will put her into the fridge in his apartment!


Yes, but he can keep her with him on an island.





Is she going to spell out the source of her frustration?


Now it’s out. And he didn’t even have to rely on primary colors to do it.


Yes, but does he have the power to satisfy Lois Lane?

LOIS: In my experience: No.


I did *not* predict that reaction.


She’s The Blur, too!


That’s why you always, always check your boyfriend’s medicine cabinet for anti-psychosis medication.


/psst/ that’s animal-like. Maybe ‘guy’?


nah, all he needs is the warm embrace of a woman.


Yes. Same as drive alone. He might collide with an airplane or something.


He knows about his excuses? Next you tell me he knows about his ties, too!

CLARK: What about my ties?


There’s a fic where he vibrates his fingers very quickly.


Ooooh, yes, he should show her his wireless body. She should be allowed to examine his naked stomach. He could even demonstrate his power to make Lois Lane stop babbling and start floating herself.


Or he had a lot of beans for breakfast.


Yes. Two arms. Two legs. Ten fingers. Ten toes. One tongue. One antenna. Perfectly normal alien.


He hasn’t yet picked up on her clues about having an intimate relationship, she the jury’s still out about the ‘intelligent’ part.


/places Clark next to Lois’s former boyfriends/ You were saying…?


/marks down ‘nay’ in the ‘intelligence’ line of the spreadsheet/


He’s just a simple farm boy standing in front of a city girl...


one track mind that one has I do enjoy a one-track double-entendre Lois.





Yes, but she...didn’t drop any clothing. It’s perfectly understandable that he’s confused.


And it took him four *months* to realize that?


Some of the Greek gods did it all the time! Also, no one likes to find out they’ve been probed by an alien.


Doesn’t mean she wont start to throw up after enough sleeping was done.


I completely did not expect that.

LOIS: It’s been four months. And I was never a patient woman to begin with.


Science experiment!


She needs to be more precise. He would never ask her if she’s feeling comfortable!


Yes, he has a perfectly normal antenna.


The Bicentennial Man showed up in the streaming service recently. I think I remember correctly that this was an upgrade. So, he...could be referring to a box somewhere


Most adorable!


Lucy was right. Lois will never hear the end of it now.





Lois Lane is out of counter-arguments. I can’t believe it.


In front of the altar:
LOIS: I do… I think.
CLARK: - - -
LOIS: Don’t edit my copy!


She just recently had the idea that they should have sex!


MARTHA: So, I made up the bed in your old room…


That’s what he gets for telling the truth.


See?


Given the title, I was thinking we might see Lane Kent. The time skip confirms it. I mean, sure, it could just be their couples-persona, but I don’t think so. Much more symmetry with the first part that way.


Umm…

Another extremely entertaining part You’re a most quirky writer Also, sorry, I think I might have overdone the quoting

Michael

Songbird, thank you for commenting! I had fun writing that part of the dialogue too, although it was a little embarrassing as well But writing is, in a way, an invasion of other people's privacy, isn't it?

Michael,


LOIS:

That could make for an interesting fic too.

I think I know that one. It must be one of the few nFics I've read all the way through. Or did I not finish it? Yeah, actually, I don't think I read the whole thing. I'll check later.

Which is very effective for building emotional intimacy, a much more important thing.
LOIS: Yeah, I didn't say the opposite, but still...

I love that line. Now I'm thinking I should have included it somewhere in this fic.



I'm serious, I've seen lots of women talking about this!

What didn't I skip?

LUCY: Hey, "wanted" is a very strong word!

That's what I've been trying to tell one of my gay friends, but he rejected me coldly Ughhh.



As someone who lives in a small town, I can confirm that I know a lot of things about other people's lives that I would rather not know!



Lucy is so sweet.

As someone who has spent some time in a university dorm, I can confirm that I know a lot of things about the people who lived there that I would also rather not know!

That's what I thought. I think I was in the mood for a croissant when I wrote that.

Speaking of which, did it come across as harsher than I intended? That's a pretty common joke around here.

That's what I was about to say

Noted!

Thank you. I saw someone using "poor thing" somewhere with that meaning, so I thought it would fit. But looking at it now, I think I got confused...



Definitely. After all, reproduction is necessary for life to exist. Jor-El and Lara would be very concerned about him.

True, you've got a point.

It's one of those things people say every day!

I feel like I'm observing two awkward animals and taking notes from behind a glass wall. Maybe if we leave the subjects alone without our supervision, they'll do better?

Miracles do happen!

What a coincidence, my advisor (for my undergraduate thesis) said the same thing to me about two weeks before you posted this comment. But the way he said it, I couldn't tell whether it was a compliment or whether he was tired of me Poor man, I think I made him suffer almost as much as he made me suffer (which was quite a lot).

Never apologize for that! I'm glad you had fun reading it!

P. S.: Michael, have you ever read anything by Liane Moriarty? Something tells me you might really enjoy her style. If you haven't read anything by her yet, I highly recommend The Husband's Secret. I think you'd also like Truly Madly Guilty. And Nine Perfect Strangers. She's actually been a big inspiration to me.

Hi peixinho!
Oooh, the flaming heart is a new one


It’s heartfelt revelatory feelings all the way through.


It is particularly inspired, isn’t it? I did once look both on the gfic and nfic sides to see if there’s a story titled “The Diagram”.





Scarred for life. Worse than catching her parents not having sex.


And now you can also much better understand the issues Cat’s coworkers are facing.


Nope, no worries! I mean, I have no idea what Lois would actually about it, but I didn’t find it harsh. Also, you might want to check out “I’ve just been thinking” by TJ Gruffs. Talk about the voices in your head


Maybe they talked about an alien they found?


How can you even suggest that. That’s what the one-way-mirrors are for! Oh, look, the female of the species is checking her hair again.

You gave as good as you got


I really did!


Nope. Thanks for the suggestion. I checked it out on Wikipedia. Not sure if it’s a thematic match for me though.

Michael

Get ready to be a Superhero!

The Lane series has been hilarious! Thanks for the laughter!

Thanks for commenting! ^^



I found some really cool emojis, some of them extremely specific haha!

NOT ! (That sentence is much deeper than it might seem at first glance, huh?)

I've read part of this one too! (Hm, I'm doing this too much )

And the male of the species (debatable) is choosing yet another weird tie.

Oh, what a shame. I think she blends drama and comedy with incredible skill. She tackles sensitive subjects, but in a way that doesn't feel overwhelming, and there are lots of funny scenes. She draws you in with the suspense and also writes about sex and relationships in a really interesting way, unlike anything I've read before. That's what made me think you might enjoy her books (Narrator's voice: Peixinho has not given up yet, because she believes Wikipedia's summary did not do the author's work justice )