Hi Author!
Disclaimer: there’s guesses all throughout. If you haven’t guessed yourself yet, beware!
It’s a long one. Not Queenie then.
All the Kents down in Smallville liked Christmas a lot; but Miss Lane, who lived quite far from Smallville, did not.
A rhyme fic?
Also
“Miss Lane”? Queenie, is that you? /checks story/ It’s long, but many short parts. Hmmm…
Or at least, that’s how it seemed to Clark.
Clark calling his Mistress “Miss Lane” at the office did track.
, his partner remained completely focused with typing on her computer.
LOIS: Story! Kerth! Shoo!
The only clue that she might not be utterly oblivious to the festive atmosphere was a glare on her features that deepened every time someone wished her a merry Christmas. Clark half expected her to reply with a “Bah, Humbug”.
It’s intricately worded and has a sort of bubbly fun to it. Yes, it could be Queenfic here.
Spelling hint!
/edit: searches boards/
Hm…nope, nothing specific. And if I hadn’t already tapped Blueowl and Bek would also be playing, I might be in trouble. Now this leaves Evie and Mary. I stick with Mary because I already know her comedic chops and there’s a ton of hints for Queenfic.
Another hint!
/searches/
And exactly one hit on the search
The response from the crowd averaged out to a non-committal hum, and most began drifting back to their respective desks.
Oh, that’s cute!
, “If these Completely Voluntary positions don’t get filled,
Mandatory volunteerness. I love it!
paychecks a merry Christmas.
Need to check if most US authors use lowercase or uppercase ‘merry’. Also, would Queenie be this devious?
/researches/
Ah, lower case is the proper form for middle for the sentence.
I forgot: yes.
Just what?” Perry raised an eyebrow. “Another fish died, this year? You’re coming down with Seasonal Affect Disorder again and don’t want to be contagious? Your Great Aunt Matilda is visiting from out of town, somehow, despite having died when you were four?”
Still funny!
Lois winced at that last one. “No, of course not, Perry, I just…uh…I’m…Jewish!”
/goes and marks fic down as Queenfic/
(Mary does a lovely comic that sports a Jewish Lois.)
. “I never really had a reason to mention it before,
In the comic it’s also understated, just a necklace and some background stuff at home. I think a menorah is seen on the mantle.
completely Jewish. Orthodox, even!
Not with those skirts, Missy!
So, you see, going to a Christmas party would be completely against my religion.”
She’s good when she’s bad
Perry blinked. “Uh…well. That…certainly changes things. I’ll…uh…have a word with HR.” He headed towards the elevators, looking slightly perplexed.
How Lois Lane killed Christmas.
PERRY: I have talked with HR and got a memo from the board. In order to avoid lawsuits and to make sure our best and brightest don’t quit because we offend them, there will be new policies instituted:
No more Christmas party or decorations or games at the office. You may quietly wish your colleagues ‘happy holidays’ after you have both left the building premises.
No more clothing that does not cover at least the elbows and knees and neck while sitting down. Heels have a limit of half an inch max.
CAT: /arrives at the office dressed in a bikini, elbow and knee protectors, and a silk scarf around the neck/ What?
No more flirting or telling of romantic exploits or otherwise engaging in anything that is not a professional work relationship.
LOIS: Does this mean Cat is now gonna charge her gentleman callers?
“Well, there’s a lot about me you don’t know,” Lois replied. She cleared her throat and stood. “Now if you’ll excuse me, I have important things to do. Have fun with your holiday…party…thing.” And then she practically bolted for the stairs.
What is she up to? Does she have to get rid of holiday cheer back home? Nah. Then what… oooooh, continue reading to find out. Duh!
At the coffee station, Cat sidled up to Jimmy as he was signing his name on the line for Secret Santa Organizer. “Ah, so you’re the man I need to talk to!”
Going to have requests on how her stocking should’ve stuffed? Or who should do the stuffing?
Jimmy’s fingers fumbled as he tried to set the pen down, but he managed to catch it before it could fall into the coffee pot. “Uh, what?”
She grabbed the lapel of his jacket and spun him around to face her. His heart raced. “Clark Kent.
Now who would have guessed? She wants Clark to stuff her stocking.
I need to be his secret Santa.
Oops? Hmm… close enough.
. I’ve got a gift idea for him that’ll definitely melt the ice and get him under my tree, if you get my drift.”. She grinned wickedly.
Let’s hope she won’t meet him decked out like a Christmas tree.
Perry thinks we’re better off with just slips of paper and a fish bowl.”
Yes. That way people can make sure it’s on the up and up.
. “You’re always welcome under *my* Christmas tree, Cat…”
Jimmy!
Jimmy sighed. “Maybe next year, then.”
Part Three
Certainly short enough part-scenes (or is it scene-parts?) for Queenfic. It did not feel 100% like Quuenfic dialog/setup though. Less innuendo usually. She might be trying to throw innocent readers off, though.
we’re going to include a little more variety in the festivities.”
Like they did on Babylon 5, when they presented humanity’s collection of believes to the alien dignitaries!
“And you’re in charge of Hanukkah!” he announced with a broad grin.
Oops?
“When the boys in HR heard you were so passionate about not compromising your religion, it made sense that you should take point on making sure your culture is represented properly
And why you should start documenting your employees faith and relationship status in the personal file.
And isn’t this a wonderful early nineties reference, the entire HR department being male.
I can’t wait to learn more about your people’s holiday! I understand potato pancakes are involved?”
Perry’s a crack!
A nervous laugh escaped her. Potato pancakes? Was…was he joking? Or was that a real thing?
It never came up on The Nanny that way, and I don’t wanna Google right now, so… moving on. I do think Mary put the odd factoid into her comic, though, it was more than just a gimmick which makes this either a very well researched decoy fic (better researched than TV shows usually are, which, okay, is true for most of the work on the boards) or Queenfic.
“Well, uh, there’s…definitely food…”. That was a safe bet, right?
Or…wait, didn’t some religions do fasting? What if this was a fasting kind of holiday?
On The Nanny, they joked that each Jewish holiday being about getting stuffed.
Once he was gone, Lois buried her face in her hands and groaned.
Part Four
Yes. Queenfic. And the first time she’ll be up for nomination in the short story category I think instead of super short. Can we call this an Epic Royal?
Just as he started to prepare a coffee for his partner, Ralph appeared by his elbow
You missed a comma there after ‘Ralph’, I think.
“Hey, Kent! Have you heard? They’re canceling the Christmas party and replacing it with some generic Holiday thing!”
Yes, no more secretaries in elf costumes running around and playing Dodge-the-Ralph.
Someone did a bunch of whining that Christmas wasn’t inclusive enough,
. The red and green decorations are gonna be swapped for beige and taupe, and instead of a tree, we’re going to have a ‘Winter Holiday Plant’
Egg plant based? It works with the color scheme.
I heard it’s going to be a fern or something…”
But not the one from Lois’s desk, right?
Clark frowned. “I thought Stephanie wasn’t speaking to you.”
Cute!
“No, but Rodney down in the presses is. Like I said: straight from the horse’s mouth!”
Telephone game, just like his sources. The reason Perry only has him do dog shows. Doesn’t even let him near the combined Dog and Pony shows after Ralph erroneously reported there was a donkey smuggled in between the ponies. Was a big scandal and all.
. “Well, we probably can’t say the other thing anymore, so Happy Winter Holiday, Clark!”
They could wish Happy Winter Solstice!
“Uh…” Clark stared in disbelief at the man’s retreating back. “…You too.”
Part Five
Does he already realize that it’s Lois’s fault?
She dove into the room, closing the door behind her. “Are those the names for the secret santa?”
Okay, why am I flashing to Soviet-era honey trap espionage?
Cat advanced. “Jimmy…I will give you ten dollars if you leave me alone with that fishbowl for a few minutes.”
That’s cheap!
Cat sighed. “I know the phone number of a girl in Research who thinks you’re cute.”
That’s playing dirty!
CAT: I’m a dirty dirty girl!
Jimmy stared down at the fishbowl for a bit. “Hey, Cat? I suddenly have to go to the bathroom for a few minutes. Could you watch this for me while I’m gone?”
“Alright, Studville, where are you…”
Need to check if Studville was used before. But so far, thus is still showing all the signs of Queenfic.
/edit: searches… nope/
/checks scroll/
Is this actually gonna be 24 parts to match the 24 days of Advent?
After all, if anyone in the Planet actually celebrated Hanukkah, they would have said something about the Christmas party before now, right?
Yeah nope.
and a whole lot of Grade A Bull—
Clark could fly that in from the farm. And if Lois draws Ralph, she can package the unused rest for her dear colleague.
The two men smiled at her. “Hi, yourself!” Frank said. “We heard you arranged for us to finally have some representation at the party.”
Hehehe
👆
“Very…culturally appropriate and…traditional. Now, if you’ll excuse me…”
Library. Or a synagogue.
Lois closed her eyes and resisted the sudden urge to scream.
Please excuse me while I do not resist my sudden urge to laugh.
When Jimmy returned to the copier room, he officially did not see Cat Grant sitting in the middle of the floor, surrounded by uncrumpled papers, the empty fishbowl in her lap.
Cat looked startled. “Some names were picked already?”
“Well, yeah.” Jimmy reached down and took the fishbowl from her. “People have been picking names from it since this morning.”
Hehehe.
“Hey, wait! What about that phone-number?!” Jimmy called, but the door swung shut behind her.
He can probably forget about that. Can be lucky in fact if Cat doesn’t finger him as some kind of incestuous pervert.
frequently ducking out of the office with the flimsiest excuses (were his own excuses that bad?!)
Not to his neighbor’s fishes’ cat.
As soon as he stepped inside, she closed the door behind him and locked it again. “Hey. Um, are you okay?”
Worried about spies?
Lois threw her hands in the air and whirled to face him. “Everything! I screwed up big time!”
She could always hire on at the Star or another publication with a much less rigid relationship with the truth.
I’ll probably have to convert now, just to save face!
Can you even convert to Judaism if you’re a woman? Don’t they have to cut something off?!”
🥕✂️
“Woah, hang on there.” Clark reached out to still her now-frantic pacing. “You’re…not Jewish?”
Yes, Clark. The concept is called ‘lying’. Grown ups do that when they want to avoid negative consequences of an action they did or plan to do.
And trust me, just asking to be left alone isn’t an option.” She sighed again. “You’re either jolly, or you’re the Grinch.”
Oooh, what if Lex tries to get Lois to enjoy his Christmas party ?
but I promise: this will be the best Hannukah you ever had!”
Which should be rather easy. Also, supportive Clark!
Eduardo Friaz looked her over, warily. “I’m married, Cat.”
“Well, so did I,” Cat replied.
LOIS: I knew she had plastic surgery!
Although…feel free to have your wife ask, if you want an extra happy new year!” She winked.
Awwwww, charitable Cat!
He stepped onto the elevator. “Santa is going to need more coal this year,” he grumbled.
Cat gets chased around the office by Krampus and his switch. Say, Mary, what do you think when you hear ‘Merry Switchmas at the House of Leather’?
“As if we follow the romantic goings-on of our coworkers like it’s a daytime television drama!”
Why else would you go to the trouble of going to work?
“Ooh, is that the one with Rod Hardbody?” Frank asked.
“Yep,” said Todd. “Back when he was Rod Nobody.”
I get the feeling that at least Frank isn’t just Jewish.
They nodded understandingly. Frank reached over and put a hand on Clark’s shoulder. “Well, you and the rest of the Planet are in for a treat. You see…”
This would have been the perfect prank opportunity. But I like it being played straight. Makes it a dignified affair.
His face broke into a grin. “Well, I know you’re Orthodox and all, but in order to make this work, we’re going to have to break the rule against working on the day of Shabot.”
Doesn’t she break that one all the time?
He dodged her thrown kitchen towel with a laugh.
“Superman got this?!” Lois picked up the second dreidel.
“Um, I asked him for a favor,” Clark replied.
Yes.
do you know where he got the money?”
If you’re fast enough, shoplifting isn’t an issue.
Apparently, the ancient Greeks once conquered Israel and forbade the people from practicing their own religion in their own country.
/runs off to Wikipedia/
Lois nodded absently. This might not be so bad, if chocolate was involved.
I was going to mention chocolate.
He fished a bottle of canola oil out of another bag. “…foods fried in oil are a must!”
Lois’ good mood evaporated again. Of course there would be cooking.
And we already had one story with Lois nearly dying in a grease fire.
and the tasks he gave her to do were simple enough that even someone with her unique culinary skills wouldn’t botch anything.
Bring a glass of water?
Bring a bottle of milk?
Have some wine on the sofa while watching Ivory Tower ?
She caught herself watching the way his muscles moved as he whisked batter while swaying to the Jingle Bell Rock… of course, if he ever looked her way, then she was suddenly completely engrossed in whatever concoction he had her stirring.
Aww, she likes him! And Cat got him as a giftee! Meow!
Maybe next year, she’d even get a tree
“Merry Christmas,” he replied automatically, then froze. Wasn’t that Peggy from Research? Was she greeting him because she was the one who liked him?
“For the senior center,” she explained cheerfully. “That table is for the Planet’s annual charity drive. Why? Is there something you still want to contribute?”
Oh boy. Also, what will the happy senior say to the boudoir shot of Cat?
![[Linked Image]](https://cosgan.de/images/smilie/muede/s035.gif)
The newsroom looked like an exploded Christmas ornament, with tinsel packed into every nook and holly in every cranny.
Great phrasing!
Off in the corner, Cat, dressed in a shockingly short Santa dress, let out a frustrated groan.
It’s what Mrs Clause wears for her husband’s birthday. Also, that private shot of Cat really is in the stack?
“What can you tell us all about Hanukkah?”
/Goes hunting for that Nanny episode where Fran tells the story to the children. Or, no, wait, that was Gracie telling the story, I think.
Lois took a deep breath. “There was…a… slight mix-up. This is actually my first Hanukkah. I grew up celebrating Christmas. But, I’ve discovered that the two holidays have some things in common.”
“I think it’s very important that both of these holidays are in the middle of winter, when everything is dark and cold and miserable.
She does realize that Moses wasn’t really a blond and blue eyed Charlton Heston, right?
or a virgin having a baby.
There have been a few of those in Smallville, ca 1983.
“So, no matter what your faith is, if you even have one, I just want to wish you a Merry Christmas, a Happy Hanukkah, and most of all: a Happy New Year.”
Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww this was beautiful done.
: They tried to kill us, we survived, now let’s eat.”
Lois tugged on Clark’s sleeve. “Clark?”
“Huh?”
She pointed at a spot above him. He looked. Mistletoe.
Lois suddenly leaned up on her tiptoes and kissed him.
Clark stared at her, thunderstruck.
“Merry Christmas, Clark.”
He smiled. “Happy Hanukkah, Lois!”
“This is new. Some of these have names on them!” He looked out among the half-asleep retirees. “Is there an Agnes here?”
Oooohhhh that’s smart!
Ms. Brunswick sat up in her chair. “I’m Agnes…”
“Someone must have sent this for you, then,” he said, bringing her the item.
What was Clark supposed to get? Feet warmers do he doesn’t get cold feet while Lois is freezing him out?
Inside was a coffee mug, stamped with a picture of a Bassett hound and the phrase “Mondays Can Bite Me”.
Generic office party gift. Check.
“He looks just like Roscoe!” she said.
Ho ho ho.
She smiled at him. “Merry Christmas, David.”
-The End-
Happy Holidays
This was a beautiful story. It think it was the one with the most fun and cheerfulness of the ones I read so far. It kind of popped Christmas / holidays to me. I’ll stick with
our resident
QueenoftheCapes because of style and general perkiness.
Want:
-Newsroom chaos with our favorite ensemble characters!
-A plan backfiring
-One perfect, magical, warm holiday moment for Lois and Clark
Hmm, those quotes are just as well thought out as the story itself. I want to say Bakasi, call it a gut feeling. Aside from that, wonderful job on the ensemble and all the other prompts. ChatGPT would not have been able to do a better job. Even if we trained it only on the Archive.
Michael
