Merry Christmas a couple days early! Labrat betaed this part and said run it before I go, so here it is. Please don't stone me for where I stopped...I know it was an awkward stopping place but it was post this or nothing until I get back. So enjoy and please LMK what you think...
thanks,
Marcy
The rest of the morning passed quickly, as Lois and Clark busied themselves with a little more research on the ever-elusive Apocalypse Consulting Firm, as well as returning a few phonecalls from their early exit the previous day. Lois eventually phoned Lex, hoping he would have some information on any weapons systems being tested. She had hoped his interest in her would make him more open to sharing any information, since it was well known that LuthorCorp had a longstanding relationship doing research for the U.S. Military. He did allude to a Project Shockwave that was currently in the mix, but hated to shed more light on the subject due to its top secret nature. Lois, because of her uncertainty of Luthor's involvement in the matter, refused to share any of her information, despite Lex's attempts to pry it from her gently. Within minutes, he had turned the conversation back to asking Lois to the opera.
Clark sat at his desk, brilliantly typing random letters on his computer screen over and over, attempting to ignore the conversation going on between Lois and Lex. His teeth ground together as he heard Lex's seductive tone as he offered Lois the “pleasure of his company” that weekend at the Metropolis Opera House. He knew that at this point, he and Lois had certainly not sworn their undying love to each other. But she had said the night before that she trusted him about Lex, and so his stomach coiled into a ball as he waited for Lois' response to this tantalizing offer. Trying to school the frown off of his face, he risked a brief glance in Lois' direction. She was smiling at him, cradling the phone between her head and shoulders while writing something on the notepad on her desk.
“You're very kind, Lex, but I'm seeing someone else.”
Clark let out a breath he hadn't even realized he was holding, as his heart did a back handspring Continuing to watch Clark's reactions, she added, “But if you have any information you can share about this Project Shockwave you're working on, please call me. Oh, I have to go. Jimmy needs to talk with me. Bye, Lex.” She hung up the phone, her smile widening. Clark marveled at how deftly she had just dodged Lex's questions.
Knowing they would be leaving soon for lunch and to return to the Lexor, Clark began shutting down his computer. He had been on cloud nine, ten, and eleven, all morning as the realization of Lois' shift in behavior toward him had become evident. Of course, now as he sat in his chair, one thought began to work its way to the forefront. <What about Superman? And why is Lois suddenly interested in you instead of the Superhero?> It was funny, really, that the exact thing he had wanted for so long should suddenly make him so paranoid.
But Lois had changed so much in the span of five days, at least in respect to her treatment of him, that it was hard not to be a little flummoxed. His mind revisited memories from the elevator last Thursday and their conversation about trust the night before, and a tiny little suspicion began to nag at him. <What if she knows?>
<Don't you want her to know? I mean, I hope you're telling her before you resume any activities like last night's. You wouldn't want to build a relationship on a lie.>
<Of course I want her to know, but I want to know that she cares about me and not some flashy outfit! And if she doesn't know and I drop this on her, she might never speak to me again. And definitely no more kisses. But if she knew already, that could explain why she's changed. She might just think she's getting Superman.> Bile rose in his throat, as he contemplated this. He wanted with all his heart to believe that Lois had finally seen him for the man he was, not some cardboard cutout, to be able to dismiss this idea as ludicrous insanity. But he couldn't quite do it. There just seemed to be too many question marks, too many coincidences.
At the same time, he couldn't be sure that she knew either. It seemed very unnatural that, if Lois knew, she hadn't taken him off to her lair for decapitation and torture, in short order. <But she helped you make a quick exit, Friday, from the office meeting!>
<Coincidence!>
<What about this morning, as you left the hotel? That fire a block away, and you both heard the sounds. Then she remembers she wanted to run home first because she forgot to pack some toiletries, and suggested taking different cabs? That is a pretty feeble line, even for some of your excuses. Still coincidence? Or maybe she learned from the best, er , worst?>
Puzzling this out was getting Clark nowhere. The only thing that seemed settled in his mind was that this afternoon, in the hotel, he and Lois were going to have to talk. He couldn't pretend that things were great in this new relationship when he felt more sure by the minute that all of this might be based merely on Lois' appreciation for his alter ego. And if she didn't know, she really deserved to before things went any farther. If he could muster up the courage to tell her.
“Ready, partner?” Lois startled him out of his reverie, touching his arm gently. She appeared concerned, once more studying him. Clark squirmed beneath her gaze, feeling for all the world like that dissected frog his father had continually warned him ominously about. All the butterflies he had felt that morning were replaced with worry and despair.
Schooling his features with a smile that didn't quite reach his somber eyes, he rose from his seat and grabbed his coat. “Let's go.”
Lois seemed unsure for a moment before linking her arm in his. Arm in arm, they walked to the elevator. After exiting the Planet, they hailed a cab. All the way, Clark felt certain that one way or another the joy he had just experienced the night before would soon be over.
*********************
Several hours had passed, and the discussion Clark had so thoughtfully decided to begin had yet to come to pass. Conversation over their room-service lunch had been stilted and awkward at best, as Clark was keeping himself clumsily out of reach of Lois' grasp. When she sat down on the sofa and patted beside her, he had swallowed the lump in his throat and sat down as far away from her as the couch would allow. He seemed to jump every time her arm would touch him, mostly out of fear that things would get out of hand again, in which case chickening out of the conversation would be the least of his worries.
Lois just kept narrowing her eyes at him inquisitively, like she was seeing him for the first time. Trying to figure out what he was thinking, that had to be it. <I 'm so glad Lois isn't telepathic!> While his awkwardness was clearly evident, still, the thought that Lois could listen to the arguments going on within his head would have been icing on the cake.
“Okay, farmboy, spill it. You've been moping around all afternoon like your dad sold your prize cow at auction.”
Clark rolled his eyes. “Lo-is, we never raised cows. Kansas is known for corn, not cows.”
It was Lois' turn to look heavenward. “Beside the point. You avoided my question. What's wrong? You jump every time I lay a finger on you, and you've hardly said a word since Lex called....Oh, great. Is this about Lex? Because I told you I trusted you about him and I told him I was seeing someone else...but surely you heard that...” the last part was muttered under her breath.
Clark raised an eyebrow. “And how exactly would I have heard that? I was sitting at my desk, and the newsroom was pretty loud today. “
Lois met his gaze head-on. “I don't know, Clark. You tell me. How *would* you have heard me talking to Lex on the phone?”
“What am I supposed to say to that? It sounds to me like you already know the answer to that one, which would sure explain a heck of a lot of things, wouldn't it?” Clark clenched his fists beside him. Anger he was initially unaware of seemed to be pouring out of him like venom. He closed his eyes, reigning in his temper. This conversation was most assuredly not going how he had planned for it to go.
Lois' face flushed. “What the hell is that supposed to mean? I've been treating you as wonderfully as Lois Lane has *ever* treated anyone, and this is your response to that? Excuse me, Clark Kent, I didn't know you *liked* being treated like a hack from Nowheresville. Good grief, what is your problem today?”
Lois stopped momentarily, took a deep cleansing breath, and continued. “Okay. Maybe I can see that you would have reason to be a little paranoid about my change in behavior lately. I mean, last week I was still chasing after Superman, while casually dating Lex, and never even giving you a backward glance. And maybe I became privy to some information that I didn't have less than a week ago.” He watched as she carefully enunciated the last sentence, seemingly eager to lace within that sentence a deeper meaning.
<She knows.> The thought flitted to the surface of his consciousness, unwelcome, a cold and hard truth to bear. His heart raced, as despair washed over him. He had waited so long for Lois to confess that she had feelings for him, only to find out her confession was still never meant for him, but for the guy in tights.
<I hate Superman.>
The thought tormented him, as he realized the creation of his own design had robbed him of the one thing in the world he most desired: the love of Lois Lane. Before he could consider the end of his universe further, he realized Lois was talking again. He focused his attention back upon her, as she pierced him with a gaze of ...sympathy? <Oh Lord, please don't let it be sympathy. I feel like such an idiot to think she could care about me. But I have my pride. I don't want her feeling sorry for me AFTER she rejects me.>
“Oh, Clark, you have really confused me, you know that? I mean, I haven't said anything because I wanted you to tell me yourself. I wanted to know that you trusted me enough to do it. I realize my behavior toward you in the past has been deplorable, but I'm not taking all the blame in this. You're the one who allowed me to think reality was one way when it was really another. You big lunkheaded goof! How was I supposed to act? I mean, Superman and Lex were both safe for me to care about. I knew Superman was out of my league, so to speak, and I never really felt anything for Lex. He just kept me in awe with all the attention he paid me. It feels good to be wanted like that, you know? But you, Clark, I could never afford to notice you because you were dangerous.”
Clark found himself drawn in, even though he didn't want to be. Feigning indifference, he asked, “How was I ever dangerous to you, Lois?”
“Because you mattered to me, Clark, like the other two didn't. You're my best friend. If I took a chance on you and it didn't work out, I'd be devastated! So if you want to pretend that last night didn't happen...” Lois closed her eyes and collected her breath. “I'll do it. I'd rather have your friendship, than lose you all together. I understand. And I promise your secret is safe with me. I'll go to my grave before I'll ever tell another human being.”
Silence loomed between them, as Lois' words sank in. He could read the guilt in her eyes, the same guilt he had seen in his own reflection, so many times after he had lied to her yet again. All the lies and deception between them was such a great chasm, forever seeming to keep them apart. And always, before, there was never a bridge to cross that infinite gap. Until this moment. Yes, they had both been idiots. But her countenance, as well as her words at that moment, spoke to him in volumes. And her willingness to sacrifice their chance at love for his friendship overwhelmed him more than swooning at his feet ever could. He knew at that moment who she really cared about. And it wasn't Superman or Lex Luthor.
It was Clark Kent.
All the sadness and despair ebbed away from him like the tide returning to the ocean. His shoulders relaxed and a grin replaced the nervous tic of his jaw. Slowly, he reached toward her with his hand, cupping her face to look at him once more. The pad of his thumb moved slowly over her cheek, drying the salty tear that had been trailing a path downward.
“Lois, I am so sorry. How could you ever think that I would want to pretend last night didn't happen? It was the most beautiful night of my life. I just couldn't stand to think that you weren't offering your love to me, but to someone who doesn't really exist. I think I've had as much trouble sorting it all out as you have. And I realized a few moments ago what an idiot I've been today. If you're still willing to take a chance on this lunkhead, he's all yours.”Clark studied her, waiting for some sign of what would come next.
Lois smiled once more. “Well, lunkhead, if we're playing by my rules, then I have to ask you what secret you're talking about.”
Clark's grin widened in amusement...” What do you mean, Lois? You just said my secret would go to your grave. Why ask if you already know?” Sometimes Lois was such an enigma, but he certainly liked the adventure of trying to figure her out.
Lois edged closer, her breath fanning out over his lips, sending his nerve endings into a frenzy of activity. “I told you before. That sometimes people we care about need to hear us say those scary words. They need to know that we trust them. So I am letting you know, that I don't know, unless you want me to know. “ Clark closed his eyes blissfully,as his lips touched gently to Lois'. The kiss lasted mere moments, as Clark tried to focus and remember the conversation at hand. Ahh, yes...
“Lois....”
“Yes, Clark?”
“I've got something I need to tell you.”
“Yeah? What would that be?” Lois had moved closer, and her arms were encircling his neck. She traced little circles on his back lazily, and then nuzzled his neck where she began kissing once more. Clark kissed the top of her head, his own arms encircling her in a bear hug as he drew her body closer to his own on the couch, reclining backward. Coaxing him on, she whispered almost reverently, “Tell me, Clark.”
His heart raced. Even though he knew she knew, still it seemed so hard to say those three words that would end the deception between them and bring them to the next phase of their relationship. For his entire life, the importance of keeping his secret had been ingrained in him. So, still, it was no small trifle as he spoke the words, barely above a whisper. “Lois, I'm Superman.”
Lois stilled her hands and met his gaze once more. “See, was that so bad?” She rearranged herself on top of him on the couch, straddling his lap. Clark's breath hitched again, as she grinned at him impishly.
“You are a wicked woman, Lois Lane. I thought we agreed last night it was too fast, too soon. And here you are, torturing me and always expecting me to be so honorable.” He held his hands up in mock protest before carefully placing them around her waist, and drawing her close to kiss her reverently once more.
Don't kill me! It's just the muse stopped there! You'll have to wait until after the new year to see what happens next!
