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Hack from Nowheresville
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In my neverending search for articles about the craft of writing, I found this one and thought you might enjoy it. I look back on my early writings and the cringe factor is high.  Hope you enjoy and add something to your writing skills. Adjectives and Adverbs are NOT Good Description by Laura Elvin
Adjectives and Adverbs are Yuck! (aka Be Specific!)
I didn't learn until quite late in my writing career the damaging effect of too many adverbs and adjectives. Now that I KNOW about them, however, I don't see writing the same. Now, it really stands out when I read writing that is littered with adverbs and adjectives, the poor man's substitute for good description.
Example #1:
"Doris walked silently through the pitch black of the deserted, empty house, fingers pushing lightly on each closed door.
After a little cleaning, and some A/A (adverb/adjective) removal:
"Doris crept through the blackness of the deserted house, fingertips pressing on each closed door.
"walked silently" becomes "crept" (specific verb to replace blasé verb with adverb)
"pitch black" becomes "blackness" (goodness, black is black! no need to say it was LIGHT black or Dark black or anything else... if it's not black, describe it as something else... if it's black, just let it be black)
"fingers pushing lightly" becomes "fingertips pressing" (specific noun and verb to replace a common verb and a common adverb)
Example #2
Matt, one of the biggest men you could imagine, walked heavily through the antique store, while Jessie's eyes looked quickly at each item left quivering in his wake.
After a little cleaning, and some A/A (adverb/adjective) removal:
Matt's behemoth form lumbered through the antique store, while Jessie's eyes darted to each item left quivering in his wake.
"one of the biggest men you could imagine" becomes "behemoth" (simple, yet descriptive)
"walked heavily" becomes "lumbered" (specific verb to replace blasé verb with adverb)
"eye looked quickly" becomes "eyes darted" (specific verb to replace blasé verb with adverb)
These examples were off the top of my head, but I think you get the idea.
The thing to remember is this: Use specific NOUNS and VERBS to do most of your work. Don't be lazy and coat everything with adverbs and adjectives. Use those sparingly. I'm not saying they don't have a place. They do. But when overused, it is a sure sign of amateurish writing. Worse, however, your works won't leave the same impression on the reader as ones where the author is using specific nouns and verbs to tell his story... to SHOW his story.
I read a line recently in a published novel that had a prepositional phrase, a subject, and an object, all so heavily described that I had to read the sentence over THREE times before I saw what the author was trying to say. What was the important part. Yes, we want to "paint a picture" for the reader, but be judicious in what you're showing him.
Consider some of the following:
"he said in a hoarse voice" ~ versus ~ "he rasped"
"she sunk the knife in fast and hard" ~ versus ~ "she plunged the knife in"
"the big fuzzy dog" ~ versus ~ "the malamute"
"the girl who sits in the front office and answers the phone" ~ versus ~ "the receptionist"
"she quickly took the salt shaker from him" ~ versus ~ "she snatched the salt shaker from him"
Hopefully, you get my point. Be specific; it sets a more descriptive picture in the reader's mind and keeps you from sounding like a hack.
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A very interesting article, but I don't entirely agree with it. Case in point: "one of the biggest men you could imagine" becomes "behemoth" (simple, yet descriptive) Behemoth is not a simple word. It's not a word that's used in everyday conversation, or even in many (if any) books I've read. It sounds more like something you'd see when studying for the SATs or the GREs. I agree that the first phrase used there probably isn't the best one, but behemoth definitely isn't the first word I would think of to replace it. Thanks for sharing the article, Marylin!  ~Anna
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Hack from Nowheresville
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Maybe it depends on your exposure to the word. Once you hear it, you don't forget it. My younger son had a 1975 Buick Riviera that he bought with 5 other boys. It was literally a yacht on wheels. My husband and I called it "The Behemoth." 
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Great article, Marilyn.
The problem that many novice writers and young people have is that in order to write the way Elvin suggests (with a paucity of adjectives and adverbs) one needs a healthy vocabulary which is usually a result of reading a lot.
Well, that was a long sentence.
gerry
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Pulitzer
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This article is excellent, Marilyn. Thanks for sharing. Use specific NOUNS and VERBS to do most of your work. Don't be lazy and coat everything with adverbs and adjectives. I won't disagree at all. In fact, I think it's better this way. However, I wanted to point out that adverbs and adjectives are very useful to us non-native English speakers. Learning them is easier than learning nouns and verbs, because when you know i.e. the word 'look', it's difficult memorizing more words that mean practically the same thing, as 'stare', 'gaze', 'glance' etc.. My vocabulary has widened since I started reading fics, but I still find myself repeating the same word several times when writing. And surely I can't search the vocabulary for synonyms/specific verbs or nouns whenever I need one... Just an opinion, AnnaBtG.
What we've got here is failure to communicate...
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Beat Reporter
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Strunk and White gives the same advice--write with *nouns* and *verbs*.
Laura (who owns a copy of that writer's bible because it's required for her writing classes)
“Rules only make sense if they are both kept and broken. Breaking the rule is one way of observing it.”
--Thomas Moore
"Keep an open mind, I always say. Drives sensible people mad, I know, but what did we ever get from sensible people? Not poetry or art or music, that's for sure."
--Charles de Lint, Someplace to Be Flying
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Anna said: However, I wanted to point out that adverbs and adjectives are very useful to us non-native English speakers. Learning them is easier than learning nouns and verbs, because when you know i.e. the word 'look', it's difficult memorizing more words that mean practically the same thing, as 'stare', 'gaze', 'glance' etc.. My vocabulary has widened since I started reading fics, but I still find myself repeating the same word several times when writing. And surely I can't search the vocabulary for synonyms/specific verbs or nouns whenever I need one... As a veteran language teacher, I'm going to disagree with you here, Anna. Words are words. There is nothing inherently easier about learning a verb rather than an adverb or a noun rather than an adjective. In fact, from a structural point of view, verbs are the most important words in a sentence, and nouns are the second most important. Adjectives and adverbs are window dressing. Like spices, they should be used with care. As for seaching the dictionary when you are writing, well, all I can say is 'why not?' It's what we native speakers do when seeking the perfect word. Schoolmarm
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Top Banana
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This is an interesting thread. Marilyn, thanks for posting this. I enjoyed reading it. I agree with the basic premise of the article - "writing that is littered with adverbs and adjectives, [is] the poor man's substitute for good description." The examples given illustrate this quite well. Anna, your post made me laugh. Those were my thoughts exactly when I read the sentence with "behemoth"! Ah, the dangers of an overly enthusiastic use of the thesaurus! (Well, to be fair, and as Marilyn points out, some people actually use that word.) AnnaBtG, I'm positive this article is aimed at native English speakers. Although even for ESL writers, it is still good advice. It will be harder for you than for a native English speaker, but as Gerry points out, it is hard even for native English speakers unless they are well-read and have acquired a large working vocabulary. Schoolmarm, I think I disagree regarding the ease or difficulty of learning different types of words. An adverb tells "how", while descriptive verbs tell both "what" and "how". Descriptive verbs also have nuances of meaning that make them more difficult to master. As someone who has studied several foreign languages, I'm tempted to say it is easier to learn basic verbs and use them with adverbs, than to learn descriptive verbs. I agree, however, with your statement about a good dictionary (and thesaurus, I would add). All writers, regardless of their native language, should use one. Well, that's my 2 cents! - Vicki 
"Hold on, my friends, to the Constitution and to the Republic for which it stands. Miracles do not cluster and what has happened once in 6,000 years, may not happen again. Hold on to the Constitution" - Daniel Webster
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Vicki said: An adverb tells "how", while descriptive verbs tell both "what" and "how". Descriptive verbs also have nuances of meaning that make them more difficult to master. You are certainly entitled to your opinion. However, not only have I studied three different languages other than English, as I said, I'm a veteran language teacher (26 years at the job so far) and have thus witnessed first hand the trials and tribulations of thousands of students. And I stand by what I said. Words are words. It is no more difficult to learn that "bavarder" means "to chat" than it is to learn "causer avec quelqu'un de choses et d'autres." (Thanks to le Petit Robert for the definition. As far as the statement that descriptive verbs have "nuances of meaning" -- of course they do, as do adverbs and adjectives. And if one wants to develop proficiency in a language, whether one's own or a second one, learning the words beyond the basic 1500 word vocabulary is what it's all about. I stand by what I said: words are words. And one can choose to learn them in all their richness and variations, or one can choose to limit one's experience. P.S. As for the word "behemoth," I must admit I'm astounded that any native English speakers think it's an unusual word. I distinctly recall running across it on numerous occasions reading picture books about dinosaurs and other large animals such as whales to my children fifteen years ago. Schoolmarm ( who is willing to concede that many students seem to have an inherent fear of verbs for some unknown reason )
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As for the word "behemoth," I must admit I'm astounded that any native English speakers think it's an unusual word. I distinctly recall running across it on numerous occasions reading picture books about dinosaurs and other large animals such as whales to my children fifteen years ago. Interesting. I just did a straw poll around the office and 20% knew the word but would consider it unusual, and 30% had never heard it. I'm in the 20% - I didn't even know how to pronounce it because I've only ever seen it written down. But then I was equally astounded last year to discover a native English speaker (with a reasonable secondary school education and of average to high intelligence) who didn't know the word 'terse'. Surely that's an extremely common word! Yvonne
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...who is willing to concede that many students seem to have an inherent fear of verbs for some unknown reason LOL Schoolmarm. I can tell you the reason. It's the verb "to conjugate"! I remember many hours spent conjugating verbs over and over and over.  Laura mentioned Strunk and White. The authors I work with overwhelmingly (yes, I know that's an adverb  )advocate the use of SELF-EDITING FOR FICTION WRITERS by Dave King and Renni Browne. It's clear, concise, explains )among other things) why adverbs and adjectives should not be overused (overuse is indicative of a novice writer and signifies weak dialogue) and that having a reader run to the dictionary every other paragraph to look up a word throws readers out of the story (and indicates the author is more enamored of their vocabulary than drawing a reader into the story). It's said that you have one chance to make a good first impression. I believe that's true of writing as well. Many's the book I have tossed aside because I'm not hooked in the first few paragraphs. I tossed one night before last because the author was doing more telling than showing (which is a whole nother issue) and I felt like I was standing on the outside looking in rather than being pulled into the story.
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Kerth
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who is willing to concede that many students seem to have an inherent fear of verbs for some unknown reason In English? Jose (who thinks that after the Spanish verbs, conjugate the English ones are easy )
"Practice up your shielding spells...and remember to duck if you see green light coming your way." Harry Potter to Wizengamot in OotP trial A Bad Week in the Wizengamot
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Pulitzer
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SELF-EDITING FOR FICTION WRITERS by Dave King and Renni Browne Yep, I've got that one. (Along with "Words Fail Me" and "Sin and Syntax"  ) I do think we need to remember, though, that there's a huge range here in writing experience and ambition. These kind of discussions are great for those of us who are interested in this kinda thing, but for a lot of people, they're beside the point. They (we) write for fun, not to satisfy literary editors somewhere, and I wouldn't want to make anyone feel inferior over something like adverbs PJ
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...I wouldn't want to make anyone feel inferior over something like adverbs. Like they've not been made to feel inferior over less?
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Well, I, for one, think "behemoth" is a *very* unusual word! The only place I can ever remember seeing it is in the Bible. Along with "leviathan", it's just one of those words I don't have occasion to use very often. - Vicki
"Hold on, my friends, to the Constitution and to the Republic for which it stands. Miracles do not cluster and what has happened once in 6,000 years, may not happen again. Hold on to the Constitution" - Daniel Webster
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I am not at all interested in becoming a professional fiction writer -- professional technical writer, sure, but not a professional fiction writer. In fact, I haven't taken an English class or read a non-children's book since high school. Thus, I am not well read and do not have a good vocabulary (my SAT scores reflected that, but somehow on the GRE, I got a lot of medical vocabulary words, so I did well). Honestly, having my head full of so many equations and medical terms, I don't exactly want to inncrease my other vocabulary. I often think that people that use big words in coversation are trying to show everyone else that they know big words. Some of the most intelligent people I know use small, common words in both conversation and professional presentation, but use them effectively -- I will admit that I have not perfected the craft of speaking and writing effectively yet. Therefore, although I know the word behemeth, I would stop and question it as a word that isn't commonly used if I saw it in a story. I admit, that I have a college degree and think I know the mening of "terse", but I am not entirely sure. So I try to stick to small words when I write -- and speak. And, yes, I use a lot of adjectives. Does that make me a bad writer? Probably. Do I care? Not at all. This is something I do for fun -- as a stress relief from my hectic RL. Therefore, I write stories I would like to read -- not caring at all about sentance structure or wordiness as I get my ideas down on paper. Okay, I care a little that if someone points something out as being a really weird way to say something, I want that input, but I don't care enough to sit with a writing book and analyze each of my sentances. My dad almost has a PhD in English, so he has a ton of writing books sitting around the house somewhere, but I have never once looked at any of them. Well, because that would be boring. I have plenty of boring books of my own that I actually *have* to read . Hmm, "Textbook of Medical Physiology", "Ion Channels of Excitable Membranes", "Textbook of Biomedical Instrumentation", "From Neuron to Brain", and "Principles of Neural Science" are just the five books on my bed right now waiting for me to open them. Thus, I don't really have the time, energy, or passion to read anything about the craft of writing. If I were at my office and did a poll, I would bet 100% of the other students there would know the titles and authors of all of the books I mentioned . . . I'm sure the percentage of the people who would have ever heard of "Skunk and White" or the word "behemouth" would be under 50%. I have to admit, my attention span for reading things I am not interested in is so short, I stopped reading the article here after a few sentances and just skipped to the responses. I think the point I was trying to make here is that while some writers are using fanfic as a stepping stone to write professionally, for others, that is the last thing on our minds. - Laura
Laura "The Yellow Dart" U. (Alicia U. on the archive)
"A hero is an ordinary individual who finds the strength to persevere and endure in spite of overwhelming obstacles." -- Christopher Reeve
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Hack from Nowheresville
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I find this discussion rather funny, but that's just me and my strange little mind. However, for those complaining about using a dictionary to look up words, Merriam Webster came out with a toolbar, very similar to the Google Toolbar. Just type in your word and it either gives you a defintion or synonyms. Very helpful when writing on a computer. You can get at m-w.com
Imagine.
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That's interesting, Nqoire - thanks for the tip. Could be useful indeed! LabRat
Athos: If you'd told us what you were doing, we might have been able to plan this properly.
Aramis: Yes, sorry.
Athos: No, no, by all means, let's keep things suicidal.
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Interesting discussion so far. Laura wrote: Some of the most intelligent people I know use small, common words in both conversation and professional presentation, but use them effectively And I agree with her to a certain extent. Yes, good writers use words that are common in daily speech, but they also choose the right words for their stories, words that are more descriptive and carry more meaning. When the story is written well, the line between the common words and the meatier words is seamless. (That's what makes it good writing as opposed to pretentious writing.) And so, Laura, these people use their words effectively. (Hemingway comes to mind.) As fanfic writers, we still have an audience who, we hope, appreciate our writing, the way in which we tell (show )our story as well as what we tell. And even if writing is only a hobby, something that we do because it gives us pleasure, it can still be viewed as a craft. I'd also like to thank Marilyn for sharing her interesting finds with us. They are truly food for thought. Yummy! gerry
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Jose (who thinks that after the Spanish verbs, conjugate the English ones are easy I heartily agree, Jose. No, I teach French. ( One semester of teaching English was a great plenty. ) And the only consolation that I can give my students is that at least there are fewer tenses in English. Conjugation forms, oth, abound in French, just as they do in Spanish. For what it's worth, anyone who wants to increase their vocabulary, whether in their native language or in a second language should read, and then they should read some more. Even if you can't define a word, you will learn what it means from context and be able to use it in time. As far as not caring to improve one's writing, since "it's only fanfic" -- all I can say is I agree with Gerry. It's still craft, and Erin K. certainly has proven that it can lead to bigger things. I certainly hope to improve my writing each time I begin a new story, if for no other reason than that I don't want to lose readers because of poorly written prose, no matter how intriguing my plot might be. Schoolmarm
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