Wow!!! This is positively heartbreaking! But in a downright addictive way, too!
Just think of the opening paragraph here:
I almost had a panic attack as I heard a door open followed by the sound of happy male voices chattering to each other. It was like an extremely vivid and terrifying nightmare; I was standing in the Kents' kitchen surrounded by bubbling saucepans and other really complicated looking cooking utensils and Clark was about to walk in and find me standing there, rooted to the spot in fear, unable to move to defend myself. I would have pinched myself to try and wake myself up if Martha wasn't busy trying to reassure me. Or maybe I would have put my head in the oven and breath in deeply to end it all, whichever technique would work best.
Wow!!! She is thinking of killing herself!!!
I persevered, certain that this home-made feast would not be compensation enough for my impending death. “Your son is likely to kill me if he discovers me here and from what I just heard, your husband won't try to stop him.”
And now she is thinking of Clark killing her!!!
I hated him, I actively hated him for being so gorgeous and so out of my reach. I also hated Martha for putting me in this situation. Sure, in the few hours I'd known her I'd come to respect her, admire her and yes, like her, but I still wanted to murder her the next time I got her alone.
And now she is thinking of murdering Martha!!!!
Martha, however, is no slouch:
“Your son is likely to kill me if he discovers me here and from what I just heard, your husband won't try to stop him.”
“No, but I will. I'll box his ears if he's anything less than civil to you and the same goes for my husband.” She smiled at me. “Clark might be Superman, but I'm the one in charge in this family.
“It's you,” Clark said after a while.
“What's me?”
“Why I act so differently, it's because of you.”
“I figured that out, Clark.”
“You make me so angry, Lois. I'm angry at you, I'm angry at the article you wrote but mostly I'm angry at myself.”
I raised myself up onto my elbows so that I could see him, surprised at his answer. “You? Why are you angry at you?”
“Because no matter what you do to me, I still love you. You ruined my life in the worst possible way and I loved you anyway.”
What a way for a man to declare his love for a woman!!!
I blinked, not quite believing what I was hearing. “You *love* me?”
“Yes, Lois, I love you, but I still hate you. I can't hate you fully while I love you and I can't be completely in love with you while I hate you. That makes me angry and I can't sort it out in my head. I spent a year trying to hate you but I couldn't and I've spent the last few months trying to love you but I couldn't do that either. Those conflicting emotions just mix together and result in anger, frustration and...”
Heartbreaking!
“I just wish that I could let go of one of those feelings.”
“Which one?”
“Either of them.”
I snorted at him. “Way to make a girl feel special.”
What a jerk!!! He is actually telling her that he would be happy if he was able to stop loving her, so that he could wholeheartedly hate her!
He paused for a second, obviously contemplating something, then he blurted out, “You know it's your fault that I never got to Mayson in time, don't you?”
“My fault!” I exclaimed, feeling a little of that hatred myself at his accusation. “Now wait a moment! I *know* that she died *after* you broke up with me. You can't blame me for that!”
“Do you know what I did after I left you that night? I flew off and sulked. I should have been patrolling, helping people, saving one of the few true friends that I have but instead I was hurting because I knew that I had to stop seeing you and I'd finally decided to do something about it.”
He is blaming
her because
he was sulking, so that he couldn't get to Mayson in time!!!
“You know what, it's not your decision to make. You hate me, because if you loved me you couldn't possibly blame me for things I haven't done. I'm sorry I wrote that article, Clark, I really am and I'm sorry Drake died but that wasn't my fault. I wasn't the one who put a bomb in her car. If you must hate me, hate me for what I've done, not for things that have nothing to do with me!”
Well spoken, Lois! No, Clark isn't in love with you. He is in lust with you, but he also hates you.
“I *am* the press, Superman and you know what, I don't care! So what if I get caught leaving, they don't know *you* live here, do they? And I won't tell anyone. You were right. We need a clean slate, to never see each other again. God, Dan was right wasn't he? I've felt so bad over what I did that I've let you *use* me! No more, Kent, that's it. I'm leaving and I never want to see you again!”
Finally! Lois realizes that Clark is taking all his anger and frustration out on her, even when she doesn't deserve it. She can't let this go on.
I was crying by this point. I wasn't sure when I had started but there was no way I could stop it. I couldn't see a thing through my thickly flowing tears.
I ran across a road in a desperate attempt to put as much distance behind me and Clark as I possibly could. I heard the squeal of a braking car and was bathed in the cold glow of a car's headlight as I felt a sudden pain in my leg. I fell onto the hard road and heard something crack as my whole world went black.
But what is this??? What has happened to Lois? Alisha, I'm taking comfort in the fact that you said that Clark's conversation with Martha, when she was going to find out that he was sleeping with Lois, would have been the only part of this story that was told from Clark's point of view. Well, that suggests to me that either the fic stops now, if Lois died, or else she survives and continues to tell the story. And you did say
To Be Continued... Please post more soon! Do we really have to wait for Sunday????
Ann
