"Uh-oh?" said another elf. "Make that nuh-oh! Are you telling me this beard isn't genuine?" And he grabbed Superman's beard and yanked.

"Ouch!!!" yelled Clark. "That hurt!"

"Of course it hurt. It's your beard, isn't it? And look down there, Santa. Can you see your toes?"

Horrified, Clark stared southwards. It was true, he couldn't see his toes. His magnificent, protruding belly was blocking his view.