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“Here we are. Smallville Public Library,” Jonathan announced as he shifted the pickup truck into park and then turned off the ignition. He turned around toward the backseat.
Clark sat along the passenger side, peeking out the window curiously, his brown eyes wide and full of wonder. Martha had decided to sit in the backseat as well, just in case Clark had any unexpected feelings about riding in a vehicle again for the first time since the accident. Thankfully, nothing of the sort had happened, and Clark had just spent much of the drive as he was now—staring out the window, curious at the scenery and excited to be getting out of the house.
“Is that it?” Clark asked, pointing out toward the freestanding older brick building ahead of them.
“It is,” Martha said.
“Wow. It’s red!”
Jonathan laughed as he unfastened his seatbelt and climbed out of the car. Martha and Clark followed suit, and less than a minute later, the three of them walked toward the library entrance together, Martha holding Clark’s hand. Jonathan reached out ahead of them to open the door, but then Clark hesitated, his feet seeming to stick to the ground. Martha paused next to him, shooting Jonathan a worried glance before focusing back on Clark.
“Is something wrong, sweetie?”
The child didn’t answer immediately, and his eyes just drifted downward as he stubbed his shoe into the ground. Finally, he looked back up, sort of at Jonathan, although he kept his gaze flickering from Jonathan’s eyes to some point just to the side. Jonathan kept the small smile on his face, but his stomach clenched all the same at the uncertainty that had returned to Clark’s eyes.
“I’ll be good, I promise,” Clark said quietly.
The knot in Jonathan’s stomach grew as some pieces seemed to fall into place—pieces of the puzzle that he and Martha had been collecting for the last few days.
Jonathan let the door go and stepped in front of Clark, then knelt down so he’d be closer to Clark’s height. He gave Clark a warm, gentle smile and reached out to take Clark’s free hand, giving it a reassuring squeeze. “Buddy, you don’t need to be anything other than yourself here, okay?” When Clark’s expression didn’t change, he added, “You are a wonderful boy, Clark. You are already good. You don’t need to change a thing.”
Martha knelt down as well, and Jonathan watched silently, his stomach still twisting into knots, as she nodded. “Jonathan’s right, sweetie. You can be you. You can be excited or nervous or happy or whatever you feel. You don’t have to try to change it or keep anything inside.”
Clark sniffled loudly and then pulled his hand out of Jonathan’s to wipe a tear from his cheek. And he shook his head. “I’m not…a good boy though. I-I always break the rules and m-mess up. Pa—Pa would t-tell me that,” Clark said, his voice becoming just barely louder than a whisper. “A-and then…”
Jonathan schooled his expression, keeping it as neutral as possible, but his mind was racing through a long list of not-so-kid-friendly words he definitely could not say out loud. Instead, he shook his head softly. He knew they’d both been trying not to make any blanket statements about the Petersons, but… His eyes darted to Martha’s briefly before he made a quick decision right there.
“Clark, buddy, sometimes…sometimes adults do things or say things that aren’t really right or that aren’t really nice.” He took Clark’s hand again, and the young boy lifted his eyes to meet Jonathan’s. It broke his heart to see the tears—both those that slid quietly down Clark’s cheeks and those still stuck at the corners of his eyes. With a gentle nod, Jonathan continued. “Sometimes, adults are just wrong. I know I’ve been wrong before, a bunch of times. But the difference, buddy, is that even when I’m wrong, I would never do something that means to make someone else feel…bad or guilty or ashamed. The difference is kindness.”
The air felt thick around them, a tension stuck in it, and Clark slowly lowered his gaze back to his shoes as more tears slipped out. Next to Jonathan, Martha cleared her throat.
“Your Ma and Pa made a bunch of different rules, is that right, sweetie?” When Clark nodded, she continued. “And I bet”—her words caught a little in her throat—“they got…upset if you didn’t follow their rules?”
Clark didn’t answer this time, but he pulled both hands away this time and scrubbed them down his cheeks. Jonathan’s heart clenched again.
“But, sweetie, I think—and I bet Jonathan will agree with me—that they were wrong when they made their rules…”
“And that they were wrong,” Jonathan added quietly, “when they got upset.”
He kept his eyes trained on Clark, watching as the boy bit his lip nervously, his shoulders tense and uncertain, but he saw as Martha nodded in agreement.
“So, sweetie, look at me,” Martha said gently, and when Clark glanced up at her, his dark brown eyes so soulful and deep, she reached up and brushed his hair off his forehead and smiled softly. “You are kind and good, and you can be yourself here—especially here, at the library. And if there are any rules at all, you want to know what they are?”
Clark tensed again, but Martha shook her head and reached out to him with both arms this time. A strong rush of love hit Jonathan as he watched Clark melt into Martha’s embrace, wrapping his little arms up around her neck as he nodded.
“The only rules are that you try to be thoughtful and kind to others and to yourself. You try to be honest and caring.”
“But—but wh-what if…”
“What if you mess up?” Martha suggested. She kissed the top of his head and held him tighter. “That’s okay. It’s okay to mess up. It’s okay to make mistakes. We won’t get upset. You won’t get in trouble.”
Martha stood slowly, easily lifting the small child and his still-too-thin frame in her arms. And Jonathan moved next to her, slipping his arm over her shoulders. He desperately hoped they hadn’t made some huge mistake just now, but it had felt like the right thing to do. The three of them stood there together for several more minutes, Clark still clinging tightly to Martha and Martha leaning against Jonathan’s chest. Finally, Clark lifted his head off Martha’s shoulder and sniffled, and then he looked toward the library’s entrance.
With a voice that still trembled, still filled with uncertainty but also sounding rather brave, Jonathan thought, Clark said, “C-can we go inside now?”
***
The library was warm and cozy and quiet. There were no other people there, which really wasn’t too surprising being that it was early afternoon on a Wednesday in Smallville. And maybe, considering that Clark obviously hadn’t been around too many strangers, that was probably a good thing.
Jonathan motioned toward a large desk, where the librarian, Sue, an older woman with short gray hair, alternately pulled books off a library cart to her left and sifted through a stack of small book borrowing cards sitting in front of her.
“So the first thing we need to do, Clark, is get you a library card so you can check out books,” Jonathan explained. He led them over toward the desk, Clark following hesitantly beside Martha, his hand gripping hers tightly. And as they approached, little twinkles of interest seemed to spark and grow in Clark’s eyes. He was barely as tall as the desk, but that didn’t seem to stop him. He stepped away from Martha and peeked up just over the top, and his eyes widened as he saw the stacks of books on Sue’s book cart.
Sue set down the book she’d grabbed from the cart. “Good afternoon, Martha, Jonathan,” she greeted, and then she softened her expression a bit as she smiled kindly at Clark. “And who do we have here?”
Jonathan stepped around to Clark’s side and put his hand gently on Clark’s back, and to his amazement and relief, the boy looked up at him with a tentative smile, his eyes still wide. Jonathan grinned back and tipped his head toward Sue.
“Do you want to introduce yourself, buddy?”
A few emotions flickered in Clark’s eyes, but he seemed to settle on some sort of resolve maybe, if Jonathan was interpreting it correctly. Clark then nodded with a small smile, and pride swelled in Jonathan’s chest. He gave Clark’s shoulder a reassuring squeeze, and Clark then turned back to Sue.
“Hello, my name is C-Clark P-Peterson and—and, um, Martha and J-Jonathan brought me here to—to check out some books b-because I’m learning how to read,” he said.
His smile. The little straightening of his shoulders he did just as he said the last few words. The way he looked directly at Sue.
These little things were not really little things at all. In fact, they were huge.
Jonathan glanced at Martha, and his heart did a flip in his chest as he saw her watching their boy with so much love in her eyes. She looked over at him briefly, and their silent exchange only made his heart even happier. He mouthed, “I love you,” and then turned his attention back to little Clark.
“Oh, my, Clark, it’s so wonderful to meet you, and I think you’ve come to the right place,” Sue said jovially, her smile growing. “My name is Sue, and I’m the librarian here. We’ve got so many books here and for all levels of readers, so I’m so glad you came in today!”
Clark smiled brightly. “I am too! Jonathan said I can pick out my own books to read, and he’ll help me, and so will Martha.”
“Well, here, Clark. Why don’t you just come around over here,” Sue said as she motioned around to the far side of her desk, where there was a lower partition that Jonathan thought looked like it was built just for younger children like Clark. “The very first thing we’ll need to do is get you a library card. Did Martha and Jonathan tell you about that?”
With an eager nod, Clark hopped over to the side of the desk, while Sue gathered up a few papers, a small white card, and a pencil. Jonathan then stood back and watched, one arm wrapping lightly around his wife’s shoulders, as Sue helped Clark fill out the form to get his library card. Clark insisted on writing his own name at the top of the form, and his eyes seemed to shine with pride when he showed Jonathan.
Several minutes later, his new library card in hand, Clark bounded off toward where the beginning reader books were, in the direction Sue had pointed him. Martha stayed back to chat with Sue for a few minutes, while Jonathan followed Clark closely, grinning as he watched Clark’s excitement. The boy’s eyes scanned the rows and rows of books on the shelves and displays, his mouth partway open in awe.
“There’s so many!” he said as he finally stopped in about the middle of one of the rows. He’d managed to find just about the right section, the books at the easier end of beginning children’s chapter books. He reached out toward one that sat on a display rack but froze just before his fingers touched the book. His eyes widened again and then darted to Jonathan.
And immediately, Jonathan smiled and nodded, not wanting Clark to even think for one second that he wasn’t allowed to touch the books. Or that he had to ask first. Or that he’d get in trouble for doing either of the above.
“That looks like a good one, buddy! Go ahead, take a look.” He nodded again, just for extra reassurance.
The sparkle in Clark’s eyes grew even more, and he picked up the book and touched his fingers to the title on the front cover. Then he looked up at Jonathan and smiled so big before opening up the book to the first page.
CommentsChapter 13
