This part isn't very long but I hope it appeases the outcry over events in the last chapter. Don't worry. I put always put my toys back where they belong.

The More Things Stay the Same
Part 6

Lois sighed as she waited at yet another red light. It seemed like she had hit every stop between the brownstone and her mother’s apartment. She just wanted to get there, unpack, and try to relax but traffic was not cooperating with her this evening.

She had hurt Clark.

She knew she had. She’d know it would hurt him before she decided to leave. But she also had to do what was best for herself and staying at the brownstone – staying married – was not helping her life right now.

She wanted to move on – to pretend that the past three years and all of the other moments she’d forgotten had simply never happened. How could she do that in a home filled with pictures and mementos and a husband who remembered all of the things she couldn’t? No, leaving was the right move. She could start fresh in a new apartment and focus on her work, reestablishing her place as the top investigative reporter for the Daily Planet. No lost memories to worry about. No distractions.

She only wished she hadn’t had to hurt Clark in the process.

Over the past month, she had let go of her suspicions that he was hiding something nefarious from her. Oh, he was definitely still hiding something but she’d learned enough about her husband to realize that he was a perpetual boy scout and was more likely to be hiding kittens in his closet than skeletons. That or he was a very, very good actor.

No, whatever it was he had decided to hide from her was probably one of those for-your-own-good things. Lois rolled her eyes at the thought. That was another reason to leave. She didn’t need anyone deciding things for her.

Clark would be alright, she told herself. He was young and good looking and a complete gentleman. After the divorce, he would have no trouble finding someone else if that was what he wanted.

But why did the thought of Clark moving on feel like something was breaking inside of her?

She shook her head and concentrated on finding a parking spot semi-close to her mother’s building. She circled the block.

And then there was Superman to consider.

Okay, so not really consider him. She was still married for one thing. And for another, Superman didn’t really seem to give her the time of day. He’d said he was her friend but he almost seemed to be avoiding her. She doubted he had any feelings for her – not that he would act on them even if he did.

But that didn’t stop her from thinking about him all the time. Her thoughts were constantly drifting to the superhero – wondering where he was, what he did when he wasn’t flying around saving people, what kind of food he liked, if he watched movies or sports… she had so many questions. She wanted to know everything about him. And that wasn’t even including the more intimate thoughts and feelings she’d been trying hard to stifle.

After a third turn around the block, she finally found a spot about three buildings down from her mother’s. It would be a bit of a walk but nothing she couldn’t handle. She retrieved her suitcase from the trunk, grateful she had one with wheels. After locking the Jeep, she started down the sidewalk at a brisk walk.

She’d been truthful to Clark – her feelings for Superman were a big reason for her leaving. Even though they would likely never come to anything, she wanted to be free to feel what she felt without the guilt of being unfaithful to a man she barely knew. If she’d felt anything for Clark at all, maybe it would be easier to push through this and move on from her feelings for Superman. But she didn’t feel anything for her husband.

He was right though – she hadn’t really tried to get to know him.

But he didn’t realize how hard that was. Getting to know him meant him constantly reminding her of things she had forgotten. By all appearances, they had been together since childhood – their lives so completely intertwined. How could he possibly tell her anything about himself without referencing moments from their past together?

At first, she had wanted to remember. She wanted to know it all. But the more he told her and the more things didn’t add up in her own mind, the more she just wanted to give up on trying to remember altogether.

So, she did.

Lois Lane doesn’t give up, a small voice in the back of her mind said.

Lois froze. Her mother’s apartment building was just ahead, past one more alley. But Lois couldn’t force herself to move another step.

Had she really given up?

She’d told herself that she was simply trying to move on – move forward. But was she really okay with never remembering the parts of her life that she’d forgotten? Had she really done everything she could to remember? And, even if her memories never returned, couldn’t she put more effort into learning what she had forgotten? In moving on, was she really rejecting a part of herself – all of the choices she’d made over the past three years… could she really turn her back on whoever it was she had become?

They were happy – Clark and the Lois he had married, that is. She’d seen the pictures, heard from friends and colleagues about how well they worked together. By all accounts, they were a perfect couple.

Why was she turning her back on that? If she’d been happy then, wasn’t that life worth rediscovering? Why was she giving all that up?

Fear.

The answer hit her like a ton of bricks. She was afraid.

Of what?

Of never remembering? Of remembering but not liking what she remembered? Of changing? Of opening herself up? Of being vulnerable? Of who she might become?

Maybe all of the above.

No.

She would not live by fear. Lois Lane does not give up.

She spun on her heel and started marching back towards the Jeep. She wasn’t sure exactly what she was going to do but she knew that she needed to keep digging, keep asking questions, and find out who she’d become in the time she had forgotten. Her memory might be locked but she was Lois Lane, investigative reporter, and she was going to find out what was hidden behind that door.

She hurriedly shoved her suitcase back into the Jeep and marched around to get in. But just before she could open the door, an arm wrapped around her throat from behind and began pulling her into an alley.



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P.S. I'm sorry for the cliffhanger. Next part will be up in a few days.