I liked this story a lot! I'm so glad Nathan's in Metropolis... I, too, will be delighted to read more of their story. Considering their increasingly close friendship, I imagine they'll be coconspirators in any adventures...
As for your comments on the Russian-speaking: I'm not sure how you could change the scene, really... it's so immediate, you know? You can't really go off on a tangent about Nathan in the middle of Jack and Emily's planning... Well, okay, I guess you could...
If he said anything in that scene, he'd probably have replied or commented in Russian, right? Since that's what they were speaking at the moment? (Maybe a curse in Russian just as they flee the building, like when Jack grabs him? I'm sure neither Emily nor Nathan were exactly grabbed gently at that point!
That could result in some mildly panicked conversation between Jack and Emily once they pick themselves up and dust themselves off after the explosion.
)
Nathan's reacted with silence before, and he's a smart kid. He'd understand they'd switched languages to exclude him. Maybe Nathan could just move restlessly when they first start speaking in Russian. The thing is, though, you do explain it further down in the story, and on the Archive
(HINT, HINT), the story isn't separated into parts. So leaving that scene as is works for me.
As for any sort of fix to the bullets/robbers scene... I don't know. Maybe a throw-away comment overheard by Jack and Emily as the robbers vamoose? Along the lines of "last time we buy any coke from that dealer"?
Anyway. I really liked the story, and I am another one who rarely reads any next-gen stuff. I'd love to see more of Nathan and Emily's adventures. Either right after he arrives or as they get older. Hey, you could have a series here, you know.
Give that muse free reign!
~Toc
