FDK: Naked Toes - 03/23/05 01:21 AM
Laura, I never look at the Original Fiction Folder, but your title caught my eye and I took a peek. 
Some very nice images painted here: gritty squishy-squash, especially, is a fun contrast. Interesting that the naked toes are only outdoors and not inside the house.
Your usage of commas seems a bit inconsistent to me. In some places, you don't bother with punctuation at the end of a line, which seems sensible; but in others, you add what seems to be a very arbitrary comma. This is particularly noticeable in "Oh how I glory,/In naked toes!" Still, free verse is just that -- free -- and everyone has to go with what feels right. I prefer verse without end punctuation, but you clearly feel otherwise.
Cute little poem, Laura, and nice to read when it's drizzling outside my window.
Hazel
Some very nice images painted here: gritty squishy-squash, especially, is a fun contrast. Interesting that the naked toes are only outdoors and not inside the house.
Your usage of commas seems a bit inconsistent to me. In some places, you don't bother with punctuation at the end of a line, which seems sensible; but in others, you add what seems to be a very arbitrary comma. This is particularly noticeable in "Oh how I glory,/In naked toes!" Still, free verse is just that -- free -- and everyone has to go with what feels right. I prefer verse without end punctuation, but you clearly feel otherwise.
Cute little poem, Laura, and nice to read when it's drizzling outside my window.
Hazel
I needed an elective, and since I don't know much about writing it, I signed up for the class. I'm not good at it, but hey! No learning or knowledge is ever wasted...