I just had to get my dog put to sleep. He was 11 1/2 years old. He's had epilepsy for about 8 of those years. He had a heart murmur - had fluid in his abdomen because of this. He was wobbly on his feet, disorientated etc. It was time.

But it doesn't make it any easier, you know? He was my baby... I kept telling him how sorry I was, trying to tell him, although I know he couldn't understand, that it wasn't his fault.

I'm trying so hard to tell myself it was right - I know it was. The vet said it was. I feel so guilty though...

~Anna.

I'm sorry, Anna.

malu

I'm sorry to hear that, Anna

Babsi

I know how you feel, sort of. For some reason I didn't feel that much emotion, but while I was growing up, we had these two cats for as long as I could remember. The older one, Dixie, had moved with us six times. Just two and a half years ago, at the age of 13 or 14, after losing a lot of weight, she ended up dying in our family room in my mom's arms. My mom had loved that cat, so even though she knew it was coming, she still took it hard. Then, in the time since, our other cat Dandy, who was about two years younger, started gaining weight rapidly until he was about 16 pounds. We think both of them had diabetes, just reacted in different ways. Anyways, last summer Dandy was so bloated that my mom and sister, (Doranwen on the boards), decided to put him down. Both of them were pretty emotional after that. And we had a dog about 7-8 years back that we ended up leaving with grandparents to put down because he had a really bad skin infection that we couldn't get rid of. So I understand your dilemna. Personally, I think if the pet is truly suffering from whatever affliction he/she has, then there are two options. Either pay for a cure or treatment, or put it out of its misery. My sister told me that when she took in Dandy, she sat with him as the injection took effect, and he licked her hand. So I do believe some animals would prefer not living over the life they have with sickness.

Anna, I'm so sorry. I had to put my cat Gandy to sleep in January and it hurt so much and I miss him so much.

Anna, I'm so sorry. Your post really spoke to me, as in the last year we had to put two of our dogs to sleep due to old age and the illnesses that went with that.

If it's any comfort, or helps you with your feelings of guilt, I thought I'd pass along what our vet told me when we were trying to decide if it was time to let go, or if we could hold on a bit longer.

First, that really good dogs will try hard to hide how sick they are. It's in their nature to protect their human companions from distress. So, in a way it's a relief to them when they can just rest. Like, as Woody mentioned, their cat licking Dorawen's hand.

Second, your dog knew he could trust you. There was no sense of betrayal or fear when he fell asleep. He was in good, loving hands.

I hope that helps a bit. I know you'll grieve him. Good pets will break your heart. No matter how long they live, it isn't ever going to be long enough.

take care,

CC

Oh, Anna. I'm sorry. I've had to put lots of pets and animals down, and it never gets easier. I'm so sorry for your loss. Our thoughts are with you as you grieve.

mmouse

Don't have much to add, but I agree with CC. We had a rough time with my first dog, who had a painful bout with cancer in her last few years. It was hard to watch her suffer, and just as hard to let her go.

Our next dog also got cancer late in life. We tried what we could, but it wasn't working for her. Mom took her in to put her down, and she swears the old pup knew what was coming. Looked her in the eyes one last time, sighed with relief, and went to her rest.

My sympathies to you, Anna. There's no easy decision. For what it's worth, it sounds to me like you did the right thing.

Paul

I'm so sorry for your loss. Pets are truly members of the family, complete with their own personalities, quirks, mannerisms, etc.

I dread the time when I'll have to make this decision for my beloved Shadow. But when we choose to have a pet, we also choose to have our hearts broken someday.

I'm not going to tell you not to feel guilty, because guilt is such a strong emotion that it doesn't respond well to logic. You know you did the right thing, but it doesn't feel like it.

So, instead of feeling guilty, try to remember all of your dog's quirks and foibles that made him so endearing. Give yourself time to grieve, and don't listen to anyone who tells you that he was 'just a dog.' That's someone who just doesn't get it!

Irene

Aw, I'm sorry to hear that. Pets are truly members of the family! I'm sure I'll feel the same way when my Lab gets older...

JD

Anna, I'm so sorry for you! For what it's worth, it sounds like you did the right thing. I know it doesn't make it any easier, though. My big dog, Max, is coming up on 14 years old. Not sure how long he's got left, but he still seems happy for now even though he's not so great at walking anymore.

Remember the good times and what a great dog he was.

Sara

I am so sorry for you. I lost my budgie two months ago and it is like I lost my best friend. I know how you must feel because I knew that she was ill and everytime I decided now it is time to see the vet. She started feeling better and I wasn't sure anymore if my decision was right. It went on for two months but she hadn't stopped eating or drinking or playing. All the signs that she was suffering didn't show anymore. One day she decided for herself that now was the right time. She died in my hands knowing that she is loved here. I had no chance to take her to the vet because she died on her own but I swear that this would have been the right day.

Don't feel guilty because you could stop his suffering and this is the best we can do for our beloved friends. Let yourself grieve and think of all the good times and believe in the opinion of the vet.

Thanks guys. It's comforting somehow to know that I can post about my feelings here and have people completely understand because they've gone through the same thing.

I know in my heart it was time - I suppose I knew even before the vet confirmed it. We brought him home after it was done and put him in a grave in the back yard. My mum couldn't be there (having to work) until later in the day. But once she was home we had a small funeral - it was nice. Even my dad - who was the one to always comment on how much Merlin smelled - said how he'd always been a good dog and how much we all loved him. I just said that he'd always be my baby and I would always love him and miss him. And it's true. He is and I will.

I've been crying on and off most of the day, when something reminds me of him, though my dad took all his things out of the house (his basket, food and water dishes, his biscuits etc). It's other things like the bits of dog hair still stuck to the carpet and the blood stains (from his steadily growing and constantly rubbed wart between his eyes) on the couch covers from where he rubbed himself. They just make me cry.

I suppose it's good to cry though...right? Good to grieve. I know it is. I actually dread going back to work on Sunday, though they were really good yesterday and let me go home because I was constantly fighting off tears. My parents made the brilliant decision to tell me about putting him down right before I was due to leave for work yesterday.

Wow...this is a long post. Sorry. Just wanted to let you all know how grateful I am for your words. They mean a lot .

Here's a couple of pictures of Merlin, taken a couple of years ago. He was a Cavalier King Charles Spaniel. He's lying on my bed, wrapped in my duvet. He used to love sleeping on my bed at night, back when he could still jump up there...





~Anna.

Oh, Anna. He was adorable. How sweet. I'm so sorry for your loss. I have two little Chihuahua's myself - one is 8 and the other is 5. I am so not looking forward to the day that I might have to do that myself. The thought is heartbreaking, so I feel your pain. <<<hugs>>>

Anna,
Before I lost my Sammy poo I never could really empathize with people who had lost a pet. But now I understande completely and am sending you hugs. My Sammy poo was a Cavalier mix (we think). I loved him as much as I love my family members. He was out in our front lawn one day and a pit bull killed him. It was devastating. We lived in a really nice neighborhood and had lived there for 18 years. We had always let our dogs out in the front lawn so it was a shock to say the least.
When that happened I found it hard to cope with day to day activity. I found this website that really helped me. www.petloss.com They hold online candlelight vigils every Monday night for pets that have passed on. And there is a poem on there that really gets to me and I believe it with my whole heart. Merlin & Sammypoo are playing on the rainbow bridge now, waiting for us. *Hugs to you my friend*

The Rainbow Bridge
Just this side of heaven is a place called Rainbow Bridge.

When an animal dies that has been especially close to someone here, that pet goes to Rainbow Bridge.
There are meadows and hills for all of our special friends so they can run and play together.
There is plenty of food, water and sunshine, and our friends are warm and comfortable.

All the animals who had been ill and old are restored to health and vigor; those who were hurt or maimed are made whole and strong again, just as we remember them in our dreams of days and times gone by.
The animals are happy and content, except for one small thing; they each miss someone very special to them, who had to be left behind.

They all run and play together, but the day comes when one suddenly stops and looks into the distance. His bright eyes are intent; His eager body quivers. Suddenly he begins to run from the group, flying over the green grass, his legs carrying him faster and faster.

You have been spotted, and when you and your special friend finally meet, you cling together in joyous reunion, never to be parted again. The happy kisses rain upon your face; your hands again caress the beloved head, and you look once more into the trusting eyes of your pet, so long gone from your life but never absent from your heart.

Then you cross Rainbow Bridge together....

Such a cute dog. Something that might help is to remember all the great times you had with him and be thankful for them.

What a lovely dog, Anna. And I'm so sorry for your loss.

What makes it so extremely hard to have a pet put down may be, I think, the innocence and loyalty and ultimate helplessness of that animal. Pets love us, and they live their lives at our mercy, trusting us completley. That makes it so extremely hard for us to make the decision to put them down. But like others have pointed out, there comes a time when a sick and suffering animal should be set free from its pain.

You did the right thing. Remember the good times with your dog. And thank you for sharing the lovely pictures of Merlin.

Ann

Hi Anna,

I feel so truly sorry for you.
I think I have an idea of how you feel because my little Pablo (dachshund-cocker-chowchow) was seriously ill last year, some sort of cancer. Due to some deity we were lucky enough to have him healed.
The big thanksfulness I felt those days might give me a slight impression of what you're going through now.

Please, don't feel guilty, although it's hard not to - because what you did was obviously the right thing. Helping him not to suffer anymore was just part of the great love you felt for him!

*hugs*

Best wishes,
Jana

Thank you to the rest of you. I am trying to remember the good times. I remember how he was such a good friend (as many dogs are) and how he used to snore so loudly that friends always commented on it. I just told them that you get used to it - you naturally tune it out after a while. I always did.

I remember how he always used to come up to me and prod me with his paw for attention. He just wanted a scratch behind the ears. Or a chest rub. He'd turn those big brown eyes on me and I'd melt.

He was a good dog. I suppose he really had a long life comparatively. Not that that makes it any easier now he's gone, but it was a good life. Thanks for helping me to remember that, guys. I've just been trying to distract myself from thinking about him by watching episode after episode of 'House' on DVD.

Jana, I'm so glad that your Pablo was cured - I'm so glad that you didn't have to loose him.

stephnachia, thank you for that poem. It made me hope that I will see Merlin again someday. I know as a Christian that the Bible doesn't say anything about pets going to heaven, but I guess I hope that that's because the Bible is for humans to read - for human salvation. If you get what I mean. I hope that Merlin's playing with his other friends who've gone before him, like the sheltie our family friends used to own before she died early this year. Missy. She was Merlin's friend. I hope that they're running and playing together.

I'm sorry for the long post again. I suppose it's another form of distraction.

~Anna.

Hello,

I don't think I can say anything that the others haven't already written. It's always hard to lose a familymember (that's what my pets are to me), I just lost my 17 year old cat at the beginning of April to cancer .

That poem Stephnachia mentioned is also part of a video I would like to share with you. You can find it here and although I have to cry each time I see it, I love it and hope that it's true

I'm so sorry to hear about Merlin. He must have been a wonderful compainion for you.

Don't feel guilty about what you did. You loved him and always did what was best for him right?

Well, letting him go was the loving thing to do. Not allowing him to suffer, there is nothing to feel guilty about.

I know how painful it is and my heart goes out to you.

Just remember: there are no goodbyes, just good memories.

You are in my thoughts and prayers.

FinLi