Comments: Hide and Seek (1/1) - 08/19/07 06:05 PM
Wow. You just about blew me away with this one. The detail, the clearness....the use of language. I really liked this one.
Re: Comments: Hide and Seek (1/1) - 08/19/07 06:12 PM
Awwwww, Lisa! Never apologize for a banner! That was an awesome touch. 
I was delighted to see that you used first person POV - there just aren't enough fics where we get to actually live in the characters' skins. And yours is a very believable Lois. Some examples: Awesome! LOL - love that she keeps thinking that's going to solve her problems. Oh, Lois. And this is coming from a man who has seen pure evil in action. 
I also loved Clark's rundown of her possible reactions and his realization that he just *has* to tell her.
Nicely done!
I was delighted to see that you used first person POV - there just aren't enough fics where we get to actually live in the characters' skins. And yours is a very believable Lois. Some examples: Quote
“Perhaps I just don’t care what you think of me anymore, Clark,” I said, giving him my sweetest smile. A flash of pain crossed his face, so quickly I almost missed it, and my heart jumped with twin thrills of triumph and guilt. Damn that guilt.
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I was looking up the phone number of that convent – Our Lady of the Sisters of Something - as soon as I got home.
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But ice cream is just insidious.
I also loved Clark's rundown of her possible reactions and his realization that he just *has* to tell her.Nicely done!
Re: Comments: Hide and Seek (1/1) - 08/19/07 06:20 PM
LOVED IT! I don't have words for how much I loved it, but I am still smiling and I assume after the 50th tme I read it, I will still be smiling. Laura
Re: Comments: Hide and Seek (1/1) - 08/19/07 06:31 PM
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My heart skipped a beat. Was this it? Was right now, when he's wearing decade-old sweatpants and we’re standing in front of a stranger’s house, the moment when everything would change?
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I hadn’t even finished processing the thought before Clark wrapped his arms around my waist and we were airborne.
For several seconds, I was frozen in shock at finding myself so suddenly above the bright lights of the city, and then my brain started to function again as the puzzle piece I’d been looking for since… well, forever, slipped into place. I dropped my head onto Clark’s shoulder and laughed until I cried, and then I really was crying because the joy ran so deep. I was euphoric.
Yeah, that had been the moment.
Stupid lunkhead of a man.
For several seconds, I was frozen in shock at finding myself so suddenly above the bright lights of the city, and then my brain started to function again as the puzzle piece I’d been looking for since… well, forever, slipped into place. I dropped my head onto Clark’s shoulder and laughed until I cried, and then I really was crying because the joy ran so deep. I was euphoric.
Yeah, that had been the moment.
Stupid lunkhead of a man.
) and just *sigh*. It's beautiful and that revelation...Quote
Clark whispered in my ear, “I moonlight in tights. I wear my underwear outside my clothes. I benchpress locomotives for exercise.” He gently grasped my chin and pushed my head off his shoulder so he could look into my eyes.
So Lisa...anymore fics stashed around?
Re: Comments: Hide and Seek (1/1) - 08/19/07 06:40 PM
Lisa, this was beautiful!
I do love a smart-as*ed Clark Kent!
Oh, I love this! You've set up the conflict Lois is feeling about Clark so beautifully. She wants him to come in, but she doesn't. She loves and hates him in equal measure. And now you give us the beautiful image of her walking in and out of the light, changing her expression when she thinks he can see it.
Just wonderful.
Hysterical! I desperately want an "ice cream is just insidious" icon now!
Oh, and this broke my heart a little.
The revelation, when he finally found his nerve, was beautiful. I loved the joy and the tears and the fact that he lifted her above those lights of Metropolis they'd be walking in and out of.
Beautiful, beautiful story, Lisa.
C.
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“You know, that big space on the other side of these walls with trees and the moon and all that other stuff you can’t fit in your apartment?”
I do love a smart-as*ed Clark Kent!Quote
We walked. Every few steps, we passed into the light and I steadied my nerves, adopting a carefully schooled look of indifference. But I couldn’t hold it; with every step back into the darkness, I took a deep breath, glad for the relief the night brought.
Just wonderful.
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“Why did he have to take you someplace so… friendly? Why couldn’t he have been like other men and just tried to impress you? I wouldn’t have worried if he’d taken you to the opera. But ice cream is just insidious.”
Hysterical! I desperately want an "ice cream is just insidious" icon now!Quote
He looked down at me pleadingly, plainly begging me to understand. Understand what? That he didn’t trust me? That his love for me wasn’t enough to overcome whatever his issue was?
The revelation, when he finally found his nerve, was beautiful. I loved the joy and the tears and the fact that he lifted her above those lights of Metropolis they'd be walking in and out of.
Beautiful, beautiful story, Lisa.
C.
Re: Comments: Hide and Seek (1/1) - 08/19/07 06:51 PM
Wow...this was just so wonderful...and vivid. For a minute I though that Clark would not tell Lois but then he came through. I've always thought that Lois would have taken the revelation better had Clark just told her and not let her have to figure it out on her own.
Well done. I loved it!
~Sheila
Well done. I loved it!
~Sheila
Re: Comments: Hide and Seek (1/1) - 08/19/07 06:58 PM
Delightful, completely delightful.
And I liked the banner.
Re: Comments: Hide and Seek (1/1) - 08/19/07 07:21 PM
Very nice story.First, I love the First Person Lois point of view. It really added to the story.
Now a few of my favorite lines:
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“Actually, I was hoping you would come out,” he said, finally.
“Out? As in outdoors?”
“Yes, Lois.” He smiled at me, a teasing note in his voice. “You know, that big space on the other side of these walls with trees and the moon and all that other stuff you can’t fit in your apartment?”
“Aren’t you funny,” I replied dryly.
“Out? As in outdoors?”
“Yes, Lois.” He smiled at me, a teasing note in his voice. “You know, that big space on the other side of these walls with trees and the moon and all that other stuff you can’t fit in your apartment?”
“Aren’t you funny,” I replied dryly.
Wonderful revelation. Very creative and so WAFFY that I'm grining from ear to ear.Vonceil
Re: Comments: Hide and Seek (1/1) - 08/19/07 07:28 PM
I felt a little handicapped reading this, because this vignette kept blinking at the show, assuming we knew what had happened when Lois and Dan were having ice cream and Clark apparently crashed the party. But I have no idea what happened then, so there are a lot of things that this vignette does not remind me of.
But there is a metaphor here that I love, and which Caroline has already pointed out. Lois and Clark walk in and out of the light, like lovers and others do when they - you said it - when they play hide and seek. When they are honest with each other only intermittently, or when they aren't honest at all. I loved this:
Lois is letting her face reflect her true feelings only when she believes that Clark can't see her - i.e., she isn't being honest with him at all. Of course, Clark can see her donning and doffing her stiff-upper-lip mask every time they walk in and out of the light from the streetlights, almost as if she was doing a facial workout or having tics, and he could have told her that he can see her, but he doesn't. Anyway, there is something ironic and almost poignant about the fact that it is Lois who is "wearing a disguise" here - putting on that carefully schooled expression in the same way that Clark puts on his glasses.
And then Clark bodily lifts them out of that treacherous pattern of light and dark and deceit, and takes them flying to where all lies and all pretense is left behind and forgotten.
That was very beautiful, Lisa.
Ann
But there is a metaphor here that I love, and which Caroline has already pointed out. Lois and Clark walk in and out of the light, like lovers and others do when they - you said it - when they play hide and seek. When they are honest with each other only intermittently, or when they aren't honest at all. I loved this:
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We walked. Every few steps, we passed into the light and I steadied my nerves, adopting a carefully schooled look of indifference. But I couldn't hold it; with every step back into the darkness, I took a deep breath, glad for the relief the night brought.
And then Clark bodily lifts them out of that treacherous pattern of light and dark and deceit, and takes them flying to where all lies and all pretense is left behind and forgotten.
That was very beautiful, Lisa.
Ann
Re: Comments: Hide and Seek (1/1) - 08/19/07 07:48 PM
Yay you posted!!!
-- DJ
-- DJ
Re: Comments: Hide and Seek (1/1) - 08/19/07 07:50 PM
awww!!! Lisa, that was so beautiful!
*sniffles*
*sniffles*
Re: Comments: Hide and Seek (1/1) - 08/19/07 07:52 PM
WHEE!! 
Ooh! I love that last bit!!
Awww!!
ROTFL!!! And *so* Lois!
Awww! 
Love this detail - never would have thought of it, but it's such a real thing to do.
*giggle*
Ooh! Nice!
LOL! My giggle spewed forth. *G*
Love his options! I I love this last line!
Oooh! I'm loving the emotions in this so far! Very real!
AWESOME line!!!
Aww!
And I love this repetition!
Very sweet, Lisa!! Thank you!!!!
Sara
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A flash of pain crossed his face, so quickly I almost missed it, and my heart jumped with twin thrills of triumph and guilt.
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“Because it’s a beautiful night, and walks are nice.”
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Nuns could be reporters, right?
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Clark held out his arm to me, but I shook my head. I wasn’t ready to be that familiar with him again. He nodded and pushed his hands into his pockets.
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We walked. Every few steps, we passed into the light and I steadied my nerves, adopting a carefully schooled look of indifference. But I couldn’t hold it; with every step back into the darkness, I took a deep breath, glad for the relief the night brought. After a few blocks I realized Clark wasn’t looking anyway, so I gave up and attempted to turn off my whirling thoughts.
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When he finally spoke, I was so startled that I tripped.
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Which moment, which particular sidestep, are you sorry for? Or are you just sorry that I saw a movie that made me sad?”
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I bit my lip to stop the giggle in my throat from reaching the air. Was he serious? He certainly looked it. But his next comment stopped my hidden laughter cold.
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“Option five: I could not tell you, and we could continue this song and dance until you become so disgusted with me that you refuse to see me outside of work ever again, make Perry assign you a new partner and marry Scardino. And that was the thought that got me off the ground and knocking on your door.”
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He looked down at me pleadingly, plainly begging me to understand. Understand what? That he didn’t trust me? That his love for me wasn’t enough to overcome whatever his issue was?
“But I can show you.”
“But I can show you.”
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My heart skipped a beat. Was this it? Was right now, when he's wearing decade-old sweatpants and we’re standing in front of a stranger’s house, the moment when everything would change?
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Clark whispered in my ear, “I moonlight in tights. I wear my underwear outside my clothes. I benchpress locomotives for exercise.” He gently grasped my chin and pushed my head off his shoulder so he could look into my eyes.
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He loves me. He loves me. He loves me.
Very sweet, Lisa!! Thank you!!!!
Sara
Re: Comments: Hide and Seek (1/1) - 08/19/07 08:07 PM
Oooh! A new fic?? 
And a DATE fic! 
Okay, onto the serious business of reading.
Hehe. Unfortunately he wouldn't feel it.
Ahh! This is all so good. I want to quote it all because it just makes me giggle and I haven't even gotten very far in reading.
Waffy squee!!!
Ilovehimilovehimilovehim!
Ee! I love it! Hehe. I wear my underwear on the outside of my clothes.
I loved it Lisa! It was just so perfect. Every emotion was spot on. I loved Lois' inner musings and well... this seriously brightened my day. I was so upset earlier, I quit my job today so I could focus on school and I'll miss my coworkers. This definitely took my mind of missing my friends and I'm still smiling now. Thanks!
Laura
And a DATE fic! Okay, onto the serious business of reading. Quote
We stared at each other for ten, twenty, thirty seconds as conflicting emotions cascaded over me like a waterfall, a jumbled mess of relief, anger, hope, fear and a desire to knock him over and beat him with the baseball bat I kept by the door.
Unfortunately he wouldn't feel it. Quote
"Did you come here at eleven at night just to stare at me, Clark?"
What was he was doing here at this time of night, wearing… well, pretty much what I was wearing, actually, although his socks weren’t sporting marine life. How did he make sweats look so good? It really wasn’t fair.
What was he was doing here at this time of night, wearing… well, pretty much what I was wearing, actually, although his socks weren’t sporting marine life. How did he make sweats look so good? It really wasn’t fair.
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“Yes, Lois.” He smiled at me, a teasing note in his voice. “You know, that big space on the other side of these walls with trees and the moon and all that other stuff you can’t fit in your apartment?”
“Aren’t you funny,” I replied dryly. “Why would I do that?”
“Because it’s a beautiful night, and walks are nice.”
“Aren’t you funny,” I replied dryly. “Why would I do that?”
“Because it’s a beautiful night, and walks are nice.”
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I grabbed his arm, breaking his even stride with a suddenness that made him stumble. I felt him turn toward me in the darkness. One small step was all it took to touch him, to lean my forehead on his broad chest, the KSU logo scratchy against my skin. His warmth and musky scent enveloped me and sheer relief poured through my body. He loves me, he loves me, he loves me. I chanted the words in my head again and again until they became one long nonsensical chain. Helovesmehelovesmehelovesme.
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Clark whispered in my ear, “I moonlight in tights. I wear my underwear outside my clothes. I benchpress locomotives for exercise.” He gently grasped my chin and pushed my head off his shoulder so he could look into my eyes.
“Lois, I'm Superman.”
“Lois, I'm Superman.”
I loved it Lisa! It was just so perfect. Every emotion was spot on. I loved Lois' inner musings and well... this seriously brightened my day. I was so upset earlier, I quit my job today so I could focus on school and I'll miss my coworkers. This definitely took my mind of missing my friends and I'm still smiling now.
Thanks!Laura
Re: Comments: Hide and Seek (1/1) - 08/19/07 08:55 PM
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“You know, that big space on the other side of these walls with trees and the moon and all that other stuff you can’t fit in your apartment?”
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I was looking up the phone number of that convent – Our Lady of the Sisters of Something - as soon as I got home.
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“I’m sorry that I was afraid.” His voice quivered a bit. Was Clark crying? That would be a first. I snuck a peek in his direction, but we were in the dark and I couldn’t tell. “That I made bad choices,” he continued. “That I screwed up -” He waved his hand in the space between us. “- this. That I’ve lost you. Mostly, I'm sorry for making you doubt that I love you.”
Great, great story! AND it was a Lois POV story, quite possibly my favorite POV ever hah.
JD
Re: Comments: Hide and Seek (1/1) - 08/20/07 02:21 AM
Oh I love the kind of stories were we read what the characters think!
This was so sweet!! I liked that Clark actualy did something and not let Dan have Lois!
this line made me so happy. It's always good to read something like that
I'm sure that this line is gonna keep a smile on my face for the whole day.
It's my first day of school so I'm gonna need that
I olso liked how he went through his options of telling her and her diferent kind of reactions before he actualy showed her he was Superman!
And.. before I forget I love the banner you made for the story!!
This was so sweet!! I liked that Clark actualy did something and not let Dan have Lois!
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Marry Dan? The thought left me cold.
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Helovesmehelovesmehelovesme.
It's my first day of school so I'm gonna need that
I olso liked how he went through his options of telling her and her diferent kind of reactions before he actualy showed her he was Superman!
And.. before I forget I love the banner you made for the story!!
Re: Comments: Hide and Seek (1/1) - 08/20/07 08:24 AM
*hmph* - seems as if I'm way too late - my favourite parts of the stories are already quoted and commented 
. so I think there's not much left for me, except maybe saying: wonderful . I've read this story this morning at work and although I wanted to *aaaaw* and *sigh* every few minutes I was so proud of me that I could nevertheless keep my mouth shut. Unfortunately when I came to his part here my outside shown calmness was over ...
Ok, how to tell the boss why that price-list suddenly is so funny? 
. so I think there's not much left for me, except maybe saying: wonderful . I've read this story this morning at work and although I wanted to *aaaaw* and *sigh* every few minutes I was so proud of me that I could nevertheless keep my mouth shut. Unfortunately when I came to his part here my outside shown calmness was over ... Quote
Clark whispered in my ear, “I moonlight in tights. I wear my underwear outside my clothes. I benchpress locomotives for exercise.”
Re: Comments: Hide and Seek (1/1) - 08/20/07 11:17 AM
I'm so glad to see you posting your stories Lisa! I loved this one so much. 
It left me with such a smile on my face. (The banner was super cute as well).
I hope this means you are going to be posting more. I'd still love to see some of those teasers finished. ^_~
It left me with such a smile on my face. (The banner was super cute as well).I hope this means you are going to be posting more. I'd still love to see some of those teasers finished. ^_~
Re: Comments: Hide and Seek (1/1) - 08/20/07 05:10 PM
Thank you all so much for taking the time to read my story and comment on it. I treasure everything you said - seriously, if you knew how often I pulled up my old FDK threads for a lift... well, you'd tell me to go get a life!
Sue, Vonceil and Jen, I'm glad you liked the first person POV. That's the easiest way for me to write - just transcribing what I'm thinking. It feels like cheating sometimes!
Alcyone,
YAY! I'm thrilled that you liked that detail. I'm proud of those socks!
Maybe a few.
Ann,
Actually, the episode ends with Lois and Dan leaving to get ice cream. Clark asks her about it at the beginning of the following episode, and she says it was fine or something like that, but that's all we know. So you weren't missing anything.
Maybe not, Vonceil. Maybe not!
Thank you, DJ! That's something I struggle with - how to make sure they aren't going through the story in a vacuum.
Hugs for Laura! I'm glad this fic made your day brighter.
Again, thank you to all of you. I'm so happy that this story gave you all smiles, a few chuckles and some waffs, but I'm even more thrilled that there were some lines that touched you. Maybe there's hope for me and this writing thing yet.
Sue, Vonceil and Jen, I'm glad you liked the first person POV. That's the easiest way for me to write - just transcribing what I'm thinking. It feels like cheating sometimes!
Alcyone,
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you had me since the starfish
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anymore fics stashed around?
Ann,
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I felt a little handicapped reading this, because this vignette kept blinking at the show, assuming we knew what had happened when Lois and Dan were having ice cream and Clark apparently crashed the party. But I have no idea what happened then, so there are a lot of things that this vignette does not remind me of.
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Did he really mean to say that out loud?
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I can always see the scene so plainly in my mind.
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I was so upset earlier, I quit my job today so I could focus on school and I'll miss my coworkers.
Again, thank you to all of you. I'm so happy that this story gave you all smiles, a few chuckles and some waffs, but I'm even more thrilled that there were some lines that touched you. Maybe there's hope for me and this writing thing yet.
Re: Comments: Hide and Seek (1/1) - 08/20/07 05:17 PM
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Maybe there's hope for me and this writing thing yet.
Re: Comments: Hide and Seek (1/1) - 08/20/07 05:27 PM
eh - if Sue hadn't said it, I would have... Hello...? DUH!!!
Lisaaaaa!!!! Don't say things like that, you have *plenty* of talent. Now get back here with another story, missy! Pronto!
Lisaaaaa!!!! Don't say things like that, you have *plenty* of talent. Now get back here with another story, missy! Pronto!
Re: Comments: Hide and Seek (1/1) - 08/20/07 07:35 PM
HOPE?!? HOPE!!!
Let me tell you a thing about hope... How long have I been pestering you to finish that other fic that I've read like 6 parts of and then you left me hanging? Hmmm?
<sniffle>
So I HOPE you don't leave me hanging for much longer. Don't make me smack you![[Linked Image]](http://www.militaryphotos.net/forums/images/smilies/icon_bash.gif)
you have lots of talent! <g>
-- DJ
Let me tell you a thing about hope... How long have I been pestering you to finish that other fic that I've read like 6 parts of and then you left me hanging? Hmmm?
<sniffle>
So I HOPE you don't leave me hanging for much longer. Don't make me smack you
you have lots of talent! <g>-- DJ
Re: Comments: Hide and Seek (1/1) - 08/20/07 10:05 PM
There's one more thing I have to say about this fic:
First they were hiding from each other, both of them. But now there is a revelation, and it's so perfect. No pompous "Lois, I'm Superman" declaration (certainly not right away anyway - and when it comes, it's not pompous). And no dramatic ripping open of his shirt, popping a few buttons in the process, to reveal a red and yellow 'S' shield on blue spandex. Just Clark Kent, in decade-old sweat pants, wrapping his arms around his loved one and flying her to the moon. Or part of the way to the moon, anyway.
Because that's who he really is. Very much so in this fic, when he has stopped hiding from her. When he isn't replacing one mask with another, but when he lets her see who he really is.
Ann
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“I can’t tell you, though god knows I’ve tried,” he said with a bereft sigh. “I just can’t make the words come out.”
He looked down at me pleadingly, plainly begging me to understand. Understand what? That he didn’t trust me? That his love for me wasn’t enough to overcome whatever his issue was?
“But I can show you.”
My heart skipped a beat. Was this it? Was right now, when he's wearing decade-old sweatpants and we’re standing in front of a stranger’s house, the moment when everything would change?
I hadn’t even finished processing the thought before Clark wrapped his arms around my waist and we were airborne.
He looked down at me pleadingly, plainly begging me to understand. Understand what? That he didn’t trust me? That his love for me wasn’t enough to overcome whatever his issue was?
“But I can show you.”
My heart skipped a beat. Was this it? Was right now, when he's wearing decade-old sweatpants and we’re standing in front of a stranger’s house, the moment when everything would change?
I hadn’t even finished processing the thought before Clark wrapped his arms around my waist and we were airborne.
Because that's who he really is. Very much so in this fic, when he has stopped hiding from her. When he isn't replacing one mask with another, but when he lets her see who he really is.
Ann
Re: Comments: Hide and Seek (1/1) - 08/21/07 03:50 PM
I just cannot count the ways I love this!! (I'm going to try, mind you, but I know I'm not going to get it right.)
First, the atmosphere is wonderful. I'll just echo everyone else. So beautifully drawn I felt as if I was *there*. I admire that so much. I love when a writer makes me completely forget that I'm reading.
And then there were just so many, many gems begging to be quoted. I could have picked lots more, but I went with:
and
and
annnnnnd
Perfect, perfect, perfect.
Thank you for such a lovely, smart, warm, funny read.
CC
First, the atmosphere is wonderful. I'll just echo everyone else. So beautifully drawn I felt as if I was *there*. I admire that so much. I love when a writer makes me completely forget that I'm reading.
And then there were just so many, many gems begging to be quoted. I could have picked lots more, but I went with:
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We stared at each other for ten, twenty, thirty seconds as conflicting emotions cascaded over me like a waterfall, a jumbled mess of relief, anger, hope, fear and a desire to knock him over and beat him with the baseball bat I kept by the door.
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Say no. Say yes.
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Turning my head, I looked down the street at the pools of light falling onto the pavement from the streetlights above, counting twelve yellow circles before I heard the door open behind me.
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“I’m sorry that I was afraid.”
Thank you for such a lovely, smart, warm, funny read.
CC
Re: Comments: Hide and Seek (1/1) - 08/21/07 09:15 PM
Extra hugs to Sue, Lara and DJ for bolstering my ego! (Your chocolate cake is in the mail, ladies.)
Ann, I'm beyond flattered that this story stuck with you long enough that you came back to make more comments. Your FDK always brings new thoughts to light for me, even - and perhaps especially - in my own stories. Thank you!
CC, thank you for your comments! I'm especially grateful for this:
As I mentioned to DJ, the environment around the characters is something I struggle with, so that fact that it worked for you here pleases me very much.
And now, without further ado, I'm going to go hide from DJ!
(Your chocolate cake is in the mail, ladies.)Ann, I'm beyond flattered that this story stuck with you long enough that you came back to make more comments. Your FDK always brings new thoughts to light for me, even - and perhaps especially - in my own stories. Thank you!
CC, thank you for your comments! I'm especially grateful for this:
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So beautifully drawn I felt as if I was *there*.
And now, without further ado, I'm going to go hide from DJ!
Re: Comments: Hide and Seek (1/1) - 08/22/07 05:09 AM
Aww, Lisa, this was wonderful! I really enjoyed it! Thanks!!
Jo
Jo
Re: Comments: Hide and Seek (1/1) - 08/22/07 03:57 PM
I also loved how there "date" was really a spontaneous walk. James will whole-heartedly confess that we fell in love taking late-night strolls together around this neighborhood and that.
Elisabeth
Elisabeth