What? Smirky posted this two and half hours ago and there is no FDK thread yet? Gotta solve that right now!

I think T is fine.

Which is probably the saddest part about this story. This Clark, the man who went through this horror, will never again have that charming easy acceptance and instant friendship for everyone.

Did he really tell her that?

Another case of Clark being jealous of himself?

As I said.

The tension as he is trying to work up to telling her is excrutiating.

Haven't you give us enough angst without throwing Luthor in? You mean, mean woman!

That is *great*.

That scene on the roof... oh my god. I can see him standing on the edge, looking down. And then having to witness that car accident. It is so... so...

I am just speechless.

I'm glad you did fix it. I was beginning to feel neglected. I've been wandering like a homeless phantom, waiting...searching...alone... <sniffles>



<Sits down to wait for the review>

SmirkyRaven

Another wonderfully written chapter. You bring the characters pain to life so well I don't think I'll ever forget this story.

As far as your "homelessness", your place is with the great writers.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif"> He could hear her screams, her sobs. He didn’t want to see, but he could, and did. He could fear her pain, her desperation as the paramedics pulled her away from one of the struggling children.

Clark listened and watched, there with them. He could almost smell the gasoline, the blood—he could taste the fear. He watched desperately, as if by just watching he might be able to help—even the slightest bit.

He heard the smallest child take his last breath. He heard the small heart beat its last beat. He saw the broken body go limp.


doublel

'Nother beautiful chapter, Smirky. Waiting for the next one!
Jessi

Wow, what a wonderful part!!! You can never make the part too long. I always think any part seems too short when it comes to this story, even this one. I'm not sure about the rating T or M but you better NOT stop posting here or I'll be devastated! I need my weekly fix.

I really thought Clark would tell Lois he is Superman! What a way to tease us!!! At least Clark is trying.

The idea of the government being on Superman's side is great. I always thought the government should have been interested.

One question, wasn't it Dr. Klein and not Dr. Hamilton who became Superman's Dr. on Lois & Clark? Dr. Hamilton was the one who brought the gangsters to life. Either one works for me, just wondering why you chose Dr. Hamilton.

Keep the story coming I am anxiously waiting for more!!!

My impression, as to why Rachel chose to make Dr. Hamilton and not Dr. Klein Superman's doctor, is that Rachel is strongly influenced by Superman in other media. In the comics there is no Dr. Klein, but Dr. Hamilton used to figure prominently, at least for a while.

I'll be back with more feedback later. (Although, about the rating of the story... being a Swede, I had no idea what either T or M stood for, but I guess these letters refer to teenagers and mature readers. As a 13- or a 14-year-old, I myself would have been devastated by the violence in this story.... but that was back in the sixties, half a lifetime ago.)

Ann

Oh wow... I'm crying here. Seriously. Not weeping crying, but tearing up non the less. Smirky that last bit was just heart wrenching. It was also beautifly written.

Can I tell you that your story is now the highlight of my week? I am starting to crave it! LOL There were so many good things about this chapter. I loved how honest he was with her about how terrified he was. Poor Clark. I hope he tells her soon and that they can gather together to help heal each other.

Ahh!! Smirky hurry with the next chapter!!!

See Clark.

See Clark weep.

See Clark believe he's now completely useless.

See Clark lose his emotional bearings and his sense of self.

See Clark melt into a puddle of goo.

Clark cannot tell Lois that he's Superman. Not while he's in this state. Right now, he believes that he's lost his purpose in life, that he's betrayed all of humanity, that he's let down everyone who ever thought highly of him. His sense of self has been wrapped up in his Superman identity, and now that he thinks that's gone, he doesn't believe that his life has any purpose. He no longer believes that he has any real reason to exist.

This is not a man who can shatter the illusions of the woman he loves. This is not a man who can stand in front of Lois and say, "Look, I am Superman. I am someone. I love you. Please love me." At his point, he doesn't even think he can offer unconditional friendship.

And he's stuttering again. He's still deeply affected by all the things he's gone through recently - the captivity, nearly dying himself, losing his powers, his father's death, and Lois's almost insane focus on finding Superman and on defending him both to and from the world. He doesn't have the wherewithal to declare his love to Lois, nor does he have the right to tell her that he's Superman. And since he still can't fly, I'm not sure she'd believe him anyway.

When the rest of his powers finally return, will he be tempted to stop being Clark? Will he find his identity in being the costumed superhero, or will he dig deep enough within himself to hook onto the anchor that Clark needs to become himself again?

It's going to be interesting to find out.

This moved me to tears--beyond words, in fact. I have three boys, and this is my worst nightmare. Forgive me if I'm unable to leave better feedback right now, but know that this chapter was beautifully written.

Wonderful part, SmirkyRaven. It was so moving and sad. I really hope that Lois and Clark will start to really talk to each other, because he needs her.

Especially the last scene on the top of the roof was heart-wrenching. I loved every bit of it, I can feel Clark's helplessness and his terror.

Keep on writing.

Why is Lois going on a date with Lex? I'm trying to understand her reasoning for this. Especially after you made this comment.

I realize she forgot about Lex, but I would have expected her to just tell him to forget it, she was busy, and keep going with that single-mindedness she's shown up to now.

I'm torn whether I want Clark to come clean or not with Lois. I can argue myself to both sides of that fence. Should Clark tell her, or should she figure it out herself? It will be good no matter what, I'm sure. What I like best about the story so far is the way it makes me feel. I feel the same things the characters feel. Especially Clark. Too cool.

Well, Rachel, I was about to write what I almost routinely write when I read a story where Clark is hiding his double identity from Lois: Make the no-good lying S.O.B. tell her the truth already!!!½! (Eh... the !!!½! was a typo, but I kind of liked it.)

Okay. I rant and rave when Clark is lying to Lois. It drives me nuts when he insists that he isn't Superman, and the next moment he runs off to supposedly pick up his Cheese of the Month shipment so that he can spin into the suit and perform another Superman rescue. I hate it!!! At other times he is temporarily powerless, so that he's sort of telling the truth when he says that he isn't Superman. Ah, but he's chomping at the bit and raring to go, impatiently awaiting the return of his powers so that he can burst into action again. Physically he may not be Superman on those occasions, but mentally he certainly is.

But in your story, Rachel... well, in your story, Clark just isn't Superman. Not in any way at all. Not physically, really, and absolutely, certainly not mentally. How perfectly, ironically fitting it is that the one power of his that has definitely not returned is his ability to fly. Because what is it, after all, that makes Superman fly? I'm reminded of Mary Poppins, the Mary Poppins that was there before she was disneyfied, who flew because of the influence of "laugh gas" (don't ask me what it was called in English). Mary Poppins flew, as it were, on invisible wings of joy. And Superman, too, the Superman who flew, was boyed by the power of happiness. Consider what that Superman looked like in Lois's photo (and never mind that he wasn't actually flying in that picture):

This Superman - this happy Superman, this determined Superman, this Superman who believed - in himself, in the world, in his own ability to be there for the world and make it a better place - this Superman could fly. But this Superman is no more. And Lois is close to breaking apart at the seams with the pain of his absence:

Being essentially a Lois fan, I'm so moved at times by this Lois:

Considering what Lois has been like in this story and what part she has played in it, she reminds me in certain ways of Joan of Arc. Young, vulnerable, aching with longing and the need to stand up to the world, to take on any enemy, to fight for her faith in the wonderful man of goodness and light that she has seen and that she believes in, the Superman with light and laughter in his eyes. She is prepared to give her life for him:

But Lois believes in a man who no longer exists. A man who has been broken, and who has had his light and laughter cut, torn, ripped and tortured out of him. A man who was Superman, but who is no longer the hero. How can I ask Clark to tell Lois that he is Superman? I can't, because he isn't. I want Clark to tell the truth, don't I? Well, the truth is that Clark is no longer Superman.

But it is also true that we have so often seen Lois be Superman's inspiration. When he has been too tired, when he has wanted to give up, then she has been there for him, encouraging him, urging him on, believing in him. We have seen it again and again. Will this broken Clark find it in himself to be some version of Superman again, because Lois needs his heroism? I think he should remember that Lois isn't asking Superman to be inhumanly heroic:

She isn't asking Superman to be perfect and flawless, so she should be able to accept that right now the man who used to be Superman can't be the hero any more - but he might be a hero again, if only she will stand by him. Ah, but I wish she wouldn't be so thoroughly contemptuous of Clark Kent!!!

This is a totally fascinating story, Rachel.

Ann

Okay! I just got back from a long day at work and school and just soothed my troubled soul with all of your most excellent reviews. Thank you all so very much!

MrsMosley wrote:
Nope. He didn't. Not exactly, anyway. Clark was doing one of his "not really a lie, not really a truth" things when they were with Bureau 39. <shakes head at him>

Maybe, but I think it's something more than that.

I may be mean, but as for the answer to your question...<ponders deeply>. No. There is always room for more angst.

I'm glad you liked it. I got the whole rooftop scene idea some time ago, around chapter 9 or 10 or so...so I think you can see where the darker tone of that part came from. Thank you so much for your review, MrsMosley! And thanks for saving me by starting an FDK!

woody wrote:
Wow. Thanks, Woody. But as for my place being with the great writers...I'm working on it, and I hope I'm making progress. Thanks for reviewing!

Doublel wrote:
Yeah. I think Clark needs Superman more than anyone, right now. Thanks for reviewing!

Jessi-the-"untalented" wrote:
I know...<beams>. I'm the same way. I hope you enjoy the next few chapters, then...Thanks so much for your review. It's great to hear from you, Jessi!



<runs and hides>

lol. It's good to know that I'm not the only one addicted to this story! I'm glad to hear that my super-long chapters aren't too long for you. I know I'm a bit blabby, which is why this fic is so long already. Don't worry. I've been posting on three sites all this time, and I'm not going to stop posting here, I promise!

Yeah. I'm trying to make this fic kind of into a sort of universal piece which branches over more than just LC, but it starts there and at leasts keeps its roots there. Hopefully that's not too much of a goal, but it seems that out there in general Dr. Hamilton is the doctor that is generally Supes' doctor. <shrugs>

jojo_da_crow wrote:
Thanks, Jojo! I'm glad I'm not the only one that had to use a tissue or two on that last part.<sniffs>

Thank you so much. You guys are so good at bolstering my self-confidence, that's for sure! And as for your addiction, I think after I'm done with "Darkest Dreams" we may have to start a therapy group to help us all quit. I'll be the first to join.

I'm loving Clark too. Poor guy.

Thanks for your review!

Terry Leatherwood wrote:
Well, I hope there's still some sense of at least a shadow of optimism that's left in Poor Clark. He is quite sure that his powers are going to come back, and he intends to move on as best as he can. The problem is that the present keeps sneaking up behind him and tackling him without warning. And the loss of sense isn't so much the Superman identity as the *part* of him that is Superman--the optimism, the fearlessness, and powers. His optimism has been shaken, the fearlessness has been completely shattered, and right now he's working his way back towards his powers. You're certainly right about Clark beating himself up about it, even though technically he knows it's not his fault. Senseless guilt is as apart of him as his powers are <affectionate sigh>.

I'm glad that Clark's continuance for secrecy makes sense to you. It certainly did for me! <sniffles>

Hm. I don't think so. The weakness that he sees in himself scares him almost all the more by the fact that he feels he needs to recover enough to become Superman. Not just to save people with his powers, but to be figure that everyone recognizes as Superman. As it is, he's too shaken and affected by anything to hold up *any* front strong enough to be Superman. At least, as Clark, his own uncertainty can come through without question. In a way, I think it's safe to say that this stuttering Clark is more true of a picture than one the world has seen thus far, and that's what Clark is terrified about. He can't help it, it bugs Lois, and he realizes that even if she knows and even if Superman comes back, that stuttering Clark is not going to go away automatically. The poor guy needs some time and help.

Thanks for your review, Terry! If my musings above don't make sense, just ignore them. I kind of just type away at whatever thoughts come to my mind when I read these reviews, so who knows what might come out onto my keyboard?

symbolicangel wrote:
<sniffles> Thanks, symbolicangel! <offers a tissue and a comforting hug>

bakasi wrote:
Thanks, Bakasi! I appreciate your comments!

jwb wrote:
Lois is going because I want her to.

Just kidding. Really, you're right. I figured that Lex initially caught Lois off guard when they set up this date, when she was still quite shaken and thus just wanted to get rid of the man for the moment at least. However, they're still on relatively good terms at this point, and Lois has forgotten it until Lex called. She's still not thinking very clearly, but I figure she subconsciously supposes that she deserves a bit of a break, or maybe she just doesn't have the energy to really put towards convincing Lex to leave her alone. She might have tried, if Clark had been more insistent on keeping her attention, but at this point Clark's not being very insistent about anything, poor guy. I hope that kind of works for you.

You know, my favorite parts of reviews are when people say things like this! I write as I feel. I'm very connected to my writing, and I'm very glad it comes through on the other end. I've cried while writing, or I've simply had to get up and walk around because I felt sick or and awful for my poor characters (I really am far too cruel to them). Thank you so much for reviewing, jwb!

Thanks for your reviews, everyone! You guys make my day!

SmirkyRaven

Ann, I'm sorry I didn't reply to your review with everyone else's, but I just felt like replying to it on its own.

...

I don't really know what to say. I'm reading through it again and again, just enjoying what you've said.

I feel very, very, very honored that you'd consider "Darkest Dreams" to be an acception to your general rule about stabbing Clark for keeping his secret. You portrayed the idea of his lack of flight better than I could.

<wipes a tear away>

Which is the true tragedy of the whole thing. Thank you so much for pointing this out!

She certainly still has her problems--both Lois *and* Clark do--but I have tried to make their problems as both understandable, pitiable, able to be sympathized with. I'm glad you've been able to feel that connection!

Which is one of the main reasons Clark's having trouble telling her right now. I think he himself has recognized that the essence of Superman has been shattered--the mask has been shredded, and he doesn't know what to do in order to put it back together. Though he's going to be trying to rebuild, it's going to take some time.

"Bipolar wet cat" Lois Lane certainly needs open her eyes. Both she and Clark need each other now more than ever.

I'm glad it's making you think, Ann. Thank you so much for your feedback and thoughts. I really, really appreciate it, and it certainly helps add to my own creative juices!

SmirkyRaven

Tell Lois about Superman!

I read the first chapter when it came out but for various reasons didn't read any of the others till a little while ago.




Very impressive. Not the run of the mill capture - escape story. I am delighted to see Lois in counseling. I like the way your Clark is torn up and still dealing with things.

I am delighted that Lois saw all Clark's notes on Luthor. I hope he decides to share his notes and such with General McPheron of the Primaries.

Clark needs help in dealing with Lex. The Primaries and Henderson look like good sources of help.

So Nightfall hasn't happen yet?

I hope you will follow this all the way through the Fall of Luthor and the Nightfall asteroid incident.

I also hope Clark does not tell Lois. I'd like to see her, Lois, come to see the truth about both Luthor and Clark on her own.

Nicely done.

AHHH. I'm behind in my reading. I'm around and hope to catch up this week. Sorry.

SuperRoo, I hope you can catch up! I've missed your reviews, and I'm looking forward to another one

Sheila, I just have one thing to say:
[Lex]Wait for it.[/Lex] That is one part of the story that I've been plotting towards for chapters upon chapters, I can tell you that...

Hello, Framework4! I'm glad you're liking the story so far!

As for Nightfall...this fic is definitely AU, so I don't know if it's going to be showing up. I actually hadn't even thought about it. I'm still writing this by the seat of my pants, though, so we'll just have to see what will happen together, eh?

Thanks for the reviews!

SmirkyRaven

Damn! I forgot to review again didn't I?
Could've sworn I did. I distinctly remember composing something that ran a bit like this:
Smirky.
IhateyouIhateyouIhateyouIhateyouIhateyouIhateyou!!!!
@#$%^&*?!
But in a good way!
I think I ruptured a brain cell screaming at Clark to blurt it out. My sis had to come in and ask whether there was any particular reason other than sheer insanity that I was yelling at the monitor for five minutes.
So....
*Hands over a series of sharp, whirring instruments*
Feel free to torture us some more.
UPDATE SOON!

Where are you Smirkey?

doublel

I second that.

Smirky I saw your note about missing some of your regular reviewers. I deeply apologize if you were watching for me - doubtful, I don't say anything that memorable... but I still apologize for being late to the party. I've been out on vacation and RL has been a real...

Um, so anyway, I of course adored the last two chapters. They ripped me apart when I finally got to read them, and I seriously thought about hiring a private eye to track you down so I could beat you with a blunt instrument for not allowing Clark the peace of mind to tell Lois his secret...

But I promised I was along for the ride, so I threw the private eye's number away and hid all my blunt instruments (and chainsaws) and I wait in expectation for the next part.

-- DJ

So since I told you that I was addicted to this story Smirky...

When do I get my next hit? I'm getting the shakes here... help a sister out?

~Jojo, who hopes Smirky doesn't start charging.

Sorry I'm late, everyone! This week has been insane, and the chapter just wasn't ready to be posted yesterday. Thanks to the wait, however, it's now about 2000 words longer than it was yesterday, and about 2000 times better, too, I think. So expect the next chapter within...say an hour. <sage nod>

Oh. And thanks for your review, MetroRhodes! I did miss you, actually--even your terrifying little host of emoticon followers. I do understand how RL can get, though... I have no less than 2 papers and 4 tests the first three days of next week. I think I'm going to die.

I hope the next chapter takes care of that addiction of yours, jojo.

SmirkyRaven

I am sooo going to regret staying up this late tomorrow. But anyways....

I don't think I've gripped my mouse so hard as I did during my read of this part.

Just spit it out!!

I am so mad that Lois went out with Lex. When Clark was up on the roof's edge, I was able to slow down my reading and I closed my eyes with Clark imaging the horror that he saw with the dying child and his want to fly. I guess my bed is calling to take me away to lala land, but this is calling louder so I must stay.

I was hoping Lois would walk out on to the roof top, realizing she should be back at the Planet writing up her article and then deciding to go onto the roof for a feeble attempt on finding Superman.

This chapter, just as the others did, tore me up.

Gee a real sleepy person wrote this. I'm surprised there isn't more typos. Sorry if it sounds silly.