FDK: New (and unfinished): The Girl Next Door 1/? - Lois & Clark Fanfic Message Boards

Wow, Toc!!! This is brilliant! I love it! Lois is the orphan from Krypton, not Clark. And her Angel-Mama, who grew up in sad and bad foster homes and died of leukemia(?) when Lois was six, was the one who gave Lois her morals and her ideals.

I love this concept! It's brilliant! You must finish this story. You must, you must, you must!!!!

Wow. Super-Lois. Oh, imagine her meeting Clark Nice Ordinary Boy Kent. Imagine them falling in love. Will she fall like a ton of bricks for him? Will he be comparatively unimpressed with her? Will he be ever so slightly reckless? Will she have to save him, maybe as Ultrawoman?

Come on!!!! This story has to be told. It has to. You got the ball rolling. Now please finish what you started!!!!

Ann

Oh wow!! Ditto Ann!!!!!

I especially loved this moment here...

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She remembered Mama, but the glorious full colors of that time when she’d been the happiest had faded into pale watercolor hues. Always beautiful, but muted with time.

This is just beautiful and bittersweet. Heartbreaking.

Nicole

It is a very interesting twist having Lois come from Krypton. The premise has all sorts of possibilities.
This is beautifully written story. I see that Nicole has also quoted this line, but I can't resist quoting it as well:

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Lois’s earliest memories were bittersweet. She remembered Mama, but the glorious full colors of that time when she’d been the happiest had faded into pale watercolor hues. Always beautiful, but muted with time.

This line is so descriptive and conveys the idea of fading memories wonderfully. It resonated with me.

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She could feel the tears starting in her eyes. Mama wasn’t going to be able to stay much longer. They were running out of time.

Mama’s eyes were starting tears, too. Once again, Lois tucked her head up close to Mama’s, and they stayed that way a long, long time. Snuggled tight and crying.

Saying goodbye.

This part nearly brought tears to my eyes, and that doesn’t happen to me very often when reading stories.

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“I won’t ever forget, Mama,” she whispered as the casket was lowered into the grave. “I won’t ever forget that you love me. I won’t ever forget about the dragons. And doing what’s right. I promise.”

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Now the doctors were leading Lois to the car, the big black one that Mr. Dr. Lane drove. Lois bit her lip and climbed into the back seat. She was going to be strong, so Mama would be proud of her. She was going to fight dragons when she grew up.

It will be interesting to see how the dragons have manifested themselves in the present.

Between the fact that most of this post consists of flashback, the fairly tale references, and the skillful writing, this story has an almost ethereal quality. Quite unexpected for a story entitled “The Girl Next Door.”

Can’t wait to see what the next part has in store. There are so many questions I have just from the first part. Will the identity of Lois’ deceased mother be of any importance? What is Clark’s background? Was he still raised by the Kents? Did this Clark come from Krypton as well? My imagination has been stirred by this post.

-Em

I like it! Can't wait for more!

I have to echo Ann and Nicole's earlier comments — this is *such* a brilliant concept, and the writing is just gorgeous. So hauntingly beautiful — I love love loved this first heart-breaking chapter, and can't wait to read the next part!

Not feeling particularly elloquent at the moment, but count me in, too! Ditto angelic_editor.

Paul

Oh interesting idea. Great part and the writing really hooked me. I hope you'll finish this story. Can't wait to read further.

Janet

A fantastic start!

Tricia

This is *so* interesting! It's initially difficult for me to place Lois in with the super powers, just because it's something different than I'm used to, but I can't wait to get sucked into another part! Annd I can't wait to see what ordinary Clark Kent is like, well assuming he makes an appearance and that he's ordinary...So many possibilities!

Jen

What an incredibly fascinating concept! I'm left kind of breathless with awe. I absolutely love the set-up, with little Lois and her Mama, who has primed her to be a heroine, just like the Kents primed Clark in the Superman mythos.

There do seem to be many places to go with this, and I'm curious as to which path you've chosen.

Can't wait to read more!

I agree with everyone else, this is really good! I'm wondering, though, is Clark still going to be Kryptonian? Or will he be ordinary?

Hi,

Great start.