Welcome to the boards! And congrats on your first story! You really had me going there for awhile. I had no idea how they were going to get out of this predicament. And then you threw the dream curveball.

You are a very talented writer. I was with them all the way with the anguish and fear. Very well done!

But I must say, this screams epilogue, or another part, or a sequel, or something. He may have had his worst nightmare realized, well...in a nightmare, but he still didn't tell her. What's he going to do now that he had this terrible dream? Although, it could stay as it is. Not every story has a revelation. Maybe I was just thrown off by the wrapping up of the story sooner than I expected.

You had me confused when you ended the part with "The End". I thought this was going to be the second part of 5. But after I took a second look, I'm guessing this was the last four parts. I assume this could have just been part 2/2, but I don't know how you organized it so that's all up to you.

I really liked this. You really had me believing that it was all real. I was sitting here wondering how you were going to get them out of it. I hope to see more from you in the future.

~Kristen

Wow! This was really good.

I was confused too about how many parts this story would have. Turned out to be only two iso five.

Thanks for sharing and welcome to the boards.

Ursie

Hey, you made it. Welcome!

I see what the others mean with the story headers. It's really just a story in two parts, as posted, so I'd suggest just labelling them:

1/2
2/2

LabRat

Unless, of course, "The End" doesn't actually mean it's over.

Hi, and thanks for all the kind words and support

I'm sorry about the confusion with the story parts...I got done with it sooner than I thought I would, so I decided to post all of it, instead of little by little.

Yes, this definitely could have a second part. I was thinking about that possibility as I wrote it.
But I wanted to show that Clark was(by the end)just happy that it was a dream and that ,at that point, nothing else mattered. Something like that dream/nightmare should have motivated him to climb through the window, and I considered that, but there is still a part of him that is unsure and not ready to tell her.

I'll have to see if I can come up with something

Thanks again.

FinLi

Yeah, that makes more sense..thanks for the tip

Arrgggh! Was halfway through a post when I messed up and lost it.

Okay...just read this over as I was GEing it for the Archive and I have to say - Yes! I agree. Sequel! <g>

I really enjoyed this one, FinLi. There was some beautiful, emotional depth to the prose, particularly towards the end. This:

just about had me in tears. Beautifully rendered. His feelings for Lois come through so strongly here.

Thanks for sharing! And I hope to see more from you soon! Sequel or new, don't mind.

LabRat

Like everyone said, welcome to the boards! I really like your story.

One of the things I really like is that you are honest about why Clark is lying to Lois. And why is he lying? Because he's a coward, of course! That's our Clark, all right! Adorable, but a lunkhead. :rolleyes:

Ah, but he is adorable. And he does love her. And she, of course, is our Lois, always getting herself in trouble but also always finding something scathing to say to the villains: ROTFLOL!

So all in all, welcome to the boards, and welcome back with your next story!

Ann

If you were trying to give me a heart attact, you succeeded.

excellent story! totally had me thinking there was a tank ending coming! I second (third, fourth...whatever) the call for a sequel!

If I may offer my opinion in the form of some constructive criticism.

As the others have said, this is generally well-written. The characters were well drawn, and their actions and emotions rang true.

For me, though, you left out one important thing... the payoff. You created a very intense and emotional scenario but basically left it hanging. Yes, we find out in the end that our duo is actually okay, and that is was all just a bad dream that Clark had. But we still need to know two things. *Why* did Clark have the nightmare, and what are the *consequences* of that nightmare. It could be something as innocent as having anchovie and pineapple pizza before going to bed, or it could be some sort of message from his subconscious. Does Lois' typical leap before she looks investigative style worry him more than he realizes? Or, is it tied to the fact that he's beginning to realize that he can't keep lying to her about himself? What if, god forbid, one of them met an untimely death? How would he feel if he, or she, died without ever knowing the real truth?

As written, to me, the whole emotional, deadly scenario comes off as gratuituous because it doesn't lead to anything. Nothing is learned from the horrific nightmare, even though it was only a dream

I have to admit that as I read, I fully expected there to be a revelation before the finish. It seemed like a natural resolution, but it wouldn't necessarily need to be. But I do think that Clark should have entertained some sort of thoughts along those lines as a consequence of the unsettling nature of his nightmare.

I could easily see a denoument where Clark is hovering above Lois' apartment going through the process of wondering if the nightmare was his guilty subconscious' way of telling him he needed to come clean with Lois... or, maybe he just shouldn't have had that cold pizza right before going to bed.

Please realize that I'm not telling you how to write your stories, I just wished to point out that I felt you needed to show that for Clark, the dream had some consequences beyond just a bad memory and a feeling of relief upon waking.

Over all, a good effort. I look forward to reading more from you.

Tank (who has to make sure that the writer knows that this is just his opinion and can be disregarded without a second thought)

Then I guess my job is done here

Welcome to the boards, FinLi! I thoroughly enjoyed it and look forward to reading more of your work.

Tricia

Thanks for the support

FinLi - Once I got to the end, I loved your story. :-) I'm not a lover of deathfic, but you made this one okay for me. Pulled at my heart strings and brought tears to my eyes.

And my opinion is probably different from the other opinions on the board, but I'm glad you didn't turn this into a revelation story. For me there will only be one revelation story (And the Answer Is/We Have A Lot To Talk About). I like that you left it open for everyone to make up there own minds and their own endings in that respect.

I like that this story can stand on it's own, but blends so nicely into the series. On another board you mentioned that you thought it could easily fit in right before "And the Answer Is" and I agree. I could see Clark waking up from this dream and the next morning calling Lois to see if she wanted to have breakfast at Callard's and planning to spill the secret to her.

Great job! Look forward to more.

Thank you so much for the positive feedback. I'm glad you could see where I wanted to go with it.

I had forgotten that I hadn't mentioned about "And the answer is..." being a sequel to my story on this board. Thanks for the reminder.

I'm glad I could write something that people like, even though it may contain subject matter that might not be pleasant.

Thanks for taking the time. I appreciate it

FinLi

Hi,

Great part.


OMG!


You are

You are



I get that a lot

I'm working on two new ones right now