Okay. Wendy? Hi. It's me. Nicole. Just wanted to tell you what this story is doing to me. Really. I had a nightmare about your story last night. A
nightmare! Probably because before I went to bed I saw you'd posted a new part, but I couldn't read it yet because I was too tired. But I dreamt the new part was like ten sentences long and Lois died and the story ended. DO YOU SEE WHAT YOU'RE DOING TO ME???? This is TORTURE and I'm going nuts!
Then I wake up and read it, and I'm in tears and Lois is on the brink over here, and I can't help but think that they'll find out that this poison HAS no antidote or something. Then Clark's going to fall apart, die himself, it'll be very Romeo and Juliet, and at this point... I just don't think I could handle that! Oh god, even my comments are getting less and less lucid as this story goes on. You can't possibly sleep well at night knowing the effect you're having on nice, well-meaning, sweet innocent readers!!!
Okay, glad I got that off my chest. Onto other things:
This part was so unbelievable, I honestly do not know how to express my thoughts! Your writing (for the entire story) is fantastic, but in this part, I was in absolute awe- the emotions and fears of these two are so beautifully written out, so heartfelt and real and just perfect. Your writing pulls you in so that you're there with them, going through this with them, falling apart like them and feeling a million things
with them!
Clark's POV tore me up the most in this part, with his heavy, weighted emotions, and his thoughts and worries all over the place:
She was still a fighter.
Wasn’t she?
If she couldn’t be, then he’d have to be one for her.
Time was slipping away, trickling through their fingers like fine grains of sand, impossible to hold onto.
This is a gorgeous image and just perfect for what is happening to her... and them.
There was so little time left, but so little to go on.
Clark is so smart; he's hit on the head my main frustration with this whole situation! Every time I read, that is how I feel... me and Clark are on the same page!
She was right. They weren’t going to be able to save her...
I feel for him during these moments of giving up. He just can't... but this all does seem so hopeless.
He waited, barely breathing, and then her fingertips grazed his eyebrow, circled his eye and finished up resting on his cheekbone. “You look so... different without your glasses.”
This is my #1 favorite line in this part. (#2 is a little later
). I just love that she is slipping away, so weak, time is running out, they are trying to investigate and focus, are in the middle of so many things, and she says that, while touching his face. It's absolutely wonderfully written and so so so... beautiful
.
I also love how he wants to use every precious moment they have together to share their feelings and reminisce and create memories, but how he knows he can't do that. He has to make a choice between memories and proaction basically. And he would forever regret (no matter what) if he chose the former. It's exactly the kind of choice this situation warrants; a choice you would never think you'd have to make, and it's awful and real, and his thoughts about it are so pure and sweet and sad. Heartbreaking.
If he only had a few more hours to spend with Lois, then he needed good memories.
If she did... die... he’d need those memories - but right now he had a choice.
Accept that he couldn’t save her, and just make the most of the few hours they had left, and live the rest of his life knowing that he’d given up on her - or do everything within his power, and beyond, to make her better, even if he lost her in the end anyway, and even if he had regrets later that he hadn’t used some of their remaining hours to... To tell her that he loved her. To show her that she was wrong: that she was cherished, and that he would miss her every single day for the rest of his life.
It wasn’t a choice. If there was even just a slim chance that he could find a way to save her...
I love your writing as she's fading/passing out, here, the almost death, so to say. It's cluttered and confused, as it's Lois's POV, and it is so poignant, honest - it hits really hard.
“Not y’r fault... ‘m going to die...”
Hands seized her shoulders, almost painfully. Shook her.
Familiar voice. But sounding... different, somehow
Moisture touched her cheek. Or did it?
He's crying! This is painful. I love it, though!
He’d aged twenty years in... how long? Ten minutes?
Wow. Clark.
He buried his face in her hair. And in that instant she realised that he was shaking.
Wendy, please let the poison have an antidote!! Can't you see how much pain they're in??????
“You’ll have to get behind me.” The coldness in his voice even surprised him.
#2 favorite line of section - totally gave me chills... Clark is breaking in two! I cannot take it! But I will... I have faith in you, Wendy
You will fix this. I'll buy your cat a whole bunch of toys if you do! If that is what it takes!!
Yes, it was time to stop wasting time. All she had to do was persuade Clark to give up on this pointless, endless search for something they weren’t going to find.
It was time to give up. To accept that she was dying.
No, Lois! No! Stop that! Where's Mad Dog Lane? Lois, you're a fighter! Fight!!!!!
There were times, too, when she felt strongly that he was itching to change clothes and rip the city apart in his superhero guise.
But he wouldn’t do that. He’d promised not to leave her, so Superman was stowed away for the day, apart from quick flights to do things for her.
He was still ignoring cries for help, too. He thought she hadn’t noticed, of course, but even in her falling-apart state she couldn’t not see the way he’d go perfectly still suddenly, his whole body tense, before shaking himself slightly and refocusing on what they were doing.
This was torture for Clark.
So great that in her state she can see Clark's agony and torture. And she sees him working doubly hard now after her scary pass out - she can see that choice we saw him make. She can see it and I love that!
I have sort of gone nuts on quoting here, I have to stop! But in my defense, this was my favorite part and I do have a little sliver of hope about this poison, now. Even though there are ten parts left. This is so amazing and I will eagerly check back for the next part (although I am sure you've gone away (as in won't be posting a new part) for a few days yet).
~NICOLE
ps- I thought the "M" in your boards nick stood for meanie, because, you know, of your unintentional but totally mean and probably a little intentional cliffhangers
Beautiful!
Besides, a positive ID doesn't mean that they have immediately the right treatment! And why so much time to find the poison? Is really so difficult to identify or so rare? What is it, kriptonite? 