Great story, Nancy! When I urged you to give us some fanfic yesterday, I never dreamed that you'd have something posted so soon. And I really enjoyed this. Very well written, and nicely in character too. A revelation and a romance all in one - that's my kind of story.

I really liked the way Lois absorbed all the clues, and yet she didn't start putting it together until Clark disappeared on her once more. And then it was obvious once she spoke to Michael. Very nice use of those loose ends from the Pilot!

I had just one little niggle, and that relates to the timeline. The story throughout feels like a mid/late Season 1 story: Lois and Clark's relationship, for example, has them friends but she still occasionally snips at him in a way she'd mostly stopped doing by Season 2. Plus, if you move this to Season 2 you also have to take Luthor into account in Lois's commentary on men. And, given you mention Tempus, that means this has to take place after Clark asked Lois out (in The Phoenix) and after their first date (in Lucky Leon). They were much closer by then, and Clark for a long time had been far less jealous of Lois's interest in Superman - plus Lois had pretty much stopped trying to get close to Superman and just wanted to be his friend, mostly. Anyway, this just feels like a Season 1 story to me - but you don't have to pay any attention to my opinion if you don't want to!

You will be sending this to the Fanfic Archive, won't you?

Great debut, Nancy, and I hope we'll see more from you soon!


Wendy

I've only just finished part 1, Nancy, but I love your premise.

Love the idea- which makes such perfect sense- that Lois would put Superman under the microscope. And you have filled this with witty, original stuff: his aftershave, his red boots.

Also, your great description of the Nigerian princess seeing him doing something impossible. How he's tired of living that way, always running.

Now, you've posted a bit more than I can generally read at a sitting, but I will look forward to reading through the rest of this!

CC

edit: Ooooohhh, the woman who saw him stop the bus! Dang it, why didn't I think of that?? Oh, poor Clark! Ok. Part 2 down. Really, really good stuff!

edit again: Well, this was just so well done. I love the two of them in Clark's apartment 'knowing,' but going through the motions of just eating pizza.

And you had some really nice touches I don't want to overlook. Clark turning his face up to sun and tuning Lois out when she's talking at the restaurant. I adore that quiet moment you gave him to regroup. And again when he left Polly's house and he stopped and listened to the birds building their nest. That was such a gem.

Yes. You will be nagged. No doubt about it!

Oooh, this was fun!!!! Loved them talking about the ramifications and problems about Superman's theoretical secret identity, and then in his apartment I loved them tip-toeing around each other, until Clark finally brought up the subject. They are just so darned cute!

I noticed the timeline shifts; at first I thought this was set about the time of the Rival but you kept mentioning later and later memories <g> I didn't let it worry me, though.

Good story, Nancy! I'm glad you've decided to come out in the sunshine and play with us

PJ

I'm grinning from ear to ear. Nothing like having great comments about my story. I was so thrilled that I actually did it that I wanted to read it to everyone! It's my first attempt at fiction. I've done lots of non-fiction but none of this sort of thing. I'm so glad it worked!

I guess the timeline is a bit of a mess, but oh well. I guess I didn't pay enough attention to that. Should i go back and change it or just leave it and be better about that next time?

Thanks for everything.
Nancy

Hi Nancy

Glad you're happy! And so you should be!

As for the timeline issue, I wouldn't worry about changing it for here - but if you're submitting the story to the Archive (which you should!), then fixing it is very simple. All you need to do is take out about three references, as far as I remember. One is to the way Clark looked for the Kerths. The second is the reference to The Source (where Lois was suspended and Superman came to talk to her), and the third is the reference to Tempus knowing his secret. Then it'll easily be a Season 1 story - as Pam said, it does sound kind of like The Rival time-frame.

Did anyone else notice any S2 references I haven't mentioned?


Wendy

Welcome to the Nuthouse :p

Eh... where's the next?

Jose

Nice story, thanks for sharing it!

Yeah, I definitely agree with the others, if you want to keep a consistent timeline, it easily make a good season 1 story!

JD
You realize now that you've started writing, you've entered the nag zone!

Cute story Nancy. Good job. Laura

A fun story!

More, please.

Thanks.

Hurray! New author, new story, new fun!

What a wonderful and welcome premise, Nancy: a Lois who goes into full-tilt investigation mode on Superman! And LOL on the little details she uses to start tracking: aftershave and hair combs?! Noticing him much, Lois?

It was great fun to see both Lois and Clark acting like reporters as well as being delightfully in character. And for some reason, that last image of Clark sitting on a cloud -- just casually reclining there, for all the world as if he's on some kind of white fluffy divan -- don't ask me why, but I found it utterly charming.

A beta might be a good idea for that final bit of polishing before you hit the archive, but this was a great read! Welcome to the world of FoLCdom, Nancy. And now that you've been blooded, you'll be mercilessly hounded everafter for MORE!

Hazel

Fantastic story, Nancy! Lois on the warpath, I like it.

I hope you know, that now you have to help filling the fanfic archive with new stories of our favourite couple.
Write more, please!

Ines

Hi,

I read all 7 parts in one sitting. I like the pilot clues that no one, somehow, ever picked up on. The hand on the bus, the man in the manhole. Makes you realize that but for the sake of entertainment, if Lois REALLY was that good as an investigative reporter, she would really have figured out who he was.

Then again, would glasses REALLY fool anyone LOL?

Good creative story, definitely felt like season 1. Look forward to your next offering!

Nancy

WOW, a wonderful story! Extremely well-written! I thoroughly enjoyed it and look forward to reading more of your stories.

Tricia

Hi Nancy,

just finished reading your story and wanted to let you know that I really liked it.

There were lots of funny passages (i.e. L&C at his appartment and both knowing but not telling) and some original ideas (I never thought about his aftershave).

Thanks for sharing this story and write more, please .

Julia

Hi,

Great story.

Well I loved it! I noticed the time line thing, but just ignored it and went with the flow. Hehehehehehe (I'm giddy) I really liked it!

I read all in one sitting as soon as it appeard on the boards. Sorry it took me to long to post a comment.

I think that is soo cute.

(above) I like this part! (well I guess I like it all...! I just picked that quote.....ok shut up Roo!)

I can totally see LL doing this. That is cute too. I can see LL diving in and seeking out SM's other identity. I'm happy to have found a fic where she does this. I am only a year old Fanfic fan, so I have limited knowledge on what is out there.

Thank you so much for the fic. Keep it up.

Wow!

For a first time fic, that was GREAT!

James

Nancy, this was wonderful, and as been said already, I really like the premise

And to think that this is your first fic... much better than my first pitiful attempt :p

Something that nobody else has mentioned that caught my eye was that when Clark went into the bathroom after blowing up at Lois and spun into the 'suit' he never spun out of it again before she came to the door. That would have been a pretty big clue right there <g>

Keep Penning,

Yeah! I thought I just read it wrong.

I also thought I read it wrong or just missed something.

James

Yup, I definitely like this story. Great piece of work!

As to the scene where Clark spins into the suit in the bathroom. It had me confused, too, and I was immediately imagining how he'd open the door to Lois in the Suit, hugging and consoling her, just to notice sometime later that he was wearing the Suit. *giggles*

But that's just my weird mind going into overdrive. I hope that we'll hear more from you soon, story-wise.

~Sira -

You know guys, these comments are incredible. I have been reading through for things to change in improving my story, and had no idea how wonderful your responses were to my showing up in boardom (like that new word...board dom?, not to be confused with 'boredom'!).

I have printed out all the responses and read it over to a writer friend of mine. She's amazed that there is so much response to a piece of writing.

Anyway, you guys have totally encouraged me to keep on writing and to write more and more. I'm amazed at how wonderful it feels to do this too. So my hat is off to all of you. Thanks a million.

Nancy