Lois & Clark Forums Forums Fan Fiction Lois & Clark Fanfic FDK: Reflections- Part 1

Hi,

Wow! I like it.

Get back here, you can't leave me like that.

More soon, please.

MAF

Well I am intrigued. A totally different take on Clarks history. I like it. More soon please

very nice introduction, taivas. i like your elseworlds set-up here. glad clark got rid of claude.

i'm curious to see if lena is actually a psedonym, as well as wondering what's going to happen with their relationship.

i like your explanation of smallville's name. don't think i've seen one before, and yours works very well.

you've got a good style, and the story is flowing nicely. good job.

the one thing i can suggest is that you find a BR. there were some grammatical errors here and there, and i found them distracting. i also found it distracting that you used script-style formatting for speech ("Woman:" "Man:" "Clark:" etc) even though the story iteslf is prose.

still, the story looks very promising, so keep up the good work. looking forward to part 2.

oh, speaking of parts... any idea how long this story will be?

Paul

Whee! New author! New elseworlds!

I'm editing my post right now, because I went to feed the babies and thought about the story and came up with a whole new list of questions. Does "Lena" have ulterior motives? Whatever she was dealing was worth 250 grand. Maybe, like Claude, she also traffics in illegal arms, and she wants to get Clark off-guard by getting into his good graces? Or maybe this really *is* Lois, but a Lois who was spared the shattering of her confidence because Claude chose a different path and never made it to the DP to steal her story. And how interesting, to show us that even super-powers can only help an investigation, but not bring legal and usable proof!

Like Paul, though, I would recommend a beta reader. Just ask on the "Fanfic Related" board, and I'm sure you'll get lots of volunteers for such an intriguing story! In particular, it would be best to avoid the script format for your dialogue. It actually read pretty well when Clark was listening to "Lena's" conversation with the dealer, but it shook me out of the story when she was talking directly to Clark.

This looks fascinating, and I'm sure you'll make things better for Clark in the end, right? Looking forward to MORE!

Hazel

Wow...

What a different start.. i like it

looking forward for more

Definately a great introduction to fanfic. You did a very nice job with the setup in the beginning of the story. There obviously is something that has led Clark to this life he's leading out of the Apollo.

You have us all intrigued so don't leave us hanging! I am very interested to know what 'Lena' has in store, and how it will all come out in the end.

Thanks for sharing!
~sunkist

Very intriguing!

I'm curious to see if you've done a flip with the history, and 'Lena' is going to treat Clark the way Claude treated Lois.

Looking forward to a lot more.

Irene

Taivas

A great start!
The premise is very intriguing!

So many questions that need answers!

I can't wait to see where this is headed.
Please post more soon.

Tricia

Thank you for comments.

Someone said I should get a BR. What is a BR? Is that some kind of grammar checking software the board has available?

I'm sorry I read this so late. But I liked it. Very intriguing. Is Lena Lois Lane? Will she pull a Claude?

How often are you intending to post?

A BR (beta-reader) is somebody who reads the story (or parts) first, and comments/edits the story for any errors before an author actually posts the parts. BRs are also useful if you need to run ideas off people, to check out the flow of the story line etc. Mine's a lousy description of BR. But you get the gist of it.



mwtwin1

Never mind, now I see: A beta reader. OK, I'll try and ask for one as Hazel suggested.

Wow... you sure know how to start off with a bang!

Very vivid set-up; you had my heart aching for poor Clark...

This mystery woman is certainly intriguing. At first I thought she might be Lana or someone similar, and that Clark would shortly meet Lois for the first time. But I abandoned that theory when you went into the flashback.

"Lena Baines" eh? I suppose it's pure coincidence that it sounds so much like "Lois Lane"? But this would be a dramatically different Lois... I guess I'll just have to wait to find out <g>

Two bits puzzled me a little:
I had trouble making "a few years ago" and "so young" make sense with each other -- probably partly because I was kind of expecting a mirror-altClark, who'd been orphaned at 10. But then, I guess "Lena" is still fairly young... you might want to clarify that bit

And then the whole timing of the shopping trip confused me, too (I'm easily confused ) "Lena" put on this killer sleeveless, backless, practically frontless <g> slit-up-to-here dress, and then goes shopping? Maybe they do that in Paris, but it's pretty far out of my experience -- and I would think, Clark's as well. Plus I thought it was sunset and then you were talking about shopping in the afternoon... nothing terribly major, but it could be a little clearer.

Fascinating story, though! Post more, soon... and do you have any idea how long this might get? It doesn't sound like you're setting up a very short story here.

PJ

I really enjoyed this! I assumed that Lena was really Lois, but now I'm not so sure. If it is Lois, she sounds completely different for how we know her. I can't wait to see what's going to happen!

Loriel

Thank you, ChiefPam for your comments. To answer your comments:

Lena is about Clark's age in the story, which is 24 - 25 years old. Losing your parents when you just turned 20 is losing them when you are young.

And the shopping trip: There have been times when walking through the better stores in Paris I have seen women in very fancy dress shopping with their "escorts". I guess they consider shopping part of an elegant evening. Very different than in the U.S.

Thanks again for your comments, I'll keep in mind to be clearer in my explanations in the story.

Wow, Taivas.

In the scene where Clark was listening to the conversation, I was jolted out of it a little by the use of script rather than narrative form and I would have liked to have seen you work that more naturally into the flow of the narrative there.

ROTFL!

<g>

Love these wonderfully little witty touches you've injected here and there, Taivas.

Okay, I need more. This is an marvellous start and an intriguing one - although the signs of doom approaching are making me very nervous. More, please!

LabRat

Excellant start.

As others have mentioned you have really set up an intriguing story. The moody, depressed Clark/Superman of the early paragraphs constrasts very nicely with the wide-eyed eagerness of the flashback.

I have to admit that at first I thought you were just trying to tease us with Clark's memories and make it look like it was Lois but really wasn't. Now I'm not so sure.

A Lois undercover may just act that confident and aggressive if she felt there was an advantage to her investigation there. Or.... it could be something totally different. That's one of the things that makes this such an interesting fic. You've given us a lot of information, but there are so many questions to be answered that we just have to hang around to see what's what.

Tank the Retired (who points to 'first-time' fics like this as another reason to stay retired)

Taivas,
great start
interesting changes
can't wait to see where you take us
merry

Great story!

I already loved it.

It's the first elsewords I read, and I find it fascinating. One of the best fics I've read, if not the best so far (no offense anyone, but it really enchanted me).

I LOVE IT!!

And it's just your first story??

IMPOSSIBLE!!

Congratulations

I'm waiting to read more.

Anna_B.

P.S.: Sorry for being so late to comment.