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Kerth
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Kerth
Joined: Apr 2003
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Sorry about splitting the last part in half. Since I couldn't write as fast, the part kind of grew as I mulled over my first ideas of how to present the ending. Anyhow, I finally had to split it in half. And maybe an Epilogue, too.
Anyhow, feedback, if any goes here.
Nan
Earth is the insane asylum for the universe.
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Joined: Apr 2011
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Nobel Peace Prize Winner
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Nobel Peace Prize Winner
Joined: Apr 2011
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VirginiaR.
"On the long road, take small steps." -- Jor-el, "The Foundling"
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"clearly there is a lack of understanding between those two... he speaks Lunkheadanian and she Stubbornanian" -- chelo.
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Pulitzer
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Pulitzer
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Nan,
So happy to see that you have recovered sufficiently to write again.
As Virginia said so eloquently, your timing is perfect this being Halloween and all.
Herb replied, “My boy, I never say … impossible.” "Lois and Clarks" My stories can be found herekj
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Nobel Peace Prize Winner
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Nobel Peace Prize Winner
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Okay, I'm back and awake (cup of coffee at my side). I'm so excited to reach the conclusion of this story and find out what really going on (if we ever will.... cue spooky music). Clark grasped Lois by one wrist and Al by the upper arm. "Come on, quick." He hustled them out the door into the stone corridor beyond. Behind him, in the room, he heard the opening of the door to the hall. The dark man stepped silently through the opening behind them and closed the door with the same eerie silence. Hmmmm. We don't see the "dark man" mess with the door. He just opens it (mysteriously) and closes it. Refresh my memory, was this the same door Lois opened with the pick from her shoe? Also, this is the same stranger who was hiding out at the duplex, right? The one who saved Lois the first time she had been locked in the basement room with no exit? Or are there two mysterious men? "Come," his voice said quietly. A penlight in his hand cast its pale beam on the stone floor. "There is not much time." Did the stranger say this or Clark?  Clark had a scowl on his face that she couldn't quite interpret. Um... someone has a secret and he's not talking about it? Gee, I bet Lois would know how frustrating that is, Clark. Maybe you should ask her. She increased her stride to nearly a run to reach the ladder, crowding Al's patent leather boot heels in her haste. As she set her foot on the first rung, however, a loud explosion almost over her head, followed by several yells and a volley of more shots, made her stop.
"That's definitely not a good way out," Clark said, abruptly. "We'd be lucky not to be shot if we climbed up into that." Yikes!  I'm gonna have to agree with Clark here. Lois hurried ahead, rounding the turn and glancing at the spot on the wall that she and Clark had discovered, and wasn't particularly surprised to see that the dirt had been cleared, revealing the opening starkly in the light of the small flashlight. The hidden entrance was no longer hidden. Henderson's men did they clean the hidden exit? Wait, the hidden exit isn't the exit to the vacation cottage?  You've kept me on the edge of my seat for so long my chair is starting to tip.
VirginiaR.
"On the long road, take small steps." -- Jor-el, "The Foundling"
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"clearly there is a lack of understanding between those two... he speaks Lunkheadanian and she Stubbornanian" -- chelo.
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Kerth
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Kerth
Joined: Apr 2003
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I didn't say there were no vampires -- just no classical vampires. And, of course, the story isn't quite over yet.  There are a couple more twists and turns to go. Nan
Earth is the insane asylum for the universe.
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Nobel Peace Prize Winner
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Nobel Peace Prize Winner
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Originally posted by Nan: I didn't say there were no vampires -- just no classical vampires. And, of course, the story isn't quite over yet. There are a couple more twists and turns to go.
Nan Oh, sorry, there was supposed to be a after the taser marks comment. 
VirginiaR.
"On the long road, take small steps." -- Jor-el, "The Foundling"
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"clearly there is a lack of understanding between those two... he speaks Lunkheadanian and she Stubbornanian" -- chelo.
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Kerth
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Kerth
Joined: Apr 2003
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I talked with a few people about the response of the Metro PD to Clark pushing the trapdoor open. They couldn't know who was coming up through it, and they have just been in a firefight with a bunch of bad guys. They would cover him and find out who he was before anything else. Any cop who didn't react cautiously to something like that probably wouldn't be on the force long, if he survived at all. I try to cover those little details when I write. If I didn't, I wouldn't be much of a fanfic writer, would I? The other questions you mentioned above are, I think, mostly the result of my taking so much time between episodes. If you read this all as one piece, I think you would have much less trouble keeping track. In any case, I hope you will continue to pick at anything you question, because when I go over this before I send it to the Archive, I want it to be as good as I can make it. Nan
Earth is the insane asylum for the universe.
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Hack from Nowheresville
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Hack from Nowheresville
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Nan posted again! 
KateB
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Nobel Peace Prize Winner
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Originally posted by Nan:
I talked with a few people about the response of the Metro PD to Clark pushing the trapdoor open. They couldn't know who was coming up through it, and they have just been in a firefight with a bunch of bad guys. They would cover him and find out who he was before anything else. Any cop who didn't react cautiously to something like that probably wouldn't be on the force long, if he survived at all. My 'shoot first, answers questions later' was just a joke, because I could just picture the surprised expression on Clark's face when this happened. Completely understood their motivation. Sorry about the misunderstanding. The other questions you mentioned above are, I think, mostly the result of my taking so much time between episodes. If you read this all as one piece, I think you would have much less trouble keeping track. Yeah. Probably. Oh, to have the memory power I had in my teens and twenties (i.e. pre-children), again. Sigh. But, you see, my big problem is that your stories are too good, I can't resist sneaking a peek before they're finished and then I'm hooked. Perhaps once your life becomes more settled, you'll be able to hand out these little bit of chocolate to us Loises on a more regular basis. 
VirginiaR.
"On the long road, take small steps." -- Jor-el, "The Foundling"
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"clearly there is a lack of understanding between those two... he speaks Lunkheadanian and she Stubbornanian" -- chelo.
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Kerth
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Kerth
Joined: Apr 2003
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I know exactly what you mean about memory pre-kids. . I just wanted to be sure you did understand why I had those things happen. In any case, before this goes to the Archive, I'm going over it with a fine-toothed comb to try to catch any inconsistencies and mistakes. I tend to use comments from readers to improve the story. If something seems unclear, please continue to let me know, so I can fix it for the final draft. Nan
Earth is the insane asylum for the universe.
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Pulitzer
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Pulitzer
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Interesting about the carotid punctures. Perhaps the dark man is a real vampire who only feeds off the evil, yes?
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Hack from Nowheresville
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Hack from Nowheresville
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Sorry about splitting the last part in half. Since I couldn't write as fast, the part kind of grew as I mulled over my first ideas of how to present the ending. Anyhow, I finally had to split it in half. And maybe an Epilogue, too  Janine
I Do Whatever My Rice Krispies Tell Me To
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Kerth
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Kerth
Joined: Apr 2003
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Thanks, everyone. Part 2 is "under construction" at the moment. I have to include 3 things and I'm trying to decide in what order to introduce them for the best effect.
Anyway, it will be up inside of a week, probably, unless something happens between now and then. And after that, there will be an epilogue to tie up one loose end that can't be addressed anywhere else.
Nan
Earth is the insane asylum for the universe.
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Boards Chief Administrator Nobel Peace Prize Winner
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Boards Chief Administrator Nobel Peace Prize Winner
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![[Linked Image]](http://cosgan.de/images/smilie/froehlich/c036.gif) Hi Nan! I know it’s a tad late, but I’m still sorta backlogged. But *yay* you managed a Halloween post! **********
And now, Part 1 of the Conclusion: Is brought to voice-over in various Star Trek two-parter episodes. "I am not entirely without resources," the dark man said. "But my measures will not hold them long. Some super-strength metal twisting? As she set her foot on the first rung, however, a loud explosion almost over her head, followed by several yells and a volley of more shots, made her stop. Henderson storming the place? "We're going to get killed!" Al whispered as loudly as he dared. Nah, only those wearing red shirts. AL: Hey, mine’s rose-colored…  They had barely crossed half the distance to their goal, however, when a voice shouted from somewhere above them, and several, very loud explosions brought them to a stop. More shots were followed by the unmistakable chatter of automatic Oops? Now wasn't the time for a debate, but if they got out of here alive, she intended to have a few words with her partner. Where the heck did he think he got the right to play human shield for her, anyway? That he’s wearing blue underwear and that’s rumored to stop bullets. Lois started at the sound of that familiar voice. Unless she was very much mistaken, the speaker was Bill Church. Oops? So, big fish? The dark man's chuckle held an almost sinister note. "Who I am is not important. By all means, continue on your way." ![[Linked Image]](http://tctechcrunch2011.files.wordpress.com/2010/09/obiwan.png) The explosion of a gunshot shattered the air. A little rattle of stone followed the sound.
The dark man laughed, and the sound made the hair on her neck want to stand up straight. Nobody ever told them that you’re not supposed to shoot at the friendly neighborhood vampire, huh? Lois tried to squirm past Clark to see what was happening, but her partner had become the proverbial immovable object, and he didn't budge.  Michael
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