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#81725 08/28/11 07:48 AM
Joined: Sep 2004
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ccmalo Offline OP
Top Banana
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Top Banana
Joined: Sep 2004
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This part makes a nice contrast with the A plot emphasis in the last part. ( Good to have both mind you smile ) Also I notice you're paragraphs are shorter which I think works better.

Mrs Harper is very generous in her offer to lower Clark's rent in exchange for checking on her cat. She must be really desperate.

Aykira's an interesting character. Hope she turns out to be a good guy but if you have it in mind to make her a villain, that's okay too. smile "Crossed a universe" , eh.

Quote
Aykira was living in a world not her own; interacting with doppelgangers of associates, close friends and loved ones.
interesting....

Quote
“It’s the oddest thing, but I feel we have met before and were friends…good friends. Yet for the life of me where we met does not come to mind.” Lois lapsed into a contemplative silence.
also interesting....

I was surprised by the quick flare-up between Lois and Clark - both seemed to be having badly, as they say. smile

Lots of intriguing threads here.

c.

Joined: Jan 2011
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Features Writer
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Features Writer
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Great part! The way you described the cat made him 'look' so cute.

The mystery with Aykira is very nicely drawn out--friends with Lois in a different world?

Sweet scene with Lois and Clark--until, of course, the argument. frown Love how you described Lois cleaning up her apartment as picking up the debris of the evening.

I'm sure trouble's coming!

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Pulitzer
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Pulitzer
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The argument was sudden, but the tension between them had been building for a long time. Lois just takes too many chances! Anyhow, our favorite investigators will be friends again.

Yes, Mrs. Harper was desperate, poor Clark, he's going to have reason to regret taking the furball in... even if he is cute.

Aykira is a very different person from anyone Lois and Clark have ever encountered. Someone who was in their past, but was not. That's all I'm saying for the time being. :-)

Writing A and B plot was a challenge, but it was a whole lot of fun.

Posting Part Five today.


Morgana

A writer's job is to think of new plots and create characters who stay with you long after the final page has been read. If that mission is accomplished than we have done what we set out to do, which is to entertain and hopefully educate.
Joined: Jun 2011
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Kerth
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Kerth
Joined: Jun 2011
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Ha-ha! Speedy return from lunch and since I've heard nothing back about my paperwork... I press on! Very interesting chapter, lots of points I liked. First of all, I love the interaction with Clark and the cat, Pepper (I have a bad feeling he's in for more trouble than its worth, though) But very cute nonetheless! I grow more and more curious about Aykira. Thoughts pretty much ran as follows: An alien? Kryptonian, perhaps? But no, it said later on that she felt a sharp pain when her opponent caught her in kickboxing class (very fun, by the way, like the inclusion wink ) But she is from another "world"- another universe. And said she's dealing with "dopplegangers" of everyone. So does that mean that she and Lois are friends in her world? And why does she seem somewhat concerned about Clark? Could she possibly *know*?

And then, Clark and Lois' fight? What? Why? I mean, I know things will get better (they always do) but it seemed a little unexpected that Clark got angry so fast- with Lois it's a little expected, plus she's sick so I'm sure she's grown a little short. Not that I didn't like the scene, it was well done, and Clark yelling at the cat later made me wave


Nothing spoils a good story like the arrival of an eye witness.
--Mark Twain

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