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Joined: Aug 2011
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OP
Blogger
Joined: Aug 2011
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Just posted part 2, wanted to apologize in advance for having left a few grammatical mistakes in the posted copy <again!!!>
That said, I wanted to thank KenJ, Framework4, VirginiaR, EvelynC, Mouserocks and Bobbart for the first reviews that I've ever received.
Hope you like the fic, thank you.
ckfan85
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Joined: Jun 2011
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Kerth
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Kerth
Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 2,131 |
No problem! Always try to oblige my fellow authors in the form of reviews... That being said- And also wondering what will become of Clark- did he really just send him back to Smallville? Great so far, looking forward to more!
Nothing spoils a good story like the arrival of an eye witness. --Mark Twain
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Joined: Oct 2006
Posts: 37
Blogger
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Blogger
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This has an intriguing premise, and the story itself looks promising as well in its characterizations etc. I do find the problems with capitalisations really distracting though. If you can't find a beta to help you, I would recommend that you at least check to make sure that all your character names have capital letters.
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Joined: Jan 2011
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Features Writer
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Features Writer
Joined: Jan 2011
Posts: 966 |
Okay, I'm surprised, that's for sure. I like the way Kal-El handled Lois throwing herself at him, and I love the solution he's proposed...for Kal-El. However, it's not something that strikes me as a move Clark would have made.
This Kal-El knows so much that I highly doubt anyone but Clark would know, but he's not the same person at all. He's very different, and I'm afraid of what will happen later on. Lois likes Kal-El a lot, but if Superman ever let down his guard this much, she should be noticing a resemblance or similarities to Clark, and yet there's nothing because of how different he is.
I was on the edge of my seat when Kal-El began talking about Clark--I almost thought he was just going to calmly reveal that he was Clark Kent, but I guess that would have been awkward, considering how he's acting now and what happened the last time Lois saw Clark.
Great idea on giving her the Luthor files! I had to laugh at the way you drew it out--great job!
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Joined: Apr 2011
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Nobel Peace Prize Winner
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Nobel Peace Prize Winner
Joined: Apr 2011
Posts: 9,509 |
Very interesting to see such an open and frank Superman. My jaw was scraping the floor with Lois's when he came in and introduced himself as Kal-El. I, too, thought when Kal started to talk about his 'friendship' with Clark that he was going to do a big reveal... but it's too soon for this. I do know that Lois is going to be mad as hell when Clark shows back up about keeping this long-standing source quiet from her. Loved the story about the Nigerian princess. Priceless! ) Since Lois still has to break up with Lex Luthor that scene shall be interesting due to her new 'found' information. Wonder what's she's going to do with this new information Kal just dumped into her lap.
VirginiaR. "On the long road, take small steps." -- Jor-el, "The Foundling" --- "clearly there is a lack of understanding between those two... he speaks Lunkheadanian and she Stubbornanian" -- chelo.
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Pulitzer
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Pulitzer
Joined: Feb 2008
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At least Lois has decided to dump Lex. But that might not be the best thing, because it was actually almost getting married to Lex that made her realize that she loved Clark.
Again, an interesting new take on canon!
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Beat Reporter
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Beat Reporter
Joined: Feb 2007
Posts: 351 |
Very interesting! I hope you don't mind me saying that I too have an easier time following if the first letters of sentences and of names are capitalized. Also, please note that Kal-El's father's name is Jor-El, not "zorel". Looking forward to what's next. Do you know how many parts yet this is projected to be? Thanks!
EvelynC
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Joined: Aug 2011
Posts: 9
Blogger
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OP
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uh oh, if memory serves, zor-el is kara's father from comic verse.... hope you enjoy rest of the story...next part up in three to four hours
ckfan85
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Joined: Apr 2008
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Top Banana
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Top Banana
Joined: Apr 2008
Posts: 1,371 Likes: 1 |
Interesting...
To be honest, I thought this was going to go a completely different direction. When Clark "died" and the emotionless Kal took over, I figured he would have no reason to be interested in Lois anymore.
Think about it. If you remove the emotional attraction, why would Kal be interested in Lois? Reproduction? He'd have to believe that was impossible. Just sex? Lois's emotional baggage would make that complicated.
I figured that he would tell her that because of his emotionless Kryptonian heritage, any emotion in a relationship was impossible. THEN he would coldly and dispassionately tell her about Lex.
So, if Kal is without emotion, why is he interested in a relationship with Lois? I just don't understand.
Bob
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