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Joined: Jan 2011
Posts: 966
Features Writer
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OP
Features Writer
Joined: Jan 2011
Posts: 966 |
I'd love to hear what you think of this. I have the idea of doing five of these stories, each taking a different sense, and calling them, altogether, 'I Sense That I Love You.' But if there's not enough here to warrant more of the same, just let me know. Thanks!
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Top Banana
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Top Banana
Joined: Jun 2010
Posts: 1,200 |
Aw! That got me a little misty eyed, I have to admit. LOVED it!! I especially liked Lois in her wedding gown before her wedding to Lex thinking about the '3' men in her life and how they would react to her crying. Well done!! And I definitely think you can pull off a series of the senses-- I say, go for it!
Reach for the moon, for even if you fail, you'll still land among the stars... and who knows? Maybe you'll meet Superman along the way.
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Blogger
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Blogger
Joined: Nov 2008
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That was really sweet. I loved how you showed Lois remembering back to the wedding with Lex and realizing through the sense of touch what Clark meant to her.
I hope you continue your series of senses.
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Merriwether
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Merriwether
Joined: Dec 2004
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Aww that was great! So sweet!
Superman: I hear you've been looking for me. Lois: All my life.
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Beat Reporter
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Beat Reporter
Joined: Feb 2007
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That was wonderful! Please write more.
EvelynC
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Merriwether
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Merriwether
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 1,722 Likes: 1 |
Beautiful story! I love the idea of a separate vinette for each of the sense. I've always liked the idea that our brains sometimes distract us from what we instinctively grasp. I love the distinctions you provide for us with Lois' feelings regarding Lex, Superman and Clark.
Joan
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Nobel Peace Prize Winner
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Nobel Peace Prize Winner
Joined: Apr 2011
Posts: 9,509 |
This is great! I also loved the thoughts going through Lois's mind while looking at herself in the mirror before her and Lex's wedding. You've really captured the differences between her relationships with the three main men in her life. I hope you include music in the hearing sense... like when Lois & Clark dance for the first time. I was wondering why you didn't use that 'touch' here. Or that first kiss, but now I'm guessing you're saving those for other senses. Taste, perhaps?
VirginiaR. "On the long road, take small steps." -- Jor-el, "The Foundling" --- "clearly there is a lack of understanding between those two... he speaks Lunkheadanian and she Stubbornanian" -- chelo.
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Columnist
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Columnist
Joined: May 2009
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This really was beautiful! I also think that you can pull of the whole five senses-story thing Oh, almost forgot ... loved how Lois thought back to her almost wedding to Lex and reflected on how each three men would have behaved with her crying.
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Pulitzer
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Pulitzer
Joined: Feb 2010
Posts: 4,424 Likes: 1 |
Well done! I especially like the part with Lois contemplating how the men would respond to her crying. There are very few people whom I think could pull off a 'senses series', but you are definitely one of them! Go for it. Joy, Lynn
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Hack from Nowheresville
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Hack from Nowheresville
Joined: Aug 2008
Posts: 127 |
Wow! That was really well done. I loved it!
Perry: (To Lois) Honey, this could be greatest story since Superman came to town. By-the-by, where is that husband of yours? --Faster Than a Speeding Vixon
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Pulitzer
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Pulitzer
Joined: Apr 2003
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That was a really nice story. Yes, go for the senses series! Artemis
History is easy once you've lived it. - Duncan MacLeod Writing history is easy once you've lived it. - Artemis
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Blogger
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Blogger
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Jenna: "That's enough! You release the Charactors from this tragedy right now, you little gnome. Or I promise to send you somewhere far worse than the fifth dimension!"
Kazbo sarcastically: "You have me so scared!" menacing: "try dealing with this!" throws in a slow, agonising death. then disappears. -from an arguement with Kazbo, the evil muse
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Pulitzer
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Pulitzer
Joined: Feb 2008
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I agree with everyone else that you should definitely continue the "senses" series. This was very well-written and very moving.
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Pulitzer
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Pulitzer
Joined: Apr 2003
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That was really very sweet.Nice job!
Clark: “If we can be born in an instant, and die in an instant, why can’t we fall in love in an instant?”
Caroline's "Stardust"
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Beat Reporter
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Beat Reporter
Joined: Apr 2008
Posts: 397 |
Oh wow, this was amazing!! LOVED IT! I was sad to see it end but enjoyed every word of it.
LOIS:I don't like you. MAYSON: Really? Oh god, that is such a relief - I don't like you either. LOIS: That makes me feel so much better
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Joined: Jan 2011
Posts: 966
Features Writer
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OP
Features Writer
Joined: Jan 2011
Posts: 966 |
Thanks for all the enthusiastic replies! I admit I wasn’t sure about this, but now that I’ve gotten all your hopes up, I’ll definitely write the rest. I do have the second one almost done (it just needs another editing go, which I always put off; writing is so much funner than REwriting), and I’ve started the third. Lynn S M, I thank you for the compliment, though I hope it doesn’t mean you think I ramble all the time. VirginiaR, I can’t promise music, but I hope you like what I have planned anyway. There’s just so much that can be explored through eighty-eight episodes that it’s impossible to catch everyone’s favorites! Maybe next time. Again, thanks to everyone for taking the time to tell me what you thought.
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Merriwether
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Merriwether
Joined: Apr 2003
Posts: 1,597 |
Oh, AK, this is really good! The beginning had me smiling because it was just so sweet and happy and clever. I love the descriptions of the times Lois had touched him in those early days, and how she couldn't figure out why everyone thought they were a couple when they considered themselves "just friends". (You just know that's what everyone talked about over the water cooler in early S2!) But then you got to this: If Lex were in this room and saw me crying, what would he do?
If Superman were in this room and saw me crying, what would he do?
If Clark were in this room and saw me crying, what would he do? And it was kind of like the needle scratched to a halt on the record. (Yeah, old analogy; just go with me. ) This is actually pretty profound, that she was thinking this, and it elevated this vignette from a cute piece of fluff to something more. Very nicely done! Clark might have loved me at first sight, but I loved him at first touch. Love it. Great job. Kathy
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Joined: Jan 2011
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Features Writer
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OP
Features Writer
Joined: Jan 2011
Posts: 966 |
Thanks, KathyB! I'm glad you found it profound, and here I was thinking it wasn't anything new. (Oh, and I listened to records when I was a kid, so I thought the analogy was perfect.) So glad you enjoyed, and thanks for commenting!
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Pulitzer
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Pulitzer
Joined: Apr 2003
Posts: 2,761 |
I loved it! I know I read them in the wrong order but I like this one better than Second Sight. I think you captured Lois's voice perfectly! Good job, keep it up! AnnaBtG.
What we've got here is failure to communicate...
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Posts: 6,142 Likes: 3
Nobel Peace Prize Winner
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Nobel Peace Prize Winner
Joined: May 2011
Posts: 6,142 Likes: 3 |
Okay - so ignore my last comment on Clark's side asking for Lois' side. You've already given it to us! Nicely written. I love the 20/20 hindsight that Lois has here. Part of my wishes that you'd touched on that first touch when Lois realises that Clark and Superman are one and the same. The greater part of me realises that that moment really doesn't fit into this story - Lois loves Clark for Clark, not for his super side. Favorite lines include: And he handed out his hugs whenever I needed them--which, to be perfectly honest, wasn't quite as often as I took them. Because if he were holding me...there wouldn't be any reason to cry.
Battle On, Deadly Chakram
"Being with you is stronger than me alone." ~ Clark Kent
"One little spark of inspiration is at the heart of all creation." ~ Figment the Dragon
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