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#78409 04/12/11 04:09 PM
Joined: Feb 2008
Posts: 2,823
Pulitzer
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Pulitzer
Joined: Feb 2008
Posts: 2,823
Good description:
Quote
He could see the simple ring adorning her finger next to a plain wedding band for decades to come. That one graceful piece of jewelry said…“Lois.”
I like that sentence a lot.

Quote
Its band was strong and durable, able to withstand years of wear. The multifaceted stone glistened from the artificial lights above; the facets were as complex as the woman who would wear the ring. He wondered, might it shimmer even better in moonlight on her finger?
What a great question! I immediately flashed to an image of Lois in moonlight with the ring on her finger.

Are you going to get into the proposal? This fic could certainly be expanded.

Readability suggestion: I find it easier to read if you double-space between paragraphs, and start a new paragraph when each person's dialogue starts.

#78410 04/13/11 10:48 AM
Joined: Apr 2010
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Pulitzer
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Pulitzer
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Thank you for the kind words, I thought about how the ring would look on her finger and wondered how much it would glisten in moonlight. That one little piece of jewelry symbolizes a great deal to Clark.

True I should have double spaced this part as well as part one. Going forward all my fics will be double spaced on the boards. Appreciate the tip!


Morgana

A writer's job is to think of new plots and create characters who stay with you long after the final page has been read. If that mission is accomplished than we have done what we set out to do, which is to entertain and hopefully educate.
#78411 04/13/11 10:49 AM
Joined: Apr 2008
Posts: 397
Beat Reporter
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Beat Reporter
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Posts: 397
Nicely done!!

I enjoyed the jeweler 'knowing' Lois - nice touch!!


LOIS:I don't like you.
MAYSON: Really? Oh god, that is such a relief - I don't like you either.
LOIS: That makes me feel so much better
#78412 04/13/11 09:19 PM
Joined: Jan 2011
Posts: 966
Features Writer
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Features Writer
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Posts: 966
I love all your descriptions of the ring, as well as your characterization of Clark! And the jeweler seems like a very interesting character--love how you tie it in to 'Metallo.'

Great job!

#78413 04/14/11 12:56 AM
Joined: May 2009
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D
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Columnist
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D
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Posts: 746
I also loved this part smile

And your characterizations are spot-on and I liked how the jeweler knew the hottest team in town!

Looking forward to part 3!

laugh

#78414 04/16/11 05:47 PM
Joined: Feb 2007
Posts: 351
Beat Reporter
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Posts: 351
Sweet!!! love


EvelynC

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