Lois & Clark Forums Forums Fan Fiction Lois & Clark Fanfic FDK - The Gifts (1/1)

As always, all comments welcomed.

I would be interested in hearing your opinions on the final paragraph of the story. I am of two minds about it, and am trying to decide whether to include it in the archived version. I would love to hear your thoughts on the matter.

On the one hand, I realize that that paragraph does detract from the (I hope!) surprise ending of the prior paragraph. But I do have a couple of reasons for thinking it might be better to keep the extra paragraph in the story. The one I'll share here is that this story is an homage to The Gift of the Magi, and O. Henry ends his story with a bit of moralizing. So, what do you think? Should the extra paragraph stay in or get the axe?

Joy,
Lynn

I loved it all including the end.

What a nice thing to read first thing in the morning. It definitely brought a smile to my face.

When I was reading it the first time the she got approached for the haircut and $500, my first thought was Tempus. Then you said Tank and I cracked up.

Wonderful and delightful story

Kathy
www.chili-everyway.com

LOL cute take on the original story. Laura

Loved it! Every word! Keep the last paragraph! It pays good homage to the O. Henry story and left me saying 'awww.' And so funny to see Tank thrown in there!! Nice to think there was a good reason for Lois to get her hair cut!

A classic story line is always a gem. You had me wondering about what Lois what get Clark that would fit. And you didn't disappoint.

Great explanation for Lois' feelings towards Clark. That sort of experience would cause most of us to evaluate things.

Personally, I'm a fan of most versions of this theme so keeping that last paragraph in adds to feeling.

Great job!

Joan

That was great and I'll also keep the final paragraph!

I, too, wondered who would pay Lois to have her hair cut ... and of course, my first thought should have been Tank, but is wasn't ... but Tank was the best and most natural choice actually (I think Tank would be pleased!)

Delightful story! (Although I certainly didn't like the last paragraph. But then, I'm not really into classic storylines.)

The idea with Tank was just so funny that it cracked me up. Way to go, Tank!

Still, the best part was when both gifts were unwrapped. (Pity Lois didn't get to "unwrap" Superman, though.)

I loved every part of it and think that paragraph adds a lot to the story; I definitely think you should keep it! Very effective keeping us guessing on the gifts, especially Lois' to Clark, until the end. And I loved their reaction of hysterical laughter. Cute!

Loved it and I immediately thought of Tank!

I could give arguments either way for keeping or losing the last paragraph...

I have to admit that when I first heard of this idea; that Lois needed money and cut her hair for $500, I thought of 'Gift of the Magi'. I was curious to see how it would play out.

It might have been fun to experience Lois' nervousness as she was getting her hair cut but a solid, well-done story nevertheless.

As to the matter of the last paragraph. Do what you want, it is your story.

Tank (who wants the folcs to know that he doesn't make it a practice of going around offering gals money to cut their hair... Lois is the exception)

Lynn, I haven't been around much lately, but when I checked out the feedback thread for this story and realized what it was probably about, I couldn't resist it. And it was delightful, indeed! Lois got a haircut because Tank offered her money, and she needed the money so that she could buy a bullet-proof vest for Clark... for Superman! Your rewriting of O Henry's wonderful short story is almost as delightful as the original!

(And Tank... I'm relieved that you don't usually offer women money to cut their hair, although you make an exception for Lois!)

Ann

Hi,

Wow! I am *thrilled* by all of this wonderful feedback. Thank you!

Kathy, I love it when one of my stories brightens someone's day. It makes all the time spent on it worthwhile. The Tempus idea is intriguing; perhaps you could write up a story which goes the way you thought this one would?

Laura, glad you liked it. As you can probably tell from what I write, I've always enjoyed stories with surprise endings, and O. Henry was a master of them. The Gift of the Magi was one of the few pieces of required class reading that I actually liked.

MozartMaid, I will keep that final paragraph in. I'm glad that it got a favourable reception overall.

Sorry, Lara, that you weren't fond of the "second ending." Thank you for giving me your honest assessment!

Joan and Evelyn, thank you! Your reaction was just what I was hoping for. I find it a challenge to strike a balance between giving enough clues that the ending doesn't come from out in left field while not giving so many clues as to give the ending away too soon. Your feedback, as well as others, makes me think that I got the balance right in this story.

DW, I did have a fall back plan in mind if Tank had chosen not to let me write him into the story -- but "plan B" did not seem to me to be anywhere near as much fun as my "plan A." And when I had to come up with a way for Lois to earn that kind of money by cutting her hair, Tank did naturally spring to mind.

Nancy, Great minds think alike. I had guessed when I wrote the story that the passage with Tank would be the one that would get the most feedback -- well, excluding the feedback on the final paragraph.

Tank, as you saw, your guess about the general plot was spot on. Thanks again for letting me borrow you (or, at least, your name) for this story.

Ann, "almost as delightful as the original" -- Wow! Considering how fantastic the original was, that is high praise indeed. Thank you!

Joy,
Lynn

Hi Lynn,

That was a lovely, funny, cute story.

In a short space of time, you had me curious ... twice and I did end with a large smile on my face.

Such a sweet revelation.

Yours Jenni

very nice, Lynn gentle yet lilting cadence to your telling of this tale. Gotta say, though, some people are pretty desperate for that haircut.

c.

As always, Lynn, this was excellent. I wasn't quite surprised by it as once Clark made the comment about Lois' understanding his reaction when she saw his gift, I immediately thought of the Gift of the Magi and guessed the gifts, but it was a fun read even without the surprise.

And it's a beautiful tale to emulate.

Jenni, one of my goals with almost all of my fiction is to put a smile on the reader's face. And your feedback just put a smile on my face.

C., "gentle yet lilting cadence"? Wow! I've never had my writing described in that way before. Thank you!

Good for you, Anonpip, to have guessed the gifts so early on! I'm glad the story worked for you, even if you weren't surprised. (That's the problem with homages -- If you know the original well, you're much less likely to be surprised by the contents of the homage.)

My thanks again to the three of you and to everyone else who has brightened my days by leaving feedback. And unlike the gifts in the story, feedback is a gift that is actually useful.

Joy,
Lynn

I enjoyed reading this. I figured out early on it was The Gift of the Magi, but that did not detract one bit from my enjoyment. in fact, it made me curious as to how you would tie the original in to a Lois and Clark story - I liked that the hair clip was an intro to Clark's real gift, and Lois's gift had me laughing out loud. Well done!

so much fun i guessed about Tank, and I though Clark's gift was something for the hair, but I had no idea about Lois' gift
Thanks for including a link to Gift of the Magi, I never read it, so that's my next stop today

Vicki, thank you! I had wondered how well the story would stand up if one knew from the outset that it was based on O. Henry's story. I'm glad it was still pleasurable and the ending held at least one surprise.

Tasadi, thanks for your feedback! If you like The Gifts of the Magi, you might want to try the other short story for which O. Henry is most famous,

The Ransom of Red Chief

Thanks again to everyone who left feedback.

Joy,
Lynn

at the ransom of red chief

I can just imagine something like that happening with a young Lois

I kind of remember a story like the gift of the magi, but it was hair for pipe tobacco and pipe for combs.