From last time:
She nodded in silent agreement. “And if we decide to have Thanksgiving here in Metropolis, Mom and I can take care of all the cooking and the hosting,” he assured her. He was gladly accepting every burden she’d allow him to take on his shoulders, all so that she wouldn’t have to struggle with them. It was sweet. And thoughtful. And so very much like the Clark she’d married. He was hurting—just as she was—but he was figuring out how to get past his own pain in order to take care of her.
“So we’ll just take it one step at a time, then?” he asked.
“Yeah,” she said quietly, knowing it sounded easier than it actually would be.
He stood up and stepped around her desk toward her, extending his hands to take hers. He pulled her into his arms. “I love you,” he whispered.
She closed her eyes and hugged him more tightly. “I love you, too,” she replied.
********
New Stuff:
He stood beside the exam table, nervously holding her hand while Bernie adjusted the equipment. “Okay, Lois, I’ve inserted the transducer,” her physician announced as he turned on the monitor. Over the sound of his own thundering heartbeat and Lois’s, Clark strained to listen for the sound they’d been waited through desperate weeks to hear.
Lois craned her neck to try to see the monitors, but he imagined that it looked mostly like a fuzzy, black and white blur to her, too. Bernie stared intently at the image and slowly, a wide grin spread across his face. “There it is,” he said, pointing to a small, barely discernible shape on the monitor. “The fetal pole length looks good. About five and a half millimeters – exactly what it should be. And that’s the heartbeat, 102 beats per minute. Steady and strong.”
Over the din of the ultrasound machine and all the distant noises in the background, he listened to the faint fluttering sound, training his hearing to pick it out of the jumble. Now that he knew it, he would be able to hear it all the time. He felt relief wash over him in waves and he smiled for the first time in weeks. Clark looked at his wife through a film of tears. She squeezed his hand tightly as she smiled tremulously at him, her own eyes bright with unshed tears. “That’s our baby,” he whispered reverently.
“Our baby,” she repeated, her tone soft.
Bernie removed the transducer and turned off the monitor. He smiled as he stood up from his stool. “Lois, Clark, everything looks perfect,” he said happily. “We still have to do the amnio and I want to monitor the development closely, but the fetus is exactly where it should be in terms of development at this point. The heartbeat is strong, that’s exactly what we were hoping to find out today.”
“Thank you, Bernie,” Lois said tearfully.
“Yes, thank you,” Clark repeated, hearing the earnestness in his own voice.
“My pleasure,” he said with a small nod. “I’ll just give you a couple of minutes.”
As Bernie Klein left the exam room, Clark leaned down to gently press his lips to his wife’s forehead.
“Thank god,” she whispered as she closed her eyes. He could feel her shudder as she exhaled. He knew exactly how she felt. Though they weren’t out of the woods, the intolerable knot in his gut had eased. Now familiar with the sound, he sought out the baby’s heartbeat, fully intending to keep his ear trained on that wonderful rhythm all the time.
He realized just what those damn Kryptonite bombs had deprived them of. They should have found out about the pregnancy together. They should have been able to share their excitement. These appointments should have been happy occasions. And even though they had good news, it would still be months before they could even hope to have something approximating peace of mind. He was going to be here with her for every moment—good and bad—but it wasn’t going to be enough to make this pregnancy an easy or happy time for them. The thought filled him with a profound sadness. Even the greatest joys in their lives seemed qualified.
Reluctantly, he let her hand go as she got up off the exam table. She changed her clothes and immediately sought out his embrace. He was only too happy to pull her into his arms. “I love you,” he whispered. “So much.”
“I love you, too,” she replied softly.
He let his hand slip between their bodies to rest against her still-flat abdomen. “And I love you,” he said quietly, closing his tear-filled eyes to focus on the baby’s heartbeat. ‘Please,’ he thought silently to himself. ‘Please, little one, be as strong as your mother. Get through this all right.’
********
She had never thought she would happily welcome morning sickness. As she washed her face and brushed her teeth, yet again, she mentally latched onto another piece of evidence to assure her that the pregnancy was proceeding the way it was supposed to. Hearing the baby’s heartbeat on the ultrasound two days earlier had lifted a tremendous millstone from around her neck. Now, it was like she could barely concentrate on anything other than that wonderful sound.
When she’d been pregnant with Jon, they’d had no reason to do an early ultrasound and it was about a week later in the pregnancy that she’d first heard her son’s heartbeat without the assistance of any medical equipment. Even though she knew what to listen for, just that one week had made a tremendous difference. The baby’s heartbeat had been harder to pick out that much earlier, but now, she always had one ear tuned to it, quietly reassuring her that any child of hers and Clark’s would be strong.
As had been the case with her pregnancy with Jon, her morning sickness seemed to have no ability to tell time. It didn’t matter that it was earlier evening, or that her parents would be over soon. Thank god Martha and Clark were handling dinner. At least one thing would go off flawlessly tonight. She knew her parents would be thrilled—about the only thing that ever got them to act civilly around each other these days was the opportunity to spend time with their grandson. Having another grandchild to dote on and play with might actually force her parents to start liking one another. But how exactly was she supposed to keep up the charade of pretending everything was wonderful while she was still seized in terror’s vise-like grip?
She could tell them the truth—that her doctor was worried about the pregnancy. But how would she explain what was wrong? She couldn’t exactly just make things up as she went with her parents. They both knew a hell of a lot more about medicine than she did. Which left her wondering how she was going to pull this off. She supposed she could tell them she’d been slightly hurt during the bomb scare at the Planet—which had the added benefit of not being a lie—but she fully expected her father to want to look at her medical records.
There was no solution to this nasty little problem as far as she could see and she’d been going around in circles for hours. It looked like she was just going to have to put on an act, pretend that there was absolutely nothing to worry about. Then they could repeat the standard line that while they were telling their parents, they wanted to wait a while longer before letting everyone else know. She sighed, wondering where she was going to find the wherewithal to get through the evening.
********
“Crab cake, Ellen?” Clark asked with a smile as he brought the tray of hors d’oeuvres over to the coffee table in the living room.
“No, thank you, Clark,” his mother-in-law replied somewhat impatiently.
“You should try the quiches,” Martha suggested as she sat down next to Ellen on the sofa.
“I’m fine, really,” Ellen insisted.
“They’re quite good,” Sam supplied from his armchair.
“Are you stalling?” Ellen asked abruptly.
His mother looked puzzled. “Stalling?” she asked.
“Honestly, Ellen, the roast just needs a few more minutes,” Clark said as he sat down on the sofa opposite his mother-in-law.
“And Lois should be back down from putting Jon to bed in a minute,” Jonathan added.
“No, I mean all of this,” Ellen said with a wave of her arms. “You asked us to come here because you said you have news and all we’ve talked about are the appetizers and the weather. I’m assuming whatever it is it’s bad news…”
“It’s not bad news, Mother,” Lois interrupted as she came down the stairs. She walked into the living room to sit down beside her husband. She took his hand and he interlaced their fingers, squeezing her hand gently. “We’re pregnant,” she finished simply.
“That’s terrific news, Princess!” Sam exclaimed.
Ellen raised a hand to her lips. “How far along are you?” she asked. He could see the laugh lines around her eyes, showing that she was genuinely pleased.
“Seven weeks,” Lois replied. “We found out a few weeks ago.”
“Another grandchild,” Ellen said. “This is wonderful.”
“It is,” Lois agreed. He could hear her heartbeat speed up. Even an hour ago, she hadn’t been sure what she was going to tell them about their concerns, but they’d both known that trying to pretend that there was nothing to be worried about wasn’t possible. “We’re both really happy, but you should know—and don’t start panicking, Mother—that my doctor is a little concerned about the pregnancy.”
Sam’s brow furrowed as his genuinely pleased expression turned into a dour frown. “What’s wrong?” he asked immediately.
“So far, nothing,” Clark assured his in-laws. “Our last appointment was good. The baby’s heartbeat was strong.”
“But if you’re doctor is doing an ultrasound at seven weeks, it means he’s probably worried about something,” Sam insisted.
Lois drew in a deep breath. “We found out about the pregnancy right after the bomb scare at the Planet,” she said. He knew she was bracing herself for the coming slew of chastisements and warnings from her mother about going around courting trouble.
“After the evacuation, Lois wasn’t feeling well, so we went to the doctor. That’s how we found out about the pregnancy,” Clark hurried to add.
“So he was concerned that the stress you’ve been putting yourself under could have harmed the pregnancy?” Ellen asked pointedly.
“Possibly,” Lois answered. “But like Clark said, the ultrasound was good. Everything looks fine, so far. My doctor just wants to monitor the pregnancy very closely.”
Sam’s eyes narrowed as he frowned. “How good is this guy with high-risk pregnancies?”
“Daddy, he’s a terrific doctor. There’s no one I’d trust more.”
“We just wanted to tell you this so you’d understand why we’re…preoccupied,” Clark tried to explain, giving Lois’s hand a gentle squeeze.
“Just tell us you’ll start being more careful,” Ellen insisted.
“Mother, I would never put Jon or this baby in any danger,” Lois replied emphatically.
“What about the bomb at the Planet the other day?” Ellen exclaimed. “Are you going to try to claim that wasn’t related to your deciding to take on all the world’s organized crime on your own?”
“We got Jon out of the building immediately, and no, we weren’t the targets of that attack,” Lois replied, her tone a bit testy. While Lois and Clark hadn’t been the principal targets, Clark mused, he assumed the bomber would have been glad to kill the both of them, along with Superman and Ultrawoman. “And believe me, no one is taking this baby’s health or safety more seriously than I am, Mother.”
“Martha, I think that roast should be just about ready,” Jonathan interjected gently, obviously trying to defuse the budding tension.
“Yes,” his mother agreed. “Why don’t we all sit down at the table?” she suggested with a smile.
“And Dad, why don’t you give me a hand in the kitchen?” Clark said, knowing he could leave his mother to keep the peace in the interim.
“Sure thing, son,” Jonathan said as he stood up.
********
“I’m just worried about my grandchild,” her mother said emphatically as she sat down at the dining room table. “You’re a mother, you can’t take the kinds of risks you did when you had no one depending on you.”
“I’m well aware of the fact that I’m a parent,” Lois replied more sharply than she intended. Her mother had a way of immediately setting her on edge. Now, she didn’t even have to try, Lois already felt like she was balancing on the razor thin line separating sanity from oblivion. She didn’t need any help from her mother to go teetering off the brink. “And nothing comes before my family.”
“Ellen, you know stress isn’t good for Lois’s condition,” Sam interjected as he negotiated a seat at the table a safe distance from his ex-wife.
“Since when did you give a damn about parenting?” Ellen snapped.
“This is my grandchild, too,” Sam countered angrily, standing up just as soon as he’d sat down.
“Please,” Martha interrupted gently but urgently. “Everyone here wants what’s best for the baby. But right now, the kids are going through an incredibly difficult time and I think the best thing for all four of us to do is support them.”
Her parents said nothing in response and for that, Lois was grateful. She listened in on what was going on in the kitchen, thankful to hear her husband and father-in-law preparing to bring everything into the dining room, sparing them any more than a few awkward moments of silence.
The doorway to the kitchen opened and Clark stepped through, carrying the roast with potholders he didn’t really need. His father followed, carrying the salad and potatoes. “Dinner is served,” Clark announced cheerfully, though Lois knew full well he would have had one ear tuned to what was going on in the dining room before they entered. He took to carving the roast as soon as it was on the table.
“It looks wonderful,” Lois said, in admiration of her husband and mother-in-law’s prowess in the kitchen. Though it hadn’t been billed as such, she knew the dinner was a dress rehearsal for the upcoming holiday–proof from Martha and Clark that they would be able to handle every detail and that it wasn’t something she would need to worry about, aside from surviving the attendant family drama that always seemed to accompany holidays with the Lanes.
“I’m looking forward to what these two whip up next week for Thanksgiving,” Jonathan said with a smile as he passed the salad to Ellen.
“Lucy called,” Clark said, looking up from the roast. “She said she’ll definitely be here.”
“Well, unless she cancels,” Ellen retorted. Lois bit back a sigh.
“She’s already bought her plane ticket,” Clark assured his mother-in-law as he finished serving everyone.
They ate in relative silence, save for a few complimentary comments about the tenderness of the roast and the flavoring of the potatoes. “At least tell me you’re going to cut back on your hours this time and not go running off to some war-torn hellhole to chase a story after the baby’s born,” her mother said at last, cutting through the awkward, yet tolerable silence that had descended on the room. Lois heard her fork clatter against her plate as it fell from her hand.
She took a sip from her glass of water, for no other reason than to keep from giving some snap response without thinking. “Mother, I am going to do whatever is in the best interests of this child,” Lois said at last, exerting whatever super will-power she possessed to keep her voice calm and even. “If that means I need to take more time off from work, then I will.”
“You know, that might be convincing to someone who didn’t know you better, but it’s like running after trouble is in your blood. Goodness knows, you didn’t get it from my side of the family…” Ellen continued. Lois tried to remind herself that appetite or not, she needed to eat.
“Ellen, there is nothing more important to Lois or to me than the well being of this family,” Clark said firmly. She silently thanked him for interjecting into the argument. Nothing good was going to come from it.
Her mother gave an exaggerated sigh. “I just wish you didn’t have to go around saving the world all the time. Can’t you leave that to someone else for a while?”
Knowing the irony was entirely lost on her mother, Lois bit her tongue. “Believe me, Mother, that is exactly what I intend to do.”
********
She pulled the bedroom door closed behind her. “Ugh, thank god that’s over,” Lois groaned as she let her husband pull her into his arms.
“It wasn’t that bad,” he said softly as he kissed her temple. “And besides, that was the hard part. Now it’s out of the way.”
“Are you always this cheerfully optimistic?” she muttered against his chest. She felt him hug her more tightly.
“No,” he confessed softly. “I’m not. In fact, for most of the last five years, I’ve been a pretty pessimistic guy.” He tilted her chin up so he could look into her eyes. “But you have always had faith in me. I survived hell, a war, a trip through light years of space, all of it because you loved me. That’s how I know we’re going to be okay.”
The look in his eyes—obscured though it was by his glasses—was so earnest. His lips parted ever so slightly and she took that as her invitation. She stood on her toes to kiss him, wrapping her arms around his neck as she did so. He held her tightly against his body and deepened the kiss, his tongue insisting entry to her mouth. She felt her pulse quicken and her breathing grew harsh. He broke off the kiss and she could feel the sigh shuddering through his body. His heart pounded, rough and uneven, beneath the firm muscles of his chest. He caressed her cheek gently with one hand and she closed her eyes. She turned to drop a kiss in the palm of his hand. “We haven’t made love in weeks,” he whispered, the longing clear in his voice.
As though she could have been oblivious to that fact. It wasn’t desire that overwhelmed her, that focused all of her heightened senses on him or that filled her memory with nothing but the thought of his hands on her body, his arms wrapping themselves protectively around her. Desire could be sublimated. Chastened, it could be held at bay by reason or intellect. What she felt was a fearsome and consuming need. Her eyes still closed, she confessed, “I’ve been afraid.”
“For the baby?” he asked.
She shook her head silently, terrified to open her eyes, filled with dread at the thought of what she might see in his expression. “Honey…” he began. She could hear the heartbreak in his voice.
“This has been so hard for both of us,” she began, trying to find that tiny scrap of courage she hoped she still possessed. Drawing in a deep breath, she finally opened her eyes. He deserved to hear this face to face. “I didn’t know if you were angry, or hurt…because of what I did. I know that you will always be here for me, I just didn’t know if you wanted to…” she looked away, her former resolve not to shrink away from this fading into oblivion.
But he wouldn’t let her. His hand on her cheek, he turned her head gently so she was still facing him. The look in his eyes was unmistakable. She had seen it too many times in the last year and a half to misjudge it. He was hurt. But he was also fiercely determined. “I am not here out of obligation,” he said, his voice a rough whisper. “I love you more than anything in this world. And nothing can change that. Please, don’t ever doubt that.”
“I love you,” she whispered in response. “So much.”
He kissed her again and this time, she had no doubts as to where this was leading. She needed this. She needed him as much as she’d ever had in the past. As he gently floated them off the ground and toward the bed, she fumbled to deprive him of his shirt and the rest of his completely superfluous clothing. She needed to feel the warmth of his skin, the strength of his arms as they held her close, the pounding of his heart.
********
He let the last of her clothing fall to the floor and he lowered her to the waiting bed. Her small hands roamed his body with an almost feverish intensity. Though he hated how much she was hurting, he felt some small measure of relief in knowing that she seemed to need this as much as he did. How had they let themselves drift so far apart? How had they let that gulf open up between them? And it didn’t seem to matter what he’d told her, she’d still been afraid of losing his love. It hurt more than he could stand, but he couldn’t think about that now. Now, he had to focus on *showing* her that his love was enduring, unending, unchanging.
He kissed her fiercely, still trying to keep some modicum of control over the squall of emotions raging inside him. But the moisture he felt on his cheek told he wasn’t the only one warring with his feelings. He lifted his hand to brush away the tears from her face with the pad of his thumb. “Oh Lois,” he breathed her name softly.
She bit her lip and smiled bravely at him, giving him a quick, jerking nod. “Happy tears,” she assured him. He knew it wasn’t as simple as that.
“You’re sure?” he asked hesitantly.
She placed her hand on top of his. “I’m sure,” she said. She kissed him, burying her hands in his hair, sending a shiver down the length of his spine.
“I love you,” she whispered as their lips parted.
“Oh god, Lois, I love you so much,” he breathed against her skin as he trailed soft, open-mouthed kisses down her jaw, her throat, the hollow at the base of her neck. How had he gone weeks without this? The rough beat of her pulse quickened. Heaven help him, he was never going to let her go another minute wondering whether his love for her was as strong as he’d professed.
Later, as she lay in his arms, her fingers trailing up and down the length of his forearm, he pressed a kiss to the crown of her hair, feeling tears sting at his eyes. “A year ago, I would have been useless at defusing those bombs. And I wouldn’t have been able to deal with any of this. I am a better man because you love me. Please, let me be there for you the way you’ve always been there for me,” he whispered.
“Clark,” she said his name so softly he wouldn’t have been able to hear it if he’d been an ordinary man. He felt a sob shudder through her body and he hugged her tighter.
“I’m here,” he whispered. “I always will be.”
