Thanks again to Nancy and Carol for picking this apart and making it better.
Previously...
The next thing Lois felt was a gust of wind as Kal took off, leaving her alone in the stairwell. She sank down to sit on the steps.
He had gone to take care of Nightfall again. And although she had also heard from the news that the asteroid was much smaller than the original Nightfall, something else was causing her to worry even more than last time.
He hadn’t kissed her before he took off. He had just disappeared.
CHAPTER SIXTEEN
Kal was sitting on the sofa when Lois got home. She was reminded again of just how much had changed when he barely looked up to greet her. There was no trace of the happy, carefree man she remembered from yesterday sitting there.
“Hi,” he greeted flatly.
“Hi,” she replied. It was so cold between them.
After dealing with the asteroid, Kal had called a press conference to explain what had happened with the remaining fragment, and why he had gone missing. All he said was that he was injured by his first attempt and that it took him longer than he expected to recover. Of course, he made no mention of his amnesia, but Lois still felt as if he was somehow blaming his long recovery time on the fact that she hadn’t told him earlier who he was. He had barely glanced in her direction at all the entire press conference, except when he was apologizing for not being able to get in touch with anyone to explain. Then, he looked at her straight on.
Lois hung up her coat and purse, and went over to sit across from Kal. She knew that he still wanted to talk about it and it was probably best to get it over with as soon as possible.
She had planned to let him go first, but the silence turned out to be too long for her, and she had to break it somehow.
“So, are you really okay?” she asked, her voice wavering with uncertainty. “I know you couldn’t really say everything at the press conference. And you seem okay, but I wouldn’t be able to tell if there’s still holes in your memories or if that last chunk of Nightfall caused you any problems.”
“I’m fine,” Kal replied. “I didn’t keep anything out of my statement that you didn’t know about already.”
“Good,” she nodded blankly.
They relapsed into silence.
Finally, Kal spoke again.
“Lois, I’ve trusted you with pretty much everything ever since I arrived on Earth.”
She nodded mutely, remembering back to those first few days when he hardly knew anything about life on Earth.
“And, not that I had any choice, but you would have been the person I would have picked to take care of me if something like that amnesia would have happened to me. Because I thought that you would know what I would want to happen, even if I wasn’t really myself.”
“Kal, I-”
“Lois, I remember what happened, okay?” he cut in. “I know that I told you not to tell me about myself. But I would have thought that you would recognize that I wasn’t myself. I had no idea what I was talking about, and I definitely didn’t understand the consequences of my actions.”
“Kal, I just saw how much happier you were,” Lois tried to explain. “I knew that you would get your memories back eventually, and I had resolved to tell you as soon as the rocket failed, but I didn’t see the point of pushing you to remember something tragic when there was no rush for you to remember. Even the psychologist at the police station told me that pushing you was a bad idea,” she remembered.
“Whatever that psychologist said is irrelevant, Lois,” Kal told her. “My mind works differently than human minds. But that’s not the most important point. You let us enter into some sort of romantic relationship while I didn’t have any memories.”
Lois flushed, but didn’t really know what to say. She still wasn’t sure how he was going to react to that.
Kal sighed. “Lois, I’ve told you why I’ve decided not to date anyone. I know that I was the one who first thought that there was something going on between us, but you were the one who let things continue after I asked you. I was counting on you to tell me the truth about stuff like that.”
“I know.” She bit her lip. “I guess I was just thinking that with your memories gone, this would give you the chance to see what you were missing. And not just with dating, Kal. With life in general. You’re giving up living a life here just for the sake of being on call all the time as Superman. When you were just Clark Kent, you were happier. And in a lot of ways, more complete, even with the missing memories.”
“And so you decided to keep Clark around instead of bringing Kal back,” Kal said flatly.
Irritation flared up. “Maybe I did it because spending time with Clark is a lot more fun that spending time with Kal,” she snapped. Instantly, she flinched, regretting her word choice.
“Clark isn’t who I am, Lois,” Kal frowned. “It’s just something I do. I blend in as Clark. That’s it.”
“I know. I didn’t mean it like that,” she explained apologetically. “I just meant that… there are two sides to you. Not counting when you’re interacting with the public as Superman or as Clark. There are two sides to you when you’re at home here, or whenever you’re really yourself. There’s the side that’s still caught up with what happened on Krypton and is still constantly mourning. And then there’s another side to you that’s completely different. This other side is what I think is probably closest to how you were like before all of that terrible stuff happened to you. When you lost your memories, Kal, it was like I was seeing how you could be if you could just let go of even part of the guilt you’re hanging onto. And I didn’t want to let you just go back to being the other you. The one who’s suffering.”
“Lois… I don’t-”
“Kal before you get really upset with me, I just want to say one thing, okay? I don’t know anything about your parents other than that they saved your life. But you keep talking about how they would want you to use your abilities to help people here on Earth. Which is great. But I can’t help thinking, though, that if they really loved you, which I’m sure they did because they saved your life, then they would also want you to be happy here. They sacrificed so much to give you a life here, and I would think that they would want you to enjoy it rather than spend the rest of your days giving everything up for other people.”
Lois blew out a shaky breath. She had no idea how he would respond to this, but at the same time, she was glad that she had finally addressed the issue head on.
Kal hadn’t said anything yet. He just sat with his head bent over.
“Kal?” Lois asked fearfully.
“Lois, can you just stay there for a moment?” he asked her. “I need to get something.”
“Sure.”
He had gone and returned in less than ten seconds, holding a small globe in his hands. He sat down next to her, holding the globe up so she could see it.
“There’s a translation device in this, so you should be able to understand what they were saying,” he told her. Then he shifted his grip, activating it in a way that Lois didn’t quite catch, and an image was suddenly projected from the globe and into the air in front of them.
An older couple stood before Lois and Kal. They were dressed in strange clothing, but Lois immediately recognized the crest on their clothing. It matched the one Kal wore on his Superman costume.
“This is the message my parents, Jor-El and Lara, left on board the ship they made for me,” Kal told her.
The figures began to speak.
“My dear son,” the man said. “If you are receiving this message, then everything we feared has come to pass. The Council of Elders refuses to believe our findings, yet Lara and I remain convinced.” Jor-El glanced over to his wife. “The planet’s instability is increasing by the second, and time is running short.”
“As you know,” Lara continued for the pair. “We were entrusted with the task of keeping Kryptonian society safe. Without the support of the Council, there was no hope in saving this planet. But there is hope, Kal-El, for saving you. This is the only ship we were able to complete in time.”
A tremor shook the image, and Jor-El pulled Lara close to him as they struggled to keep their footing on the shaking ground. Finally, the shaking subsided and they were able to stand straight again.
“We are sending you to a planet called Earth,” Kal’s father continued. “It is similar both in its physical attributes and in the inhabitants there.”
“We hope that you will find a home there, Kal-El,” Lara spoke up. “We weren’t able to protect Krypton for you, but at least we are able to give you this gift of a new life.”
“Always remember that we love you, son, and that we only want what’s best for you,” Jor-El spoke. “We are sorry we were not able to save your home, but this is the next best thing we can do.”
Lara brushed a tear from her eye.
“Now, there are a few things you need to know about your new life on Earth,” Kal’s father continued. But Kal did something to the globe and the image disappeared.
“The rest is him talking about the physical affect the yellow sun will have on me,” Kal told Lois, his voice a bit unsteady. “You already know what that is.”
His placed the globe gently on her coffee table, and Lois was surprised to see that it didn’t roll off. This was obviously a very advanced piece of equipment. At least by Earth standards.
“Kal…” she didn’t even know where to start. She couldn’t even process how huge it was for him to share that with her.
“That was the message I woke up to after my parents had placed me on the ship heading to Earth,” Kal told her. “I had gone to bed that night, worried about Krypton and what my father had told me, but I didn’t think that we had so little time. And the next thing I knew, my planet was dead and I was trapped on that thing heading somewhere completely different. And I mean completely different.”
“Kal, I’m so sorry. I can’t image what that would be like,” Lois told him.
“I haven’t watched that since the first time,” Kal told her. His head was bent down and she felt the strain his voice. “It had been so long that I had forgotten… But you were right, Lois. My parents wanted me to have a life here. They wanted me to be happy. I just didn’t want to remember that.”
Lois was still thinking of the image of Jor-El and Lara, explaining to their son what they had done and why he wasn’t coming home ever again.
Then, what Kal had said sank in.
“Do you mean it, Kal?” she asked him, excitement building. Was Kal really going to start having a life of his own?
He nodded “Clark Kent is going to be used a lot more in the near future.”
“Kal, that’s wonderful!” She threw her arms around him and hugged him tightly. That meant they could pick up right where they left off.
But she withdrew when she felt Kal in her arms.
“What is it?” she asked worriedly.
“This… doesn’t change anything between us, Lois,” Kal told her softly.
“What?” she asked dumbly. “But you said-”
“That I needed to get a life of my own,” Kal told her. “That means I’m going to start doing things for myself rather than for the good of everyone on Earth. I’ll get a job and make more friends than just you and Brian. I’ll fly to different places in the world just for the sake of seeing them rather than because someone needs rescuing there. I won’t spend all day in this apartment waiting to see if someone needs Superman.”
“But you won’t date me,” Lois choked out. She didn’t understand what was going through his head. She *knew* that he was attracted to her. She *knew* that they got along well together. What was keeping him from this?
Kal sighed. “Lois, believe me, it’s *nothing* against you. You’re… perfect. But I just can’t…”
“Your saving the world excuse won’t work any more, Kal,” Lois told him. “You’re giving that up, remember?”
“I know,” he frowned.
“And I know you feel the attraction between us. Yesterday when-”
“Right. Yesterday. When you lied to me about who I was and what our relationship was.”
“I never lied to you about our relationship,” Lois defended.
“Right. You just let me extrapolate falsely. And didn’t tell me why I had decided not to date in the first place.”
“You were happy with me! Which just shows that your whole idea that you can’t date anyone here on Earth is ridiculous.”
“I wasn’t myself,” Kal told her. “How many times do I have to tell you that?”
“But you were yourself,” Lois argued. “Just without the memory of all that trauma.”
“Lois, as much as I would like to have never gone through all of that stuff, I did. And it has permanently changed me. Yes, I think I might have subconsciously ran away from it when I ran into Nightfall, but there’s no way I can just erase it. It’s part of who I am and it influences everything I do. You’ve said it yourself that I’ve got problems I need to deal with. And I am actually willing to deal with them now, but I know that’s going to be messy and that dating someone during that time is going to be difficult for me and unfair to whoever I date. Even you, Lois.”
“We can make it work,” Lois tried lamely.
Kal let out a dry chuckle. “Lois, I don’t even know *how* to date someone. People don’t date on Krypton, okay? That’s not something I’ve grown up with at all, and the view from the outside is pretty scary and confusing.”
“It’s not much better from the inside, either,” Lois admitted grudgingly. “It’s probably even worse.”
“You people on Earth make it so complicated,” Kal joked softly. “How can an alien ever hope to find a place in this world?”
“There’s room beside me,” Lois offered.
He shook his head. “You’ll have to give me a while before I’m ready for that.”
“I can wait,” she offered, realizing the idea as she said it. “I’ll wait until you’re ready.”
He shook his head. “I don’t want you putting your life on hold for me, Lois. That’s even less fair to you than dating you right now would be.”
“Then I guess you’ll just have to date me,” Lois spoke smugly.
“Lois…”
“No, think about it, Kal. How many times have we come close to something happening between us? And not even counting the amnesia or the weird pheromone stuff, there’s undeniable attraction between us. It’s only a matter of time before something happens.”
“I know,” Kal agreed. “That’s why I’m moving out.”
“What?! You can’t do that, Kal!”
“Lois, you said it yourself. If we keep living together, something will end up happening. And I don’t want to make a mistake out of our friendship. It kills me to do this, Lois,” he confessed. “But I really think it’s the best thing for us to do.”
“But where will you live?” Lois asked. “I’m never going to hear the end of it from Martha if you end up sleeping on rooftops.”
“That’s where the job plan comes in, Lois,” Kal reminded her. “It’s time I became more independent.”
“You can be independent and still live here,” she tried.
“I don’t think so, Lois.”
“But… who will cook for me?” she asked pathetically, getting desperate. She was torn. In a lot of ways, this was all she had hoped to hear from Kal. He was finally working through his trauma. But at the same time, the thought of losing him from her life was just too difficult to even think about.
“I’ll still come over,” Kal told her. “No matter what, we’re still going to be friends, okay?”
Lois shook her head, not really trusting herself to speak.
“Lois? What’s wrong? Please tell me.”
“It’s just… You say that you’re just not ready to date, but I can’t help but get the feeling that you just don’t want to date me,” Lois confessed.
“Lois… That’s definitely not the case,” Kal told her, taking her hand. “Do you remember just before I left to take care of Nightfall? The first time?”
“You kissed me,” Lois remembered. That enigmatic kiss that had driven her crazy with curiosity. “Why *did* you kiss me, Kal? Do you realize how much that question was bugging me? And even when you came back the first time I couldn’t ask you because you didn’t remember anything about it.”
“I can see that I caused you a lot of problems as an amnesiac,” Kal joked.
“Well, not too many problems,” Lois told him. “You still remembered Martha’s recipes. But you can tell me now, Kal. Why did you kiss me?”
“Because I was terrified,” Kal confessed. “I mean, I *thought* I would be okay, but I didn’t know for sure, and I had no idea if I would be successful in stopping the asteroid. And I thought that if I didn’t come back to the same Earth for some reason… I wanted that kiss with you to be the last thing I remembered. Trust me, Lois. I don’t want to get rid of you at all. It’s the exact opposite.”
“Then why can’t you-”
“Lois, please. I honestly can’t right now. And I just need you to understand that, okay? Can you do that?” he pleaded.
“Okay,” she finally nodded. “You can’t date right now. I understand that, Kal.”
“Thank you.”
“We’ll be friends,” Lois decided. “And you’ll still come by all the time to cook me things and watch TV and help me with story ideas and all that stuff.”
“Yeah. We will.”
“And I won’t bring up the subject again, Kal. I promise,” Lois told him.
“Thank you,” he nodded. “And thank you for understanding.”
Of course, the one thing that Kal didn’t know was that Lois was lying. Because she knew that eventually he would move past the trauma in his life. He would build a new life here on Earth and eventually, if he was pointed in the right direction, he *would* be ready to date someone.
And Lois was planning on being there every step of the way. She would help him along the journey and when he finally was ready to date… Well, she would be there, too.
