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Joined: Nov 2008
Posts: 64
M
Freelance Reporter
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Joined: Nov 2008
Posts: 64
Any feedback can be placed here. Four more parts after this, and the new stuff is coming out. However, parts 7 - 10 have gone through extensive rewrites. (hopefully for the better).

Oh, and happy Thanksgiving everyone. If you're not in the U.S., then Happy Saturday!

Max

Joined: Dec 2004
Posts: 326
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Posts: 326
Great part! I like how you took and slightly changed the original story line. It works very well. Clark comes across as a lot more confident.

'Clark saw her turn and look at him with a curious expression. He had been right this morning, without the rain parka on, she was indeed a beautiful woman. Not only that, she seemed to radiate this raw energy, just like... well, he wasn't going to think about that.'

I love this part - Clark notices Lois but does not want to. It will be interesting to see how he wrestles with this is future chapters


robinson
Joined: Jul 2004
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Soo, Cat and LoLo are friends? kinda? This should be fun.
Liked the cab ride and Lois taking a second look to pull her own coat.Good stuff.


"I'm red-eyed, tired and drunk" Teri Hatcher
"Fun will now commence" 7of9
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Pulitzer
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Great story. Keep it coming.
cool
Artemis


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Writing history is easy once you've lived it. - Artemis
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Nice laugh And what's with Cat and Lois being friends cool That's so funny laugh

Michael


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